I'm ready for the love of my life

[seeker5]

For the first time in my life, I'm finally ready to find the love of my life, my soulmate, my lifepartner, or as Angela says, create my LTMBR.

I'm 31 years old, and I had never been ready but now I'm ready. I've dated & had girlfriends for the past 11 years and I had never felt ready. I knew I wanted such a relationship at some point in the future, but it was always the future as I didn't feel ready for it. Now I feel that I want one now in the present and I'm finally ready for it.

I've just had a relationship that ended yesterday that was truly amazing, truly beautiful that allowed me to experience everything I wanted in a life time relationship. It was so beautiful and I can no longer go back to accepting less then what I had experienced, I can no longer go back to the way I used to be.

In that relationship that just ended, I experienced things for the very first time – things I had theoretically known were possible, but hadn't experienced yet. I want to go over some of them because those are things I want to incorporate into my future relationship with my soulmate/lifepartner, love of my life, and LTMBR (maybe I should use the acronym SLLL to refer to those four words together ).

1. I truly loved her in a way that I've never loved a woman before. It was almost like pure love, love without strings, without demand, without fear. I spent everyday loving her and I just felt this love coming out of me and toward her, it was so amazing. I went from living a life filled with little to no love to one where I was constantly loving her.
2. I felt so utterly accepted by her in all ways a human being can accept another human being, for the first time in my life. I could talk to her about things that I've never told anyone, and I could feel that she just accepted me for who I am with no judgment. Because of that I was able to open up to her so incredible much in a way I've never opened up to a woman. Nothing I could say would be judged.
3. I felt she was my equal, that she was on the same wavelengths as me. Something that was a first – she just was my equal, not someone I'd have to lead, and not someone who would want to do the leading, but just my equal if that make sense. I felt she was on my intellectual level, on my personal growth level, on attraction level, just so many levels.
4. I felt she completely understood me. She shared many of the same values as I did, and she shared the personality trait of introvertedness so we loved to spend hours talking about deep subject, about our personalities, about stuff that truly interested both of us. I felt for the first time with a woman (or human being for that matter) that she truly understood just about everything about me, as I felt I truly understood her as well. Anything she didn't understand about me, or I about her, we would spend hours talking or writing about it until we truly understood each other.
5. I felt like she was my best friend during all this time, a first for me with a lover/girlfriend. With all other women who were my lovers and girlfriends in my life up to this one, not one was an intimate best friend whom I could share my deepest secret or even talk every single day about. I used to prefer having a girlfriend I wouldn't talk or see during the week, and only see her during the weekend. But not this time, we communicated every single days, and on most days, we'd spend several hours just talking to each other, or writing letters and our conversations were stimulating, fascinating, interesting, and exciting. She was a lover and a best friend combined in one.
6. She was my partner in personal growth – she helped me grow as a person, as I helped her. We both transformed and grew through our time together. While I've grown as a man before with previous relationship, it was a one-sided thing. Here we talked about personal growth constantly, helped each other examine issues, and experienced things for our first time together.
7. I felt ready to spend a long time with her - I could see spending a life with her, living with her, etc. When I'd examine it, everything looked perfect, it looked like it'd be a perfect match. It felt that way too.

However, when I'd ask my gut feeling about #7 – my gut feeling would tell me no – she's not the one to marry. Oh, how I fought my gut feeling, I didn't want to hear that answer, as I felt I wanted to spend my life with her. However, I knew what my gut feeling was saying, so I knew I couldn't move to that level until my gut and intuition was satisfied. However I still wanted to spend a long time with her.

Apparently when she'd ask her gut feeling, her gut feeling told her the same. So when a man from her past came back - the only man that she ever felt “yes” for in her gut feeling about him being her man of her life, she had to go for him. I totally accept and understand that even though I would naturally have preferred to have kept my relationship with her much longer.

As I write this post I have tears flowing down my cheek. All those things I experienced with her, I want to have with my "love of my life" relationship. I'm not willing to accept anything less then what I had these past months.

So, I just know that I'm now ready, even as I go through a brief grief stage and I cry at times, and have tears flow down my cheek at other times, I just know I'm now, for the first time in my entire life, finally ready for my soulmate, my lifepartner, my LTTBR, and the love of my life. I wanted to share that. I'm also curious on how to get this love of my life.

[Honeywith4bees]

Wow Seeker, that was one hell of a post! You had me hanging on your every word, seduced by your very story.

I don't have any words of wisdom (as usual), but it seems to me that now that you are ready, the partner will find you. Just keep yourself open to the possibility of love.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[jaamkie]

that is quite beautiful... reminds me of a recent relationship of my own, where I finally felt both confident and relaxed about everything and really trusted whatever happened had to be right; I agree once you've had that it's hard to think you'll find it again so easily but you know you can't just settle for less... (my own case it is sort of on hold while physically separated; haven't felt intuition that it's over, so I'm not really trying too hard to find it elsewhere for now) I think it comes when you're loving yourself and your life and being open/receptive to everyone you meet, of course it can be frustrating that there's no formula to make the right person appear but I think the more you trust that you'll meet the person when it is the right time, the more you are able to learn what you are meant to learn while single and the sooner you'll be ready for the relationship to come.

