Older women/younger men: how to tell if a guy's attracted?

[C33]

I am 41, looking younger, and I prefer younger men.

Experience has taught me that chasing them ends up
making me look like a " cougar " and I hate this term.

I also don't want to make men think that I am just after something fun and temporary. I can deal with that sort of situation but I want a relationship and will be patient.

Lately a very young man has been buying me coffee and being very nice to me. I am a very bad judge of men's interest, especially when they are much younger.

I have tried to read nothing in it, but I have to admit his attitude is intriguing. He has bought me and brought me coffee twice at work, I have a menial job and cannot help him in his career in any way. One time he brought me coffee with pastry, which was very sweet, his gallantry made me blush which I admitted, because it was too obvious to hide:

The danger is that I am so starved of any care and kindness from men that I might have misconstrued the whole thing. I offered to buy him coffee twice and he refused very sternly. We are on friendly terms and I will leave this job very soon.

I am wondering if he treats me nicely because I am a mother figure to him or if he is romantically interested. If it was not for the age difference I would say he is interested. But I am a very poor judge of men's behaviour and do not want to appear foolish if I look like some icky Mrs Robinson.

I am not the hot 40 years old type, à la Madonna, even though I intend to seriously improve my appearance in the next months, and I guess I don't see why he would be attracted to me, while entertaining the thought ( and hope ) that he might be.

How do younger men show attraction to older women? Any women have successfully dated younger guys?

[wolfgang]

I would think it would not be any different than other ways people show interest and this is some kind of interest he's showing. Would you be wanting to have kids? If not, watch out for developing a relationship with a younger guy that thinks he doesn't want kids and then sometime down the road realizes he does.

[Breakaway]

Well if you're leaving work anyway, then go for it. You've got nothing to lose.

[Spartan]

What kind of person is he? And what kind of age gap are we talking here?

If you want post a picture of yourself and I'll tell you if I would be interested, since looks are fairly important to most men (I'm a 20 year old male btw).

Do you wear skirts and feminine clothing? If not this could help him see you in a sexual way. Also, don't wear overpowering perfume or loads of makeup. Try to look as natural as possible. You could very well be the sexy older woman of his fantasies!?

[Rockchick26]

Wow,i just had to reply to this one. This is something i actually was just going to post for myself but you did it for me LOL I am 35 and i always like the guys who are in their 20's. To answer your question,some guys i know will say ALL guys just wanna get in your pants no matter what the situation is. But then that isnt my experience,because i've had younger guys that knew i liked them and still wanted nothing to do with me sexually. So its hard to say,although most young men are mostly interested in sex,that doesn't mean all of them will want sex with YOU.

And before i go,i just wanted to say i'm glad there are other women out there like me,because i get ridiculed for this.

[introspective1]

Wow...glad to see that older women like younger men. I really like older women (I am only 25), but I am kinda scared to approach them cause I am afraid they will laugh at me, but I am getting over that

but to answer your question, I show interest by complimenting their clothes or perfume but I dont think they pick up on it

[skywalker160]

Hi to rockchick, and everybody else in the forum.

You should feel great about liking younger guys.

As this is the forum for smart people, i thought I might give you all some wisdom.

Young guys get more out of relationships with older women than they do with younger women.

Consider it like being broken in by somebody with experience. And it is wonderful.

You are right too about most guy's highest priorities being sex. It's the procreation of the species.

Nice to meet you btw, hope you say something else here.

Jonathan

[Marco Polo]

Yep, funnily enough I like older women too. Older women are more at ease with themselves, I think that's why. I wouldn't go to extremes though... I'd probably draw the line somewhere in the 40's.

I would feel very awkward approaching someone that age however. I think you'd have to make the first move to show him your interested. Make it very clear as well; guys are useless at reading discreet signals.

[votoshka]

Well I am a 34 year old woman (nearly 35) and am in a relationship with a 21 year old guy. So, it's not too unusual

In general, I do look younger than my age. Most people think I'm still in my 20s even though I've got three school aged kids (before they know I've got kids they usually assume I'm in my early 20s, people who know I've got kids tend to think I'm about 28...)

