heh, rejected by Eharmony!

[seeker5]

Now that I'm ready to be with my lifetime soulmate, for fun, I thought I'd give eharmony a try to see what would happen. So I filled out the eharmony profile. They then turn around and say my profile doesn't match the kind of profile they can match people with. I find it both funny, and sad at the same time. Guess I gotta use LoA now!

Originally Posted by eHarmony

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

[Jennihul]

Nice letter but they reject people because they want to keep their stats up. It's a business decision.

So now, the question everyone is wondering: What the heck did you write???

Jennifer

[JimOfferman]

I was going to give you some consolation by getting rejected too, but apparently I am normaller than you! Ha!

Whether or not that is a good thing, I don't know

[Angela]

Seeker5, I'm sorry that you were disappointed! I wonder what makes the 20% unmatchable with eHarmony -- I know they're very marriage-oriented, could it be that you don't fall into that demographic?

But really, I wonder if this isn't a wonderful thing that the computer gave you the boot. I say that because in light of your new commitments regarding love, I wonder if the universe is insisting that your encounters be more real-world based, nudging you away from the keyboard and into another realm of relationship? I know you have had great success in communicating and meeting an incredible woman online () and I wonder if now you're being given the opportunity to take your new-ish skills and ways of being into your in-person communications?

Just speculating.

[PianoManGidley]

eHarmony has a lot of problems like these...from what I understand, if you're gay and/or non-Christian, you don't have much likelihood of getting much out of that site.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

Seeker5, I'm sorry that you were disappointed! I wonder what makes the 20% unmatchable with eHarmony -- I know they're very marriage-oriented, could it be that you don't fall into that demographic?

Yeah, their computer system doesn't know what to do with me, and the other 20%.

But really, I wonder if this isn't a wonderful thing that the computer gave you the boot. I say that because in light of your new commitments regarding love, I wonder if the universe is insisting that your encounters be more real-world based, nudging you away from the keyboard and into another realm of relationship? I know you have had great success in communicating and meeting an incredible woman online () and I wonder if now you're being given the opportunity to take your new-ish skills and ways of being into your in-person communications?

Heh, perhaps. The irony for me is that with RC I wasn't seeking to develop anything online. For years, I refused categorically to have anything romantic to do with any women who wasn't within a 20-30 mile radius of where I live. From the experience I had with RC, I completely changed my opinion on that, hence while I was willing to look into eHarmony. Not as a way to meet woman online, but to broaden my possibilities from this little town (pop: 47,000), I live in the middle of nowhere to the entire world

Originally Posted by PianoManGidley

eHarmony has a lot of problems like these...from what I understand, if you're gay and/or non-Christian, you don't have much likelihood of getting much out of that site.

Ah, that may be it! I'm non-Christian and put "Spiritual, but not religious" and indicated it was important for me to find someone with the same spiritual beliefs.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Ah, that may be it! I'm non-Christian and put "Spiritual, but not religious" and indicated it was important for me to find someone with the same spiritual beliefs.

No, I put the same thing and didn't have any problems getting spiritual, not religious matches.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

No, I put the same thing and didn't have any problems getting spiritual, not religious matches.

Oh ok.

One thing that came to mind is maybe also that in the last month, I've experienced a lot of things out of my norms, so that may have influenced a lot of my responses which asked me about what I've gone through in the last month. I know had I taken the eHarmony personality thing a month ago, some of my answers would have been different. I'll probably try it again in a month and see if anything changes.

[Rose of Cairo]

You got rejected by EHarmony? Pffff!! They don't know what they lose! Too bad for them.

[Mayo]

Na go to plentyoffish.com, it's free and it's vibrating.

I found few interesting women there and i think i found one that's a keeper! (umm she found me by accident)

[ABdude]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Now that I'm ready to be with my lifetime soulmate, for fun, I thought I'd give eharmony a try to see what would happen. So I filled out the eharmony profile. They then turn around and say my profile doesn't match the kind of profile they can match people with. I find it both funny, and sad at the same time. Guess I gotta use LoA now!

You know, after reading this I decided to try signing up for eharmony. I thought that there would be no chance in hell I would get accepted, but sure enough I seem to have been exactly the type of person they were looking for. It just goes to show you that their system isn't perfect .



(I am joking of course)

[Silent Lucidity]

That's crazy. How can they reject someone??? I am spiritual but not religious, and my highest priority is finding someone with similar beliefs. I am on eharmony now, and getting mached with all sorts of christian men, as well as some others that fall into that 'spiritual but not religious' catagory. I am a strange mix of qualities, and for sure, I don't fit the norm, in that I encompass multiple ways of relating within one person - most people go one way or the other, I seem to be everything at once. I have found a few dating possibilities, but no-one absolutely amazing yet. What internet dating does is take away that real-world 'click' you can feel when you meet someone that you know on another level. You judge on how they present, their looks and words alone, not the feeling they project in person. I could have overlooked 10 soul mates by now without realizing it...

Well take heart, eharmony is quite expensive. They are a business, designed to create wealth. The first matches they send are the ones you are most compatible with. You have to send 'must-haves' and 'can't-stands'. 10 of each. Now, if someone sent me 10 things they can't stand, there is a very good chance one of those things would be partially true, and I'd have to close myself off from them out of consideration. Erin was much more realistic when she chose four must-haves, and found Steve. So everyone closes their most compatible people first, without realizing it. By the time you learn the ropes, i.e, not to close so many people, than it's too late, and your most compatible matches have moved on. This keeps you searching... and searching.... coming back to them. When doing the personality profile, I'd answer based on how you normally feel about yourself rather than current odd events.

I'm curious what sort of person you are... who would be incompatible with their system. Again, their loss.

