do I apologize?

[jaamkie]

So a friend's dad died early this morning, I had known and been in contact with him trying to be supportive- I sent him a maybe rude/presumptuous text in reply to his and am wondering if I should apologize or just leave it alone.

What I wrote: "Yes. Sleep? He is released not gone and will be with you even as you grieve for him"

I was half awake when I wrote it, and it was strange because I had woken an hour or two before and felt like I knew and was just waiting for him to text and confirm it. So I was sort of somewhere between awake and asleep, and it wasn't what I meant to say it just sort of came out. Then I fell asleep and had weird dreams-in-dreams ending with a dream where I had woken up from the others and was IMing with the guy about everything trying to be comforting, he was showing me his other friends' IMs being supportive as well, I explained/apolgized for the text, but then my manager IMed asking where I was, so I said goodbye to the guy, (really) woke up and rushed to get ready because I really was a bit late for work. So anyway, I don't know what to think- if I should apologize for it or try to explain that I was half-asleep and it wasn't what I meant or just leave it alone...

Sorry if the tone of this is grumpy- though I didn't go out last night I feel as if I have a horrible hangover or something...

[Angela]

Texting is not the best means of communication for some things, and a note of condolence is one of them!

You don't need to apologize; just let him know your heart and thoughts are with him.

[jaamkie]

yea really txts're not my favorite thing, but it is what he chooses and I can't ignore them, and calling has seemed too intrusive... we'd mostly been emailing daily, but since he's been at the hospital and not at a computer... whatever blundering things I've said up to this point have apparently been enough for him to want to keep talking to me sharing it all, but I want to help not make it worse...

[Joely]

What's the problem with the message? I thought it was a lovely, supportive thing to say to be quite honest. If somebody sent me that after my father died, I'd feel as though I was fully supported and loved by them. It's a wise and gentle thing to say.

[DayInTheLife]

I'm not sure what you meant by your message, but don't worry about it. Don't apologize.

[jaamkie]

I don't quite know what I meant myself... I half-remembered I'd sent it so read it this morning and started worrying he would take it badly. We've talked/emailed quite a bit about religion etc, so he knows I have a lot of doubts and read a lot of non-christian things and can't really explain what I believe, while he is more traditionally christian (though still in a wondering open-minded way; so he usually accepts my uncertainties)- so I feel like I'm in no position to say anything about what happens after death, anything I say could sound rather presumptuous or insincere or something...

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

so I feel like I'm in no position to say anything about what happens after death, anything I say could sound rather presumptuous or insincere or something...

Your care can be sincere no matter what you think happens after we die...or even if you haven't a clue. I found most things people said to me after my grandma died to be of the "things we say when someone dies" variety. But the words weren't the main point. They were attempting to make a connection and show they care about me while I was grieving. That's the important part.

I don't think you need to apologize. Just let him know you are there if he needs you and that you care about him.