Becoming Interesting: Meet Lots Of People

[Henry]

Meet lots of people if you want to be on the path to becoming more interesting.

People find people interesting. When we get interesting advice, we LOVE to hear what happened to someone who followed it. The way you develop interesting stories is to meet lots of people and hear what they have to say.

The more people you meet, the better the stories are when someone asks, "What did you do today/last week/last month?" So go out and meet people.

Hello, my name is Henry. Pleased to meet you.

[Daniel Terhorst]

I'll be the first to admit: I have a lot of trouble with this.

But I want to improve.



I've been thinking of a 30-day trial to talk (or at least introduce myself) to anyone I sit by on the bus.

I wonder how such a frightening thought got in my head?

(I've started with the less intimidating approach of looking people in the eye. That's difficult enough!)



My name is Daniel, pleased to meet you, too, Henry ^_^

-- Daniel Terhorst

[kthdsn]

That's a very interesting idea daniel, I find it ridiculous that people are afraid to talk to other people, although I suffer from shyness myself. I may join you your trial and introduce myself to a new person every day. Thanks for the inspiration

[Daniel Terhorst]

Originally Posted by kthdsn

I find it ridiculous that people are afraid to talk to other people,

In my mind, I agree 100%. It's silly, isn't it? What's there to be afraid of? I don't know why it's so hard to just do it...

Well, step by step, I guess. I'll get there when I'm ready.

Originally Posted by kthdsn

Thanks for the inspiration

No problem.

-- Daniel Terhorst

[Sterling]

That's very interesting, Daniel (and terrifying!)

I meant to do this for a while, but I'm having enough trouble with my 30 day trials as it is! Maybe later...

[Maciek]

The thing in myself that I hate(and I want to work on it) is that I'm not talkative and whenever I meet new people after a while I don't know what to talk about, in a group of people/friends I am always silent, just listening to what othes are talking, it is so annoying! even with my friends I have this problem. As a result people think I am boring so it is hard to make real friends... I don't think that introducing myself to people I don't know will help

Actually I always had problem with talking and words, maybe my verbal intelligence is very low...the thing is that when I want to solve maths problem or I want to understand sth I always try to imagine it. No words, just pictures in my mind

hmm, any ideas how to be more talkative??

[Michael Chui]

Fear should be vanquished, and one of the ways to dispel phobias has been intentional over-exposure. One of my friends tells me about a "newbie exercise" where you say "Hi" to 50 random people in one week. It sounds like a good idea, to force oneself into being open to sociability.

I discovered, also, that it makes no difference whether you meet people offline or online; interesting is interesting. I broadened my horizons a lot in high school using ICQ, and met so many people, from Australia to New York. It's a lot easier to overcome your shyness online.

Hello, everyone.

[Henry]

The hard part to me isn't saying "Hello." The hardest part is sustaining conversation without dead silences or talking about the weather.

[nikewong]

Originally Posted by Henry

The hard part to me isn't saying "Hello." The hardest part is sustaining conversation without dead silences or talking about the weather.

hehe.. start with a big smile (but not a perverted one)..

[MarkusL]

In the beggining I was a quiet guy. Whenever me and my friends go out, I always had nothing to say. So I wanted to change myself. I started reading articles and books on how to improve my social skills and applied them and they worked. You have to admit to yourself that you want to change and just get rid of your fears. And always start with a smile. it works!

[Love]

Originally Posted by Maciek

The thing in myself that I hate(and I want to work on it) is that I'm not talkative and whenever I meet new people after a while I don't know what to talk about, in a group of people/friends I am always silent, just listening to what othes are talking, it is so annoying! even with my friends I have this problem. As a result people think I am boring so it is hard to make real friends...

Hi Maciek.

I'm working on this too! When you're in a group, it sure can feel awkward, because everyone else is going on about whatever (usually nothing!), and you're stuck thinking drastically of something to say. Like you, I'm prone to spending more time listening. I usually do this because I am a very reflective person and like to consider all points of view before saying something. Anyway, I posted the same question as you on another forum and got a piece of advice I've found very helpful for when I WaNt to say something: just talk out loud to yourself. I found that this helps a lot when I "need" to say something. So instead of trying to think of things to say to other people, I just say outloud the things that I normally think just to myself. It's not 100% easy to do--sometimes I feel silly about saying just what is in my head--but I'm trying to go with it, and it helps. Another thing I'm trying to do is disclose more information about myself. I usually just keep everything in, but how can anyone talk to me if I don't give'em something to keep them interested?
If anyone else has any tips, by all means share--I'd love to know! And good luck and warm wishes.

-Love

[JJP]

Originally Posted by Love

just talk out loud to yourself. I found that this helps a lot when I "need" to say something. So instead of trying to think of things to say to other people, I just say outloud the things that I normally think just to myself.

Great tip. Whatever is on your tongue, just let it come out (it's there for a reason), and think of it like you are giving a blessing to everybody present That will also encourage you to say positive and helpful things. Don't let your hard earned wisdom sit in your heart... speak it, contribute, and let it benefit everyone. We are all connected, since there is not really a "me" or "you"... it's exactly like talking to yourself anyway!

