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03-28-2008, 09:28 PM
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 ugh. I feel sort of horrible. I have had a knowing without knowing for the last couple of weeks, and this morning I woke up and checked it out directly with Danger Man -- it turns out that he has broken an important promise and had kept a secret from me for a couple of weeks. An integral promise for our relationship. I am so surprised and dismayed that he was dishonest with me. It hurts. He apologized profusely and committed to doing whatever it takes to build trust back. He said he loves me and wants to make this work. I do, too. He explained his point of view and I totally get what he's saying, and I can see that something I could be bringing to the relationship that I have not been bringing, that would make a difference. He said he was relieved, because he was feeling the pain of withholding, and he thanked me for my intuition. We'll be seeing a therapist together with the intention of finding a third alternative synergistic solution. I can see there are things for me to let go of, and things to generate, and I'm willing, and I believe that he is, too. My brain is glad, and optimistic for our relationship. BUT right now, I am really hurting. Ouch. I think I am asking you please for some comforting words. Ouch. Ouch.      |
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03-28-2008, 09:40 PM
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| I love you and I am fully behind you with support and encouragement that you will be able to handle this. I keep typing other things, but they all sound really stupid. So I'll just say I am here for you and you can PM me if you want also.
__________________ I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. --Green Day The more I see, the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go. --Red Hot Chili Peppers |
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03-28-2008, 09:47 PM
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| Oh Angela, now I know why I absolutely wanted to visit this internet cafe and write a few words to you! I won't give you any advice, your smart brain is able to handle this situation much better than everything I could tell you. As for the emotional part, I just love you. I wish I was there with you, to hug you and hold you tightly and give you a kiss on your cheek and tell you how wonderful you are  You have all my support!
__________________ Magical Chest - I'm Generating Hardcore Harmony |
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03-28-2008, 09:50 PM
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| Hi Angela, I see the wonderful advice and support you give to people on the boards and I only wish I could find some words to say that would be even half as comforting and insightful as those you would give. You know it's ok to feel hurt and upset and betrayed. An important boundary to you has been crossed and it hurts - damn it! Staying feeling hurt is not a good place to stay for very long, but I don't think you would want to anyway. You're not smothering it, your not denying it. You're dealing with it and facing up to it and that is the best and the most courageous thing you can do - and by golly girl you're doing it! It's great that you can see the positive potential for growth for both of you. John Demartini says that relationships aren't about making you happy, they are about challenging and making you GROW - so there you are sweetie, personal development and growth whether you wanted it or not Aren't you the lucky one?Big virtual hugs to you xxx I hope you feel better soon. |
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03-28-2008, 09:53 PM
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| Angela, I am very sorry that you are going through something that feels hurtful too you! Although I am sure it sounds trite, you now have the chance to break through to the next level of your fabulous relationship. You are always such an unwavering pillar of love and support to everyone here, I can only hope that you can feel some of that love showering back onto you right now. You are our wise and wonderful "guru of love" and now we get to give something back. Thank you! With lots and lots of love |
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03-28-2008, 09:53 PM
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| See, this is a perfect example of why you can't trust anyone, you think you know someone that you're really close to and they hold back secrets from you that wind up hurting you deeply. OK, just kidding there  (sort of....). Anyways I hope things work out with you and DM, and I couldn't have anything else to offer really besides my encouragement, as you're the one usually giving the advice rather than taking it .
__________________ Lightning Shock - My Blog Are there connections between Arizona and Ancient Egypt? |
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03-28-2008, 11:48 PM
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| Danger Man hid something from you for weeks. And - he only 'fessed up when you confronted him. No wonder you feel so crappy. I was just reading, in "A New Earth" on pg. 165, about going into the pain in order to create "space" around it. Feeling it totally: Quote:
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03-29-2008, 12:06 AM
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| Thank you for the words, love, and hugs, everybody, and for the head rub, Plato . I have cried after reading every one of these messages. Uber, thanks for reminding me... I think I will dip into that A New Earth advice, and to be aware of my pain body. |
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03-29-2008, 12:12 AM
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| Hey Angela, I just wanted to know I'm feeling for you and keeping you in my thoughts. Relationships are very hard sometimes, I've definitely been going through some similar things as well. All the best in talking through everything with DM. {hugs}
__________________ Best, Dan Linehan |
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03-29-2008, 12:16 AM
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| BTW - express yourself. There is a lot of truth in what Steve said about embracing your feelings, and I'm getting a vibe that you are holding back.
