Doc Love - The System: The Dating Dictionary

[realloc]

Doc Love is the author of "The System: The Dating Dictionary." In his book he answers the question: Why does a woman choose to stay with one man versus another?

I have applied his principles for several years and believe it is the best relationship model for men and women. His fundamental goal is for a man to find the right woman and keep her in love forever. What do you think about his material?

Key points of "The System":

Reality Factor - Men have a tendency not to face reality when it comes to dealing with Miss Right.

Bottom Line Factor - Only her actions truly reflect her feelings and attitude towards you.

Female Interest Level - The most important factor. A thermostat of a woman's romantic feelings for you. It is a scale from 0% to 100%.

90 - 100%: She is in love. The goal is to get and keep her here by practicing the male strength qualities.

51 - 89%: The higher her interest level, the more fun you will have. The lower her interest level, the more she will nag, graze, and act moody.

49%: The point of no return. A guy can't raise her interest level above 50% again. One example of reaching this point is hearing "I need my space."

40 - 49%: She may be with a guy but is gathering resentment to make a clean break. She is generally unpleasant to be around and open to flirting with other guys.

0 - 39%: She walks. It's like she was dating the guy 100 years ago. She has moved on.

Back - You can never go back. The resentment and reasons why it didn't work are still there. If she wants to come back it is to satisfy her ego and will be temporary until she finds something better to do.

60 Days - Wait 5 - 9 days between phone calls. Only go out on weekdays. Friday and Saturdays you disappear completely. If she starts with 51% interest level or above then after 9 dates (~60 days) she will be in love. Once she is your girlfriend then you can see her up to 3 times per week.

Physical Attraction Test - When a girl first meets a guy she determines whether she has 51% or higher interest level based upon his appearance and communication.


Maintenance Program (Respect, Affection, Romance, Humor):

Respect - Say no to her once in a while and stand your ground.

Affection - This only applies to when she has 90 - 100% interest level. Quietly hold her in your arms for 10 seconds, stare into her eyes, act like you enjoy it, no kissing, when meeting her and and departing.

Romance - Do something special or buy her a small gift every few weeks.

Humor - Diffuse direct questions with humor like Jim Carrey. No matter what she asks, or how many times she nags you, she'll only get a funny answer. Keep it light and funny always (no religion, no politics, no sex, no negatives, no putdowns).


Male Strength Qualities:

Confidence (Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem) - Know all of the system principles. Humor is one way to show confidence. She has to know where the line is drawn where you will walk without you telling her.

Control (Discipline, Patience, Self-Control) - Patience is the key to women. She initiates touching. Practice manners and class always. No public displays of affection (PDA). If another guy checks her out be cool and take it as a compliment.

Challenge - Let her chase you. Only use the phone to setup a date. No social networks or instant messaging. Be honest and closed with personal information. Spoon feed her over a lifetime. Move very slow, stop, backup, this raises interest level.


Female Traits (Attitude):

Integrity (Loyalty, Trust, Honesty) - Would you go into business with this woman? Is this someone you can trust?

Giving - She pays for the dates once in a while. Does she offer a backrub or give you the phonebook to call a Chiropractor?

Flexibility - A girl who is not structured. Someone who is playful. Is she hassle-free?


Marriage - Date her for 2 years and watch her attitude (Integrity, Flexibility, Giving) for red flags. Show that you can keep her in the 90's. Then she can ask you to marry her (or hint for you to ask). Keep practicing the system (study 15 minutes every night). Date your wife. Be a challenge. She initiates touching. Make a place away from her like the garage or live in separate houses. Say "I love you" a handful of times in your lifetime.

[Yellow]

Okay, some of the things there are necessary BUT for reasons other than "how to keep a girl interested?"

This looks like a game to me to be played with the person you love. It is stemming from a need to manipulate the other person to stay in love and not really from love to let them be who they are and let them do what they want to, with their lives.

[realloc]

Why can't I just be myself around a girl? Unless a guy naturally practices the system (3% of guys are naturals, 7% learn the principles, 90% don't know what's going on) then her interest level won't be as high as it could be.