I'm not exactly a hottie either

Also, I have absolutely NO idea how to tell if a man is interested! I met my boyfriend online, and he told me he was in love with me before we'd ever met!! In "real life" I wouldn't know if a guy liked me if I fell right over him!! (I was married for 11 years and with the same man 13 years before meeting my current boyfriend, and in that time I could tell you that by my observations not one single man showed me the slightest bit of interest!)

[Sly Apple Pie]

Speaking as someone who was in the same position as the younger male a few months back, I'd say he sounds pretty interested, but he probably has the same doubts as you do (i.e. whether you're attracted to him, or whether you're just looking for a "child" figure). If you want something to happen then just be pretty obvious about it would be my advice.

Try some basic flirting and see if he reciprocates. Get his mobile number and build it up lightly via SMS if you're totally unsure.

[wolfgang]

Why did I turn on the TV to find The Graduate on? Mrs Robinson and what's his name had just been in bed and they were having a fight about how strange it was to do that. Means nothing but funny that it showed up like that.

The OP has not replied to this thread but we keep posting, oh well.

[C33]

Funnily, all of the comments posted, even the ones that I thought were a bit simplistic, were of help in the situation.

I would like to thank the lovely ladies who did the sisterly thing in encouraging me! I cannot thank you enough. I would love to hear more about your stories, maybe you could post your experience.

I have been made fun of or " cockblocked " many times by women who DO NOT WANT an older woman to be with a younger guy. Jealousy? Envy? Bigotry? I wouldn't know why...

For the men who did reply, thank you too. It 's great to have a man's perspective, many of the things you said did not make sense to me at all, but I decided to just listen and be open to a different point of view.

I applied the pieces of advice/nuggets of wisdom I was given, in the past 2 days and used the encouragement to keep confident and show interest.

We have very little interaction at work, and can't see each other, but I felt that he passed by my desk intentionally and made the most of the interaction.
I decided to go into major: Ignore Mode, because whenever I tried to talk to him in front of others, he would be dismissive or business like. This way he had to work a bit harder at getting my attention which gave me more confidence.

As fate had it, there was a work function yesterday, I mentioned it and he asked if I was coming... then invited me when he knew I hadn't been asked to attend.

He showed up very late ,I was already having a good time, talking to a small entertaining group of male and female coworkers.
At some point he sat with young pretty girls and started to flirt. I decided to have fun, enjoy the party and ignore him completely.

He got up from the girls' pit and talked to me for about 15 minutes, we had an effortless, flirtacious,entertaining interaction.
Then he said he had to mingle and talk to his boss, a very attractive and competent woman.

I waited for about 5 minutes but when he didn't show up, ended up talking animatedly to a very nice guy that I always had a crush on, but is out of bounds because married.
I completely ignored the young man as he was passing us by to leave the party, I didn't even look up. He finally came up to say good bye.

After he left, the lovely married man said :¨"Has he asked for your phone number yet? He is a strange but nice guy." Apparently, some people are actually aware we have a thing for each other!

Today, I followed the advice of...wearing a skirt...I couldn't believe my ears when my interest complimented me on it!

Now, if I hadn't had feedback from someone here saying that if a guy digs you he will compliment you on your clothing...I wouldn't have felt I was making progress.

So there we are.

It's quite nice to feel like a woman again. This man has a very old fashion, gallant way about him.

He knows how to treat a woman and doesn't have the desperation of wanting to be hip, or I suspect, wanting to be anything but himself, which is something I really appreciate.

Of course, he probably thinks I am much younger than I am and am not sure it will go anywhere, especially when he knows how old I am.

In any case, it is some sort of Spring enchantment and great boost to my confidence, so I am grateful.

Let's not play the Simon and Garfunkel soundtrack yet!

[Angela]

Your *interest* might feel a little stopped by the prospect of asking out any woman at work, regardless of her age, but the age difference thing does complicate it a little.

What I mean is, I think it's wise to think twice about going out with anyone at work, because it can be so awkward if the interest level after a date or two doesn't match, and if you had had sex, phew! things can get ugly. Which is not to say you *shouldn't* go out with someone you work with; just that it's a good idea to be extra careful about expectations, courtesy, and emotional maturity.