[annie]

Becoming Interesting....by being interested.

It's the simplest formula in the world!

I agree with what most of you have said...however. Don't be long winded. Just remember that others typically love the sound of their own voice more than they love your voice..if ya know what i mean.

[MarkusL]

Originally Posted by annie

Becoming Interesting....by being interested.

It's the simplest formula in the world!

I agree with what most of you have said...however. Don't be long winded. Just remember that others typically love the sound of their own voice more than they love your voice..if ya know what i mean.

thats true, make sure YOU are interested and the conversation will go smoothly.

[gr8face]

Originally Posted by Love

I just say outloud the things that I normally think just to myself.

Good piece of advice. I hadn't heard this before, but it makes sense.

[Yynatago]

And don't forget to speak clearly... Thats what mom always says

[andrew]

Also it has to do with confidence. If you're shy and all akward when you say, want to make a funny sexual joke, people are going to sense you're not comfortable and just be like uhhhh.

But if you're just out there being ballsy and not caring what people think, it'll go over better. Even if nobody laughs, just frame it in your mind that they just don't have a good sense of humor. Now obviously you have to be a funny person for that to work, or else you're just lying to yourself.

Yeah and obviously, funny people are more interesting. How am I funny? Sarcasm and teasing are my forte. You have to be quick to get sarcasm, obviously the framing about people not having a good sense of humor would be true in that case. You can try being funny in other ways such as stories, impersonations, or being a crazy. I'm not great at telling stories, but!

Learn to be a good story teller! I'm being a hypocrite here, but I should learn. Telling a good interesting story, makes you more interesting, obviously.

I hope some of those ideas help out.

-andrew

[magnethy]

As far as it goes for me, confidence is the thing - as parent says. I had big problems a few years ago, being picked on at school and so on. My response to this was becoming quiet (I was less picked on if I just didn't say anything) and invisible. This still haunts me, several years laters. I've got loads of friends and the best girlfriend I can imagine - but still I'm having trouble being open and "loud" in front of unknown people. I guess I've never learnt the ability to start conversations with people.

The last years I've gotten better at this, luckily. This has a lot to do with my girlfriend, since she is pretty much the oppsite of what I used to be. She helped me increase my confidence in myself so much. I guess my point is that sometimes you need to have someone to help you get towards your point. This can be a girl/boyfriend, family, friends or someone you meet at the Internet (like this forum). People who've dealt with the same thing can be extremely usefull.

I'm no big fan of things like forcing yourself to doing this and that. If it feels unatural I can never do it properly. But by doing things with (the help of) a good friend the steps can (and probably will) become much smaller.

[andrew]

Yeah I'm from kind of the same boat. What got me going was a friend that was "popular" but was into the same tech as me. He got me some conections, told me to stop geling my hair and to grow it out (which, may sound superfical and retarded) but was one of the things that changed and propelled me the most. Since then, I wasn't a very good friend apparently, and we kind of had a falling out, but if it wasn't for that, I still think I'd be anti social and a loser kid.

It's not an over night thing, going from such low self esteem and status all your life, to a confident and high status person. It takes years, so don't expect any of you to become some super interesting or social person in a few days or weeks if you haven't been for your whole life.

Also, take it easy on yourselves. I find that my expectations on myself are high, and I treat myself as if I've been like that my whole life when I screw up and should know better or have succeded. Like I've made more friends in the last 3 years than I have all years previous to that combined, and I'm still hard on myself that I have no friends.

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by andrew

...Sarcasm and teasing are my forte...

Be careful with sarcasm and teasing. Even if the intention is wholely innocuous some people react poorly and over time most people stop finding it funny unless they use the same kind of humour.

Sarcasm and teasing tread a fine line between humour and personal attack. Through personal experience I've learnt that the negatives of that form of humour outweight the positives. However it's a deeply ingrained habit for me, so I often find myself teasing someone even though I know they won't really appreciate it. I don't find that it helps in building relationships.

But it's fine as long as whoever the sarcasm or teasing is directed at enjoys it and joins in.

[Shaden]

First of all stop worrying about what people are going to think of you. That is the biggest mistake you could make. Every extrovert you meet will always insist that they never worry about what people are going to think of them, because they know that the other people are worried about themselves and if they're not then they're just enjoying the conversation. Seriously it takes a lot of thought to cultivate a fascinating story, a funny joke or a smart quip. People can't focus on other people and their own participation at the same time. So don't worry about other people's opinion of you because they're more then likely concerned about their own self-image or they are so busy in the conversation they don't have time to think of you like that.

Secondly, just practise, practise, practise. Appreciate that regardless of what you say, people would much rather hear you say something then nothing.

I appreciate that people are all born differently. Some of us are born with the quick wit, self-confidence and on-the-spot intelligence to function well socially. Some of us aren't. It's the curse of the laws of probability (and genetics too I guess). But all of the above skills are very much learnable. If you give it a bit of time it won't be long before you reach that point you always dreamed of.

