Tough fiancee situation

[timeline]

Hello everyone,

I am in a complex situation and I need your advice about it.

I am with a girl for about 9 months, we are engaged and we plan to get married. The thing is that she wants a baby in the near future and I dont want a baby in the near future, I have other plans.

The situation is even more delicate because she just discovered that she has a medical issue and she needs to have a baby as soon as possible, at least thats what the doctor said.

We talked yesterday, we were both very sad because of this discrepancy in our thoughts and feelings and we agreed that I think over for 2 days and give her an answer about the baby.

I was thinking why I really don't want a baby right now and I think the main reason is because we are together for a small period of time and I don't want to have a baby this fast. I am thinking that things could not work out anymore and if we have a baby it would be bad. We fight at least once a week and I am not 110% convinced anymore that everything will work out well in the future thus my main reasons.

She wants the baby more than anything else, she told me that if I don't want the baby we have to break up because she will never forgive me if by an unfortunate in the future she couldn't have a baby. Maybe even finding someone else that agrees for the baby.

We bought things together, we are together in my apartment, but I am feeling pretty bad about the whole situation. I am in a very bad state of ambivalence, on one hand I want to get out of this mess completely and be single again on the other hand it breaks my heart seeing her suffering about the baby and all the things we planned for the future.

Thank you all!

[Alison Jenkins]

I've just sent you a message offline
Alison

[Angela]

Wow, you're in a tough spot. Have you explored other options yet, like freezing some eggs or considering future adoption?

[timeline]

No we didn't consider that, thanks for the suggestion Angela! I'll talk to my girlfriend about it, by the way she has uterine fibroma which is not at all something rare to women in their 30s or 40s but my gf just turned 26.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hey, timeline. I am sorry you're going through such a tough time. Having children is a big decision and very important (one way or the other) for a lot of people. It's especially difficult to think straight when you have a medical diagnosis that puts things into a "now or never" kind of scenario. I think it's a great idea to talk about saving some eggs or possibly adopting in the future. Having the immediate pressure of doing something right now taken off would probably give the two of you more time to calmly figure out what you want and when. As it is you are facing giving up a lot by having a baby and she is facing possibly giving up a lot by not doing so. Either of those solutions -- to have now or not (and break up) -- are hard. But look for those other possible solutions!

I just wanted to add my support. I hope you are able to work this out with your fiancee. Welcome to the forums.

[ElleBlue]

The freezing of the eggs is a good idea. Whatever you do, don't have children until you feel ready. Issues with children bring an entirely set of new problems on their own (but you know that already). If you are not ready (for whatever reason) child issues will only breed resentment in you and it will spill over. You are very smart to recognize that you are not ready yet.