Why do I care about her high interest level? Because I want to be with a girl who doesn't nag and is fun to be around. I want a girl's eyes to light up when she looks at me. I want a girl who even after 10 years of marriage still chases me around the coffee table once the kids are asleep.

I went into a relationship using his principles and raised her interest level in the 90's. Things were great for several months. Then I decided to be myself and relax on the principles. Her interest level slowly dropped and eventually she reached 49% and the party was over.

Now I follow the system and only stay with girls who have high interest level and a good long term attitude. Everyone benefits because now guys can consistently give girls the love they desire.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by realloc

This only applies to when she has 90 - 100% interest level. Quietly hold her in your arms for 10 seconds, stare into her eyes, act like you enjoy it, no kissing, when meeting her and and departing.

Is he serious? ACT like you enjoy it?

You shouldn't have to act like you enjoy holding your girl, you should just enjoy it.

I would throw this whole thing in the trash if I were you. It seems like an elaborate set of ruses to trick a woman into believing that you love her - without the 'burden' of actually having to love her. I wouldn't want to be with a woman who'd fall for such manipulations.

[Brutha]

Most of the things you listed are a bunch of tactics.

Respect - Say no to her once in a while and stand your ground.

The important things is not the act of saying "no" but about knowing what you want and being authentic. Part of being authentic means that you have to say "no" to things that aren't what you stand for.

The tactic of saying "no" to increase "interest" may work from time to time but when you just concentrate on those tactics you won't be able to succeed longterm.

The system has to much rules and those rules prevent you from being authentic.

If you aren't authentic you have to take effort in using tactics and over the long term you will probably mess up because it takes effort.

Some people in this forum recommand "The Blueprint" and it is probably a better system because it focuses on being authentic.

[Angela]

If I found myself dating a guy that behaved like this, I would DTMFA.

[Rose of Cairo]

LOL

This just makes me laugh. Such a guy wouldn't survive the first date.

[garentee]

Dtmfa?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by garentee

Dtmfa?

Google.

[garentee]

Originally Posted by realloc

Why can't I just be myself around a girl? Unless a guy naturally practices the system (3% of guys are naturals, 7% learn the principles, 90% don't know what's going on) then her interest level won't be as high as it could be.

Why do I care about her high interest level? Because I want to be with a girl who doesn't nag and is fun to be around. I want a girl's eyes to light up when she looks at me. I want a girl who even after 10 years of marriage still chases me around the coffee table once the kids are asleep.

I went into a relationship using his principles and raised her interest level in the 90's. Things were great for several months. Then I decided to be myself and relax on the principles. Her interest level slowly dropped and eventually she reached 49% and the party was over.

Now I follow the system and only stay with girls who have high interest level and a good long term attitude. Everyone benefits because now guys can consistently give girls the love they desire.

If you went into a relationship and were not yourself for the first few months and then she dropped you after you started being genuine, then guess what she did you a favor. She was not for you. If you are going to go through life acting like a jerk which is what I think the system promotes, you will only get women of low self esteem and have very rocky relationships. If that is what you like go ahead.. use the system. IF you want a real relationship though You need to listen and BE You. Otherwise you are living a LIE. Do you want to live a LIE?

[realloc]

When I say "be myself" what I mean is acting like a typical guy who just wings it and wonders why he doesn't have a high success rate. There are some guys with a similar social status who never get rejected by women (given he passed the physical attraction test).

Doc Love has interviewed over 10,000 women in the past 35 years to truly answer the question why she chooses to stay with one man versus another. Since his radio show started in 2005 he has had hundreds of unscreened phone calls (I know this because my friend called in) from guys around the world who have successfully applied his principles for greater success in their romantic and professional lives. The summary above is in my own words. The author communicates his material best in his articles and book.

I can be myself and genuine in every way I just need to make sure I am following the universal principles that keep women happy. Eventually these best practices become a natural part of me.

