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Enrim · 04-24-2008, 11:12 PM

I have/had a very close friend. Pretty much the only real friend. We lived together for a year and a half until he met a woman and I realized that the entire time I was lying to myself that we could just be friends. I wanted so much more from him, and he could never give it to me.

I moved out a month ago, and I find myself a much happier person now, but there are also those days (like today) when I just can't get away from the fact that I lost someone very important. We barely talk to each other now, but I think about him every day. Usually I don't let myself be down about it too much, but sometimes, like today, it just gets too overwhelming and painful to handle. So I started thinking that maybe I should stop talking to him altogether to allow myself to break free, heal and move on. On the other hand he was the only person who ever really cared about me and I am afraid it would destroy whatever is left of this friendship, and also, I don't really know if not talking to him is going to make any difference at all. Do space and time make a difference? Would we be able to be friends after that?

Did anybody have a similar experience? Can men and women be just friends if they were intimate at one point but then decided to end it and/or met somebody else?

Jennihul · 04-24-2008, 11:55 PM

It happens all the time. But not every time.

Jennifer

Angela · 04-25-2008, 02:24 AM

Enrim, I'm sorry that you're hurting.

Of course men and women can be friends after a situation like yours. But for everyone's happiness and comfort, it would be a good idea for you to go out and make some new friends, and let some time pass so that you can heal and are not "needing" something or yearning for something from him that he is not going to provide for you. That would just make everyone uncomfortable and put more space between you.

As my Grandpa George used to say, it'll feel better when it quits hurtin'. Meanwhile, you know you can love someone and be a good friend, so go out and be that.

Best wishes,
Angela

Rockchick26 · 04-25-2008, 02:34 AM

I had a male friend who was my best friend for probably 13 years. Then we bought a house together. It completely changed our friendship,we quit hanging out,and we only talked about house related stuff and argued most of the time. But we moved apart and now we get along better but we still dont hang out like before. And like your situation,he was my best friend for all those years so i felt like i was losing something huge,cuz i didnt know if i'd ever find another best friend. Which i haven't really,not that were as close as he was.

To answer your general question,men and women being friends only works when they have the same level of feelings for each other. Which can happen. Although,i had feelings for my friend and he didnt for me,but i got through it somehow LOL Wasted all those years of my life waiting for him though,but,thats another story.

AttractIt · 04-25-2008, 03:27 PM

I think it can happen when both the men and the women are seeking to know their lessons in this relationship, and not taking it as obvious.

Enrim · 04-25-2008, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angela

Enrim, I'm sorry that you're hurting.

Of course men and women can be friends after a situation like yours. But for everyone's happiness and comfort, it would be a good idea for you to go out and make some new friends, and let some time pass so that you can heal and are not "needing" something or yearning for something from him that he is not going to provide for you. That would just make everyone uncomfortable and put more space between you.

As my Grandpa George used to say, it'll feel better when it quits hurtin'. Meanwhile, you know you can love someone and be a good friend, so go out and be that.

Best wishes,
Angela

Makes so much sense. Thank you for the response. I know there is so much more for me in life, I know I will meet new people, will find love and friendship. But it is also very scary to be on my own, knowing that there is nobody to back me up... But I take it as it is, and go on. I know everything will change. Thankfully, I haven't lost myself in this whole mess, I actually feel like I found myself.

Enrim · 04-25-2008, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

To answer your general question,men and women being friends only works when they have the same level of feelings for each other. Which can happen. Although,i had feelings for my friend and he didnt for me,but i got through it somehow LOL Wasted all those years of my life waiting for him though,but,thats another story.

That's what I feel like, if you have the same kind of feeling for each other, then it could work. But I also feel like you just never really know what the other person feels like.

Enrim · 04-25-2008, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AttractIt

...and not taking it as obvious.

What do you mean? Taking what as obvious?

04-24-2008, 11:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
Enrim Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: New York Posts: 85	can men and women be friends? I have/had a very close friend. Pretty much the only real friend. We lived together for a year and a half until he met a woman and I realized that the entire time I was lying to myself that we could just be friends. I wanted so much more from him, and he could never give it to me. I moved out a month ago, and I find myself a much happier person now, but there are also those days (like today) when I just can't get away from the fact that I lost someone very important. We barely talk to each other now, but I think about him every day. Usually I don't let myself be down about it too much, but sometimes, like today, it just gets too overwhelming and painful to handle. So I started thinking that maybe I should stop talking to him altogether to allow myself to break free, heal and move on. On the other hand he was the only person who ever really cared about me and I am afraid it would destroy whatever is left of this friendship, and also, I don't really know if not talking to him is going to make any difference at all. Do space and time make a difference? Would we be able to be friends after that? Did anybody have a similar experience? Can men and women be just friends if they were intimate at one point but then decided to end it and/or met somebody else?

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04-24-2008, 11:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
Jennihul Family Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 1,031	It happens all the time. But not every time. Jennifer

04-25-2008, 02:24 AM	#3 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	Enrim, I'm sorry that you're hurting. Of course men and women can be friends after a situation like yours. But for everyone's happiness and comfort, it would be a good idea for you to go out and make some new friends, and let some time pass so that you can heal and are not "needing" something or yearning for something from him that he is not going to provide for you. That would just make everyone uncomfortable and put more space between you. As my Grandpa George used to say, it'll feel better when it quits hurtin'. Meanwhile, you know you can love someone and be a good friend, so go out and be that. Best wishes, Angela

04-25-2008, 02:34 AM	#4 (permalink)
Rockchick26 Banned Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,037	I had a male friend who was my best friend for probably 13 years. Then we bought a house together. It completely changed our friendship,we quit hanging out,and we only talked about house related stuff and argued most of the time. But we moved apart and now we get along better but we still dont hang out like before. And like your situation,he was my best friend for all those years so i felt like i was losing something huge,cuz i didnt know if i'd ever find another best friend. Which i haven't really,not that were as close as he was. To answer your general question,men and women being friends only works when they have the same level of feelings for each other. Which can happen. Although,i had feelings for my friend and he didnt for me,but i got through it somehow LOL Wasted all those years of my life waiting for him though,but,thats another story.

04-25-2008, 03:27 PM	#5 (permalink)
AttractIt Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 105	I think it can happen when both the men and the women are seeking to know their lessons in this relationship, and not taking it as obvious.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums