Social Skills

[boston]

Can you guys give me any tips/resources on social skills? I'm in college and although I have friends, they're not like me at all...most of them are unpopular BECAUSE they are either mean, stingy, ultra-competitive, boring, or unhygenic. I have many friends in other groups, but I don't have one unified group of friends aside from these guys.

Also, what do you guys think of Robert Greene's "The Art of Seduction" or "48 Laws of Power"? Some of the advice goes directly against what people like Pavlina or Covey would say.

[Colm OReilly]

Very briefly (I don't have a lot of time this morning since I slept in! )

How much time are you spending consciously interacting with people? Most people seek further education when they really need more experience. The more experience you have the easier it is to implement skills you read about in "dry dock". Plus you know more precisely where you're fumbling?

What exactly do you want to achieve in a given situation? Knowing the what, the outcome, makes it so, so much easier to align your actions with it.

Do you want a unified group? Can you see benefits in being able to move in a variety of social groups?

What qualities do you want to have? Knowing this, you can more easily find out who you want to associate with.

Hopefully these questions will help you clear up some things, then movement should be easier.

Lots of love,
Colm

[Scorpio]

What's your issue, that your friends suck, or that you don't have one single group of them?

If it's the second lots of people have different clusters of friends. Like in high-school you have your 'school friends' and your 'party friends'

I like The 48 Laws of Power, and the 33 Strategies of War as well. I haven't read the seduction one though. I don't see it as manipulative and evil, just that he's describing things people actually do when they're in situations where they have to struggle for power. It's practical to be aware of that even if you don't approve of it.

[cftwo]

What are you looking for in terms of social skills? A group of people to hang out with regularly? Good friends may or may not come in groups - or maybe you can bring a group together. My advice would be to be friendly with a lot of people, participate in a variety of activities which you enjoy and meet new people there, and you'll find you have a lot of friends. Then have a party and invite people from all those groups and see what happens. I'm sure the social dynamics vary from school to school, but at my college the popular people were people who were friendly with all sorts of people.

If you're specifically looking for a group, though, check out a fraternity - either a social fraternity or a service fraternity. That wouldn't have suited me, but it might suit you.

I haven't read either of the books you mentioned, so I can't comment on those.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by boston

Can you guys give me any tips/resources on social skills?

Talk to people. Lots of them. At random. Or, more usefully, if they say something interesting.

Originally Posted by boston

I'm in college and although I have friends, they're not like me at all...

I have yet to meet someone who is "like me". I figure I'll marry that person when I meet her.