Do pretty people have better lives than ugly people?

[dice]

Beauty is common - > Self-respect is what makes you admirable. Self-respect is easier with good genes. It's stronger when you can find it unconditionally.

[dolphintantan]

who say so. chinese peom always say- most pretty girl suffer thier life

regard,
dolphin

[brendannz]

I think it's impossible to say whether anyone has a worse or better life than you do based on looks.

Really you have to have some way of measuring 'better' like, more money, or more sex, or whatever gives you a better life. If you measure 'better' by these things, then probably good looks will bring you a "better" life. But really there's downfalls to good looks.

Eg. like a really good looking person in a relationship doesn't really know if the person is attracted to them for their looks or for their personality, (the same could occur with money) and also beauty is something that gets worse with age. So you might find at 16 when people are more shallow, that beauty brings great popularity, and so you don't put the work into improving other aspects of life, and make it to adulthood having depended on your good looks which may mean you're underdeveloped in other areas. (Its possible)

Or a good looking person might find that all their relationships are with shallow people, and so don't really have 'meaningful' relationships. (another possibility)

Another thing, there are several, non-good looking lead singers who've done exceptionally well without good looks;

Joey Ramone, Freddy Mercury & Mick Jagger, Meatloaf... Probably lots more..

I think that if you're a male, your looks don't really determine that much about your attractiveness to the opposite sex, or your 'success' with money and such, but if you're a female then looks impact your 'success' in life much more, I think.

So, back to your question, "do pretty people have better lives than ugly people?"
well, 'ugly' and 'pretty' are subjective opinions,
and also 'better lives' is even more subjective.

But it sounds like success in life to you has to do with music, and unless you're planning on starting a boy band, your looks probably won't influence your success too much I don't think.

That which is within is greater than that which is without.. (or something)

[Eric Roosevelt]

I think pretty people have clear advantages, although the importance of it depends on a few things.

First of all if you're a boy or a girl, man or woman. When it comes to intimate relationships, for example, I think men place a slightly higher value on finding someone physically attractive, whereas women are more likely to use other measures of success. Physical attractiveness can be a powerful tool for anyone, but especially for the fairer sex. Whether this is in the process of changing now, is of course hard to say.

In any case, seeing physical attractiveness as a tool is probably the key to understanding it. Attractiveness in itself can't make you successful, just like a hammer can't make you successful. You actually have to pick it up and use it - and use it for a specific purpose - which, in turn, requires some underlying intelligence and motivation.

But keeping everything else equal (intelligence, environment etc.), yes, pretty people have "better" lives, in the sense that they have higher social status. This will be determined from an early age. How parents treat attractive children compared to unattractive children is one thing, but what may be more important is how children treat attractive children. I think it's fairly safe to say they treat them better, which leads to an upward spiral of social confidence. Not genuine confidence, perhaps, but an increased confidence in their ability to assert themselves socially.

And I agree with what the other people said about it depending on what you want to do. Just like a hammer isn't good for typing on a keyboard, good looks in itself isn't what you need to write a composition. But if you want to perform that composition on TV, then suddenly you'll find it useful to have a pretty face.

I also think the importance of attractiveness depends on who you're talking to. To a ten-year-old it could be extremely important. On the other hand, to a forty-year-old it may not be as important, simply because s/he's learned what other factors to look for.

[Some Random Loser]

"Beauty is common" ego is more common

[Corey]

Well......yeah, you'd think good looking people would be happier than (us) ugly people. I think the reasons are obvious.

