| |||||||
| Register | FAQ | Members List | Calendar | Search | Today's Posts | Mark Forums Read |
| Social & Relationships Social skills, dating, family life, friends, soul mates, marriage, parenting, children, education, networking |
|
Welcome to the Personal Development for Smart People Forums, the place for lively, intelligent discussion of all personal growth issues -- physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, and more. You're currently viewing as a guest, which gives you limited read-only access. By joining our free community, you'll be able to post your own messages, access many members-only features, see the new messages posted since your last visit, and of course remove this header message. Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please join today. If you arrived here from a search engine, you may want to explore the main site first, which includes hundreds of deep and insightful articles on a variety of personal development topics. |
 |
| | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
05-03-2008, 04:35 AM
| |||
| |||
 She's cheating on me! Hi am new to this forum and this is my first post (wish it could be better), anyway to the point: At the moment I am currently engaged and have been for the last 2 years and have recently found out that she is cheating on me...AGAIN!!! In total I have caught her twice and been told about a 3rd time  The 1st time was over a year ago I was in hospital Febuary of 2007 (nearly died) after I had got out we went out for a few drinks and ended up staying at a friend. Me and my fiance slept in the spare room but when I woke up in the morning she wasn't there? I went down stairs to have a smoke and could here some strange noises coming from his room? Thinking "his girlfriend is away this weekend" I quickly finished my smoke and then nocked on his room door...when I walked in all I saw was her with no trousers on and him with nothing on and all he said was "oh...s**t".After that I just got out that flat as quickly as I could and just walked about for hours not taking any of there calls trying to think about what had just happened...when I did speak to them later all she had to say when I asked why was "It just happened". I believe in 2nd chances so I gave her another chance... Then no more than a week later he was over at our's and she had walked him out to the car and I desided I would go for a walk as it was a nice night (you could see the stars  ) she then called me asking if I had just walked by and I told her what I was doing.After being away for bout a minute I desided I would go and see if she wanted to come with but when I got to his car and looked in the window there she was with her head in his lap (I think you can all probably guess what she was doing to him) once again when I asked why..."It just happened" Even before I had caught them the 1st time I had accidently picked up her phone (we both had the same phone at the time) and seen some text and pics that she had sent him...the kind of stuff she should only be sending to me As I mentioned there is a 3rd time which included him and her but also included his girlfriend as well???His gf must have a consionce as she told me about it all be it about a month after it happened but I had waited a while longer to see if my fiance would tell me...but she never so I Cornered all of them about it and they were forced to tell me. There excuse...it was a drunken mistake... I dont trust her with him at all...she's always leaving me alone in the house to go see him and am starting to notice its more so when his gf is away...and once again I went through her phone (on purpose this time) and there's pics he's sent her and messages like "I want you so bad" and "I wish you were here right now" there are also other messages that go into great detail about what she wants to do to him and what he wants to do her...she never sent me pics or messages like she sends him Her best friend (and mine) warned me about her before I started dating her...she's not got a great track record ie she's cheated on ALL of her boyfriends before me...i've spoke to her about whats happenedand I put my hands up and said "Im sorry you were right, I should have listened" she says she's proude of me for admitin I was wrong and thinks I should leave her...problem also I have no where to go Parents dont have the room for me anymore and most of my friend that had flats are now in the forces. So as you can see im stuck between a rock and a hard place Any advice would greatly be appreciated PS sorry about the spelling and the length       |
|
05-03-2008, 04:45 AM
| |||
| |||
| I can't imagine that you really need "advice" in this situation. I think you just need hear from others that you deserve better. And you do! You've already said you believe in 2nd chances, which I think is pretty generous. Do you believe in 3rd, 4th, 5th chances too? I think you know what to do here. Don't be afraid to do what's right for you. |
|
05-03-2008, 01:21 PM
| |||
| |||