[munish]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Now that I'm ready to be with my lifetime soulmate, for fun, I thought I'd give eharmony a try to see what would happen. So I filled out the eharmony profile. They then turn around and say my profile doesn't match the kind of profile they can match people with. I find it both funny, and sad at the same time. Guess I gotta use LoA now!

I also tried, and got the same response.

May be we should start another site, in competition to them. "e-a-new-kind-of-harmony.com"

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Mayo

Na go to plentyoffish.com, it's free and it's vibrating.

Thanks, I'll check it out

Originally Posted by ABdude

I seem to have been exactly the type of person they were looking for. It .

No fair! It's funny how my thread about getting rejected by eHarmony is getting people to try it out .

Originally Posted by Silent Lucidity

Well take heart, eharmony is quite expensive. They are a business, designed to create wealth. The first matches they send are the ones you are most compatible with. You have to send 'must-haves' and 'can't-stands'. 10 of each. Now, if someone sent me 10 things they can't stand, there is a very good chance one of those things would be partially true, and I'd have to close myself off from them out of consideration.

Good points, I hadn't thought of that. Those 10 must-have and 10 can't stand didn't come up yet in my personality profile thingy, I didn't get that far yet.

Erin was much more realistic when she chose four must-haves, and found Steve.

Thanks for bringing it up, I'm going to re-read that post of hers.

Originally Posted by munish

I also tried, and got the same response.

Ah yes! I got company

May be we should start another site, in competition to them. "e-a-new-kind-of-harmony.com"

[SmartAlx]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I know had I taken the eHarmony personality thing a month ago, some of my answers would have been different.

And that is PRECISELY why eHarmony suuuucks. They pick and choose specific people for you for YEARS based upon a profile that is only partially true for an instant. And most of the questions are so broad you can answer many different ways and still be speaking the truth. But those different answers will make the difference on who they match you with!!!! I mean come on!!! To think that if I had answered the questions just a teensy bit different, I might be sitting here next to my new wife! eHarmony acts as if their broad questions create a precise profile, and that's just totally 100% WRONG!

And what's worse is that they won't let you change your profile. At least when I was an active member they didn't. Although since I complained to them all the time, finally one of the operators told me that he would let me retake the quiz. But really, you really do need to be able to take the quiz every few weeks because we all change constantly.

I was an eharmony member for a couple of years. One day I decided to take the quiz again because I was never happy with the matches they gave me. Now what prompted me to retake the quiz was that I got dumped. And you are supposed to answer honestly. Pfft. Do that after you get dumped and you are never going to be allowed into eHarmony. So, I took the quiz once more and answered a bit differently. I still spoke the truth, but really you can tell which questions are going to get you booted. Curiously, even though I spoke the truth, eHarmony's profile for me was like 180 degrees opposite of my previous profile. Yet both of the profiles were still true.

I finally couldn't take their sucky matches and cold higher-than-thou attitude anymore and quit. And I had a freaking AWESOME deal. $12 a month paid month to month!!! Yes they did have that deal before. Believe me eHarmony isn't even worth $12 a month. It's that bad.


[EDIT]Oh, one more thing... How many of you eharmony members have been members for awhile and they create a new match with someone else who's been on the website for a long time? Why didn't they match me with these people on day one? Every single match that you receive should be with someone who joined THAT DAY!!!!! If they match you with ANYBODY who has been a member for some time, then they are lying to you. See? They hold off giving you all of your matches at once and dish them out 5 at a time because they want to keep you a member longer. They are all about the dollar.

THAT is one of the main reasons why I quit. I knew that they weren't interested in introducing me to my wife.


I did get a lot more action at eHarmony than at other websites like Match and plentyoffish though. That's because the women on eHarmony believe that it works. They take the process more seriously than the women on the other dating websites. Women are suckers I guess. LOL No offense. I'm just kidding on that.

[Little Deb]

A couple of years ago I got on Eharmony( but i didn't pay any money for it, thankfully, as i got on some free weekend thing). Unfortunately all I got matched with were a bunch of boring "squeeky-clean" nutcases (nothing worse than Holy Rollers) all because I mentioned that I was spiritual. Lots of different kinds of spirituallity in the world, folks. I'm also artistic, but not all people who say they enjoy art even remotely think like an artist, either (morons!). So, yes, I will agree with you: time to use the LoA. As a matter of fact I met a great guy a couple of years ago jamming with some musicians in Louisiana( I play mandolin) when I was on holidays. Now, my "beau" does live 1400 miles away from me, but we sure have so much in common. So, there's definately hope for you. Taking that I'm considered a complete social misfit online.

[Kingston]

Originally Posted by PianoManGidley

eHarmony has a lot of problems like these...from what I understand, if you're gay and/or non-Christian, you don't have much likelihood of getting much out of that site.

Yes, Eharmony rejects all atheists by default. I did some research in online dating, and there's consensus on that on dating forums.

The only dating site I can take seriously is OkCupid.com. They have a really good matching algorithm, I contact some fabulous women through OkCupid.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Kingston

Yes, Eharmony rejects all atheists by default.

WHAT?!?!? No they don't! I had a great time on there, and guess how I declared?

[RT Wolf]

So it rejects gays and non-Christians and 20% of people. Say 10% of people are gay and, guess that means 10% of everyone on the interwebs is non-Christian. Boy do they have their algorithm messed up.

Kidding.

[Kingston]

Originally Posted by Angela

WHAT?!?!? No they don't! I had a great time on there, and guess how I declared?

Hmm. Sorry I spread misinformation... it's not by my own experience, but there different people complaining on different forums. Where there's smoke, there's fire, so I kept with OkCupid.

[Bitsy]

I got rejected too.
P.S. And now I just read their personality analysis for me and it's so off it's almost comical.