[rawxstasy]

I agree alot with what Eric Roosevelt said. I have been on both sides of the fence, there's advantages and disadvantages to each one. I'd say the advantages of being good looking is you get more respect. People want to get to know you. People seem to treat you better - unfortunately. Sometimes I even get stuff in stores for free or at discount. I am 44 now and I feel the value we place on physical beauty has increased in the last 25 years. I get more attention now than when I was in high school! I really feel sorry for preteen girls growing up in this day and age. I see 11 and 12 year olds already wearing makeup. It's so sad! Being pretty isn't everything it's cracked up to be. Like Eric said, if you don't pick up the tool and use it, it's effectiveness only goes so far. Some disadvantages for me, is because I am a quiet and somewhat reclusive person, I get annoyed with people staring at me wherever I go. Or trying to come up and talk to me when I just want to be left alone. And people have been mean to me, or think I'm stupid and act totally shocked when they find out I"m in nursing school. I had a good friend who did not introduce me to her husband until I had known her for like two years and I know from random comments she made that she was afraid her husband would find me attractive. It's hard to make friends with women. They are suspicious of me - unless they already are secure in themselves. Trying to be friends with guys - forget it - they are always hoping for more. My daughter is even prettier than I am and she has the same problems.

[Some Random Loser]

LoL raw send me your pic. We'll see if I "hope for more" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

People are evil ^_^

[rawxstasy]

LOL.... maybe your 30 day experiment is getting to you?

[JackTP]

I think it is true that good looking people have it easier than others.

It is not what most people want to hear, but it is true.

Personality is what determines your succes in life in the long run though. That is also true.

[ohTen]

Are you kidding? I used to get picked on for being the prettiest girl in my class (to make matters worse, I was also the smartest). My classmates would bluntly insult my appearance on a daily basis. Had I not been a mild-mannered pacifist with no sense of what was actually going on, I would have put those people in their place. My self-confidence was horrible until I became an adult and realized how much power I had over the way I viewed the world.

Being attractive comes with its own set of problems not limited to the vitriolic jealousy of others. As I have gotten older, I've had to contend with lecherous old men harassing me, people who only want to know me to get in my pants, people thinking that they can make a spectacle out of me, people thinking that it's okay to treat me like a piece of meat because I'm beautiful and that must mean that I have a voracious sexual appetite and don't want to be treated like a human being, or that because I'm beautiful I must be a vapid airhead (in reality, I'm an Ivy-league student, extremely spiritual, vegan, and a die-hard feminist). Yet having to deal with all of these things has wisened me up, and after a few experiences I've developed a pretty keen sense of people's intentions. Did I mention how uncomfortable it is to have people constantly staring at you wherever you go?

Granted, in some ways I really do have the world at my fingertips. And, as I'm not one to leave my destiny up to chance, being beautiful has definitely helped in getting what I want out of life - but it only augments the primary factor, which is my own confidence and determination (both of which fluctuate on a daily basis). But I didn't ask to be born this way: being attractive has its own very large set of drawbacks. People act differently in front of attractive people much in the same way they do in front of disfigured people: after a while, it's easy to see through people's acts to who they truly are and their true intentions. The only way to survive in the world as an attractive woman is to have an extremely strong sense of who you are and huge confidence in yourself, but many never get there. I cannot tell you how many beautiful women (and men) I know who take abuse that nobody should have to encounter. That said, Attractive =/= confident. We are treated just as poorly as, if not worse, than any other human being. Honestly, my experience leads me to believe that average-looking people have a better go of it - like starting life with one less handicap.

Ultimately, being beautiful does not make me feel any better about myself than the average person. My old lack of self-confidence still haunts me. Your sense of self-worth can only come from within. If you search for validation outside of yourself, you will be searching forever, no matter how beautiful you are. I've been told that I'm beautiful more times than I can count, but it doesn't change the way I see myself in the mirror: pimples, thighs that are never small enough, paunch that will never go away. The acceptance can only come from me.

[Some Random Loser]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

LOL.... maybe your 30 day experiment is getting to you?

Typical woman, trying to change the subject

[ns123]

It seems that at lot of assumptions in this question are being made - assumptions that are based on a certain belief.

This question assumes that you have no control over your life, you either are good looking or not - and if you're not good looking, people will not respect/like/seek you.