Then the age thing: a young man might be a little anxious about the resources an older woman has at her disposal -- the sheer personal power an older woman can have, I mean -- and might be a bit reluctant to make himself vulnerable to that. A fellow like that might feel more "safe" asking out a coworker who is closer to his own age, because she's not as intimidating. On the flip side, you might also be vulnerable to charges of sexual harassment.

If I were you, while enjoying a flirtation with this guy, I would also go out into the world outside of your job and date a pair and a spare.

[Rockchick26]

That is awesome he complimented you on your skirt! He's noticing! That's more progress than i ever made with guys i've liked

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by skywalker160

Hi to rockchick, and everybody else in the forum.

You should feel great about liking younger guys.


Young guys get more out of relationships with older women than they do with younger women.

Consider it like being broken in by somebody with experience. And it is wonderful.

But what if the olden woman has even less experience than him? Would that totally make her unattractive to him? Because i may be 35 years old but i have less experience than most teenage guys i know. Which is discouraging for me.

[Sly Apple Pie]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

But what if the olden woman has even less experience than him? Would that totally make her unattractive to him? Because i may be 35 years old but i have less experience than most teenage guys i know. Which is discouraging for me.

I think most males would see that as a bonus

Testosterone typically dictates that a male wants a female to see him as being the best she's ever had in bed. Less experience makes that far more likely

It would also remove any feelings of pressure to perform well.

[C33]

I agree with you Rockchick, I have little experience, or at least not the kind of experience someone my age has... like having been married for ages and having kids.

This said, I don't know if being with someone for a number of years means you have more emotional insight and have gone through a wider range of emotions than someone who has had short relationships or a long string of lovers.
Some people in long term relationships are just roommates with their partner and have no deep emotional connection.

As far as sexual experience, I do think younger generations have more sex and start at a younger age...

I think for a guy, any sex is an exciting prospect and being with a woman who has lower numbers would be more attractive than repulsive.
Besides, I don't think the quality of one's "performance" is affected by previous "rehearsals", as much as natural talent.

Angela,

I hear your words of wisdom.

I think times when one has to be afraid of being accused of sexual harassment for being flirty with a coworker (who has already shown interest) are SAD times.

Why do we invest so much energy in employment and give up so much of our true selves for the sake of keeping a job? If we were picking grapes in a field, no one would think anything of it.

Anyway, I am leaving that job on Friday, with needles pricked in my heart.
Not only because of this crush but because the people and atmosphere are great. It is however a place where I am not using my skills to the fullest and am not making enough money.Staying would be selling myself short.

Because he is so busy at work, we don't have much time to interact, and what was a lovely, heartwarming interaction will be a dead seed, it will not sprout any magical moment or possibility of love or friendship, it will not be the prologue to any future delights. It will be stillborn.

[Angela]

Why not hand him a card with your contact info on your way out the door? Let your hand linger in his a moment longer than is absolutely necessary as you look him deeply in the eyes and tell him goodbye, for now.

[Spartan]

You've invested so much emotianal energy into him, if you don't ask him you will forever be tormented by what could have been.

[Stephen]

Its funny: The younger I was (16-26), the more attracted I was to older women in their 30's early 40s say (but not exculsively so). The older I become at 40, the more attracted to younger women you become (18-30). lol

However, being married it's largely irrelevant.

[Stephen]

Originally Posted by C33

I am 41, looking younger, and I prefer younger men.

Experience has taught me that chasing them ends up
making me look like a " cougar " and I hate this term.

I also don't want to make men think that I am just after something fun and temporary. I can deal with that sort of situation but I want a relationship and will be patient.

Lately a very young man has been buying me coffee and being very nice to me. I am a very bad judge of men's interest, especially when they are much younger.

I have tried to read nothing in it, but I have to admit his attitude is intriguing. He has bought me and brought me coffee twice at work, I have a menial job and cannot help him in his career in any way. One time he brought me coffee with pastry, which was very sweet, his gallantry made me blush which I admitted, because it was too obvious to hide:

The danger is that I am so starved of any care and kindness from men that I might have misconstrued the whole thing. I offered to buy him coffee twice and he refused very sternly. We are on friendly terms and I will leave this job very soon.

