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Welcome to the Personal Development for Smart People Forums, the place for lively, intelligent discussion of all personal growth issues -- physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, and more. You're currently viewing as a guest, which gives you limited read-only access. By joining our free community, you'll be able to post your own messages, access many members-only features, see the new messages posted since your last visit, and of course remove this header message. Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please join today. If you arrived here from a search engine, you may want to explore the main site first, which includes hundreds of deep and insightful articles on a variety of personal development topics. |
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| I have never had a girlfriend so I don't know what it's like; but do you think it is necessary to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, in order to live a happy and fulfilled life? |
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| Absolutely not. It's much more important to love yourself than it is for someone else to love you. I was just as happy in the time I was single as I am now that I'm married. |
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| I really hope you will get a girlfriend soon. Even if the relationship doesn't last forever you will be able to share something that's impossible to experience alone. And although you can be more or less happy as a single (and unhappy as a couple), I do not think that humans are made to be alone.
__________________ -------------------- > Boost your body & brain. > Erkenntnisse über das Leben (in german). |
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| "Necessary" is the old fashioned view of two halves coming together to make a whole. Thank goodness we have progressed far enough to realize it is about two whole people who make a choice to come together in love. The absence of one person still leaves one whole person remaining. Thank goodness.
__________________ I love to grow. |
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| I think it's wrong to assume that you can either have a partner or be alone. There are so many other forms of relationship that can add value to your life. If you were completely isolated then yeah your life might be a bit crap. As long as there are people you care about, there is no reason why you can't be perfectly happy without a romantic partner. |
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| I ask this question, because my brother (who is younger than me) has a girlfriend, and I just can't help but feel like I have missed out on something, because I'm 19 now. Anyway, I have fancied girls, (I am not gay) I just never asked them out. The reason for this I think is because I thought I wasn't good enough for them or something, which I realise is a limiting belief, but it has stopped me from ever having a girlfriend. |
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| Don't get freaked out. 19 is still fairly young. And yes, you need to have a better opinion of yourself. You don't like people who don't like themselves neither, do you?
__________________ -------------------- > Boost your body & brain. > Erkenntnisse über das Leben (in german). |
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| I think if you doubt yourself, then a relationship won't make you happy. Deal with your self doubt first. Focus on your good points. Chat to some girls, build your confidence. I know it's not as easy at it sounds, I felt how you described too. Instead of trying to repair my confidence, I got with a guy who made my life hell, just for those few moments when he made me feel like someone cared about me. It wasn't worth it at all. Find your confidence, then you will be in a position to find a relationship. |
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| Actually, I don't judge people by their level of self-esteem or confidence. I try and treat all people equally, regardless of their mental state. |
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I imagine you don't treat every one in that perspective, do you?
__________________ -------------------- > Boost your body & brain. > Erkenntnisse über das Leben (in german). |
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| Radical, if you think you're not good enough, you're sure to find a woman who agrees with you and treats you accordingly! When you hear that limiting little voice speak, acknowledge it, let it go, and ask out the hot babe! |
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Anyway, a girl having low self-esteem or confidence wouldn't really bother me. In fact, I don't like the brash kind. |
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Anyway, I realise now that I had many opportunities to have a girlfriend, and I even think some girls may have liked me, however I was too insecure to ask them out. I think part of the problem may be that I've been mollycoddled by my parents for most of my life. Last edited by Radical : 12-01-2006 at 09:48 PM. |
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| Don't worry, at 19 you've still got plenty of youth left to waste. You realize that little voice is not telling you The Truth, right? It will never stop manipulating you as long as you keep believing it. Try kicking it to the curb. Really, take away its power. Invent your own little voice, one that says empowering things, like: you have all kinds of love to give. Women LOVE that! |
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| I dated a few times, but never had a 'real' girlfriend until my early twenties. You've got lots of time. It's one of those things were it doesn't matter when you start, once you've done it you've done it. And yeah I'd say it was necessary. To say it isn't (especially from an inexperienced person) is just overthinking things on an abstract level. |
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| Ok, I have some questions: Would girls rather you tell them that you like them even though you have hardly ever spoken to them, or would they prefer you to make friends first? Can girls usually tell if someone likes them? And will they usually wait for the guy to approach first? Even if the girl doesn't like the guy, would she prefer to know how he feels? Also, I think I know a way to erase the fear of rejection. Just think that you are making that person feel better about themselves, so even if they turn you down, at least you brightened up their day a bit, maybe? |
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| See a relationship with a girl as a chance to share a part of yourself and learn about another person at the same time. See it as an opportunity to have fun and enjoy life from a different perspective (as one member of a couple). My recommendation is to find a girl that shares some of your interests and have fun exploring those interests together. There can be a lot of joy in even watching movies together, or playing video games, or taking walks together and discussing life.
__________________ Erin Pavlina, Intuitive Counselor Spiritual Wisdom for Conscious People Blog (Twitter page) Get a reading | Read Testimonials | About Erin "Erin's reading was unbelievably insightful. In just 20 minutes she helped me sort through 4 major areas of my life that I've been struggling with in therapy for more than 8 years! I was stunned. I'm truly amazed at her abilities, and I am so thankful I found her when I did." - Jeanette in Tulsa, OK |
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Nope. |
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| Remember that the best first dates are ones that get your adrenaline pumping in some way. Your date will associate you with the excitement she's experiencing. And make sure you plan it! As opposed to asking, "what would you like to do?", say, "I'd like to take you indoor rock climbing". (then have a nice place in mind for a snack after.) |
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| I mean you know them because you're in the same class or something. The connection is established because you make eye contact etc, but you havn't actually spoken to them outside of class. |
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| I see. You might walk resolutely up to her, put your hand out to shake hers, and say "I'm {Radical Guy}. You seem like an interesting person and I'd like to get you know. Would you have a coffee at Snooky's with me today at 4pm?" Establishing a certain time and place is important -- never say "sometime". Coffee's good; you can both escape easily if it doesn't go too well. It's also good if you can tell her why she's interesting; perhaps she said something that struck you or something you'd like to hear more about. |
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