 Hi, I write the following with the best intentions, so although it will sound harsh, I wish you the very best. Ok, I don't blame her for cheating on you. Dude, you have been engaged for 2 years. TWO full years. Over six-hundred days! My lord... why?? I bet she thinks it will never happen. I re-read your post and I'm slacked jawed. She has no respect for you... because you have no respect for you. Why should she?? As to your girlfriend, it is clear that she could be a very "sexually active" person... and that is fine! But, truth be told, you are not working out for her in that department. It is possible that deep down you do not like her that much. So... you're going to leave her? And why can't you stay in the same house? I think I missed something. Your friends that have flats are in the forces... so... I don't get it. Why don't you keep on staying in that house? Is she the owner? Or the one that pays rent? If she is neither, just break up with her, and get her stuff out of your new room. Again, I woudn't blame her. Yet clearly, you and her are not on the same track. My 0.02 |
|
05-03-2008, 09:08 PM
| |||
| |||
| Angela: I know it sounds like im "mooching" off her and in a way I guess I am but at the same time im trying to save our relationship as I do love her with all my heart. Perfect Sunday: She is a very "sexually active" pearson she says she couldnt live without her sex she "enjoy's it to much". I will admit that while I was in hospital I was affected in the southern regon, and found my stamana had droped drematicly. I've spoken with a specialist and he says there is some damage and am now waiting for a date for an operation to fix this damage.As for the living situation we live with her mother as she could not cope with the bills on her own so we offered to move in and help. and because my friend are in the forces (Army, Air force, Navy) they are now stationed all over the world. and no longer have there flats near me for me to share...if that makes sence? Jennihul: Its easyer said than done...i've spent 2 years engaged to her and then 3 years with her before that...I dont want it to go to waste if I can help it... Last edited by drahzar : 05-03-2008 at 09:11 PM. |
|
05-05-2008, 03:48 PM
| |||
| |||
| Quote:
Move the hell out, take responsibility for your finances and your life and begin to build some self-respect. |
|
05-09-2008, 11:18 PM
| |||
| |||
| hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahaa dayinthelife what a funny comment... hehehee. |
|
05-10-2008, 08:31 PM
| |||
| |||
| Drahzar, I think you have to be true to yourself and admit that this is not right, I know they say love is all you need but if someone truly loves you they would never cheat on you, they wouldn't even put themselves in a position where they are more likely to cheat. It's like they say, actions speak louder than words, and her actions tell you that her needs are more important than the overall relationship with you and her, if her needs are that more important, then it means that she is very selfish and uncaring to your emotional well being. To sum up what I am saying.... You need to do what steve says and avoid negative people in your life because you can't possibly be happy wondering what she is doing when she isn't with you. So here's what you do. Step 1. Break off the engagement. Step 2. If you live with her, move out asap. Step 3. Try and break off the relationship, she might try the whole "I'll change" bit or whatever but she has already had enough chances and you know she isn't going to change any time soon. Step 4. Do not let her contact you, meaning... Make it impossible or extremely hard for her to reach you. Out of sight out of mind works wonders. With her out of the picture, you are free to grow, learn, and enjoy life more. Step 5. Do the same with your "friend" , what kind of friend sleeps with his friends girlfriend? That's more than a good enough reason to end a friendship. Conclusion: Actions speak louder than words and these people have wronged you a great deal and have stripped you have your dignity. Do yourself a favor and start rebuilding your self esteem by getting away from these people. Good luck! |
|
05-14-2008, 09:19 PM
| |||
| |||
| that was a dumb post... Quote:
Do you really think a cheating partner has justification for their action because they aren't married yet? That's as low as you can go. If you are mature and I'm assuming you are mature if you want to get married, accept an engagement ring which means that you've accepted the proposal and want to get married and then cheat on your fiance, how is that his fault? We are all responsible for our own actions. When we do something to hurt our partner, specifically cheating on them as in this example, the only person at fault is the person who is sleeping around. You always have the choice to return the engagement ring, break off the engagement and go your separate way. That would be the mature & adult thing to do. Remaining engaged and cheating on your partner is an immature & destructive thing to do and a total relationship killer. Don't blame your actions on what someone else has done or not done. You did what you did and you are responsible for that action. Blaming the cheating because they haven't been married yet after 2 years of engagement (and technically maybe only 1 year when she first cheated on him) is just brainless. Perfect Sunday, What planet do you live on where you can justify your crap behavior like cheating because your partner hasn't married you yet? I thought I heard everything until I read your post. Unreal!!!  |