I am wondering if he treats me nicely because I am a mother figure to him or if he is romantically interested. If it was not for the age difference I would say he is interested. But I am a very poor judge of men's behaviour and do not want to appear foolish if I look like some icky Mrs Robinson.

I am not the hot 40 years old type, à la Madonna, even though I intend to seriously improve my appearance in the next months, and I guess I don't see why he would be attracted to me, while entertaining the thought ( and hope ) that he might be.

How do younger men show attraction to older women? Any women have successfully dated younger guys?

Yeah, might just be coffee and a bun. But most young guys given even a sniff of.................

[Stephen]

Originally Posted by Spartan

You've invested so much emotianal energy into him, if you don't ask him you will forever be tormented by what could have been.

Nah. No way. She's only like this at the moment because she obviously hasnt had any attention for, by the sounds of things, a good while.

The guy could be anybody. Its not about 'him', its about the attention.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Sly Apple Pie

I think most males would see that as a bonus

Testosterone typically dictates that a male wants a female to see him as being the best she's ever had in bed. Less experience makes that far more likely

It would also remove any feelings of pressure to perform well.

Well apparently there is no cut and dried male preference,cuz i've heard guys say they would 100% rather have an experienced woman cuz they dont want someone to be screaming in pain or someone who just lays there. Then i hear guys that say they 100% would rather have a near-virgin cuz she's probably clean and doesn't have kids. But those reasons are selfish,they only imply that he doesnt want to get a disease or deal with children. I guess i'd rather be experienced.

[Rockchick26]

i think we got a little off topic here but,i thought somebody else brought this up too. Anyway,there's also the possibility that a guy would think if a girl doesn't have much experience,it might mean she's frigid,or too afraid to have sex. Or that guys have never wanted her before. I heard somewhere recently that if you want a guy to like you,get another guy to like you. Same should go for experience...if you want a guy to want to have sex with you,it helps to have already done that,a lot. I am really frickin' tired right now so i might not be making any sense But basicaly what i'm saying is,people want people who are wanted by others.

[Erki]

I think little experience means that you don't go to bed with just about anyone. Of course, having a lot of experience doesn't mean the opposite, either. I'd guess that having little experience is a bigger problem for males; you really shouldn't worry about it.

[C33]

Funny that people picked up the term "little experience" as frigid, quasi virgin or ready for the nunnery!

My past interaction with younger men has been purely sexual, it was pretty clear from the beginning it was for fun. No one got hurt.

However, I have little experience interacting with younger men as in getting to know them and socialising. I don't know exactly how to "read" them in that context.

I mean: stuff like" you can check me on Google" what does it mean? Is it a come on?

I have a friend who says: you should never go out with anyone you can't Google, so at least, it should sound good to him.

On an ironic, hopefully humorous note: I did have to Google myself to make sure I could reply:" hey, you can Google me" back.

My Google credentials are excellent!

I guess at any age, having a crush on someone makes you quite silly. When you're older you just have to hide it more!

[Brutha]

I mean: stuff like" you can check me on Google" what does it mean? Is it a come on?

It depends on the context often it can mean: If you want to reach me you can do so through my email /telephone number on my website which you will type if you enter my name in google.

It can also mean I don't want to talk about myself but about something else and when you want to know something about me google me.

It can mean all sort of things in the right context.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Erki

I'd guess that having little experience is a bigger problem for males;

Why would you make a sexist remark like that? I'm not having a go at you, just wondering how you figured that one out!?

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

But basicaly what i'm saying is,people want people who are wanted by others.

Only people who lack self esteem and confidence in their own convictions.

[Spartan]

Also, just wondering what it is about younger men that you older women like?

Are you trying to recapture moments of your youth, so you can feel young and desirable again? (Not saying you aren't desirable, so don't flame me lol)

Or Perhaps you feel that you missed out when you were young, and want to make up for that now?

Or maybe you want to be like a mother figure to them, and help guide them into maturity?

Or perhaps you just like their fit young bodies?

Ok I'll shut up now!