Doc Love - The System: The Dating Dictionary

[Angela]

By moving on I'm doing the next guy a favor since she will eventually improve that part of herself.

How vomitocious. He's doing the girl a big favor, too.

[realloc]

Thanks for adding that. I agree.

[Dan.Linehan]

I suppose there is a happy medium between 1) seeing someone only a certain number of times or hours per week and 2) ending up with a girlfriend who calls you every two hours.

What's wrong with option 3) Spend as much time together as both people agree to, keeping in mind current circumstances and goals?

[garentee]

The System seems like it would work if you were interested in playing the field and not actually opening up to a long term relationship. Even so... Seems to be something really dishonest about this. If you want to be with someone but the systems says you should only be with that person for a few hours per week then in the end you end up cheating yourself and the one you are supposed to be falling in love with... I guess in reality it just would not work for me and it may for other people... only I do not see how... ah the mysteries of the human being

[Apple Eye]

Originally Posted by realloc

Date your wife. Be a challenge. She initiates touching. Make a place away from her like the garage or live in separate houses. Say "I love you" a handful of times in your lifetime.

That part made me LOL for a good 5 minutes.

Originally Posted by realloc

49%: The point of no return. A guy can't raise her interest level above 50% again. One example of reaching this point is hearing "I need my space."

I don't know about this one. I think it's a bit off. For instance, I'm a little more flexible. When I reach 47.3646567% level of interest it's all over. Also, for me this isn't necessarily the point of no return. You may be able to raise my interest level back up to 50% with bountiful offerings of custard tarts, cake, and chocolate. Triple-cheese pizza also works wonders. 2.4 tarts, 1 .1 slice of cake, 3 gourmet chocolates, and 1 large pizza, to be exact.

Perhaps someone should sell a device that calculates your significant other's level of interest and then alerts you when the numbers start hovering near the danger zone.

Sorry I jest but I couldn't resist

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

Perhaps someone should sell a device that calculates your significant other's level of interest and then alerts you when the numbers start hovering near the danger zone.

Lol. I can already see myself at work, blissfully unaware of danger until suddenly...

WHEEEEEOOOOEEEEEOOOOO

Oh no! It's my Love Master 3000 going off! Wife needs a fresh load of flowers - pronto! Risking my job and livelyhood, I run off to the florist to buy the biggest bouquet in the shop and arrive home just in time to keep her lovel interest leve from falling belong 50%!

Pfew!

I'll be out of a job tomorrow, but at least my trusty Love Master 3000 helped me keep my wife for a day longer.

When it comes to love. Don't. Take. Any. Chance! Buy the Love Master 3000 :P

[Angela]

Ha! The Love Master 3000 also senses if you are about to inadvertently use the words, "I love you" for the second time in a decade, and gives you an electrical shock. A milder shock occurs when you feel tempted to ask someone out for the second time in one week. Negative reinforcement!

[realloc]

Hi Jim. You mentioned flowers. In this model, if he senses her interest level (put ego aside, read her actions, listen to your gut) is low then he backs off (for example, not calling her). This is the time to get new home phone numbers just in case. If she calls then he knows he has a chance. If she doesn't call then she was 49% or lower (time apart does not raise her interest level) and he is out.

[JimOfferman]

Dude, I already told you that this model of yours doesn't hold up in my world very well... the women I know and like would not respond very well to it. I don't need it, or the Love Master 3000 or the flowers, for that matter, because you would need a crowbar to pry my girlfriend away from me - if you can at all.

My secret? It's called Just Being Who You Are - nothing beats that.

I admire your steadfastness, though. Keep it up!

[realloc]

I just listened to the radio show. He said it's ok if a man says I love you to his family, friends, or pets but not the woman he is romantically involved with because it's anti-challenge. The phrase is overused and a man should show his love for the woman through his actions.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by realloc

I just listened to the radio show. He said it's ok if a man says I love you to his family, friends, or pets but not the woman he is romantically involved with because it's anti-challenge. The phrase is overused and a man should show his love for the woman through his actions.

Good luck with that.

[garentee]

Originally Posted by realloc

I just listened to the radio show. He said it's ok if a man says I love you to his family, friends, or pets but not the woman he is romantically involved with because it's anti-challenge. The phrase is overused and a man should show his love for the woman through his actions.

Sometimes (more often than not) its a good thing to tell your partner that you love them. If they find that it is anti challenge then I would challenge them to find the door. It is far more challenging to be emotionally available and be able to express your feelings to someone than not. That I know for sure.

[Angela]

I am a juicy, loving, sensual, open, intelligent, free, and joyful woman, and I am committed to having a loving long-term mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR) that overflows with juiciness, love, sensuality, openness, intelligence, freedom and joy. Fortunately, I've got a pretty good match in Danger Man.

There are probably people out there who are looking for a stingy, controlling, robotic, withholding, fearful, joyless, unconscious relationship, though. This System would be a perfect fit for those people, so lots of good luck to Doc Love!

I just don't think there are too many people here in these forums who are looking for a relationship of that (latter) type. You never know!

[Bradshaw]

Originally Posted by Angela

I am a juicy, loving, sensual, open, intelligent, free, and joyful woman, and I am committed to having a loving long-term mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR) that overflows with juiciness, love, sensuality, openness, intelligence, freedom and joy. Fortunately, I've got a pretty good match in Danger Man.

There are probably people out there who are looking for a stingy, controlling, robotic, withholding, fearful, joyless, unconscious relationship, though. This System would be a perfect fit for those people, so lots of good luck to Doc Love!

I just don't think there are too many people here in these forums who are looking for a relationship of that (latter) type. You never know!

Juicy? Juiciness? Hmm, what? What does that mean exactly, in your perspective?

Juice?

[songwriter]

I don't like it, it's all doing what she wants you to do, what will make her fall in love with you (or with "The System" ), but you're not gonna fall in love, I don't find the point.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Bradshaw

Juicy? Juiciness? Hmm, what? What does that mean exactly, in your perspective?

Juice?

It's a great word, isn't it?

Juicy is: Generous, abundant, powerful, flowing, jump-starting, sexy, pleasure-producing energy.

"Switch on the juice!"
"If it's juicy, eat it over the sink!"
"Mom, can I have some more juice?"

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by songwriter

I don't like it, it's all doing what she wants you to do, what will make her fall in love with you (or with "The System" ), but you're not gonna fall in love, I don't find the point.

Although the point of the system seems to be to make her fall in love with you it certainly isn't about doing what she wants you to do. All the women here have said they wouldn't want a man to do these things to them.

It is about both people falling in love and working together to create a relationship that supports and nutures both partners.

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Although the point of the system seems to be to make her fall in love with you it certainly isn't about doing what she wants you to do. All the women here have said they wouldn't want a man to do these things to them.

It is about both people falling in love and working together to create a relationship that supports and nutures both partners.

I mean you're not being true to yourself, obviously!. You're doing things that she wants or that you think that are the ones what make her "fall in love" with.... "you". It may be useful for people that is not ambitious and is happy with those situations, kind of Angela has explained.

But the women here don't know the man it's pretending... if it was real SOME will be happy with it, but I don't think most, if not they wouldn't be here... that's silly dating or so.

Effective dating for silly people or so. That doesn't mean it's not useful. There is good food and bad food, good music and bad music... cause some stick to "bad things", it's "enough" for them. But most people here it's not like that you know, men or women.

[jelanidiaz]

kay this is my first ever post so be nice please.

Maybe this System stuff isnt all bologna. I know a few of the guys in that 3%. My Dad is one of them. I grew up with my mother so I didn't learn any of that from him. But I see women all over him. And another guy i know too. Women love these guys and I used to ask my Dad all the time how he did it. He said just be yourself. Well hes brash cocky inconsiderate and self focused. Hes also generous fun to be around and the most talented musician I know. Hes a good guy but follows the system...naturally. Hes never even heard of a program like it and would scoff at using it but he really can end up with just about any girl he wants. Me on the other hand...I'm the nice guy. Loyal to a fault and very affectionate. Love being romantic and having that one girl to be with and cherish for the rest of my years. But that turns some women off. I've seen it in my own life. I have watched a woman go from the heights of loving me to being disinterested moody and awkward when i'm around. Because i was no longer a challenge. When recipricating the intense love she felt for me I actually became annoying to her I think. I even had another x girlfriend tell me thats one thing women really want...a challenge. A guy thats easy for them is boring. So I find myself acting more like my father as I get older (I'm 27, 28 in a month). Number one it does protect your heart. By stopping you from jumping in head first cause you "really like this girl" it gives you time and perspective to see what shes really all about. If she likes you she will call and you won't be a stalker. Secondly It keeps you, as the guy, in check from making common mistakes that turn woman off. If you as a woman knows that calling a guy 15 times a day will bug him and turn him off would you do it just because thats who you are? I would hope not. What about ignoring him in public and flirting with other guys. Would you curb that kind of behavior if you liked him or simply continue because you are a "free spirit". Of course you would change these things if they were habits of yours that made you unsuccessful with men in relationships. I've learned that you kind of have to be somewhere in the middle with this thing. The women I have known just don't want a guy that puts it all out there and on the line like I do. Honesty in how you feel might be a little overrated. If it is the system looks like it might provide an alternative for lonely nice guys that just don't know how to keep themselves in check and keep a woman that they love...your thoughts are much encouraged

