Personal Development for Smart People Forums

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums


Go Back   Personal Development for Smart People Forums > Personal Development > Social & Relationships
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Social & Relationships Social skills, dating, family life, friends, soul mates, marriage, parenting, children, education, networking


Welcome to the Personal Development for Smart People Forums, the place for lively, intelligent discussion of all personal growth issues -- physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, and more.

You're currently viewing as a guest, which gives you limited read-only access. By joining our free community, you'll be able to post your own messages, access many members-only features, see the new messages posted since your last visit, and of course remove this header message. Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please join today.

If you arrived here from a search engine, you may want to explore the main site first, which includes hundreds of deep and insightful articles on a variety of personal development topics.
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2008, 05:21 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 28
BChris is on a distinguished road
Red face What do you want to give up but your brain don't?

I dont know if the title is clear but what I mean is when you have something that you say you want to quit doing but deep in your mind you dont actually want to.

In my example I consider myself introverted and I enjoy things such as Reading, Writting, Learning new things by myself. I want to be more social and outgoing but this is hard because deep inside I still want to be introverted and my mind dont want to quit doing this things. Im not enjoying life at its best doing things alone and passive so I know I need to change but Im struggling changing because of this.
__________________
For the ultimate information about technology visit http://www.technologymatter.com and if you want to learn cool things to be smart: http://www.bsmartbcool.com
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2008, 05:47 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 27
Marshall is on a distinguished road
Default

I'd second that. I tend to be more introverted than I'd ideally like to be. But more than just introverted in the casual way, I'd like to be more focused on helping others. Not being outgoing and preferring to keep to myself are both just manifestations of the deeper problem of focusing on what I want and what is good for me rather than what could be beneficial to others.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2008, 07:36 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3
highanddry is on a distinguished road
Default character study

First, you do not have to choose between the things you currently enjoy and those you would like to become better at. Becoming more socially adept is not something that must come at the expense of reading and writing. In fact, a love for literature and learning should be very helpful as you slowly integrate new social skills: most fictional stories are, at root, examinations of human interaction and relationships. They're about power, cooperation, deception, and friendship. Try looking at other people as real life examples of the characters from your books, and use the lessons learned therein. Don't abandon your reading; start applying it. If you enjoy writing, begin writing about the people you know, but still have trouble socializing with. Scribble out short character studies as though you're creating a new protagonist for a novel, but you're only allowed to use actual information you know about the person from real life. What are their motivations? What drives them? What do they care about? What important events in their life shaped the way they act? Once you get into it, you'll quickly find that you may not have enough raw data to derive good answers to these questions... so start asking. Find ways to slip innocuous questions into conversation - you'll find people love to talk about themselves if you only give them an opportunity. Make it a goal to collect one new piece of information every two or three days.

It's a game, it's built around your own strengths, and it will help you use those strengths to become more social (which will, I promise, make you more happy). Best of all, it gives you an excuse to do even MORE reading, writing, and learning.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2008, 08:48 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 163
Nelson is on a distinguished road
Default

I want to quit getting distracted by my friends so I can do more work, at the same time I want to have fun by hanging out with my friends.
__________________
www.warcraft-secrets.net
Free World of Warcraft guides for making gold, leveling up, private servers, addons and PvP.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2008, 11:44 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 696
Plato is on a distinguished road
Default

Anthony Robbins would agree. He says you have to change your associations NLP stylee, to make real change.
__________________
Welcome to my World
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2008, 01:14 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 504
Love is on a distinguished road
Default

I love eating crushed ice. I don't know how I got started eating it, but now I love it. However, sometimes I eat too much and I get a sore throat. I realize that it is completely stupid and that I should stop. I have tried stopping several times but have failed each time because deep down, I don't REALLY want to quit. Ah!
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2008, 11:19 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 217
jaamkie is on a distinguished road
Default

oh I feel the same way- there are not enough hours in the day, not enough energy to do everything- I want to volunteer more, take courses in economics, cook/bake and have dinner parties, draw more, learn to play an instrument, practice Arabic and Spanish, have more friends and keep up better with old ones, read a greater variety of books, focus and be more ambitious and have more energy at work, spend more time with family, exercise for longer amounts of time... there is just not enough time to do everything I want to do, and I have no idea how to prioritize- sometimes I think I should cut out most of it and focus, other times I want to try to fit it all in to be more well-rounded
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 03-23-2008, 11:56 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 73
Thomas is on a distinguished road
Default

