Am i risking too much?

[placebo]

I am 21 years old student of IT management and i have few really good friends who are few years older than me. They graduated or will in a few months. Some of them are in a good relationships and planing to get married. I'm very very far from that stage.

When i hear what are they talking about it really scares me. They are 25 and want good job with nice salary so they can get married and live together. They are desperately craving for stability, safe and secure life. Most of girls i've met who are 25,26 years old want families in near future, they want good husband who will make them feel safe.

I, on the other side, would like to travel the world till my 35 and then start to live their dream. It is too soon, in my opinion, to start family with 26. But when i say that to girls they laugh on me, say i'm a dreamer, maybe a fool. Some of them say that it sounds exciting but that they don't have courage or will to do something like that.

Am i risking too much by having that kinds of wishes? I've met so many decent people who are very realistic and much more effective than me. There's no way that they will listen to some dude who's dream is to travel with no destination in his mind. I have a feeling that i'll be a 28 years old single guy, with broken dream because i have never found a person willing to take a risk.

I know that plenty of you will say that i should keep up with my dream but it is so scary being 1:500 000

[kthdsn]

You must live YOUR dream, not someone else's.

If half a million people choose one path and you choose the other, you will have interesting unique experiences that the half a million people missed out on. You can always join them on their path when you have finished exploring your own path, if that's what you want.

I say go and travel. You will meet interesting people and see interesting places while your friends who have chosen to settle down see the same things they're seeing now. When you come back with fantastic memories and stories to tell, they might change their minds about thinking you're a fool.

[Alvin]

Hi placebo,

There's a story about Walt Disney I first heard from Tony Robbins. It was on the opening day of the new Epcot (sp?) Center attraction in Disneyland, and one of the reporters asked Roy Disney;

'How do you feel knowing that Walt Disney never lived to see Epcot built?'

Roy replied; 'Walt saw it first, that's why you get to see it.'

I think it's a wonderful thing to build castles in the air...when you can also build the foundations beneath them. Robert Dilts, co-developer of NLP, concluded at the end of his study of geniuses that they had a creative ability to be dreamers, realists and critics all-in-one. That was what made them great, they were able to dream, put plans into place and see where the flaws were, and dream up solutions.

Read about the this enlightening strategy of genius here:

Article of the Month Page

And how you can use it in your own life:

Pattern of the Month Page

[ahimel]

Originally Posted by placebo

I am 21 years old student of IT management and i have few really good friends who are few years older than me. They graduated or will in a few months. Some of them are in a good relationships and planing to get married. I'm very very far from that stage.

That's cool. What works for different people is different. I graduated college utterly sick of the BS the administration puts you through. I loved the classes, but was so tired of stupid class requirements and "I'm sorry, since you took this class, did all of the homework, passed all of the tests, got an A++, and forgot to fill out one box on one form, so you have to take it all again." So I left and went into the "real world". I'm now married, have gotten a "real" job, and quit my real job to start my own business. I have a mortgage and an IRA.

My sister, 1 year older than me, is terrified at the idea of getting out into the "real world". She's working on her master's degree, and making it take as long as possible. When she finishes, she'll make her doctorate take as long as possible. She's been dating her boyfriend for 2 years longer than I've known my husband, and not one word of marriage has been mentioned. She does have an IRA, but a mortgage is the last thing on her mind. In fact, she'd probably be a good match for you, but she's taken.

Anyway, conformism is not the way to get ahead. Don't worry about what everyone else wants. Worry about what's good for you.

[Baltar]

Originally Posted by placebo

I, on the other side, would like to travel the world till my 35 and then start to live their dream. It is too soon, in my opinion, to start family with 26. But when i say that to girls they laugh on me, say i'm a dreamer, maybe a fool. Some of them say that it sounds exciting but that they don't have courage or will to do something like that.

We're conditioned by society to follow the herd: go to college, get a "safe, secure job" (which if you've read "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" you'll know is just an illusion). Then go into lots of debt and a mortgage, have some kids, send them to college, and then quietly retire and die. Does this sound like a life you want to have??? I didn't think so. You only live once, so listen to your heart. Don't let other people's fear and insecurity keep you from living your dreams. I don't think you have to get married, have kids, and make mortgage payments for most of your life in order to be happy. I'm 25 and have been single my whole life so far. Two years ago after graduating from college and going through a few "real jobs" over the course of about six months, I've had enough and started my own business. Haven't made much money yet but I'm working on it, and I've learned a lot more than I'd ever learn if I didn't take the plunge.