[placebo]

We are raised in a society where parents say to their children : "Never, i mean never talk with strangers in the street"

And we are what we are. I was wondering what kind of place this world would be if they told us just oposite. IMO, beautiful and honest place

[Shaden]

Placebo, I agree with parents telling their children never to talk with strangers. Considering two children were taken outside of my school when I was a kid and were beaten because they followed a stranger when he offered them some sweets.

Children are far too innocent too be going out and talking to strangers. I think theirs a time when we're old enough and mature enough to go out and meet strangers and deal with them in a wise and safe manner. Until then children are made to be wary of strangers and for good reason as well. It's easy to trick a child. It's not very easy at all to trick or overpower a grown adult.

Jusy my two cents.

[andrew]

Originally Posted by Mark Lapierre

Be careful with sarcasm and teasing. Even if the intention is wholely innocuous some people react poorly and over time most people stop finding it funny unless they use the same kind of humour.

While that can be true, I find that most people with a good sense of humor enjoy it and spar back. If a few people get offended by it, I tell them I was just kidding or make it overly obvious I wasn't serious. If they're still not getting it, then I tone it down and adjust. If I have to adjust too much, then they're really not the kind of person I want to hang around with and it's their loss.

Sometimes I don't know when to stop and end up being a jackass, but that's rare. I need to work on that a bit, but that was mostly do to when I was learning to tease, I forced myself to do it as much as possible. Now that I've got it down, I have to tone it down a notch.

But the positives effects outweigh the negitives 100 - 1. Again, it's all in good fun.

[andrew]

Also, on a side note. If you know how to be sarcastic, tease, tell a good story, have a good sense of humor etc, you're less likely to become offended and more likely to understand those kinds of social cues. It's very valuable quality to have, and your life is much less stressfull I find.

[sliver]

Originally Posted by Love

Hi Maciek.

I'm working on this too! When you're in a group, it sure can feel awkward, because everyone else is going on about whatever (usually nothing!), and you're stuck thinking drastically of something to say. Like you, I'm prone to spending more time listening. I usually do this because I am a very reflective person and like to consider all points of view before saying something. Anyway, I posted the same question as you on another forum and got a piece of advice I've found very helpful for when I WaNt to say something: just talk out loud to yourself. I found that this helps a lot when I "need" to say something. So instead of trying to think of things to say to other people, I just say outloud the things that I normally think just to myself. It's not 100% easy to do--sometimes I feel silly about saying just what is in my head--but I'm trying to go with it, and it helps. Another thing I'm trying to do is disclose more information about myself. I usually just keep everything in, but how can anyone talk to me if I don't give'em something to keep them interested?
If anyone else has any tips, by all means share--I'd love to know! And good luck and warm wishes.

-Love

I hate that I never know what to say when I'm around people. This could be a good way to get over it. Thanks!

[Henry]

FYI: Scott H Young posted something on why you should join Toastmasters. It's a group that will help you with speaking and story telling. It's definitely the fast track to overcoming shyness and becoming interesting.

[sean83]

Originally Posted by Henry

Meet lots of people if you want to be on the path to becoming more interesting.

People find people interesting. When we get interesting advice, we LOVE to hear what happened to someone who followed it. The way you develop interesting stories is to meet lots of people and hear what they have to say.

The more people you meet, the better the stories are when someone asks, "What did you do today/last week/last month?" So go out and meet people.

Hello, my name is Henry. Pleased to meet you.

Great advice Henry, this has certainly been the case with me, i've had a terrible time with shyness through my life, and for my final year of university I decided to move out into my own flat and make a conscious effort to network and talk to everyone I meet.

Not only does this improve your confidence but you will notice you will begin to build rapport with people easier, and people will smile and laugh more when you talk with them.

[andrew]

Originally Posted by Henry

FYI: Scott H Young posted something on why you should join Toastmasters. It's a group that will help you with speaking and story telling. It's definitely the fast track to overcoming shyness and becoming interesting.

Hey, thanks for the link Henry! That looks very interesting, I think I'm going to check it out.

[Daniel Terhorst]

Originally Posted by andrew

Also, on a side note. If you know how to be sarcastic, tease, tell a good story, have a good sense of humor etc, you're less likely to become offended and more likely to understand those kinds of social cues. It's very valuable quality to have, and your life is much less stressfull I find.

I can corroborate this. When I was dumped into high school after home-schooling for so long (I had never been around so many people!), I found myself very sensitive to this kind of thing. I had absolutely no idea whether someone was being friendly or patronizing me. In retrospect, I often reacted entirely the wrong way. A friendly slap on the back was enough to set me off. How could hitting someone be nice? As andrew said, I didn't understand those kinds of social cues.

We live in a world inhabited by a lot of other people. How do we get along except through compromise? I think it really is important to know when to shrug off the little things.

-- Daniel Terhorst