What Do You Do When You No Longer Have Anything In Common With Your Friends?

[LikeTheRazor]

I've been in this personal development thing for a long time now and have made a lot of changes in myself and my life.

But now I don't have hardly anything in common with my old friends.

So what do you do when this happens?

Do you try to teach them what you've been doing?

Do you find new friends?

I think part of the problem is that most of the stuff I've been learning and doing has been on my own, in an independent way and relying heavily on the internet.

I have a lot of internet friends, but none really in real life who have stuff in common with the "new me".

How do I find people who have stuff in common with me in real life? People interested in entrepreneurship, building business, wealth, health, social dynamics, personal development / self-improvement, etc. Where do you find these people, other than on this awesome forum of course .

If anyone has any advice, especially personal experience with this problem, it would be very much appreciated. Thanks.

[Angela]

People with interests like yours are everywhere. Just by opening yourself up to the sheer abundance of them (us), you're making yourself available to meeting them. You'll find yourself starting and engaging in conversations in which you don't apologize for the things you're interested in, but rather, are excited and enthused to explore them with like-interested folks.

They are (we are) the person who rings up your order at the store, the next person in line in front of or behind you, the person waiting at the bus stop, the person who falls into stride with you at the beach, the people you meet at your adult education class, the people you work with, the people in your yoga group, the person who shows up to go skydiving at the same time you do, the people in your writing/biking/hiking/salsa dance/cooking/book club/coven/greek festival/Lotus 7 group. Listen for them (us)!

Be inspired, be enthusiastic, be a person you'd like to meet. Good luck!

[The Cloud]

I went through the same thing you are going through, feeling as if things you know and the person you are is simply not understood by the people you used to spend your time with. The only solution I can think of is to devote time to looking for new people with your interests. I personally tried doing that, and while it wasn't successful it did allow me to move beyond feeling the need to be understood. Once I stopped needing to be understood, I stopped feeling the need to find more and better friends. Will I find some eventually? Likely. But I don't need to, and it's the need that was so unbearable.

[LifeFirst]

It's funny because I feel the same way. I can see it actually.

Difference between me and my friends is that I bleed red, they bleed green. All they talk about are their jobs and how many cars they're gonna buy. It's like kryptonite to my ears.


Also just really cliche conversations, maybe it's not cliche for them, but for me it's no wonder I rarely talk when I'm with them.

[Ree]

When we are ready, teachers will appear; so says A Course In Miracles.

I was hesitant at first to discuss the new ideas and beliefs I was forming, but I found a few folks, including close friends I already have and new individuals with whom I came into contact, very interested in my new discoveries. In one case, an old friend was way ahead of me but hesitant to bring it up to anyone. You might be surprised

I can relate to what you're saying though. It's kind of a lonely road. One thing I have come to realize is that I don't need a lot of friends, I don't need to run with a large crowd and be universally accepted. It took a while but eventually I moved past that. Now, I appreciate the few friends and acquaintances with whom I'm able to discuss all things.

[Plato]

What do you mean you have nothing in common? Are you still human? Do you still enjoy the company of other humans? I don't see what the problem is.

[ElleBlue]

I'm going through the same thing now. My plan of action is to try to teach everyone. For those who are receptive, (and are willing to search out some things on their own and not expect me to spoon feed them) they can "come along" for the ride. If they are resistant, I try not to bring it up to them at all.

Then there are those that are very negative. I'd never realized how negative they are until I started studying LOA. I have just distanced myself from them. I don't call them as often and if they want to nay say LOA or have a pity party, I tell them they are "bringing me down" and I have to go.

[Rockchick26]

I have this same problem! I too have tried to get my friends into all the stuff i learn,like i've sent them links to some of Steve and Erin's podcasts,then i ask them if they listened to them and they said they haven't had time yet. I've spent hours typing up things from books i've been reading,and they read them and say "cool!" but they forget about it 5 seconds later. This is frustrating and i know exactly how you feel. Then you start to feel like you need to make new friends. It's hard to live a certain philosophy when nobody else around you does. It is hard to make friends in real life who are into something that you discovered online. Too bad there wasn't a social networking site for this kinda thing,instead of dating sites.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Plato

What do you mean you have nothing in common? Are you still human? Do you still enjoy the company of other humans? I don't see what the problem is.

Yes we're all humans but "things in common" means interest,hobbies,goals,etc. It's hard to feel close to people that are so different from you.

[Plato]

I know exactly what you're talking about Rockchic and I've since decided it's a limiting belief. I've been through it too. I felt everything my friends did was alien and wrong and most disturbingly I felt the need to correct them- as if it mattered! But soon I came out the other side and realised that I was deriving my sense of self from my opinions. Therefore people with different approaches to life were a threat to my egoic association with personal development. This problem completely dissolved when I stopped seeking to identify with both my environment and my opinions.

Then my eyes were opened and I really saw my friends and I didn't see people wallowing in their own ego... I saw people who wanted to socialise and have a good time. I realised the important thing is to be the light of energy that raises the consciousness of the group, in the moment. My priority became changing my friends' moods, not their minds. People will love and appreciate you for that, they don't appreciate being told to change and it's futile telling them because they won't.

