How to lose the emotions that come with girls/people you are nervous around?

[leetx]

You know what I mean. The heart pumping feeling you get when u have to go up for a speech. The feeling you get when you look at a beautiful girl, you become self conscious, start blinking a lot, and hope people dont see your weakness.

I'm just wondering. Or is this all in my mind?

[JimOfferman]

What is in your mind is the idea that these emotions you describe are some how a bad thing - they are not.

Realize that the people you are nervous about are often also nervous about you too. Again, that is not a bad thing.

Try to reframe that last bit in your mind as 'I hope people see my strengths', because it is much more empowering to you.

(for advanced users only: reframe it as 'I hope people see my strengths and my weaknesses - I hope they see me exactly as I am')

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by leetx

You know what I mean. The heart pumping feeling you get when u have to go up for a speech. The feeling you get when you look at a beautiful girl, you become self conscious, start blinking a lot, and hope people dont see your weakness.

I'm just wondering. Or is this all in my mind?

I know just what you mean.

How do we get past this? How best to deal with this?

I think a degree of 'standing back' and just non-judgemental self observation can be very helpful. The more we put ourself in the kinds of situation that trigger these feelings, and can observe ourselves (thoughts, feelings, moods, what we say, everything about us), the better. The more experience we have, of being in uncomfortable situations, the better able we are to just be natural in such situations, in the future. So it's a learning process.

That's my take on it. Great thread idea though, and it's a real issue that affects most men (I think).

[garentee]

It is instructive to put things into perspective... We think very little of getting into a car and driving 65 mph whizzing past cars, but we have a lot of trouble communicating with our fellow humans. What hurts more? a car smashing into you with that speed, or having communication with another human?

[Jennihul]

I don't think humanity has ever benefitted from humans trying to "feel" less.

I understand you just wish to control your anxiety but that doesn't require shutting down feelings.

You are describing courage. Courage is not the absense of fear. Courage is feeling fearful and doing it anyway.

Lots of people feel that way. They just recognize it for what it is and don't let it run their lives. Just like I could have a headache and still go to work, function and be polite to my clients even though there is this painful feeling people can certainly function confidently even though their physiology is trying to work against them.

Jennifer

[Angela]

The most attractive and interesting people are the ones who are being so present to others that they don't have time or inclination to be self-absorbed.

When you are focused on really being present, nervousness and self-consciousness just *poof* disappear.