[DBV]

Jeez..where's the fun in life for ya???? Make such thing into a freaking formula to follow and keep score of percentages... act different and what you are... **** that man...

If she left you when you start being yourself, then that says you need to start paying more attention to yourself and actually improve yourself not focus on pleasing her (calculating if she has high percentage of interest et c and doing things to impress her is that... ).

Originally Posted by realloc

Why can't I just be myself around a girl? Unless a guy naturally practices the system (3% of guys are naturals, 7% learn the principles, 90% don't know what's going on) then her interest level won't be as high as it could be.

Why do I care about her high interest level? Because I want to be with a girl who doesn't nag and is fun to be around. I want a girl's eyes to light up when she looks at me. I want a girl who even after 10 years of marriage still chases me around the coffee table once the kids are asleep.

I went into a relationship using his principles and raised her interest level in the 90's. Things were great for several months. Then I decided to be myself and relax on the principles. Her interest level slowly dropped and eventually she reached 49% and the party was over.

Now I follow the system and only stay with girls who have high interest level and a good long term attitude. Everyone benefits because now guys can consistently give girls the love they desire.

[votoshka]

This is an old thread but still...

As a woman, a lot of it was rubbish. I mean, only saying I love you a handful of times in a life? When it's okay to say it to EVERYONE but the woman you love?

Hmm and only calling her every few days, seeing her once a week... well I think if I went out with a guy and he didn't call for almost a week (no IM or texting either) I'd think he wasn't that interested and move on

However, I also agree a guy shouldn't be a complete doormat. I DO think it's annoying for a woman if the guy does everything to please her... and I think ultimately he won't be happy either. He'll feel taken for granted, but at the same time SHE hasn't done anything wrong as it's always been his choice to do what keeps her happy. If you know what I mean.

Conversely, I don't like guys who believe in being the "leader" in the relationship or taking charge. Ick. I'd rather a balanced relationship, thanks.

Umm also the bit about not talking much, or letting her know your thoughts blah blah is stupid. How am I going to know I can get along with a guy in the long term if I don't know anything about him?? I'd rather go out with someone who I KNOW I can get into deep discussions with AND who I can enjoy debating with

[shasah]

Originally Posted by jelanidiaz

kay this is my first ever post so be nice please.

Maybe this System stuff isnt all bologna. I know a few of the guys in that 3%. My Dad is one of them. I grew up with my mother so I didn't learn any of that from him. But I see women all over him. And another guy i know too. Women love these guys and I used to ask my Dad all the time how he did it. He said just be yourself. Well hes brash cocky inconsiderate and self focused. Hes also generous fun to be around and the most talented musician I know. Hes a good guy but follows the system...naturally. Hes never even heard of a program like it and would scoff at using it but he really can end up with just about any girl he wants. Me on the other hand...I'm the nice guy. Loyal to a fault and very affectionate. Love being romantic and having that one girl to be with and cherish for the rest of my years. But that turns some women off. I've seen it in my own life. I have watched a woman go from the heights of loving me to being disinterested moody and awkward when i'm around. Because i was no longer a challenge. When recipricating the intense love she felt for me I actually became annoying to her I think. I even had another x girlfriend tell me thats one thing women really want...a challenge. A guy thats easy for them is boring. So I find myself acting more like my father as I get older (I'm 27, 28 in a month). Number one it does protect your heart. By stopping you from jumping in head first cause you "really like this girl" it gives you time and perspective to see what shes really all about. If she likes you she will call and you won't be a stalker. Secondly It keeps you, as the guy, in check from making common mistakes that turn woman off. If you as a woman knows that calling a guy 15 times a day will bug him and turn him off would you do it just because thats who you are? I would hope not. What about ignoring him in public and flirting with other guys. Would you curb that kind of behavior if you liked him or simply continue because you are a "free spirit". Of course you would change these things if they were habits of yours that made you unsuccessful with men in relationships. I've learned that you kind of have to be somewhere in the middle with this thing. The women I have known just don't want a guy that puts it all out there and on the line like I do. Honesty in how you feel might be a little overrated. If it is the system looks like it might provide an alternative for lonely nice guys that just don't know how to keep themselves in check and keep a woman that they love...your thoughts are much encouraged

There's a difference between being a nice guy and being a doormat or a puppy dog. I don't know of many woman that like a man to follow them around with their tongue hanging out, but I agree with the other posters that being a nice authentic guy is the way to go. If you're going to change yourself, change yourself for you, not for anyone else.

