Social communication problems

[Tea of Doom]

Hello every1,

I have a weird problem in interpersonnal communication i want to get rid off. Every time i speak with a person of my age in a non-professional context I automatically start to brag ( even if it's little it's still noticeable) about myself, and it really isn't appealling for them, so the conversation soon ends up in an uncomfortable silence. As a result, the person doesn't particularly want to talk to me anymore and i feel really pissed about myself.

Recently I've tried dealing with this by promising to myself not to brag for a whole day. It worked. But this time, instead of bragging I just didn't know what to say. It felt like a complete dumbass. I was as talkative as a stone would be. And the conversations didn't last longer thant the standart: ''Hello, how are you?''

My intuition told me that I should talk to people about what interests them. But that didn't go on so well either. Maybe because i lack tact. I'm pretty much used to be a ''straight to the point'' type of person, wich is unpleasent for a lot of people.


Right now i'm still trying to communicate with people based on their interests but i'm making very slow progress.

Any1 has any comments, suggestions?

Thank you for your time,
Tea of Doom

[Angela]

So, in past conversations you have generated insecurity, competition, tactlessness, discomfort, and being pissed. I can see where that would leave you feeling less than inspired.

What would inspire you, if you were generating it in your conversations? What would you like to create? What would you like people to walk away feeling after a conversation with you? What would you like to feel?

For me, it's important to generate freedom, connection and joy in conversation. What is it for you?

[Brella]

I always find asking people questions about themselves and geuinely being interested in their life and them and helping them with problems and ideas is really good way to communicate without seeming self obsessed or bragging.

I travel alot and I realised when I went back home Id brag about all the places Ive been to and how fun it was and realised quickly that people just get irritated.So Id wait for them to ask how my travels where,and if they didnt Id ask about their life and genuinely be interested in what they where doing instead of waiting for my turn to talk about me!

Try reading "dont sweat the small stuff" (Ithink thats what its called) I flicked through it once and it had some good thoughts on how to communicate effectively with people in a thoughtful way.

[Tea of Doom]

Thank you fro your advice Brella, i'll look that book up.

As for your inquiry Angela, i would really like if people could get away from me thinking: ''hmm, he's an interesting guy it would be nice to talk to him some other time''

The thing is, It's not like if I was making a false image about myself when I brag. My bragging usually consists of telling stuff that I actually accomplished and that i am genuinely proud of. I DO have a potential that people can be intersted in, it's just that when i talk about it people begin to feel uncomfortable.

[robertanthony]

Have a look at this - theres a concept about 'being present' this might be something that you could look at Emotional Intelligence 101: Discover the keys to Happiness and Success in Life!

[robertanthony]

I have just sent a message to steve about my posts being removed - the above question may be about 'being present'. Emotional Intelligence 101: Discover the keys to Happiness and Success in Life!

[Dan.Linehan]

Hi robertanthony. Your posts were not removed, but flagged by Askimet because of the high ratio of links.

[Rockchick26]

I have this problem too! I have a hard time showing interest in them because I feel like i might be overstepping bounds and i dont want to make anyone feel uncomfortable,so all i know how to do is talk about myself. Which is selfish and wrong. I have also tried not doing that,and i,too,just end up quiet then,cuz i dont know what else to say! So you're not alone...i'm going to rest the rest of these replies too,maybe they can help me too!

[Tea of Doom]

Good to hear that from you Rockchick , atleast i'm not the only one having this problem.

robertanthony, i have searched your website for 'being present' and the only relevent result it gave me was:

"I have found that happiness is not something we look for and not something that is "out there" or out of our reach. Rather, it is about being present with what IS. It is about being grateful for what already exists in our life. Happiness is a moment- to- moment choice to focus on the beauty and abundance in our lives rather than on the lack.

However this has absolutely nothing to do with my bragging problem.

It would be good to hear more from you guys ( Angle and Brella)

[ElleBlue]

I usually ask people open ended questions and that usually gets the conversation rolling. When they say something that I know something about or want to know about it, I say something about it or ask them a question about it. Usually that's a recipe for a pleasant exchange.

[Tea of Doom]

I really like what you said ElleBlue. I'm going to try that to see how it works and keep you updated on that.

Meanwhile, other comments or suggestions would be appreciated.