How do you explain the fact some poeople instantly connect and some don't?

[vapourmile]

I don't know if I am the only person who experiences the feelings of instant connection or repulsion but I haven't really understood what explains it.

I have just come home after a walk in the park to cool down. At one point in my journey I stopped in a park and people walked past. Every time somebody walks by I can feel their reaction to me, the man sat in the park alone. Obviously I know some of them are going to think it a bit strange and what I'm doing there, but whatever the reason, sometimes I feel people are drawn to me sometimes repelled. I can't really 'see' what causes it though. I wondered if anybody had some insight into those immediate feelings you have about people you don't know, and sometimes can't even see?

[Joukai]

My bet is sub-communication.

Overall posture, facial expression, way of dressing... Body language as a whole. Of course, natural body language stems from mindset, so people react, in fact, to your mindset and outlook on life and relationships.

That said, not everyone is going to like you, no matter what and how you do it.

[JimOfferman]

It is in our nature to rapidly distinguish friend from foe - what once served our as a tool for survival, now it helps in social interactions.

I find I usually have two first impressions on people - one is what I think on first contact, the other is what I feel. What I think of someone at first glance often turns out to be a wrong impression later on, but the first thing I feel almost never is.

[DayInTheLife]

Originally Posted by JimOfferman

I find I usually have two first impressions on people - one is what I think on first contact, the other is what I feel. What I think of someone at first glance often turns out to be a wrong impression later on, but the first thing I feel almost never is.

Yes, this is an important distinction. Often when we see people we are primarily seeing our thoughts about them. But intuitive feelings are more reliable. Still, there is no need to assume anything about them, unless you are in physical danger.

Here's an interesting exercise: Think of someone important in your life (a friend, lover, etc.) Try to remember the first instance you met. Picture as much as you can about the moment (the circumstances, your mood, what they were wearing, the first things you said to each other), and try to remember what thoughts you had about them at the time. Try to remember who you thought they were at the time. Almost always, the impression you had does not fit what you know about who they are now.

It is always worth giving people the benefit of the doubt.

If someone initially met me when I happened to be in a terrible mood, they might convince themselves that that is my normal disposition. How unfortunate for both of us.

[AttractIt]

Very good exercise DayInTheLife,

I know that when I am on the right course,
I meet the poeple I feel connected to instantly,

Can't explain that.