eharmony!

[lifequest]

Hello!

I posted a couple of threads last autumn on this forum, and one was about how to start dating again. Here is the link:

How to change my approach on finding/dating guys?

Since then, I've bought a new wardrobe, which is much more feminine than what I used to wear, but it's still my own style (sorry, still no high heels, maybe next time! ). I've gotten compliments on what I bought from friends and family, so I consider I did a good job! I've even met a guy, we went out a couple of time and he was nice, but it wasn't going anywhere so we called it off.

At the moment, I'm looking to suscribe to a dating website, probably eharmony, as it was suggested to me by Angela in the previous thread. I'm interested in knowing how eharmony works:
- which deal is best for subscription (1,3,6 or 12 months)
- how to unsuscribe (I've read people have had some difficulties with that)
- what precautions to take when meeting someone on internet, i.e. how to avoid horror stories (ex.: I'll have to buy a cellphone, since I don't already have one and there no way I'm giving a guy over the internet my landline number!!!)
- how to filter out jerks and keep in the good guys
- any other useful informations

Thanks!

Lifequest

[jaamkie]

hey! never tried real dating sites, but have met guys off craigslist for coffee and have had several good experiences (one is still an ongoing story..., another just wanted a date to the opera- it was fun, another I dated for a month before just deciding he wanted to be too serious too quick for me) and zero bad ones- of course you meet in public etc and let a friend know where you are and who you're with... really it's probably a lot safer than meeting some random guy drunk in a club.

I strongly believe that you get back what you put out- if you're needy/desperate or overtly sexual well that's probably the sort of guy you'll attract. Be yourself, honestly state what you're looking for, and don't worry too much about all the guys that you'll have to reject just be nice but honest with them. Writing your profile or whatever don't try to impress anyone but do be polite/respectful and not too personal/negative- just as you would when meeting someone new in person. Also it is a good exercise to figure out what you're really looking for in a guy- I realized I need someone very independent, smart and thoughtful, low-maintenance, vegan, and not a TV watcher (and I found him!).

[aabbcc]

Personally, I would say not to bother with eharmony. It's a business. They want to keep you buying their service so that they continue to make money. I think that's the true purpose of pay-to-meet dating sites. As a goof one weekend, I spent half an hour filling out eharmony's questionnaire as part of a "free" weekend deal. Unfortunately, those two days weren't even free. They wanted a credit card number and said I would be reimbursed for that time later. Um, yeah, don't think so. It didn't matter anyway because I only had one match ... in the entire country, there was only one person who they thought I was compatible with. Are you kidding me?

If you want to try meeting someone online, go to Plenty of Fish. They are completely free and they have forums where you can hang out and talk to people. It's a very popular place and I've met several really nice folks there.

If you decide to go the eharmony route, I hope you post about your experience there. I'd be interested in reading about it.

Good luck!

[Matthew Shea]

A friend of mine signed up for eHarmony. The ex-boyfriend she had just broken up with was in the first group of matches.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Matthew Shea

A friend of mine signed up for eHarmony. The ex-boyfriend she had just broken up with was in the first group of matches.

AWKWARD!

[Angela]

Then again, I got matched with Joni Mitchell's ex-husband.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Matthew Shea

A friend of mine signed up for eHarmony. The ex-boyfriend she had just broken up with was in the first group of matches.

That is awesome .

[Angela]

The great thing about eHarmony, as opposed to the you-pick-'em dating sites, is that they're pretty skillful about matching you with people with whom you're compatible, and breaking your own hard-fought patterns about who would be a good match for you. You might keep picking the same kind of person who you think is your "type", but this system helps you open your horizons to see that you've been limited by your own habitual thinking. Plus, it's just fun to communicate with someone and see how chemistry can develop, as opposed to the habitual thought that you either have it or you don't, and you can size it up in one quick meeting or photograph.

I had so much fun communicating with people who were surprisingly compatible with me -- me! such an odd duck, and I met literally hundreds of really interesting men on there. If I hadn't gone through my eHarmony experience, I don't think I would have been anywhere near as open to a relationship with Danger Man, who wasn't "my type" and I definitely wouldn't have picked him by a photo on match.com or so.

I didn't find Danger Man through eHarmony, but it sure paved the way for me.

Too bad they don't open it up to gay people -- I think that's a big mistake not to.

By the way, Lifequest, you might want to get a Skype-in number for $3 a month while you're online dating. That way you can keep that communication world completely separate and secure, as well as speak for free or very cheaply to long-distance matches. You can video-talk on there, too, and screen your potential suitors even more conveniently!

[sheffy4]

Hi Lifequest,

I did the match.com thing a while ago, and I met my current boyfriend on there. We've been dating for about a year and a half now. I'm still not 100% sure he's "the one", but even if he isn't, I have learned so much in this relationship!

Anyway, I would recommend doing a 3 month subscription to start. However, you are right that it is hard to un-subscribe. After I met my boyfriend and we started being exclusive, I thought I got rid of my profile on match.com, but I guess I didn't. Almost 8 months later, I look at my credit card bill and realize that they have been charging me every month for the service. I was so angry, I tried to call them, but of course they make it nearly impossible to get any customer service. So I did the next best thing: I reported my credit card "lost or stolen" to my bank, and they canceled it and sent me a new one. That way match.com didn't know my new credit card number and couldn't charge me anymore.
Good luck with the online dating! And Have fun!

[lifequest]

Hi, thanks for the replies everyone!

I decided to try a 3 months subscription to eharmony, to see what it's like. And I got 50% off on the suscription price because I had started to fill the questionnaire a while back, hadn't finished it, and they sent me emails with specials to get me to finish it. I guess it worked!

I'm going through the process of "guided communication" with 2 guys, it's interesting to see how it works. I must say that I appreciate the fact that they do a sort of screening before hand.

Thanks for the skype tip Angela, I'll check it out.

Lifequest