Fear of people

[Kazeko]

I'm in a very desperate state... I am afraid of people. I don't trust them. Almost everyone wants to do harm to me. Many times I come to them with love, happiness and open heart. Only to realize they don't want it. They envy and strike, strike hard. I am bleeding, my wounds are deep. And I have to heal them... Again...

So, what's the point? Why do I have to socialize at all??? Bears can't bear me, the mighty eagle. I'm dangerous for them. So they want to eat me, to crucify, to suck my joy and throw me away.

Should I hide forever?

Now I feel only strong fear. I feel weak. Help me. But please, leave that SR stuff.

[Jamie]

Hi Kazeko,

I don't want to harm you.

Why do you think you're thinking this?

Are you somehow making yourself vulnerable or 'weak' to the wrong people?

[Kazeko]

Are you somehow making yourself vulnerable or 'weak' to the wrong people?

My quotes:

1) Many times I come to them with love, happiness and open heart.
2) Bears can't bear me, the mighty eagle. I'm dangerous for them.
3) They envy and strike, strike hard.
4) ...they want to eat me, to crucify, to suck my joy and throw me away.
5) I am bleeding, my wounds are deep.

That's my usual pattern. As I see now.

Conclusion: I should be suspicious, should I? I should not trust people?

Finally, a quote pops up in my head. (c) Dio

Don't talk to strangers
Cause they're only there to do you harm
Don't write in starlight
Cause the words may come out real
Don't hide in doorways
You may find the key that opens up your soul
Don't go to Heaven cause it's really only Hell

Full lyrics by Dio

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Kazeko

My quotes:

1) Many times I come to them with love, happiness and open heart.
2) Bears can't bear me, the mighty eagle. I'm dangerous for them.
3) They envy and strike, strike hard.
4) ...they want to eat me, to crucify, to suck my joy and throw me away.
5) I am bleeding, my wounds are deep.

That's my usual pattern. As I see now.

Conclusion: I should be suspicious, should I? I should not trust people?

I used to be very open, and 'loving' myself, when I was young, in a very hippy and soft hearted everything is light and wonderful kinda way. I was young and naive. I later learned that nature hates weakness, and attacks it; that is the way of nature, it is not the way of man or of human society (we look after and protect the weak).

I like people who have their own sense of internal power, who are more self-sufficient, and do not lean on others, or give their 'love' away (with the real reason for doing this, being that they want something back in exchange).

Love yourself first, be powerful (it doesn't mean ruthless). Be utterly honest with yourself, what is behind it all for you, your real motivation for 'loving' people.

Only you can work this out; no-one else can tell you.

[brendannz]

Maybe don't expect too much from other people. Think of yourself as a worthwhile awesome person. Instead of being open and loving to people you don't know, maybe talk to them with the intention of trying to get to know them. And if they tell you to **** off, view it as their loss and feel sorry for them.

I think the nastiest people, with the most harmful intentions are the biggest losers in the world, so you shouldn't worry about them too much.. people are pretty flawed, and nobody's perfect, but I think people are pretty well meaning most of the time..

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Kazeko

Almost everyone wants to do harm to me.

Is that really true? Jamie doesn't. I don't. No one on these forums does. Your mom doesn't. And there are billions of people who don't have any inclination whatsoever. Who is this "almost everyone" you are so sure wants to hurt you?

Many times I come to them with love, happiness and open heart.

You sure about that? Do you think it's possible to come to people with love, happiness, and an open heart, when you are holding the belief that most of them want to hurt you?

But please, leave that SR stuff.

Why, does it harm you? What about that open heart you were talking up?

[Kazeko]

I thank Jamie and brendannz for advice and support. Your words really helped me.

Angie, as usual, you start interesting dialogue, so I answer your questions:

Is that really true? Jamie doesn't (..want to hurt...). I don't. No one on these forums does. Your mom doesn't. And there are billions of people who don't have any inclination whatsoever. Who is this "almost everyone" you are so sure wants to hurt you?

Well, actually my mother _does_ (a long story for many hours of talking). As for the forum members - true, that's why I started this thread . This is my only outlet, where I can share my feelings without fear (almost). As for the "almost everyone" - I mean most of the people I have to contact with. I must be honest, there are rare exclusions. There are people I'm not afraid of.

You sure about that? Do you think it's possible to come to people with love, happiness, and an open heart, when you are holding the belief that most of them want to hurt you?

Actually, when I do this, I hold the beleif that I'm safe and they're my friends. For sure, without doubts. _That_ other beleif comes after their actions.

Why, does it (SR) harm you? What about that open heart you were talking up?

Well, I was over-stressed and I wasn't ready to hear "you've made it by yourself, now make something better". Yes, I'm strongly involved, indeed. I have very sensitive, reactive neural system. It's very easy to touch my feelings, both positive and negative. So, now I'm considering going without any (even slightest) stimulators or drugs (sigh...bb, green tea...), and switching to calming teas and meditation. Let's make something better

[Angela]

I'm glad you feel (at least somewhat) safe here, Kazeko. I'm confident that you'll work this through in the best way for you, in the best time for you.

You have described what you don't want in your relationships with people. Now, if you could have what you do want in your relationships, what would that be? What qualities are missing that would make a difference if they were present between you and the people in your life?

[Jamie]

Also, just to consider what it would be like if you come to relationships from a position of strength, or power, and having the security that comes from realising your own true nature, and having a sense of purpose in life.

I saw the first video of the Oprah / Eckhart Tolle webcast last night, may be something you'd like to check out?

[robertanthony]

Have a look at the subject of social anxiety / phobia. Believe it or not most people experince this at some stage in their lives. It's a bit like depression in that it's like an episode that passes. If people have hurt you and you are thinking about that then talk about that with a counsellor. Self help books / articles can also help with increasing your confidence and feel good factor. Do what makes you feel good.

There's on thing to remember - home is a comfort zone - inorder to grow you will need to go beyond your comfort zone.


Social Anxiety UK - Links

[robertanthony]

Angela why has my posting been deleted? This has happened a few times?