guys' crying

[Pegasus]

The female privileges thread inspired me to ask this question:

When a guy cries, how is a woman witnessing this supposed to respond? Should she act like it's not a big deal or should she comfort him? Just wondering...

[Angela]

We'll give him something to cry about.

[Jennihul]

My guy has cried and not for any measley small reasons.

I'm not sure I would be compassionate if he was just a perpetual whiner and cried over stupid stuff but I don't think he'd have much patience if I was that way either.

Jennifer

[sheffy4]

The few times my boyfriend has gotten misty-eyed, I felt touched by his show of emotion, and I wanted to hug him or comfort him in some way, but he gives me a vibe like he doesn't want to be hugged or comforted. He usually tries to cover up the fact that he is crying.

[AnonymousOne]

Start yelling at him drill-instructor style for being weak. It's what guys really want.



Seriously, I'd say try to comfort him. No harm can come from that. If you ignore him or pretend not to notice, he might take it that you're disgusted with him (yes, really).

[silicon toad2000]

since I've had kids I cry a bit.
I watch 'the godfather' films every year on my birthday and always cry at the end.
I cried watching 'the patriot', when the little girl yelled out that she would say anything her daddy wanted to try and make him stay.
Got me right in the heartstrings that did because i just started travelling a bit for work and my kids dont want me to go.

Anyway, if I get a bit misty I'd much rather my missus ignored it than anything else. just let me have my moment and deal with it. Nothing she can say or do will change anything.

[Michael Chui]

Without any context whatsoever, it's a really hard question to answer. I know you didn't have any context (I read the thread to look for it), but well... context is important.

Who is she? What's her relationship to me? What do I think of her? What do I think of how she thinks of me? All of that affects how a male would want a female to react to tears.

But in general, if a woman really doesn't know, there are general rules for feeling out a novel situation.

1) Feel out their energy. What's going on? Why is s/he crying?
2) Do you actually want to do anything? If he's crying because he broke a nail, do you really want to get involved? If not, then stop here.
3) Get their attention. Exactly how depends on #1. Sitting down next to them, holding them, or just offering a tissue from arm's length.
4) Last, act:

When someone's in the middle of expressing an emotion, you've basically got two options. You can either facilitate or override. If expressing an emotion is taking them somewhere bad, you need to override it. Otherwise, facilitate it (get it out of their system, let them figure out why they're feeling it, if they don't know). Overriding is done by triggering some other emotion, or just distracting them. Both of these are forms of comforting.

Also, yes: completely gender-neutral.

[evelynlim]

I would think that the female should act from her heart. It is usually the case that she will connect to her state of compassion and kindness for her mate who is feeling sorrow.

Evelyn

[Trezker]

Cry #1: Well made TV/movie moment. I'll still wanna watch the rest so don't give me that hug until the show ends.

Cry #2: Moment of great joy. This kind of crying allows just about any kind of action, I'll be laughing even if you punch my stomach...

Cry #3: Life is hard. I could use someone to hug me. This is probably the kind of crying you're wondering about. I generally don't break down around people, but if I do I'd accept hugs. Talking during a breakdown is moot, you can just give a hug every other minute until the emotional storm blows over. I do one thing at a time, crying first, talk later.

[Ecstasy]

Personally, I think it's best if you leave him alone and give him some space initially. You can talk to him later if he wants to.

[Pegasus]

I was thinking in terms of Trezker's Cry #3. Let's say the woman is a girlfriend or a wife or a platonic friend.

[Trezker]

I guess the "men do not cry" (Red, that 70's show) kind of guy would be very offended if a woman tried to comfort him. I'm not one of those, I'll let tears run if appropriate because I think it's good for your health.

[Plato]

Doesn't matter- if he's upset enough to cry he probably doesn't care what you do. Or he's overcome by emotion and isn't actually upset. For example I got teary at the end of Star Wars episode III.

edit: actually just use your intuition- e.g. if his mum's just died give him a hug but if he shows signs of wanting to be alone, take the hint.

[Marshall]

Hmm... difficult. Context is everything. For me in general, I'd say a hug would be appreciated. But don't try to talk. In my experience, if I'm that upset about something, talking probably isn't going to help. It will likely either be ignored or come across as patronizing, which is one of the reasons guys tend to shy away from crying in front of people.

[Old Soul]

Actually you can tell alot about a person by what makes them cry and what makes them laugh...

I would be worried about a man who does not cry , not a man who cries now and then

[frajilthunder]

Originally Posted by Pegasus

When a guy cries, how is a woman witnessing this supposed to respond?

Remove all articles of clothing except footwear. Chances are he'll stop crying right away.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by frajilthunder

Remove all articles of clothing except footwear. Chances are he'll stop crying right away.

I think I'd start crying.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I think it depends on why he's crying, but if it's #3 then I would offer support in the form of a listening ear or a hug. If that's well received then I would continue on trying to help. If it seems he doesn't want to talk or anything I would give him some space. My experience is in both kinds of instances eventually he did want someone to listen, but not necessarily right away, and not necessarily to give advice or try to fix it.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Michael Chui

I think I'd start crying.

I should explain that.

When a woman starts crying, a man doesn't remove all articles of clothing except footwear. Though I'm sure a free-of-charge gigolo would do wonders to some demeanors.

[Plato]

No, it's still not funny :P

[missing]

and i still don't get it.

[ElleBlue]

What I do if I see a guy crying is. I put my arm around him. I sit with him a while and see what HE wants to do for comfort. If he starts talking, I listen and say something meaningful based on what he's saying.

All my exes were "real men don't cry" types and frankly, I think that's a turn off. We ALL have emotions and trying to squelch them will only lead to ulcers.

[Alison Jenkins]

I always remind men it's normal to cry. It depends upon the circumstances but I have seen many men cry throughout my personal and professional life. Sometimes I would give them a hug, sometimes I would hold their hand and other times I would give them the opportunity to talk. If it was over a film then I'd probably not comment.

Alison

[WRX AJT]

In all real honesty, the only times I've ever cried were when my Grandma died in '97 and just recently in Janurary, when my very close friend died at the age of 21 from overdose. I never cried at the funerals, but when I was alone and I heard a sad song come on the radio...I'd let loose.