me and my father are drifting apart

[Jewbear]

We used to be friends and cool with each other but in recent days he has called me a cocksucker and told me to stfu and gtfo. I don't know what to do, we used to be really cool with each other but im like "yea i had a good day today" and he says "NO ONE CARES". Just today i suggested that i buy a GTO F5 Thunderbird 2.0 and go visit him in Maine but he says he doesn't want me to. I honestly dont know what to do? I feel like my life is falling part and my relationship with my father is no more. Any help would be greatly aprishiated....

[Acting Like Godot]

You might be wondering why no one bothered to respond to you.

It's because you're posting in the "Health & Fitness" section of the forum. Try "Social & Relationships" or "Emotional Mastery".

[Dan.Linehan]

I'll move it over to relationships.

[Akasha]

If he's saying those types of things, sweetie, it's more than just drifting apart. It sounds as if your dad has some personal issues going on and he's taking it out on you. Maybe you just need to give him some space for a while. I know it hurts b/c you care about him and want to there with him and for him, but with the way he's acting, he may end up hurting you more if you try to help. Just step away for a while. Let him try to fix his situation and hopefully, he'll come back to you as the dad you love and remember.

[uberinquisitive]

Do you know if your father has depression, bipolar, or some other mental/emotional condition? Is he an alcoholic or drug abuser?

My point: it's not you. Your father has some sort of issue that is outside of you, and that issue is affecting how he relates to you.

I know it's very hard not to take it personally (I have similar issues with my father), but somewhere, deep inside yourself, I hope you will realize that you're not at fault in any way. And that you'll be able to forgive your father for disappointing you.

[Jewbear]

Well 2 weeks ago my father committed suicide by hanging himself in the barn. I think it was partly my fault. In the days before my father took his life he seamed to be reaching out to me but since I put up a emotional wall to protect myself from his past behavior I did not reach back. Lately it has been killing me because of what my mom read in his diary. My father thought I was gay because i have never really been interested in sports or had a steady girlfriend. The truth is I am but never told him or my mom because in fear of what they may say. I had tried to goto church to deal with my thirst for men but the urge was to strong. I don't even know how to begin to deal with this crisis that I call my life. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Love]

I can imagine how distressed you are feeling. There has been a major upset in you life, following some difficult periods with your father. As you begin your healing (and it will begin, even if may seem like something for the future) remember that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Your father chose his own path; you never even said anything to suggest this course of action. Please understand that IT IS YOUR NOT YOUR FAULT. You did not decide his actions.

If you are gay, and you tried to change your preference, I'd imagine you'd feel huge amounts of internal pain. There is nothing at all wrong with being gay, and people who say so just haven't been opened up enough yet. As for church, different churches offer different support for gays. The Christian church I affiliate with (I'm actually not religious, just spiritual) openly welcomes EVERYONE. And you may find your mother and/other family members to be sympathetic. My brother came out to us last year, and my opinion was "So what?" Not to dismiss the issue, but I thought, why gay people are just as nice as everyone else, everything is perfectly "right" with them, and of course, I loved my brother. My mother had a difficult time with it in the first three months, but she came to terms with it because she loves my brother too. Perhaps your mother may be actually able to handle this.

Healing will find you.

Peace.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Jewbear

Well 2 weeks ago my father committed suicide by hanging himself in the barn. I think it was partly my fault. In the days before my father took his life he seamed to be reaching out to me but since I put up a emotional wall to protect myself from his past behavior I did not reach back. Lately it has been killing me because of what my mom read in his diary. My father thought I was gay because i have never really been interested in sports or had a steady girlfriend. The truth is I am but never told him or my mom because in fear of what they may say. I had tried to goto church to deal with my thirst for men but the urge was to strong. I don't even know how to begin to deal with this crisis that I call my life. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

It's not your fault. Remember that - it's not your fault.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Jewbear

Well 2 weeks ago my father committed suicide by hanging himself in the barn. I think it was partly my fault. In the days before my father took his life he seamed to be reaching out to me but since I put up a emotional wall to protect myself from his past behavior I did not reach back. Lately it has been killing me because of what my mom read in his diary. My father thought I was gay because i have never really been interested in sports or had a steady girlfriend. The truth is I am but never told him or my mom because in fear of what they may say. I had tried to goto church to deal with my thirst for men but the urge was to strong. I don't even know how to begin to deal with this crisis that I call my life. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I'm really sorry! About a month ago a good friend of mine committed suicide. He also hung himself. I know how hard it is not to blame yourself, but this is not your fault. When someone makes this choice it's got to be out of a lot of pain and that's not something you can snap your fingers and take away for him. Even with my friend, people did know he was severely depressed and tried to get him help.

Give yourself time to grieve, work through your feelings of remorse and remind yourself that this is not your fault. It really isn't.

As for your sexuality, I don't know that I have any great advice. But I do know that nothing is wrong with you. You don't have to fight who you are.

I don't know how old you are, but if you are in school or college, see about seeing a counselor. They can help you and be a good listening ear for things you aren't ready to talk to your family about yet. Give yourself some time.

Lots of hugs. I'll be thinking about and praying for you that you can find peace.

[Dan.Linehan]

Hey Jew Bear, I would recommend getting a reading from Erin about all this. Another ioption would be Slade, he is gay friendly and very spot on withy his readings. All the best JB. {Hugs}