[neilward2]

I've not read all the posts but some of you are being really harsh on the Op here.....

I am familiar with the 'ideas' that he is talking about having studied them for my own coaching; he has not chosen the best way to portray the points but some (not all) have meaning and relevance. The rest of the points, like you guys, I threw in the trash...

The problem is that unless you have read material like this for years as well as applied it and you know about 'social dynamics' inside and out - there will always be ridicule and disagreements. It's a matter of not understanding what is being said in the correct context. If you take a negative attitude straight away to the content, then you will only snowball this with the more times that it goes back and forth between yourself and the Op.

The only fault here is that the Op threw in some serious controversial topics to a lot of people who don't understand the theory behind it. On this forum, we are all about natural relationships and the ideas behind this. This is a whole new ball game when we talk about these ‘advanced techniques’ which are quite complicated in my opinion. If you don't understand it, you will only reject it based on your own 'life experience'. What the Op is talking about I would argue is something that is unnatural - but only at the beginning.

Once you get into a relationship, you no longer need to 'fake it' - this is where you should be yourself and enjoy the relationship. So I have to dis-agree with the Op here, life just wouldn't be fun if you faked it all the time.

Why fake it at all? Because some people 'have to' fake it; I have a lot of guys who are extremely shy and have never had a GF, try telling them to walk up to a woman they find attractive and ask her out... it just wouldn't happen. A lot of people are not themselves when they meet someone that they find attractive - it's just natural. We want to show ourselves in the best possible light.

The key to this whole thing where I believe that most so called 'dating experts' get it wrong is that they constantly talk about faking it. Well, in my method, I say, why fake it? Instead become the person that you want to be.

And that's what this site is all about - becoming that person. Becoming the amazing person that naturally attracts great relationships into their life.

[yomama]

If some of you guys have gone through and read my other posts you will see that I have advice that could be rooted to this guys beliefs. Doc Love is a smart guy and this book is quite old (it would be freakish to ask a girl for her home number nowadays) but his ideas about initial interest level are spot on.

I was recently talking to a friend whos girlfriend had low initial interest in him and a few months down the line she was eventually being less responsive, obviously looking for a reason to leave (or make him leave) and thats exactly what happened. The guy was heartbroken, and she, well lets just say she went to party that night.

Some of you guys might not like his advice but this is gospel if you are looking for a long term partner. Someone who is not going to disrespect you like my friend from the story up above. The mindset created from his material is invaluable and youll find many disagree but these guys are the ones who are looking for an instant quick fix.

[granted]

Originally Posted by yomama

If some of you guys have gone through and read my other posts you will see that I have advice that could be rooted to this guys beliefs. Doc Love is a smart guy and this book is quite old (it would be freakish to ask a girl for her home number nowadays) but his ideas about initial interest level are spot on.

I thought I recognized a lot of your tone!!!

It was six years ago I bought the Doc Love stuff. Not long after I turned 'loser' into winner pretty quickly

[JeffMStevens]

Hi there,

I'm Jeff Stevens and I'm the Co-host of the nationally syndicated (US Radio, Genesis Communications Network) Doc Love Show: Understanding Women For Men Only and the folks on here that think this is some manipulative game that Doc is promoting are WAY OFF.

#1: Doc's MAIN objective is to keep good men and good women in love so that children grow up in happy homes with a mom and dad that are highly in love.

#2: Doc's "games" as you mistakenly call them are nothing more than a set of principles that Doc learned from women. YES, women. Doc has interviewed over 10,000 women asking them why they choose to stay with one man versus another.

Good Women with their heads on straight do NOT respond to overly syrupy wimpy guys that tell them how much they love them nor do they respond to macho boys who think the woman is one of their toys. What they DO respond to is a gentleman that is his own man and knows that he needs to SHOW the woman he loves her instead of SAYING it a million times like the average parrot could.