|
05-15-2008, 07:18 PM
| |||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||
 Reply to the reply of the dumb post... All the best love in the world to you "robc". With that, here's my reply:: Quote:
What's your point with it? Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
This is going to be a fun one... Quote:
Quote:
So, tell me... you are NOT mature, nor can you BE mature, if you do not "want to get married"? How would you define "mature"? Wanting to get married? So, by the same token, if I go out there, get married, I'm mature. So I get divorced, and married again, I'm mature-plus-two? Three wifes, triple the maturity?!?!?!!!  I don't think that's what God had in mind... Quote:
The lack of comas, punctuations, and a coherent thought-pattern hurts my eyes. No, really. I do not understand. Married... engagement ring... maturity... married... WTF? I have read it like 38 times, and::: I think --> that YOU think --> that *I* think, that it's drahzar's fault. I did not state that. I said that I did not blame her. Quote:
Quote:
('cept small puppies) Quote:
It isn't what happens to you that hurts you, it's how you react to what happens to you that hurts you. In recollection, I do believe now that drahzar IS at fault, in part. He has "agreed" to accept this behaviour from her. Quote:
So you *DO* understand!!! It's a CHOICE! You ALWAYS HAVE THE CHOICE!!! Quote:
Not everybody is "adult". Quote:
Remaining engaged, and getting cheated on by your partner, is an immature & destructive thing to do, and a total relationship killer. Quote:
Were you engaged? Married? 2 years? Got cheated on? Quote:
I'll be damned.... Quote:
Do you think you can "justify" anything in this life? The Doors of Perception. Quote:
Buckle up... it's gonna get bumpy. PS: Thank you for spelling my name in both capital letters. Last edited by Perfect Sunday : 05-15-2008 at 07:57 PM. Reason: grammar |
|
Yesterday, 06:30 PM
| |||
| |||
| Perfect Sunday lives... Punctuation & spelling aren't really requirements in on-line forums. I have never cheated or have been cheated on in my relationship, thank you for asking. I appreciate your interest & concern. If that's your style go with it, I think my stuff is easy enough to read. I think you understood everything I had to say pretty easily. As for your name, copy & paste worked well for me, so don't give me all the credit. Getting back to the topic at hand... I'll give you a point for that maturity argument of yours, it would be nice to assume that adults are mature, I guess that is a poor assumption. I'll agree with you, it did strike a "personal chord" with me concerning situations with friends. I have seen 2 marriages where one of the partners cheated and it led to ugly divorces, one of these couples had 3 kids, the other had 2. All young, all very much hurt by this action. The spouses that were cheated on were very hurt, betrayed, angry and are in a situation in their lives where they feel that they've wasted a major portion of their lives and have to start new again which is not very easy when they've invested so much time in their marriage. Thankfully there are no kids in this situation. However in your original post, you said that it was because he hadn't married her after engaging her and this is why she probably ended up cheating on him. Since you called me on my assumption, I'll call you on your assumption. Is that how it works? Get engaged but don't follow through with the actual marriage so cheating is fair game? Cheating is never a fair option, that's why it's called cheating. Your post makes it sound like a viable option and it never is. However since your post made it sound like your defending cheating, why don't you explain to us why cheating is fair and how it can be used to enhance a relationship and bring 2 people closer together? When you make it back to earth, and have a minute, reply back. |
|
Yesterday, 06:40 PM
| |||
| |||
| Do you think the cheating has been as a result of the accident and sexual issues? This doesn't excuse the cheating but it may explain why if she is has a very high sex drive or even sexual addiction Alison |
|
Yesterday, 07:34 PM
| ||||||||
| ||||||||
| Quote:
Quote:
So I'll try and express it again, different this time. drazhar got engaged with her, and she cheated on him. Then he kept on being engaged to her. HELL YES IT'S HIS FAULT. Right then and there he had to stop accepting that into his life. Because he accepted it, it continued. Quote:
You have to figure out that one for us. Quote:
My post making it sound like a viable option? I said Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I think I've stated my point here. Let me know anything else. Thanks for keeping the discussion civil. Best wishes to you robc!
__________________ Quote:
|
|
Yesterday, 10:03 PM
| |||
| |||
| I'll say this much PS... - after reading your responses, I notice that you do have a comedic side to you.... I might tolerate you as a friend at one point LOL  - Have a nice weekend, maybe even a perfect sunday if the mood strikes you.  |
Linear Mode