What you need to do if you haven't done this already, is read Steve's article Living Your Values. To know what's right for you the most important thing is to discover what your values are, and then live them. I found out that my highest priority value is Freedom. Since you want to travel, maybe yours is Adventure. The people you're citing sound like their highest priority values are Safety/Security. Understanding this value system has significantly helped me in understanding other people. I've had friends at one time who thought I was crazy to quit my job, but their top value was Security and mine was Freedom so it made a lot of sense to me but made no sense to them. So live by your values, not by other people's and don't worry about ruffling some feathers by going against the "common sense" mentality.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by placebo

Am i risking too much by having that kinds of wishes?

What, exactly, is it that you think is at risk?

[Royce_aus]

Thats a very interesting situation you're in. I'm 21 single working part time and saving to travel, I didn't know i was going to travel until this year.
Since I've realized everything that i wanted to do wasn't going to wait for me I got a surge of energy and started figuring out how i'm going to depart for my journey.
It was mentioned in another post on these forums somewhere but ask yourself this
If you were to live the rest of your life the way it is now, how would you feel?

I'd love to walk past you on my travels sometime.

[placebo]

Baltar : Yes, i've read Rich Dad,Poor Dad. I think that this book pushed me to look things differently. My dream started coming to surface. Maybe i'm kind of unstable right now. One day i'm ambitious, next day i would like to be nicely settled without pressure of ambitions. It would be great if i find a person like me, adventurous type. Everything will be in the right order then she will keep reminding me of what i really want.

Michael Chui : I'm risking to lose all these great people around me just because we don't see life in the same way. Some of them are my friends for a long time, I'm meeting so many great and interesting girls. It is scary to whip people around myself beacuse i'm 21 and i think i have a dream. Either i will fulfill it or be alone.

Royce_aus : I think Australia is an incredible country. You don't have wars and things like that down there. Like you are a different world. Definitely i'd like to visit Aussies one day.

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by Alvin

Roy replied; 'Walt saw it first, that's why you get to see it.'

That's an awesome quote. Thanks Alvin!

Hi Placebo

Not to repeat what the others had said (which I agree), have you asked yourself if you would regret not following your passion and dream? Or would you regret not settling down and conforming to your friends' ideals?

Which one would you regret more? You may just know the answer ...

And who says you can't find love even when you're travelling? Love happens in most unexpected times and find you in its own mysterious ways heh heh

[Dating Specialist]

Oh, to add one more:

You won't be risking too much if the rewards are worth the amount of your risk. Hence, "too much" is really subjective to what you really want, isn't it?

[andrew]

What is there to risk? 10 years of a marriage with a one of the 5 girls you've dated? So what, you're an old dad, whoopie. You'll have 10 years of great stories to tell your family and grandchildren, and all that worldliness to teach your kids aswell.

Good god my man, I'm 19, that's say 7 years left until I get married? Are you kidding me? I haven't even started living my life!

Do what you want to do, nobody really cares if you're happy or not in the end, only you and maybe your mother or best friend. You're the only one that can make you happy.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by placebo

Michael Chui : I'm risking to lose all these great people around me just because we don't see life in the same way. Some of them are my friends for a long time, I'm meeting so many great and interesting girls. It is scary to whip people around myself beacuse i'm 21 and i think i have a dream. Either i will fulfill it or be alone.

I'm 21, too, and I have friends who are married, who think they'll be married, who don't have a shot at marriage for the next ten years, and so on. I don't respect them any differently based on that.

So you don't see eye-to-eye. You'll find that millions of people don't. But as long as it doesn't come between your friendship, then I don't see why you'd lose them.

The status quo is rarely perfect; you sound desperate, and you're delivering ultimatums to the universe. Disrupt the status quo and find a new perspective. Traveling the world would be a great way to do that.

[placebo]

i have really good crew around myself. We started going out when we were 16. So many drunk weekends are behind us, it was great. And still is, but not so often. Things like getting drunk few times a week don't mean much these days. We do it, of course twice a month probably. And it is constant search for fun and something different in our life. What will be in 5 years? I don't know. But i see the reason why people get married and settle down. There's no much things to do. Things that make them happy.

So probably i will go on my tour de world one day because of my fear of becoming 26 years old dad.

One thing i noticed in singles life. It is cool to be a single, 30 years old guy, with some degree, good job, decent payment, and attractive look and lifestlye.

But when you're some dude who hates his job, don't have money, car, living in a poor rented flat it is much harder to back in the track again. And you'll probably be a single for rest of your life or decide to get married without love, just because of fear of living and getting old alone.

[Jm4362]

Originally Posted by placebo

I, on the other side, would like to travel the world till my 35 and then start to live their dream.

Will you marry me?

Seriously, you just haven't found the right girl yet. My ideal guy would have your plan of life. I'm not in any rush for a family, if I decide to have kids at all.

~Jm4362

[placebo]

I consider marriage just as some law thing. Person who i'm looking for should be capable of trusting me without some signature on a bunch of paper.

Although wedding as a ceremony can be a nice happening if done properly.

Yes, i will marry you after we survive South America and Asia together.

[Jm4362]

Sounds like fun. Let's do it!

[placebo]

I have to finish college in next two years and then whole world will be in front. Actually, i don't have to, i want to.

If you are willing to wait...

[legend]

Placebo,
The journey is your life
you are not lost
So I say take what the day brings
Go off and explore when you meet the right person you will settle down
When you have kids you will have kids
until then strike out on an unbeaten path and live
Trust you will get what you want out of life
you don't have to plan it
You might just find the moments you collect along the way add up to what it's all about

This way of living has served me well

Much Love

[placebo]

Steve suggested to look at life like it is a video game. Is is cool view. My is different but still the same. I'm creating the most beautiful subjective reality i can imagine. I have reallised that it is impossible to escape from myself, i can't beat myself. So i've decided to join myself. I'm going straight forward, only quarter of way has been passed.

It was hard cause i started from the mountain bottom and beginning was the steepest part. Now i would like just to rest for a while on this plateau, breath life and prepare to move on. I was looking for a companion who'd like to climb with me but i didn't find anyone. No one liked the offer, maybe because of me, maybe the mountain seemed to steep for them. I know that mountain is very steep and there's no sense in leading someone who will quit on half, or slow me down.

Yes, it would be nice to have someone to talk with when cold north wind start to blow and dump the snow on the road. When it force us to walk slowly and guess the right way. It would be nice to have someone to set a tent with and warm ourselves. Just for a moment when my body is shaking and my lips are shivering. Yes, it would be nice to have someone who will look down the way and celebrate with me. Yes, it would be nice to pitch our flag on the mountain top when we arrive there, when that time comes.

But, i am going in a different, hardest way, on the road where i don't meet many passengers because everybody is traveling on a beaten path. I want to create a new, shorter path. I can understand them, risk is dangerous and they want stability and happiness. They want to fool themselves by safety of their lives and they think it is worth a man's life.

Maybe there is someone, one single person who is doing things like i do, but on the other side of a mountain. Maybe we will meet one day, maybe our paths will cross. It's hard to say cause forest is bushy and snow can be deep.

[Paul C]

A trailblazer in the making, I have great respect for someone such as yourself.

In deciding to take on the challenge, your true path will present itself to you (at least, I like to believe so).

Happy climbing Placebo.

[Jm4362]

Originally Posted by placebo

I have to finish college in next two years and then whole world will be in front. Actually, i don't have to, i want to.

If you are willing to wait...

I've got college as well--3 and a half more years. But after that, definitely!

[Angela]

At age 45, I'm on the other side of that question. At 25, I sold everything I had and took off traveling. Several countries later, moved back to Southern California, which really is a great place to live. Met the most wonderful and incredible man (who had spent the last 25 years traveling around the world as a model) and have a relationship that would not have been possible if I'd married at 25. I regret not one minute or choice. Go for it!

[Erki]

This doesn't sound scary, more like fun to me.

I read on another thread that you had a chance to become a pro basketball player. How do you think that would have affected your globetrotting intention?

[placebo]

That was partially the reason i wanted to play that game. Basketball players travel a lot and change clubs. I loved that game. I'd be living and doing what i love. But you can play maybe till 35-36. And what then? I had to believe that i'm the chosen one to have that luck. And i didn't. These days i can look that from a distance but i will always have that feeling of a broken dream, so i'm trying to avoid that thought in my daily life. I mention it only if i think i can help someone with a real life situation. (on forums mostly)

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Angela

At age 45, I'm on the other side of that question. At 25, I sold everything I had and took off traveling. Several countries later, moved back to Southern California, which really is a great place to live. Met the most wonderful and incredible man (who had spent the last 25 years traveling around the world as a model) and have a relationship that would not have been possible if I'd married at 25. I regret not one minute or choice. Go for it!

Wow! That's an incredible life story Angela!