Let's assume that you are ugly, and everyone in the world hates ugly people. Let's assume there is a measure of ugly. So... you are ugly, and everyone hates you because you are ugly. So... now what? Where does that leave you? What are you going to do about that?

The wonderful thing about beliefs is that each and every one of us has 100% power within ourselves to change them. Does this belief empower you and enable you to live the life you want? Or does it hold you back and limit your potential? What beliefs will you choose and how will you allow it to affect your life?

I personally believe that I'm beautiful and everyone loves me. It can't be proven - I'm sure all sorts of people would say, Um, ns, sorry to break it to you, but you're ugly and I don't like you!

I can choose to believe them and wallow, or believe me, laugh, and live the life I choose.

[Aleksander Krstic]

Originally Posted by PianoManGidley

I wonder this, because I've never had that much confidence in myself because I was always picked on growing up, and I feel that part of that was because I'm not very attractive physically.

I am very physically attractive, both considering body and handsomeness, and it has caused me more pain than fun since I'm afraid of girls, and they always make fun of me because I don't have the guts to talk to them. More females attracted=more annoying.

Also I haven't been in a superior position about anything in my life. Anything.

Hope this helps.

[Indiana]

I think being what is currently regarded as attractive does usually give people advantages in life. But I also don't think it's the be-all and end-all, and that genuine talent will shine through. In the same way, being physically attractive is not a panacea against pain or failure.

I used to work as a model agent, and my models had just the same kind of problems as anyone else - their partners cheated, they had bad hair or skin days (more of a crisis for them than most), they lost their jobs, people bitched about them... you deal with all the same kind of problems as everyone else, even if you are exceptionally pretty.

Research does show people are inclined to give pretty people initial opportunities faster than ugly people. However, it also suggests that if pretty people let someone down, they are judged particularly harshly. What this seems to suggest is that good looks get your foot in the door, but you have to work harder to keep your place.

This doesn't mean less attractive people never get opportunities. Sometimes being less conventionally attractive allows people to be particularly blown away by your talent because they had lower expectations in the first place.

See: Susan Boyle. A great singer, yes. Exceptional? Not really. But she blew everyone away because they wrote her off as a dowdy spinster, and as everyone knows, dowdy spinsters do not sing like angels.

I'm pretty smart and pretty attractive (but neither Einstein nor supermodel), and I think this balance has allowed me to get opportunities and hold onto them in a way that might not have happened if I lacked one or the other quality. However this doesn't mean I have had a trouble-free life. I do consider myself very blessed in many respects. Yet there are still things I wish I had, that others less smart or pretty than I do have.

To conclude. If music is your passion, follow it. Your looks will not make or break you. Your determination will.

[DoubleMe]

I don't look good and i am having massive problems with that.

[aggie]

i think to a certain extent it is true...

i know i always thought when some women complain about the problems they have being pretty or how insecure they are...i want to say, oh give me a break!...i want to know what it is like to have those problems just for a day!

but that is being unfair...because i am sure there are drawbacks that i cannot understand.

i am also sure there are pretty people who are getting by on their looks and are vapid as hell and perfectly happy doing so!

i do think that some people take whatever physical or appearance handicaps they feel they have and work really hard at honing their intellect, talent and skills and can have very successful, productive, happy lives.

it is really not fair to judge...i have known some women that are pretty and smart and i have wanted to hate them...but ya know what...some of them are the sweetest most unassuming people who you cannot help but like and see beyond the external trappings...one of the nice surprises in life

[Annemarie]

Originally Posted by ohTen

Being attractive comes with its own set of problems not limited to the vitriolic jealousy of others. As I have gotten older, I've had to contend with lecherous old men harassing me, people who only want to know me to get in my pants, people thinking that they can make a spectacle out of me, people thinking that it's okay to treat me like a piece of meat because I'm beautiful and that must mean that I have a voracious sexual appetite and don't want to be treated like a human being, or that because I'm beautiful I must be a vapid airhead (in reality, I'm an Ivy-league student, extremely spiritual, vegan, and a die-hard feminist). Yet having to deal with all of these things has wisened me up, and after a few experiences I've developed a pretty keen sense of people's intentions. Did I mention how uncomfortable it is to have people constantly staring at you wherever you go?