[Brutha]

Doc Love has interviewed over 10,000 women in the past 35 years to truly answer the question why she chooses to stay with one man versus another.

Experience doesn't automatically translates into knowledge.
If someone claims that everything he teaches comes from experience he is either dishonest or incompetent.

When I say "be myself" what I mean is acting like a typical guy who just wings it and wonders why he doesn't have a high success rate.

There are a lot of altanatives to that "typical guy". Most people who are into personal development don't qualify as "typical" people who wonder why they fail in any area of life.
They might use a wide array of ideas that differ from person to person.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

My honest first reaction was laughter.

Doc Love is full of crap and if you have "success" using his system you will always have to wonder if she loves you or the fake system you. She would also be wise to wonder if you love her at all since this system doesn't seem to account for the man having any real feelings at all toward the woman -- only games to trap and "maintain" her. You want to know how to maintain me -- integrity, authenticity, love and appreciation. And I will give the same. If you try to play me with this insane game you will get nothing but dumped. It would be kind of nice if guys who subscribed to this type of material had a distinguishing mark so they could be avoided altogether from the get go.

So, what is the purpose of having a girlfriend/wife for you realloc? If it's just to say that you have one and can keep her then by all means follow this system to the letter (and if she doesn't find out you are playing her then she may stick around). If you want genuine connection and love, this system is doomed to fail you.

[realloc]

My overview does not give a complete picture of his 200 page book. He is really looking out for the woman's needs. He wants guys to be gentlemen like Cary Grant who practice manners and class. He also wants to make sure a guy chooses a woman who has a good attitude for a successful marriage. There is nothing fake about a guy who wants to improve himself to have better success with women.

For good men seeking answers there is a lot of bad advice out there. Mass media bashes men and guys are portrayed as wimps on television. If most guys knew how to keep a long term relationship successful then the divorce rate would not be over 50% where she files most of the time.

For the last 35 years Doc has studied the romantic choices women make. He found out the characteristics of the guys who she chose to stay with and created a model. I have tried a dozen models and this one is the easiest to understand and delivers results. The only way to find out if a model is good for you is to give it a try.

Summary of the author's view on male interest level:

One reason why male interest level isn't mentioned much is because it's a given. The man's interest level and her interest level are never the same. She only cares about hers.

If a man's interest level towards the woman isn't 80% or above after a few months of dating then something fundamental is turning him off and it is best for both to move on.

A man's interest level should not go above 89%. If he is in the 90's then he loses self control. At this point she would lose respect and lower her interest level. It's better if she likes you more than you like her.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by realloc

He wants guys to be gentlemen like Cary Grant who practice manners and class.

Cary Grant also divorced four times, making him a rather poor example for your Doc Love' keep-your-woman system...

If most guys knew how to keep a long term relationship successful then the divorce rate would not be over 50% where she files most of the time.

I don't think that guys alone are responsible for that figure.

He found out the characteristics of the guys who she chose to stay with and created a model.

We don't live in a one size fits all world.

One reason why male interest level isn't mentioned much is because it's a given. The man's interest level and her interest level are never the same. She only cares about hers.

If a man's interest level towards the woman isn't 80% or above after a few months of dating then something fundamental is turning him off and it is best for both to move on.

A man's interest level should not go above 89%. If he is in the 90's then he loses self control. At this point she would lose respect and lower her interest level. It's better if she likes you more than you like her.

ROFL. None of this is true in my world... but if it works for you, all the better.

[Nicketas]

Amazing how anyone can take a handful of sentences, make it sound official and important, and then build a "system" out of it and sell it, isn't it?

Most dating coaches just rip off Doctor Paul Dobransky, M.D. and David Deangelo Anyways (Whom also rips off dr. paul from time to time , did I just say that?).

"Systems" like "doc love" are built out of fear. Fear of just going out and talking to women and falling flat on your face, then (more importantly) learning from it.

Or perhaps Fear of realizing that maybe you might have to seek a qualified professional to get help, because its your own head that's getting in the way.

