One step forward- two steps back..

[danas]

Last week I was feeling finally over my ex. In my heart I wished him well and felt free, happy and open.

Then out of the blue he called. Not wanting to get back or anything romantic, but he said he had always enjoyed talking with me and just felt like chatting, so we had a friendly talk about daily life, his dreams (I would always interperet them), family, work etc.(not "us")

It was nice but I didnt feel so great after, it just opened up old feelings again. so I texted him that it was nice to chat but I need some distance for now. he wrote: OK take care of yourself

Since then every night I hold myself not to call him. Suddenly I miss him so much, and want to hold him. I find myself typing out text messages which I never send...
But NO- I dont want to go back to him. intuatively I feel there is someone else for me. And we obviously didnt get on, (and I dont think he wants to get back either.)
But since I told him I need my distance I cant stop thinking about him. At night Im wondering around sleepless. I havent acted on my desire to call him cause I'm afraid to ...

I started seeing someone new for a while, nice and attractive, but when he told me he was falling in love with me after the 4th date(!), I decided to stop seeing him. I just ended another phone conversation with a freind who told me that he wanted more then friendship. I politely but frankly said NO to him too. I guess Im not ready yet.
I guess calling the ex would be a bad move, I know this, but its turning to something much bigger in my mind, and stopping me from moving on...
any suggestions?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Since I myself have taken a giant leap back (my ex and I have "gotten back together") I'd like to give you my take on this.

You have said that you don't want to go back to him, that you feel there is someone else for you and that you don't get on well. Answer is right there. I know that it sucks, but I think you've done a good thing by telling him you would like to cut off contact. He's the familiar, regardless of how good that comfort zone actually was or was not. It will be very easy to confuse yourself into seeing him more, getting physical or even getting back together. And it's really clear you don't think that's best. So, just don't contact him at all. You've asked him already to break contact, so just hold him to that. I think it takes more time than we like to believe to get over a relationship of any length and intimacy. I think you just need time.

That all sounds kind of strict considering the choice I've made. I think in my case I don't have the certainty you do that we are better off apart. Just from what I've seen you post around here, you know it's best to move on. The only way I think you can do that effectively is to have a period of no contact at least for a time. After a few months you may be able to talk as friends...do you even want to be friends with this guy? That question might tell you a lot as well.

I know it is really, really hard. I don't know if I've made the right decision either. Yet if your intuition is telling you not to call, don't!

[danas]

Thanks alot aspiring.
So youve gone back , I hope it works out well for you.
Going back for me is not an option now. I just wish I could be so clear minded as I was before he contacted me. Now suddenly because I was the one who made the decision to stop all contact, the rebel in me wants to break the rules. But this will probably only make me more frustrated- because I cant change him.
Im not sure we can be friends because as for now when Im with him or even talk to him there is always a part of me wanting for it to be romantic, and when its not it saddens me and reminds me of the "faliure" of the relationship. So you are right. best to stay away, now its even clearer

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

See, you already know what's right for you. It is hard to stick to it, but I think it will be easier if you stay away. Delete his number from your phone, remove his email or im contacts, everything. Have someone you can call when you get the urge to call him or contact him.

Or keep his number in your phone, but change the name to "Do you really want to answer that?"