#3: I read a few women on here saying this would never work. That's funny, we have gotten thousands of "you changed my life" letters from guys (and happy women) that this has worked for. Doc has also been featured on FOX-News, Time Magazine and is the #1 columnist on the #1 men's Web site in the world (AskMen.com), among other major media outlets.

The evidence is OVERWHELMING that this does work.

#4: The moderator made a particularly illogical statement when he said "Would you take dating advice from your grandparents?" I'm not sure what age has to do with anything. I guess you wouldn't take real estate advice from Donald Trump or investing advice from Warren Buffett because they're post-60, right? And yes, in the dating advice for men realm, Doc Love is every bit as successful as Warren Buffett is in investing and Donald Trump is in real estate.

#5: I love how some folks on here are just saying "what do you need this stuff for, just be yourself, fall in love the old fashioned way, just let it happen, what do you need with all these rules?"

How about this? A divorce rate of around 50% for 40 years with women filing first 2/3 of the time. Sounds like people "being themselves" is broken when it comes to marriage and yes, dating has a funny way of leading to marriage.

The key concept is that women fall in love SLOWER than guys do. A lot of guys are GREAT guys and they really want someone nice but they tend to fall on the wimpy side and scare the woman off (we say they "rush into rejection") or they change from the fun, exciting guy that dated her into a couch potato from hell. A lot of times, MEN are making mistakes they need to correct that are turning women off.

Or...they are picking bad women. Yes, there are a lot of GOOD WOMEN out there. Doc and I are very optimistic about the females in this world because there are a ton of nice women but it is our job to train guys to not be too wimpy, too macho or select the wrong girl.

#6: One poster said that you would have to wonder if you fell in love with a guy that was fake or not because he uses THE SYSTEM and she wants her partner to be authentic. Well, that's what Doc is ALL ABOUT. Show your significant other RESPECT, AFFECTION and ROMANCE but don't do it too SOON. Make sure she will give you RESPECT, AFFECTION, AND ROMANCE back first and the only way to do that is date her and see how things go over time.

First of all, if you come on too heavy, too soon, she'll think you haven't had a date in 5 years and second, remember what I said about women falling in love slower? WOMEN WANT SPACE TO GET TO KNOW A GUY. I don't care what they "say," what they "want" is to get to know a guy over time (unless they have low self-esteem or they are structured).

Let's give another example, would you go into a car lot and say to the salesman that you would pay ANYTHING for that brand new Maxima and that you just have to have it? Think you'd get your best deal that day?

Same thing when you come up to a woman and via your actions you let her know that she can have anything she wants from you no matter what, before you even know her. Romantic love must have RESPECT and she can't respect a pushover.

Thanks for reading

Jeff Stevens

[Bezmarck]

Originally Posted by JeffMStevens

I don't care what they "say," what they "want" is
Jeff Stevens

And that right there sums up why I detest this 'System' and it's beliefs. Thank you for so succinctly summing up what you really about think women into such a neat, misogynistic package. And thank you also, for telling me what I want! Jeff Stevens, a bloke somewhere in America whose life is removed from mine in a myriad ways, please tell me what it is that I desire in a relationship! God knows, it's not like I don't have a BOLLOCKING BRAIN OF MY OWN. Sorry for the capslock but this unashamed superiority just gets me angry.

Originally Posted by JeffMStevens

Good Women with their heads on straight do NOT respond to overly syrupy wimpy guys that tell them how much they love them nor do they respond to macho boys who think the woman is one of their toys. What they DO respond to is a gentleman that is his own man and knows that he needs to SHOW the woman he loves her instead of SAYING it a million times like the average parrot could.
Jeff Stevens

Here lies the crux, of course - any woman whose thoughts and desires don't line up with the 'System's' hideously narrow view are bad women with their heads not screwed on straight. Why are so you afraid of emotion? Why are you so afraid of letting a woman know who you are, letting two people have a relationship that actually suits them, without playing games and being Challenges and calculating levels and a myriad other things. What you practice sounds a far cry from real love and intimacy.

For the record, I showed this to my boyfriend and we had a good long discussion about about misogyny and relationships and childhoods and social influence and shockhorror, we even shared some feelings (mostly disbelief, rage and pity, if you wanted to know, coupled with love and gratitude that we had each other to talk about this with.) My "overly syrupy wimpy guy" is a better partner - heck, a better 'man' - than any game-playing, emotionally-reticent, withdrawn, immature 'Challenge.'

[ButterflyWoman]

This is, indeed, a pretty old thread, and the topic looks like it's been discussed quite thoroughly, so it'll be closed now.