problem with friends acting distant with me

[Rockchick26]

I might seem really angry over this but keep in mind,this incident just happened 5 minutes ago so i'm mad about it right now. But i am fed up with this happening so i had to vent. There probably isn't any advice for me except to stop talking to these people,but that isnt in my nature to just drop friends like that.

First i'll tell you about what just happened. This friend lives in another state and we have never met but we've been talking online for about 5 years. We almost planned a trip to go to a concert together next month but didn't because neither of us has the money for a trip. Anyway,me and her have always been super close,we've always emailed each other and chatted almost every day. When her internet was down,we even mailed handwritten letters. We consider each other one of our best friends.

About a month ago is when this kinda started,we both talk to this band on Myspace,and she is in love with one of the guys. He messaged me too. For a reason i won't go into cuz it's just too much explaining,she has my password on there (thats how close we are). She read one of his messages and deleted it and lied to me about it and told me she didnt. So according to her it just deleted itself,apparently. Well i decided to let it go. But things have been getting worse ever since. Like she comes online a lot less,and when she does come online,she barely talks. She'll answer in short sentences,and would go for half an hour without talking if i didnt say something. Tonight i asked her what she was doing and she said 'just watching a movie'. I just don't get why before whenever we'd chat THAT was what we did,we would talk about our day,just chat nonstop,for hours,sometimes even an entire day. Now it's like she could care less. And also,whenever we say goodbye for the day we say to each other "sweet dreams of (insert name of a guy here)" whatever guy we both like at the moment...well tonight i said that to her but instead of saying it back,she just said "thank you" and left! She's NEVER done that before.

Whenever i say something like 'how come you weren't online' or 'how come youre so quiet' or anything regarding her distance,she just says "idk" (short for 'i dont know') sheesh,so she cant even give me full words to say she doesnt know why she is quiet?! WTF! And i asked her about a cd burning problem i had,and i knew she'd know the answer cuz she burns cd's for me all the time,well her answer was (again) "idk". Short and simple.

I have this other couple of friends who i have known for about 3 years,we've partied together hundreds of times,and we used to email almost every day too. Well,that suddenly stopped (she said she doesnt check her emails every day anymore...yet i notice she goes on Myspace every day) Also they quit asking me to hang out and after about 3 months of this,i confronted her and asked what the reason was,she said that they just don't go out much anymore cuz they dont have money. Well,one time we went out like 2 months after she said that,and there were a few other girls out with us and i asked how she met them and she said 'oh they're always out with us lately' mmmhmmm. And then one night i called them to do something since i was in their area and they said they were already out with some other people. Before they would have called me BEFOREHAND and told me about the plans and i would just join them,thats how it's always been.

In both of these situations,these people don't have a reason for acting this way! There was no fights,i never fight with anyone! They all loved me,for YEARS...why do people suddenly get distant,for no reason,deny that it's happening or give stupid excuses?? If they had a problem with me it would have been evident right away,but to hang out with someone for years,or talk to them every day for years,and then suddenly out of nowhere they get all distant on you...that just doesn't make sense. I could see if you werent good friends to begin with,but not when they are your best friends.

As usual after you get something off your chest,you feel better,but you still have no answers. Anyone in a similar situation or have any idea what might be happening here?

[Michael45]

You answered your own question................ And she probably emailed your friends to about it..........

About a month ago is when this kinda started,we both talk to this band on Myspace,and she is in love with one of the guys. He messaged me too. For a reason i won't go into cuz it's just too much explaining,she has my password on there (thats how close we are). She read one of his messages and deleted it and lied to me about it and told me she didnt. So according to her it just deleted itself,apparently

[Desert]

Rockchick

There is much that can be said with regard to Internet aspects such as those you relate but basically it all comes under the major umbrella of cyclical social aspects and of course the parade of changes that go with it.

Be aware that the parade will continue on all manner of avenues until your last breath. Having such knowledge is always a good thing and allows you eventually to be or not be part of parades whether materially or psychologically.

Desert

[uberinquisitive]

Most friendships goes in cycles of close/not close. I have friends I've met online and in person...and especially if it's an intense friendship (we talk to each other all the time/hang out all the time), there are periods where we take "breaks" from each other. This is normal.