I also enjoy laughing at mystery method practicioners. Can you imagine walking around in a fuzzy hat with black fingernails 10 years from now? I can't.

Acting like a 10 year old while hoping to attract an awesome, mature, hot woman (all at once) does not for success make.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

realloc, what does it say to you that all the women (and the men too actually) responding think this is a load of bollocks?

Playing with people's hearts and feelings is not a good basis for a relationship.

[garentee]

Realloc,
You say a mans interest should not be higher than 89%. How do you determine that number, what quantifies 89%?And I really fail to understand why a woman should have more interest in her man than he does in her. You may as well be speaking Swahili at this point.the idea of getting tips from someone who does not know you is sketchy at best. I have read a lot of David Deangelo and he has a few good ideas and insights and I have certainly benefited from those... HOWEVER... he really does not take in to account that each of us is different.When you say that Doc Love has interviewed ten thousand women since 1965, that is just a drop in the bucket of humanity. It tells me nothing. I really think that the best way to get information about what works and what does not is to talk to women and look at what you are doing. This forum is a great place to start. G

[Brutha]

For the last 35 years Doc has studied the romantic choices women make.

That mean he is sixty? Do you really want to take romantic advice from your grandparents?

[jaamkie]

ah agree with everyone else that a system of manipulation is ridiculous. there are some reasonable points buried in it but the mindset as a whole is entirely off... but it is true that being desperate to be with a woman is a turn-off, not because she doesn't want you to totally love her, but because she wants you to be able to be independently happy with or without her and not put any pressure on her to inauthentically pretend to be "in love" to prop up your self-esteem.

[realloc]

On the topic of Cary Grant, the author says men should study his movie characters. He acted like a gentleman and kept it light and funny. Whenever a woman went on the offensive he would stay smooth, smile, and have a better comeback. See North by Northwest, To Catch a Thief, His Girl Friday, and The Philadelphia Story.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by realloc

On the topic of Cary Grant, the author says men should study his movie characters.

That has to be the worst advice ever! Life is not a movie. What guys say and do in movies works because some script writer decided beforehand what the woman's response to the thing would be. Life has no script.

Don't pretend to be the light and funny gentlemen when you are not. Just be you. That's what works best!

[PennyD]

I can't help feeling that a lot of mental time and energy is spent by any guy using this system to:
- continuously calculate her interest level
- monitor her actions
- remember how many days it’s been since you they last called
- organising stuff to do on the weekend by themselves for two whole months
- thinking up lies to tell about what you were doing on the weekend, because what you were doing wasn’t that exciting
- keeping track of how many dates you have had
- trying to think up a reason to give to someone after 5 or 6 dates why you still don’t have time to see them over a weekend..
- thinking about when to say no and maybe counting the no’s you have said before to ensure your quota
- counting 10 seconds while holding her
- thinking up a reason to give her when she ask why you don’t seem to like giving her a big hello or goodbye kiss
- thinking funny things to say anytime she asks you a direct question
- keep thinking of funny things to say even when she is upset because you don’t seem to be connecting with her or sharing yourself
- remembering not to touch her too much
- trying not to think about wanting to cuddle her as you are sitting far apart and this is not likely to change because she is shy or old fashioned so will not initiate ever!
- constantly being on guard of sharing too much, giving too much, telling too much,
- trying to calculate when you last shared, gave, told so as to figure out when would be appropriate to next share, give, tell..
- going out to more single bars again because the really great girl you had drifted away because you hardly called her or let her know you wanted to say hello
- monitoring her giving
- remembering how many I love you’s you have said and making sure the next one doesn’t come to soon..


I am exhausted just writing this list..

Thanks goodness I found a great authentic guy and we just decided to fall in love the old fashioned messy way.. all up front and open and risky…

The above advice is like ‘The Rules’ for girls, it manipulates woman insecurities and when you get clingy behaviour as a result it pretends that it is some sort of meaningful relationship.

Come on you can reach higher than that.

