how do you deal with being blackmailed?

[sonicpunk32]

You have a big secret that if others knew, would make other people and your friends have a very negative view of you if they found out. A shady person whom you know but recently decided is not for your highest good and so parted with, knows of this secret. This shady person now attempts to blackmail you for their own twisted joy of seeing you suffer. How do you rid yourself of the power this shady person has over you without having people find out your secret?

[blueberry]

Your trust in them was misplaced.

The only way you can take away their power is by telling your friends and family the truth or at least some of the truth yourself.

If you are honest, they can only judge you so much and you will be forgiven and respected for your honesty. Whereas, if they find out from a third party and it hurts them... their trust in you is damaged.

[sonicpunk32]

What if it's not just friends and family, but a community of people whom you dont know, but would now have a very negative view of you if they knew?

[blueberry]

then maybe it's a wake up call to the incongruency you have in your life.

I mean, you could always say they're lying. I don't know the specifics of your situation but I was just trying to suggest the noble thing to do.

[AliB1959]

I was in a similar situation with a husband; we were in counseling and he pulled out some things I told him in confidence in an attempt to feel self-riteous in front of the counselor and make me look like a bad or wrong person. I immediately went "cold" inside and said to him "You no longer have the power to hurt me."

I learned 2 big lessons: Another person can only hurt you if you allow them to (give them the power or importance of their opinion in your life) and 2nd - that other people probably don't care as much about what I did in the past as I fear/think they do. I have had close friends tell me of things they've done and I guess some people would judge them, but I sure don't!

Also, it's not other people's place to judge you; it's YOUR place and Your Higher Power's place. Will any of it matter in 10 years? I do agree that if you tell about it first, it takes all the power from the blackmailer, and the people who you fear may not accept what you did may surprise you.

[sonicpunk32]

They cant hurt me, if what they have to say wont have any power over the people that matter to me. Question is, how do I make the malicious things they have to say powerless? A person saying stuff to me in an attempt to hurt my feelings or self worth is one thing, but when it's tied to the relationships I have with other people...?

[The Cloud]

By not being hurt if the secret is released. If you don't care, then it can't be used against you, and thus won't because it's not causing you suffering. Your shield is your indifference. As long as you can be hurt by this secret, the shady figure will be able to use it to make you suffer. It's paradoxical, but once you can accept the secret getting out, in all likelihood it won't.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Question is, how do I make the malicious things they have to say powerless?

By taking 100% responsibility for your life. By being straight with the people in your life, by cleaning up what there is to clean up, apologizing and making amends to the people who are hurt by your actions. If you do this, no one has any power to blackmail you. 100% responsibility is the the path to power.

[sonicpunk32]

Hmm, does the Law of Attraction come into play as well?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Hmm, does the Law of Attraction come into play as well?

Definitely.

[sonicpunk32]

Ok, I understand now how to deal with this if this affected only my friends and family. But how would I deal with this if say... the shady person walks into a bar, and I'm in that bar with people I've never met. The shady person blabs my secret to these people whom I've never met. Should I be worried of what these people whom I've never met think of me now that they know my secret?

[JimOfferman]

Of course not! Why would you care what a bunch of total strangers think of you? Especially when said group's opinions are based solely on a secret revealed to them by another stranger...

If they want to judge you poorly because of a single event that they did not themselves witness, let them! Save your precious time for people who can be bothered to look at the complete picture of you.

[wellbeing]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Ok, I understand now how to deal with this if this affected only my friends and family. But how would I deal with this if say... the shady person walks into a bar, and I'm in that bar with people I've never met. The shady person blabs my secret to these people whom I've never met. Should I be worried of what these people whom I've never met think of me now that they know my secret?

It won't be a "secret" anymore. Once you take responsibility for this "issue" and are honest with your friends and family, it's no longer a secret (and, btw, you will have no control over whom they may subsequently tell). If it's a past event, you have to let it go (forgive yourself, make amends, etc.) and then leave it in the past. If you can get to that space, it will have no power over you. And these strangers might even think more highly of you for overcoming a past issue. For instance, if you had a drug habit, then some of these hypothetical strangers might appreciate the courage and determination that it took for you to overcome this habit.