David Allen recommends Someday/Maybe lists. That way, you are not overwhelmed by the richness of what life offers and can safely store ideas for later. The key to these lists is a periodical review to make sure that all things on the list are either still interesting enough to wait for a later moment or that those that are becoming hot enough for the current moment are actually become 'activated'/used.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 03-24-2008, 04:19 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 28
BChris is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas View Post
David Allen recommends Someday/Maybe lists. That way, you are not overwhelmed by the richness of what life offers and can safely store ideas for later. The key to these lists is a periodical review to make sure that all things on the list are either still interesting enough to wait for a later moment or that those that are becoming hot enough for the current moment are actually become 'activated'/used.
I'm going to try to make a Someday/Maybe list. Im going to have problems choosing what to do now and what to do later because I want to make a lot of things but for some reason end up doing nothing. huh!
__________________
For the ultimate information about technology visit http://www.technologymatter.com and if you want to learn cool things to be smart: http://www.bsmartbcool.com
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 03-28-2008, 03:34 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 33
danijelg is on a distinguished road
Default

This list is a great idea. In general it's good to write things down for later evaluation.

I think we end up doing nothing exactly because we try to do everything at once. You know - life is short and stuff. But the great lesson to learn is that prioritizing is not about letting go of interests and desires, it's simply leaving some of them for later. Life may be short, but if we end up doing nothing - it's also a life wasted.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 01:07 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 73
Thomas is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BChris View Post
I'm going to try to make a Someday/Maybe list. Im going to have problems choosing what to do now and what to do later because I want to make a lot of things but for some reason end up doing nothing. huh!
Try starting out with writing a list without title, i. e. just a collection of everything you'd like to do. Get your head completely empty of reminders. When you're done (no more items appearing) go through the list again and decide which things you'll do (read 'activate') and which not (read 'put on Someday/Maybe' lists). Of course, while you're doing this and in the future you may want to add to the first, basic collection list, which is ok. You should add to that list whenever you have something new you'd like to do. With time you'll be filing it into Active or Someday/Maybe directly, though, so you don't necessarily have to take the step of a collection list in between.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 04-03-2008, 01:09 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 73
Thomas is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by danijelg View Post
This list is a great idea. In general it's good to write things down for later evaluation.

I think we end up doing nothing exactly because we try to do everything at once. You know - life is short and stuff. But the great lesson to learn is that prioritizing is not about letting go of interests and desires, it's simply leaving some of them for later. Life may be short, but if we end up doing nothing - it's also a life wasted.
The key thought being that realizing that you can't possibly do everything during what people perceive to be life expectancy at the moment. Even if projects like SENS are completed to their utmost goals, limitations to some amounts will exist and prevent you from doing everything possibly possible. So, in some sense, the realization that you can't do everything and that some things won't get done make need for a way to do those things that are more important. And assigning importancy works best if you know your purpose and values.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
should I ask her again or give up? introspective1 Social & Relationships 26 04-10-2008 04:54 AM
Why do some guys just never give up?! Rose of Cairo Social & Relationships 55 03-30-2008 11:51 PM
Should I give up on this relationship? Indigo Warrior of Light Social & Relationships 6 05-29-2007 06:44 PM
Give yourself money Max Power Intention-Manifestation 9 05-22-2007 05:31 AM
We Get What Other People Give Us, Or We Get What We Give To The Universe PaulOtieno Intention-Manifestation 7 04-20-2007 09:41 AM


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:32 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.1.0
Copyright © 2008 by Pavlina LLC