Most of the breaks are triggered by small events. Maybe she gets annoyed at me, or I get annoyed at her. Just small annoyances that aren't worth getting into a fight over. But, it does trigger a "I need space" reflex.

In your case, don't take it too personally. Your friendship may have run its course naturally, or maybe in a few weeks, it will restart again. But this happens to everyone with intense friendships...not just you.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

Most friendships goes in cycles of close/not close. I have friends I've met online and in person...and especially if it's an intense friendship (we talk to each other all the time/hang out all the time), there are periods where we take "breaks" from each other. This is normal.

Most of the breaks are triggered by small events. Maybe she gets annoyed at me, or I get annoyed at her. Just small annoyances that aren't worth getting into a fight over. But, it does trigger a "I need space" reflex.

In your case, don't take it too personally. Your friendship may have run its course naturally, or maybe in a few weeks, it will restart again. But this happens to everyone with intense friendships...not just you.

I guess i've never experienced this. In the past,anytime a friendship had a break or something,it was because of a fight. Or there was never a "break" at all. That's why it's so odd for me cuz i've never experienced this.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Michael45

You answered your own question................ And she probably emailed your friends to about it..........

But why did she do that!? That still doesnt answer my question. This came out of nowhere! The email she deleted was the guy in the band that she likes saying something kinda bad about her,so she deleted it so i wouldn't see it,but i caught on to her. But that still doesn't explain why she would be treating ME like ****.

[Michael45]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

But why did she do that!? That still doesnt answer my question. This came out of nowhere! The email she deleted was the guy in the band that she likes saying something kinda bad about her,so she deleted it so i wouldn't see it,but i caught on to her. But that still doesn't explain why she would be treating ME like ****.

Why would she do that? Jealousy.......... she probably figures you were conspiring to get the guy in the band for yourself and was making rude comments about her to him........ Once she went off half cocked...... she alerted your friends to stay away from you, as you would probably try to take the guys away from them too and talk chit behind their backs.........

Now just take it as a lesson learned......... you can try to patch it up between you and her.......... might work.......... but if it doesn't just move on with your life.

Best thing to do next time......... if you know a friend likes someone........... STAY OUT OF IT........... lol Don't go talking to that other person....... you end up in the middle of it and get all the blame..........

Your fault
My fault
Nobody's fault

You're still going to get the blame..........

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Michael45

Why would she do that? Jealousy.......... she probably figures you were conspiring to get the guy in the band for yourself and was making rude comments about her to him........ Once she went off half cocked...... she alerted your friends to stay away from you, as you would probably try to take the guys away from them too and talk chit behind their backs.........

No she doesnt even know my other friends,they live here and she lives in Florida. These two examples i gave aren't even related. And she knows i'm not after this guy,i've liked this other guy for 2 years and she knows that more than anyone! This band we talk to lives by HER,not ME,she has no reason to be this upset,if that's what it is. It's just sad that she would create this problem and create this distance with me.

Best thing to do next time......... if you know a friend likes someone........... STAY OUT OF IT........... lol Don't go talking to that other person....... you end up in the middle of it and get all the blame..........

But SHE added this band on my Myspace FOR me (i cant get on there from home),and she told them to message me! She basically made all this happen to start with and then now she's acting like she doesn't want us to talk? Me and the band haven't even talked since this,because she deleted the message and after i found out,i messaged the band one more time but they never wrote back (at least i didnt see a message,she could have deleted that one too),so its been like 3 weeks since i've even talked to the band,yet the distance she is creating gets bigger by the day. That leads me to thinking maybe its not just about that whole message deal,it has to be something else or she would have moved past it like i did.

[dancer]

Why not ask your friends what they are feeling? You are assuming what is going on is all about you, perhaps it is something else.

From your description of the girl related to the band, I'm also leaning towards a jealousy issue. Jealousy is not rational, some people get jealous over a mere exchange of looks. Do you know what was in the message from the band? Seems strange for someone to delete a message in someone else's account. Did you ask her why she deleted the message?