__________________ Best, Dan Linehan |
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03-29-2008, 12:25 AM
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| Quote:
The important thing though is: I don't feel so alone with all you good people helping me. Thank you very, very much. |
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03-29-2008, 12:35 AM
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| Well, I don't mean holding back as far as telling us all the details. Just holding back in allowing yourself to feel how you feel. Its OK to have set backs. Nothing to hide from.
__________________ Best, Dan Linehan |
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03-29-2008, 12:55 AM
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| Yeah, I couldn't put it into words how I am feeling -- like all the air got sucked out of every cell in my body and took all my words with it. "ouch" was as close as I could get. I've got some "I'm not entitled to hurt" thoughts going on, too. "Stop whining" is pretty loud in there, too. I do feel like I'm swallowing some pain. I'm thinking, a glass of great wine and a shower. Maybe "The Joy Luck Club." That oughtta get everything flowing. Where's the little crying smilie? |
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03-29-2008, 03:16 AM
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| I guess I didn't need the shower or the movie. I feel like such an idiot. I feel like such a nincompoop. What a stupid, stupid, stupid girl. what a crock of ****. Was he EVER going to tell me? It didn't even occur to him that this would hurt me? stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid |
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03-29-2008, 03:17 AM
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| You ARE entitled to feel hurt. And, you ARE entitled to "whine." Give Danger Man AND yourself room to be imperfect. In the big picture, perhaps this could be a great event - suffering burns up ego and transmutes pain-body. I think Tolle said: "relationships don't exist to make you happy...they exist to help you evolve and become more conscious." So, in the big picture, your relationship with Danger Man is totally fulfilling the highest good possible. You know I've gone through lots of pain myself (and still go through it now). So, I'm not just saying the above paragraph from a vacuum. I know how hard it is to keep perspective when you're in pain NOW. |
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03-29-2008, 04:32 AM
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| Biggest hug *ever* Angela! Don't really have the words to say but my thoughts are with you and much positive energy is directed your way!!
__________________ www.jenny-and-erin.com ~ join two friends on a tongue-in-cheek quest for understanding... |
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03-29-2008, 04:44 AM
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| I thought I remind you of a few wise words some person once said: Quote:
__________________ I am always open for feedback on my posts. That might focused on the argument at hand or on my writing style. If your feedback would go offtopic feel free to send me a Personal Message. I don't believe in Beliefs. |
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03-29-2008, 04:58 AM
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| I haven't been here long, but you have been the most welcoming to me and so helpful to me!!! I wish I could return the favor. But, I have no clue what to say when things suck other than.... sometimes things REALLY SUCK. ((((hugs)))) to you....
__________________ Life Less Distracted: my quest for a life less distracted. |
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03-29-2008, 05:29 AM
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| time Hi Angela, just be patient and eventually the truth will surface as far as the direction the relationship should take. i will pray about it for you and i hope its helpful. |
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03-29-2008, 10:55 AM
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| Thanks so much again everybody. It's 3am and I don't think I'm ever going to get to sleep. Just spoke with Danger Man and he's in the same sleepless boat. It makes me feel better, if a little selfish, to hear that he's got the same sick feeling in his stomach that I do. One big lesson I will take away from this whole debacle: Never, EVER again will I have red wine and peanut butter cup ice cream for dinner. |
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03-29-2008, 10:58 AM
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My thoughts are with you and I have every confidence that you'll be able to resolve this in the best possible way. J x
__________________ Amnar: Experience it. In These Heels? - Life, the universe and writing. Do you know where your towel is? |
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03-29-2008, 12:55 PM
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| Hi Angela, You know what you can cry, be angry, shout, throw things, bash a pillow into submission if it helps. You don't have to be reasonable and perfect ALL the time. So where does the thought that you are not allowed to 'whine' come from? I'm curious to know whose voice it is that you are hearing? What is making you think that you are not entitled to hurt? I remember when I did my coach training and one of the trainers told us to avoid the 'c' word. The 'c' word is 'coachlike'. She said one of the dangers to being a coach is that we feel we should always be coachlike, that we can't say when we are angry, or feeling sorry for ourselves because we feel we have a front to hold up. Is that what is going on for you or is it something else? I so admire your honesty and bravery in coming on here and telling us how you truely feel. I takes a lot of courage to show yourself as vulnerable. I know that you will find the best solution. I hope you've got some sleep. That 3 o'clock in the morning insomnia is just horrible. I hope when you wake you feel calmer and clearer. We are here to support you x |
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03-29-2008, 03:28 PM
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| Oh Angela! How I wish wish wish that we could all be there with you in a real, physical way ! (And I am not just saying that cuz I really, really like peanut butter cup ice cream either) Anyway, please know that I thought about you last night and wanted to check in on you the first chance I had this morning. With love |