Become more emotionally open?

[Magnatolia]

Hi all,

I've been reading the 'Social Intelligence' book. Great read although would have been better with some practical advice.

Due to my past I have become emotionally clammed, unless I'm specifically meeting someone. If a person interacts with me I've got no problem, but when it comes to general things like smiling at a stranger, say an attractive woman, I find it near impossible.

And I cannot make myself appear happy. I don't look grumpy or whatever but I want to be one of those people who has a twinkle in their eye, or a small smile on their face even when they're by themselves and not interacting with someone. They're the type of person that other people gravitate towards.

Any thoughts on what I can do? Is there any free subliminal mp3's or something that I can listen to?

[Rose of Cairo]

Hi Magnatolia, what a beautiful nick Welcome to the forums, I hope you'll find what you're looking for here

Originally Posted by Magnatolia

Due to my past I have become emotionally clammed, unless I'm specifically meeting someone. If a person interacts with me I've got no problem, but when it comes to general things like smiling at a stranger, say an attractive woman, I find it near impossible.

Well that's easy: just do it. Practice, practice, practice. I was extremely shy when I was younger, then I practiced a lot and now I talk to every stranger.

Begin with smiling at five strangers a day, every day. Just do it. Don't begin with attractive women. Smile at little kids, old ladies, grandpas... You'll get some grumpy faces, but most people are glad and smile back. No matter what you get back, just keep on doing it.

Then you can make it more difficult: say hello to five strangers a day. Just "hello!" and smile. Step three is, say a few words to five strangers a day, on the bus, in a shop, ask for the time, whatever. And then do some small talk with five strangers a day... and so on.

Progressively you'll overcome the fear of rejection (because you'll get some small rejections every now and then, and see that it doesn't kill you) and get very comfortable.

What also helps is to examine your beliefs. When you believe you're safe, nothing bad can happen. When you believe that we are all connected, there are no strangers anymore. Just people you already know and communicate with, but haven't met yet. In that case, saying hello is natural, there is no distance to overcome in the first place. Makes it much easier.

And I cannot make myself appear happy. I don't look grumpy or whatever but I want to be one of those people who has a twinkle in their eye, or a small smile on their face even when they're by themselves and not interacting with someone. They're the type of person that other people gravitate towards.

Why do you want to make yourself appear happy? When you really are deeply happy, you automatically have a twinkle in your eye or a small smile (or a big grin ) on your face. Why not rather work on that?