If this is an ongoing issue, then, as other people have mentioned, you have attracted an opportunity to clean up the issue. Staying with my example above, if your drug habit is ongoing, then this will continue to be an issue for you until you take responsibility for disconnect between your actions and your "story" to the people around you.

In this case, you may find, if you're sincere in your desire to clean up this issue, that your friends and family may provide you with unexpected support and strength. And the LoA can help you attract resources and guides to help you clean up this issue and even attract people around you who are not "shady" but supportive in your personal development.

[Brutha]

You can return the blackmail offer and say that you will tell everyone that they tried to blackmail you.
Depending on how the person tries to blackmail you that might even be legal consequences for them when you tell the police.
There might even be other ways you can put pressure on them. Basically that is the "dark" way.

On the other hand the "light" way is to make peace with whatever the secret is about, so it doesn't matter when it comes out.

You can also mix those two basic ways in the situation.

You might also try a out of the box reaction:
You don't have to tell the story with "A shady person whom you know but recently decided is not for your highest good".
Don't believe that the person is shady but that he should get to know you better and build a connection with him/her maybe you can teach that person to look postively on life?

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

You have a big secret that if others knew, would make other people and your friends have a very negative view of you if they found out. A shady person whom you know but recently decided is not for your highest good and so parted with, knows of this secret. This shady person now attempts to blackmail you for their own twisted joy of seeing you suffer. How do you rid yourself of the power this shady person has over you without having people find out your secret?

Depending on the nature and severity of the threat ...

I would force or persuade my blackmailer to spill the beans, to carry out their threat. Then I would appologise to the person(s) whom I had wronged, make any recompense as appropriate to the situation. I would then thank the blackmailer for providing me with the opportunity to come clean. I would then be free to continue with my life, knowing that I have held myself accountable for my own actions.

This is a stratagey of not pulling against the blackmailer, but going with them, with their energy or intent, but too much so (for their liking).

It's only one option, however, and always consider what's appropriate for the specific situation you find yourself in.

[robc]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Hmm, does the Law of Attraction come into play as well?

You've done something bad or worse to the people that you don't want your secrets revealed to. You are hoping that this secret or secrets will not be revealed. You are putting your focus, energy & thoughts into stopping this secret from being revealed, law of attraction isn't as specific as some people would think or have you believe. By placing your thoughts, focus & energy into this secret and trying to stop it, you actually bring it into your reality much sooner this way.

Focus your thoughts & energy into this, giving your clarity into this mess you've gotten yourself into, clarity on what the best decision & course of action will be to deal with this once it's out in the open, focus your thoughts & energy into your friends staying by your side once your secret is revealed.

That's LOA, what is your reality now is what you've been focusing on in the past, You create your reality by your past thoughts & actions, it's coming into play now. Change the focus & energy, put it into making the event less destructive than you're thinking it will be.

LOA plays into this big time, your thoughts have created this reality.
That's how powerful LOA is, it's the most powerful law in existence.

[sonicpunk32]

This hasnt actually happened, I'm just speculating just in case it ever does later on in life.

[Plato]

Find weaknesses and exploit them. Best not to have anything to hide really.

[Brutha]

This hasnt actually happened, I'm just speculating just in case it ever does later on in life.

In that case it is better to adapt a way to life that doesn't lead to such kind of secrets.

[Logodae]

I'm guessing this theoretical secret falls in the realm of things that aren't so much illegal or wrong as... embarrassing. (Otherwise the obvious answer is "listen to your conscience and don't do anything you'd need to keep secret.") I think there are two possible approaches:

One, you can get over being embarrassed, or otherwise concerned about the opinion of strangers. Accept that this secret is really not such a big deal. Tell people yourself, as appropriate. In fact, you could start with the people this thread...

Two, you can be prepared to lie, and act outraged and/or amused, or simply baffled, at what is clearly a false accusation. This is assuming they've got no way to prove it, of course.