But I didn't ask to be born this way: being attractive has its own very large set of drawbacks. People act differently in front of attractive people much in the same way they do in front of disfigured people: after a while, it's easy to see through people's acts to who they truly are and their true intentions. The only way to survive in the world as an attractive woman is to have an extremely strong sense of who you are and huge confidence in yourself, but many never get there. I cannot tell you how many beautiful women (and men) I know who take abuse that nobody should have to encounter. That said, Attractive =/= confident. We are treated just as poorly as, if not worse, than any other human being. Honestly, my experience leads me to believe that average-looking people have a better go of it - like starting life with one less handicap.

Just wanted to say that I share ohTen's opinion 100%.

At which I would like to add, in regards to what another poster had said on the previous page - I would quote him if I weren't too lazy - that gaining self-awarness from being attractive can sometimes do more damage than good. In the sense that if, based on the fact that you know that you are beautiful, you start having certain expectations, which only serve to diminish the level of effort put into a goal. Sometimes it works, but it's a very short rope.

[jendoe]

Hiya!

I think, honestly, there's alot of confounding variables...

I've heard of the research that attractive people do better, make more money, etc. But, is that just based on them being attractive? Is it based on them having more confidence because they're attractive? Are they more attractive because they had confidence first? Or - does their attractiveness lead to more socializing (thus more practice at dealing with people) early in life - giving them better social skills and bigger networks when they get into the workplace.

See, it's a muddle.

I struggle with similar issues though, and am still working through them.

Here's what I'm learning:

- yes, attractiveness really can be relative. And there are things you can do that help (I've been watching "what not to wear" lately - I hate that this stuff matters, but it does.)

- I also think for overall happiness and success, confidence is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than looks... Lack of confidence can stop you in your tracks before you even try (for me, anyway!) and pretty much doom you!

I don't believe you can just wave a magic wand, or chant a mantra, to gain confidence (I wish!) - but I'm working to find things that I CAN do, and to give myself credit for them... ie I think you build confidence by successfully doing things in the real world (rather than by thinking about it) - start with easier things that you feel certain of, then add in some challenges.

One other thought - you write music? That's AWESOME (I've tried a little, I'm in piano lessons now.) This seems like something where, truly, looks don't matter - just skill. So keep working on it, and maybe get some of your songs out there in the world so you can start getting feedback. If you set up a website - you're not "imposing" on anyone - people can come to you if they're interested...

Good luck and don't give up!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by jendoe

I don't believe you can just wave a magic wand, or chant a mantra, to gain confidence (I wish!!

Your wish is granted. Confidence is a state, and you can be in any state you want to be, any time you want to be in it, and it takes no longer than a minute or two to get there. You don't even have to wave a wand or chant a mantra!

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Angela

Your wish is granted. Confidence is a state, and you can be in any state you want to be, any time you want to be in it, and it takes no longer than a minute or two to get there. You don't even have to wave a wand or chant a mantra!

What's your favorite way to get back to confidence when it runs away, Angela?

Do you have personal rituals, thoughts, or anchors you use?

I ask because you always project a very good energy. I want to model you.

[drakecatz]

Originally Posted by Plato

What's your favorite way to get back to confidence when it runs away, Angela?

Do you have personal rituals, thoughts, or anchors you use?

I ask because you always project a very good energy. I want to model you.

