Learning to talk.

[Greki]

Yeah, I know that the title seems weird, and I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be within this section, or Personal Effectiviness, but let me explain.

It's just that I'm studying International Relations because I want to be a diplomat. There's a slight problem, though, I have issues with etiquette, oratory, but mostly having proper conversations.

I have the etiquette and oratory part "covered" (I've reading a book on the former, and making time to join a Toastmasters club in my area for the latter), however I don't know how to talk properly. What I mean is just that when I'm talking I often pause because I don't know how to express myself, and I'm often misunderstood because of that same reason. Not to mention that I need to get rid of all those slang words... plus body language... well, many things, but right now that's somehow of my priority.

Please, could anyone help me with this?

[24evita]

My only advice to help you out on this is to perhaps do techniques/excercises to increase your consciousness/awareness of yourself when you are out and about talking to people. The easiest thing to start with would be the body langauge. Become aware when in a conversation with someone where your arms, hands, etc are. what are they doing, etc? And if you catch yourself doing something you know you shouldn't change and/or stop the action. This is an important place to start as body langauge sometimes says more about you than your words.

As for talking, have you thought about public speaking classes? I think you could find those courses in any city.

Hope that gives you some ideas of help.

[Greki]

Thank you! Yes, I have thought about public speaking classes, hence Toastmasters. I actually have less problem giving a speech than talking normaly. I think that your suggestion will certainly help me, but I'm looking for a way to stop from stuttering when I'm talking, and... learn to express so that people actually understand me. I haven't yet joined that Toastmasters club, and I don't know if they might help me with this. It is one thing to speak something that you have researched about, and it is another enterily different thing to talk about something you didn't previously practice. That's where I'm having troubles.

[tommyboy567]

wow.. your like a mini me. both majoring in international relations. I am kinda in the same situation. my speech pattern are slower then my thinking process. I have the frequency to use complex speech pattern in my mind but as soon as i talk it sometime sounds bad. A good way for you to improve on this is read stuff out loud. Try to join a debate team or an organization that incorporate public speaking. Also a great way is look in the mirror and talk. practice your speech that way.

[veranadine]

Hmmm...I would think that an actual etiquette (or finishing school) type of class would be appropriate.

This may sound like a silly step to take but I have often considered it myself.

Especially if you are considering being a diplomat, I would definitely go with a structured class of some kind.

As far as the slang words go, and perhaps your local accent is you have one, I would think about either taking a diction class or hiring a dialect coach (like actors use.)

This may be expensive though, so just keep your eyes open for any good books dealing with these subjects and be proud of yourself for starting (and sticking with) the Toastmasters.

I think that you are doing great, and these actions that you've already taken will help you immensely.

Blessings on all that you do,

[Joely]

Originally Posted by Greki

Yeah, I know that the title seems weird, and I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be within this section, or Personal Effectiviness, but let me explain.

It's just that I'm studying International Relations because I want to be a diplomat. There's a slight problem, though, I have issues with etiquette, oratory, but mostly having proper conversations.

I have the etiquette and oratory part "covered" (I've reading a book on the former, and making time to join a Toastmasters club in my area for the latter), however I don't know how to talk properly. What I mean is just that when I'm talking I often pause because I don't know how to express myself, and I'm often misunderstood because of that same reason. Not to mention that I need to get rid of all those slang words... plus body language... well, many things, but right now that's somehow of my priority.

Please, could anyone help me with this?

Everyone here has given great suggestions, and I definitely think you should follow through on them. However, the real engine behind how you talk is your confidence. Going to these classes will really help build that, but in some senses it's all about having a sense of confidence about your speech and just enjoying what you're saying.

I'm sure you'll find the magic! Good luck,

J x

[Greki]

Originally Posted by tommyboy567

wow.. your like a mini me. both majoring in international relations. I am kinda in the same situation. my speech pattern are slower then my thinking process. I have the frequency to use complex speech pattern in my mind but as soon as i talk it sometime sounds bad. A good way for you to improve on this is read stuff out loud. Try to join a debate team or an organization that incorporate public speaking. Also a great way is look in the mirror and talk. practice your speech that way.

Oh, thanks a bunch! That seems to be a great idea! And yes, it seems we have the same problem. By the way, how long have you been studying? Perhaps we could be study partners?

Originally Posted by veranadine

Hmmm...I would think that an actual etiquette (or finishing school) type of class would be appropriate.

This may sound like a silly step to take but I have often considered it myself.

No, I do not consider it silly. I have been reading some books in etiquette, however I haven't been able to locate a class on it... or one that I can afford, at least. That's also a something that limits me a lot.

Originally Posted by veranadine

As far as the slang words go, and perhaps your local accent is you have one, I would think about either taking a diction class or hiring a dialect coach (like actors use.)

This may be expensive though, so just keep your eyes open for any good books dealing with these subjects and be proud of yourself for starting (and sticking with) the Toastmasters.

I think that you are doing great, and these actions that you've already taken will help you immensely.

Blessings on all that you do,

Dialect coach? I didn't know there was something like that. I think I will seek some out. Yeah, I think Toastmasters is a blessing from heaven. Thanks a lot!

Originally Posted by Joely

Everyone here has given great suggestions, and I definitely think you should follow through on them. However, the real engine behind how you talk is your confidence. Going to these classes will really help build that, but in some senses it's all about having a sense of confidence about your speech and just enjoying what you're saying.

