Why am I good at job interviews but not in actual conversations?

[Breakaway]

I am really good at job interviews. I am intelligent, charming, and sometimes even funny. Yet in normal conversations, I'm usually more reserved, timid, and rarely charming.

What is going on?

[Trezker]

I'd like your experience with job interviews, you can have my social skills in exchange.

Not that I have much to offer...

[AnonymousOne]

I'm going to make a bunch of assumptions and just throw this out there. If it sounds about right, great, but take it with a grain of salt...


In a job interview it's your job to sell yourself, to impress your interviewer into wanting to hire you. You're going all out and actually TRYING to make the interaction good because you know that if you fail to impress, you don't get the job. When you interview, the question isn't "Will I make a fool of myself?", the question is "Will I be impressive enough to get the job?".

In a regular interaction you really have nothing to lose by being reserved, and doing so guarantees that you won't be thought a fool. So you go with the safe option. It's also possible that you don't want to dominate the conversation, or you think that people don't really care about what you have to say, so you play it safe by keeping quiet.

In this case, the difference is effort. On some level you're afraid to try in a normal interaction because you're afraid what people will think of you. In an interview, you try because you know that you have to to have any shot at the job. It's also possible that you simply do better when people ask you a bunch of questions, and start the flow of the conversation for you. In that case I'd say just start asking questions of your own in normal interactions.


In any case, even without making a bunch of assumptions about you, I would bet that the problem ultimately boils down to confidence.

[yossarian]

Some people are far more comfortable and fluid in formal situations where the relationship between the two people is clearly defined and the reasons for the interaction are clearly defined.

Since the job is about work that makes the agenda clear and there is no anxiety about "what to talk about."

In a job interview there is no anxiety about, "Does this person want to talk to me? Am I wasting his/her time? Is she bored?"

It's also the fact that you feel qualified for the job whereas in a normal situation you don't necessarily feel qualified to be the person's friend or acquaintance or boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.

[Jennihul]

One is generally rehearsed, the other is spontaneous...

Jennifer

[Breakaway]

Thanks for the replies.

AnonymousOne, yes I think that I sort of know what the expectations of me are in an interview, whereas in real life, I feel like they might "judge" me.

yossarian, yeah when I go into an interview I do feel qualified, and more confident because I feel like I "deserve" to be there; even though I should feel that way normally anyway.

Jennihul, although there are some rehearsed things in an interview, there are often many questions that I never expected and yet I'm able to be very spontaneous.

[skywalker160]

Find out a way to sell yourself like an interview in real life.

Jonathan

[verbors]

I know exactly what you mean. Although my problem is with school. I am much more comfortable with class discussion then discussions among friends O_O nerdyness?

I completely agree with Yossarian. You may be less timid when you have a purpose during everyday life. Or maybe it's because you have less in common with your friends then you think.