The important thing is not knowing about consciousness. It's experiencing it. Don't make personal development into an ideology that holds you back and feel apart from the group. That is an ego trap.

[verbors]

Leave them.

Just joking, but you should find new friends who shares your passion - people on this forum for example. People in my school don't really care about personal development (there may be some but not a lot, it would be hell to try and find them) so I came here to share my interests, however I am still their friend.

On the topic of whether you should teach them about personal development, I would say a bit. Drop a hint here and there, get them start thinking about it, but do no tell them exact what to do. They must find things out through their own curiosity, otherwise they won't learn. People don't like being told what to do.

If you try to teach them they will find you boring. What you say wouldn't be relevant to them so they blank out. It's like talking about golf to a basketball player. They do not think they need to development, so why do they need to know what you are teaching. As Rockchick said, they will forget what ever you told them.

[enterflora]

Everyone is different. It is perhaps easier in forums because everyone is there for the same reason. I feel there is more materialistic rivalry and less space for discussion between real life friends. I find it really hard to talk about clothes and shoes because although I like physical things, it is nicer to talk about how to be a better person and deal with problems. I have only ever found a handful of people I really feel close to, but I've never given up on my other, less philosophical friends. It is no use asking them to think differently, being preachy would just push them away, but I enjoy their company. Maybe, though I don't mean to be naggy, you could look for people you can connect with on another level, even if it takes time. But old friends are important, even when a few drift apart, and they should still be able to make you happy.

[fascinoma]

I have the issue of people always saying, "Why not meet them at work".

Well, where I work is only the first step in a long ladder I'm going to climb, but it's an entry level position not requiring any education and barely any English. I don't tend to have much in common with other people in my same job.

I DO miss some aspects of previous line of work... made friends, even dates, it was easy because most people I worked with shared my basic lifestyle, politics and level of education. I comfort myself knowing that when I reach my goal a few years down the road, the same will be true again, and that the experience working with people from all walks of life that I'm having at the moment, will be invaluable to me since I want to add "novelist" to my list of things I'll be. [I'm an ex computer software quality engineer, now doing home health care and plan to eventually become a Family Nurse Practicioner. For a long time I wanted to be a doctor, but I wear "too many hats" in my life already - artist, writer, friend, spouse, spiritual seeker, etc - and would have to take too many of them off to do that - and I'm just not a Type A person.]

I have the experience too of my friends from old crowd being negative, especially toward the new goal-oriented me. I hung out with dreamy, unfocused types of people in my 20s, we'd spend our entire time looking for ways to entertain each other and ourselves, but generally kept each other "down". We were negative about each other having success in work and romance.

At 34 I just feel like my time left is too short and I don't have time to waste. I just don't waste my time with negative people if I can help it.

[Rapid]

Hi, everyone. I highly recommend Meetup.com. Your search for specific topics of interest will likely turn up several clubs in your area.

I joined around August or September of last year and have had rewarding experiences and made some amazing friends!

Joining is free, although some club organizers ask for donations to cover food, etc.

Have fun!

[Rapid]

I would also like to say that it's okay to let old friendships gradually "fall away." You will find that making new friends with people whom you have more in common will add immensely to the quality of your life.

[danijelg]

Originally Posted by Plato

The important thing is not knowing about consciousness. It's experiencing it. Don't make personal development into an ideology that holds you back and feel apart from the group. That is an ego trap.

I can relate to this and confirm, because I was falling exactly into the trap myself. I was so excited with the whole personal development thing that I started alienating myself from friends. Fortunately, I have come to realize this trap and managed to escape from it's grasp.

Of course, I feel the need of bringing new people into my life, but I can also see a new value in my current relationships. I have started to show more compassion and kindness towards my friends, which I am sure they find strange (I have been quite a cold person) but I enjoy the new experience.

Please allow me to quote a song from one of my favorite bands, which describes the idea of reaching our full potential and keeping touch with the human spirit:

"I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm, to feel connected
enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power,
to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral
of our divinity and still be a human."

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

There are friends who have just drifted away due to what you describe. But I also have a core of several beautiful people who, no matter how different we have become or what we do, we are still friends. These people don't care if I like the same things as them and I don't care either. We are just there for each other. I think this type of friend is a soulmate. We can go long stretches of time without seeing or talking to each other and it doesn't diminish our friendship at all.

If the people you are friends with don't fit this mold, I still don't say drop them. Maybe there will be certain activities that you can still enjoy with them while you also pursue other friendships with people who share your newer interests.

While you are at it, get some friends like the ones I described above. That kind of love in incomparable.

[growingintoyou]

I have definitely been in your situation. Friends have falling outs all the time. My friends now aren't the same ones I had even 5 years. I still keep in contact with my old friends to stay updated on what is going on in their lives. People change and it is just a fact of life.

Tad
http://growingintoyou.com/

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

A couple of Steve's blog posts that might be helpful as well:

Social Drag
Are Your Friends An Elevator or a Cage?