Now when you look across at someone and say hay take me as I am, I am good enough warts and all.. and they say yes please.. then that feeling when your relating on this level to someone is the greatest feeling ever.

[realloc]

The key points makes sense if someone has listened to the radio show or read articles. Compared to other dating models this one is easy to understand (logical) and focuses on finding a good wife and what to do to keep her in love over the long haul.

On the weekend I could be getting more home phone numbers (if she is not my girlfriend) or organizing my sock drawer. If she asks what I was doing I will say I'm busy. When I am not with her she wonders where I am at and raises interest level.

Guys should always be honest with women and open up very slowly. You can talk about anything with your buddies or dog and they won't hold it against you. Your girlfriend needs to be treated differently if you want her to keep you.

A guy can create his own model of how dating works based solely on trial and error. It can take guys decades and some never figure it out. Before discovering the system I dated dozens of girls and wondered why it only lasted a few dates. I asked the girls and they didn't give me the real reasons. I listened to my parents. I listened to my friends. I read books and men's magazines. Some guys are naturals (3%) and others learn on their own and from accurate models.

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by realloc

Compared to other dating models this one is easy to understand (logical) and focuses on finding a good wife and what to do to keep her in love over the long haul.

That's just the thing... my system, if you can call it that, would be focused on keeping me in love over the long haul. She can worry (or not) about her own feelings...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by realloc

On the weekend I could be getting more home phone numbers (if she is not my girlfriend) or organizing my sock drawer. If she asks what I was doing I will say I'm busy. When I am not with her she wonders where I am at and raises interest level.

Hey, that actually is in The Rules!

The whole idea of having a "dating model" or "dating system" is so contrived and laughably self-conscious. It might be sort of amusing to go out with someone who follows this kind of system, but that would be a very guilty pleasure because I would be giggling about it later over cocktails with my girlfriends. And that just wouldn't be right.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by realloc

On the weekend I could be getting more home phone numbers (if she is not my girlfriend) or organizing my sock drawer. If she asks what I was doing I will say I'm busy. When I am not with her she wonders where I am at and raises interest level.

While I think it's perfectly fine to have your own life as well as a relationship with a woman, the above would 1) make me wonder what you were hiding and 2) make me lose interest real quick because you won't share anything about your "other life" with me. What's the point??

[jaamkie]

Originally Posted by realloc

Guys should always be honest with women and open up very slowly. You can talk about anything with your buddies or dog and they won't hold it against you. Your girlfriend needs to be treated differently if you want her to keep you.

why the hell would you "want her to keep you" if she WOULD "hold it against you" if you talked about anything? I thought a big part of a relationship was having someone to open up to more/differently than you can with a buddy/dog???

[Dan.Linehan]

This is an interesting thread.

I would guess most of these techniques only work with more insecure partners.

For example, if I was dating someone and I called to invite them somewhere, but they said they were too busy and then refused to tell me what they were busy with, I would basically persistently harass and bug them until they told me. And if they still wouldn't it would be a deal breaker..

Good relationships are founded on trust. Keeping secrets doesn't contribute to that. And I don't want a life where I am constantly trying to pry information from someone.

[realloc]

Hi Dan. Thanks for the reply. The system is not compatible with continually insecure women. Here is a related post on the "girlfriend problems" thread:

I was also in a similar situation with a woman.

In hindsight, the things I didn't like about her were reflections of what I needed to solve within myself. Being a good example will help indirectly. Playing the role of social worker is not recommended.

On a logical level, when making dating decisions today, I follow the system. If I noticed early on that the woman had chronic low self-esteem then I would be a Spartan and move on. In addition to a good attitude, I want a woman who has low emotional baggage.

Another possibility is her need for constant self-assurance would not be met since I'm a challenge and she would walk. Until she is my girlfriend I would only see her once a week and stay off the phone.

The goal is to not have a wife who calls to check-in every 2 hours while I'm out with my drinking buddies. By moving on I'm doing the next guy a favor since she will eventually improve that part of herself.