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| Over in Angela's ugh. I feel sort of horrible. thread, some of us discovered a shared fear of vulnerability when Angela said: Quote:
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So, let's talk about it. Personally, I've got a history that makes a pretty strong argument for maintaining a *shields up* type of persona. But I'm well aware doing so keeps out the good stuff as well as the threatening. What steps do we take to get on the path of being ok with letting the chips fall where they may, as Z advises?
__________________ ~Lola~ "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e e cummings |
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__________________ Amnar: Experience it. In These Heels? - Life, the universe and writing. Do you know where your towel is? |
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| Vulnerability is scary. It's kind of akin to the trust issue I was talking about in my thread. But I think it has to do with your view of reality. If you truly hold the veiw that nothing that happens to you can diminish you (the real you, not ego you) then would you not become unafraid of being vulnerable? The question then becomes how do you install the new, empowering belief that would make a difference? Just thinking about being vulnerable freaks me out. I get panicky thinking about what will happen if I let down my defenses: I'll be used, abused, deserted, unloved, alone, rejected. Those are some pretty serious reasons why I personally shy away from being vulnerable. It's as if the moment I let my guard down someone will immediately swoop in and betray me beyond remedy.
__________________ I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. --Green Day The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go. --Red Hot Chili Peppers |
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| Thanks Angela and Lola for starting this! I think it's important to recognize that willing to be vulnerable does indeed take courage and may be counter to our self-protective inclinations. On the other hand, it allows us to face what needs to be faced without our building walls and blocks. It helps bring the real and/or troublesome issues to the forefront instead of allowing us to make excuses and mask what we're really hiding from.
__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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| Well, we're thinking about all our habitual reactions to being vulnerable here. What would be possible for you if you were being vulnerable? What would you be powerfully creating, how would you be loving your life, if you were being vulnerable? It occurs to me: I wonder how many people will read this thread and think, "oooohhhhh, I don't want to be vulnerable. I'm not going to post in THAT thread and be vulnerable!" I think we have this habitual way of thinking about vulnerability: the susceptibility to being hurt or open to attack. Like that's a BAD thing. Just to be clear, when I'm talking about generating a new way of being: being vulnerable; I'm talking about a non-traditional definition of that word. That is: being available and accepting, looking boldly for the truth in what others say about me, letting go of habitual and reactive self-protection, and feeling safe and supported, regardless of what others say or do or my own negative self-talk. I'm not looking for a fox to eat my soft white underbelly! edit: oh, yeah, and also being open to being hurt. Being open to the possibility that the pain has a valuable message, and is going to keep generously eating my underbelly until I get the message. Really, pain is a benefactor. (how does THAT set you off and push your buttons?!?) |
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__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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| Yeah, freaks me, too. I mean, really. In the other thread I said just thinking about it, I could feel my blood pressure spiking. (And my stomach tightening up, my *spidey senses* bristling, my must-seek-chocolate alarm going off!). I wonder if I can even get to the point of taking active steps towards treatment like NLP if I get such a physiological stress reaction just thinking about it? And, aspiring, you're right. Of course you are. There IS nothing that can diminish the REAL me, nothing that can damage me beyond remedy. Z - one thing your walls and blocks brings to mind, is if there's a fortress protecting a treasure, doesn't the very presence of the fortress invite marauders and thieves? Are we perhaps inviting the very hurt we fear by building our walls of protection?
__________________ ~Lola~ "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e e cummings |
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| Lola, I was saying that we spend too much time building walls and blocks instead of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. I was trying to say we should take on what we need to, without building those walls. I hope that make sense.
__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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The thing is, with the reaction inside us so strong (like Lola mentioned) it's hard to really *get* that it could be a wonderful thing. Quote:
__________________ I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. --Green Day The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go. --Red Hot Chili Peppers |
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| I keep catching myself wanting to explain to all of you all of my Very Good Reasons for NOT allowing vulnerability. (Because then, of course, you'll let me off the hook and I will not have to be brave or bold or face deeply buried issues or be a fox's dinner).
__________________ ~Lola~ "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e e cummings |
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| Yeah, I think the traditional definition of vulnerability is really charged. I just looked up the origination of the word: vulnerabilis: Latin for "wound" and it just so happens the same base as "vulva." If we admit to a willingness or capability of being wounded or entered, then it feels like an invitation for others to hurt us or take control over us. That doesn't feel good. I may be willing to be vulnerable, but I don't want to let anyone know I'm vulnerable, cuz they might hurt me! I wonder if we focus on the kind of courage and willingness that we here are talking about, if we could take the charge out of the word and create something really inspiring for ourselves. |
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| I think some of the most compelling reasons for allowing ourselves to be vulnerable are to experience life fully, build strength and resilience and to be open and accessible to those we love.
__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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| Perhaps a willingness to be vulnerable is different from being defenseless.
__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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| I think it is different, but it sort of implies defenselessness, doesn't it, when we feel ourselves saying it. |
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I doubt you will ever find as many people in one place who will not let you off of the hook and would gladly feed you to a fox (for your own good of course). I am kidding.
__________________ I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. --Green Day The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go. --Red Hot Chili Peppers |
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| Ha! That's what I was just thinking. I am fine with being vulnerable -- so long as no one finds out about it.
__________________ I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. --Green Day The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go. --Red Hot Chili Peppers |
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Here's a great quote from Leo Buscaglia: “The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.”
__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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__________________ ~Lola~ "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e e cummings |
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Here I am walking around fully aware that I am not about to let anyone close enough to wound me. And look at my signature, for chrissake! ETA::so...moving up the emotional scale from fear to anger...
__________________ ~Lola~ "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e e cummings |
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| I have been working on this positive thing. Being silly helps to keep me from crying and going all Blender-Frog-Chicken-Diva.
__________________ I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. --Green Day The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go. --Red Hot Chili Peppers |