[seeker5]

Honneywith4bees and jaamkie,

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions, I appreciate it.

I want to add too for those that know both of us, it is indeed Rose of Cairo I was referring to above. She's naturally given me permission to talk about what we had and what we went through.

[JimOfferman]

Wow! You (and Rose too) are so lucky to have this happen to you. And to think that this was only the starter...

I hope to read about your 'main course' soon!

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by seeker5

... I wanted to share that. I'm also curious on how to get this love of my life.

Wow seeker5, this post has been so moving!

It brings to mind Alfred Lord Tennyson's words:

'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.


Of course, you will find another, even more fulfilling relationship and it will only be so, because you're now ready for it.

I think this relationship has set the standard for you so you know what to look for and what is possible. It was beautiful and it served a great purpose.

Be patient and open and it will come!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

Wow! You (and Rose too) are so lucky to have this happen to you.

Yes indeed I'm sooo very very lucky This has been the most successful, powerful, harmonious and loving relationship I ever had. It was just ideal, perfect, amazing, wonderful. I've never experienced such a level of acceptance, freedom, communication and growth in a relationship before.

I felt entirely accepted just like I was and that's something I wasn't used to. Seeker never nagged at me or tried to change anything about me, unlike my past boyfriends. What a delight! I could also feel that he really wanted the best for me, he truly wanted me to be happy and to do whatever it was that I love doing. Till now in my family and relationships, others wanted me to do what they think is good (for me or for them?).

I was also free to do whatever I wanted, including dating other guys and leave at any moment. Same for him. That was so great. There was no possession, no jealousy, no fear, no obligation to write or call, nothing. Since we're both introverts, when one of us needed time alone for a while, he just said "we need a break" and the other one would answer "ok " and we'd stop communicating with no clue about how long. As a result, we had a very unconstrained and romantic way to court each other relentlessly

What truly amazed me was how harmoniously we were able to communicate. There was just nothing we couldn't talk about. We had terrific conversations, and if one of us had a problem with our relationship, we'd just talk about it in a very respectful and loving manner. I knew he loved me and wanted the best for me even when we didn't agree, and after each solved conflict or deeper insight in the other one's personality, the bound grew even stronger. We had a big fight and managed to master even this like champions. There was just no problem we could not solve.

I loved that we were PD partners too. Alone in order to be with him, I had to address several of my issues about relationships or my body. Then every time something came up, we'd work that out together. We also shared our knowledge in PD matters, teaching each other useful stuff, since we had very different approaches on that. The whole relationship was a tremendous growth experience.

Even now we're going through the breakup process together, talking a lot about it, sharing our feelings, insights and tears, supporting each other and growing.

Seeker, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful experience and for everything you taught me.

I love you boy

[Rose of Cairo]

Ah, and about the love of your life: you won't get it.

cuz it's not about "getting" something

You don't need to do anything either. Just keep on being the wonderful person you are and going the path you are on now - and she will show up when she's ready too.

[Steve Pavlina]

That's awesome! So glad you two were able to connect in person.

As you might know, Erin and I met on a computer BBS in 1994. We chatted online for a few weeks before finally meeting in person. I was actually dating someone else at the time Erin and I met, so we started out as friends, and the relationship grew from there.

What you described sounds similar to how our relationship grew... very consciously, able to talk about anything, connecting as best friends, etc.

It sounds like you both had a consciousness-raising experience together. I'm very happy for you.

Even though you've decided not to get married, that isn't necessary anyway. Marriage is a human institution. Conscious relationships have a lot more spiritual flexibility, so they needn't result in marriage every time. You don't have to get married to continue to be in love.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

It sounds magical.

And just to limit how sappy I want to get, here's a little funny:

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I hope to read about your 'main course' soon!

Hehe, funny to think of this as a meal

Originally Posted by ZHereford

I think this relationship has set the standard for you so you know what to look for and what is possible. It was beautiful and it served a great purpose.

That's so true.

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I love you boy

I love you too girl

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

As you might know, Erin and I

It's funny you mention Erin. I remember a year or more ago reading a post by either you or Erin about how you two would spend hours in bed in the morning after waking up just talking about deep philosophical subjects. At the time I read it, I was like "wow, that is so awesome how you can do that, I wish I had someone I could do that with!". I think at the time I had a girlfriend whom I didn't talk about deep stuff at all. Then when Rose and I started talking about deep stuff for hours on end, I was like "wow she's my Erin! she's my Erin!". There were some other stuff recently I read that you wrote about Erin and it reminded me so much of Rose as well.

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

It sounds magical.

It was

That cartoon in your post had me laughing!