I agree Angela has a way of making me feel good! Hi Angela

[nocturne]

Originally Posted by PianoManGidley

I wonder this, because I've never had that much confidence in myself because I was always picked on growing up, and I feel that part of that was because I'm not very attractive physically. I can't help but feel that people who are more attractive physically end up getting more people supporting them, giving them confidence, which they end up harnessing themselves, which helps them get ahead in life. I can't seem to get much of anywhere because I don't have self-confidence because hardly anyone took the time to make me feel like I have any self-worth. So even though I write music, I'm afraid of putting it out there because I feel like I'd be inconveniencing people for them to listen to it and evaluate it, and that they're probably not going to like it anyway. This leads to me not even writing that much music in the first place, so I end up not being very prolific, and for that reason, I feel even WORSE about myself because all the successful composers are, like, constantly writing. So...what are your thoughts?

don't wory about it and find success for yourself.

bill gates is not great looking.
oh michael jackson always had self image issues. he's a genius.
john lennon had low self esteem - he's a genius too.

you need to build support for yourself if other people won't do it for you

[TanyaMelb]

I was picked on alot in school, but I think this had a lot to do with my low self esteem at the time it can make you a very easy target. Over the years as I learnt more and more about myself and alot of the time in highschool I was always trying to be someone I wasn't I eventually started to respect myself and love who I am with that came confindence and I wouldn't say I'm the most attractive person I have suffered with rosacea nearly my whole adult life but people say I can light up a room because of my confindence in myself. I've got a very successful career and a happy personal life and thats only because I have believed in myself and my abilities you really can achieve anything if you put your mind to. One of the other key things I have learnt is to not worry about what others think of you human beings are going to judge you no matter what. If you believe in your song writing others will like it and so what if they don't your never going to please everyone.Do you like the songs you write? Then other people will too. And another point about self worth is that you can't expect people to like or love you if you dont love yourself.
Anyhow just my thoughts I think it comes down to the person I know people that are considered very socially attractive and have the exact same problems you have with low self esteem etc.

[Kaybee]

Unfortunately, looks do play a factor in life. It's the first thing people notice. However, I believe there are many other traits and ways to shine. I'm sure you've heard them before......dressing neat and clean. Smiling. Demonstrating a caring, positive attitude.

Beauty shows two ways.......the outward superficial appearance....and the inner beauty. Fortunately, the inner beauty has the enduring brightness.
Just remember, there are many 'beautiful' people who are downright ugly.

Kim
Self Improvement and Motivation
Kim (fuelmotivation) on Twitter

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Plato

What's your favorite way to get back to confidence when it runs away, Angela?

Periodically I close my eyes and go back to a specific time when I was feeling very, very confident -- I have a few great ones -- and really feel it, vividly, powerfully, so that I can totally feel confidence in every part of my body. I've got an anchor that I add to (pinching my right ear lobe; don't tell anyone! ) so just firing off the anchor works. But I still love to go to my "special" moments and re-experience them, just because it's fun.

I also sometimes use the "ring of fire" anchor -- a ring that lives (invisibly) on my finger, and can be snapped down onto the floor. Just stepping into the ring of fire blasts confidence, among other enjoyable presentation states, right up through me.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by drakecatz

Hi Angela

Hello there, sweet potato!

[drakecatz]

Originally Posted by dolphintantan

who say so. chinese peom always say- most pretty girl suffer thier life

regard,
dolphin

That's because they have their friggin feet bound!

[KtotheB]

No, pretty people do not have better lives, unless they are "pretty" from the inside out.

External attractiveness is subjective, temporary, and transient when it is solely based on external comparisons to what the collective thinks is beautiful.

"Pretty people" whose lives are superficially "better" than others will suffer if they put all their self-worth in their appearance, because their beautiful appearance will eventually fade in time.

That's my two cents!

[drakecatz]

Ah...The problems of being beautiful. They just never end. It is hopeless.

Serious posts happening here. Bottom line: If a beautiful person woke up one morning and was, say just average, When they looked in the mirror they would probably have a heart attack.

Severe depression. Where's the valium?

All I know about this is that when I've seen beautiful movie stars being interviewed they all say the same thing. "My life is so blessed." They're talking about money, fame, and looks.

So....I think they kinda like it. And the beautiful people who aren't famous or rich? I think they kinda like it too....