I'm sure you'll find the magic! Good luck,

J x

Oh, thanks, but I definitely do not have confindence issues. I believe in myself a lot thanks to Karate, it's just that I prefer not to talk... and when I need to talk I have a little bit of issues getting myself understood. That's all.


Thanks a bunch for all of your suggestions!

[vapourmile]

It sounds to me like it could be your focus on getting it out all right is the most likely thing to be holding you back getting it right. Communication isn't a perfect science. About the only definite is that doubts get in the way. The solution is to focus your efforts on what you intend to do, don't let your thoughts get sidetracked by what might go wrong, because they is what makes things go wrong. Don't get sidetracked by concerns about getting it right or wrong, and definitely don't spend a moment hung up on the other persons reaction. Just focus on your intention. As far as I'm concerned, for example, as long as whay I'm writing feels positive to me, I don't really have to worry or think about whether you're understanding me. As long the feeling is right on my side, then the feeling is right.The more I worry about trying to second guess whether you understand me or not the worse and more jumbled I will become. To be honest I've often thought about the possibility that there's nobody there at the end of these communications. Imagine, a computer that just generated conversational English just to attract attention to businesses? Paranoid huh? Exactly. I don't care what at the end of the line. I don't expect to get everything right first time either. It would save time but I have seen that more time is wasted fussing over dotting every I and crossing every T. Just get the basics out there and if the message is fuzzy and warped when it arrives, there's always chance to clarify. I don't honestly think there's anything encoded in words that is worth taking so seriously to worry about it anyway. For me it's more like a ball game.

[vapourmile]

Looking at you last email Greki, there is a vast difference between pride and self confidence. If you are thinking things like "I have to get rid of those slang words and correct my posture", then you definitely have confidence issues, self confidence all start with thinking you need to correct yourself. Why? Why not just be yourself and leave the self correcting to others?

[Greki]

Vapourmile: Thanks a lot for your suggestion on just concentrating about what I want to say. Just focusing on that might help, but I know the diference betwen self confidence and pride. I do think that I have both. Pride, unlike what people believe, is not bad. You need to have pride of where you come from, of what you are, there is a difference between that and arrogance.

Anyway, no, I'm not concerned about what other people think, but part of being a diplomat is to be concerned on the image you're portraying to the other countries. I don't see anything bad or wrong about my posture or my slang words, but I know they are not as good as they should be it is necessary that I do correct them because otherwise I won't be accepted as a diplomat. I have to be very careful on those aspects. But thanks a lot, you still helped me!

[uberinquisitive]

Being a diplomat means you are at ease socializing, networking, etc.. These things are best learned by actually DOING.

Besides Toastmasters, I suggest the following:

- Take acting classes. Especially improv.
- Join a social group in school (like student government body).
- Take a part-time job in sales/retail.

I also agree with vapourmile that this may be a confidence issue. Communication is mainly non-verbal, with words just a fraction of the actual interaction. People respond to your vibe much more than your actual words. Strong, friendly eye contact...a natural smile...a relaxed posture and body movements...these can only come from inside you.

Get out there! Be a social butterfly (diplomats must be extroverts). Chat up women, just to chat them up.

[tommyboy567]

Originally Posted by Greki

Oh, thanks a bunch! That seems to be a great idea! And yes, it seems we have the same problem. By the way, how long have you been studying? Perhaps we could be study partners?

This is my second year in the university. Yah that should like fun. just hit me up if you need help.

[Greki]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

Being a diplomat means you are at ease socializing, networking, etc.. These things are best learned by actually DOING.

Besides Toastmasters, I suggest the following:

- Take acting classes. Especially improv.
- Join a social group in school (like student government body).
- Take a part-time job in sales/retail.

I also agree with vapourmile that this may be a confidence issue. Communication is mainly non-verbal, with words just a fraction of the actual interaction. People respond to your vibe much more than your actual words. Strong, friendly eye contact...a natural smile...a relaxed posture and body movements...these can only come from inside you.

Get out there! Be a social butterfly (diplomats must be extroverts). Chat up women, just to chat them up.

Hey, I never said that I didn't talk with people. >-> I mostly talk... or rather listen. I do exactly what you are saying, non-verbal communication, but sometimes verbal communication is really needed. That's where I need to improve. I don't feel shy, or anything, but I need better people skills to express myself better verbaly. But I think that your suggestions will certainly help me a lot! I'm already in a social group. We are... more or less the opposition party to the student government. But right now getting a job is not possible due to my schedule, but I think that the acting classes would help quite a lot.

Hmm... chatting with women...?

Originally Posted by tommyboy567

This is my second year in the university. Yah that should like fun. just hit me up if you need help.

Oh, really? Great! We're actually in the same year, lol, well, I think. Did you take college? Here we don't take college, and my career is four and a half years long.

[tommyboy567]

Originally Posted by Greki

Oh, really? Great! We're actually in the same year, lol, well, I think. Did you take college? Here we don't take college, and my career is four and a half years long.

its all the same .. school is school. i'm double majoring right now and want to get a master in international relations and a bachelor in political science as well so it will take me about 5 or 6 years to get done

[skywalker160]

Greki
Do just a little bit at a time. Like what people here have said, communication isn't a definite science. If you just put in effort each day your skills will improve.

I hope this isn't too far off the current conversation.

Jonathan