Hello, I'm here looking for some advice and maybe get inspired!

[mezameo]

Nice to meet you all. My name is Marc. I'm an American living in Vietnam and I'm looking for some answers to live a more meaningful life.

Recently my girlfriend and I have seperated. We were planning on getting married so this is quite a difficult time. Unfortunately I would have to say that the majority of the reason for our split are my poor lifestyle decisions and complete lack of motivation to live a balanced life. We wouldn't have had a happy marriage if I just continued to live the way I live now.

I consider my biggest problem is my poor diet. I eat incredibly rich foods which make me tired and inactive. I spend the vast majority of my time on the computer. Because I live in Vietnam, my cost of living is incredibly low. I own my own local company which makes things even easier. I'm not rich, but the effort required to bring in money to live comfortably here is minimal.

Many years ago when I was a student, I had ambitions of becoming a professor or even a professional writer of one means or another. I was motivated by a sudden death in my family. It sent a panic through me. I thought, "I could be next! What if that was me?" I began to look for a way to leave a mark on the world. I saw writing as a means to do that. Then slowly, girls tended to distract me from my passion. Bit by bit day after day, life began to lose its possibilities. I seemed to become drawn to the morbity of my failed relationships and began to run from any form of self-expression. I thought, If I just keep moving and running away from those who I felt pain around, I would find some salvation. In the 8 years or so I have been running(travelling; I have lived in at least 8 countries since) I have yet to write or sit down for any length of time longer than what it takes to post on a forum.

I spend most of my time these days just browsing(surfing is too active a word to describe how I use the internet). Browsing and observing everything around me. I feel like my mind is fading. I want to reignite the passion for understanding and being who I would like to see myself as.

The problem is I lost my way and I need to find a ladder to climb back up from the sludge I have sunk into.

Some practical things I would like to change.

I would like to become more socially active. At present I have very few real friends and the only way to rectify that is to meet new people.

I need to be more physically active. I used to be a competitve tennis player as a teenager and even went to college on a scholarship. I've become overweight and lack basic endurance.

I need to take my sexual relationships LESS seriously. Every time I meet a girl and try to make a life with her, I tend to stop being myself and become more of her life rather than integrate who I am into the relationship. Living in Asia as a white male, I have had ample opportunities to make countless friends but have turned these offers down because I was worried that they were either goldiggers or worse. In fact, maybe some of them were just nice girls. I would like to be more open to random people who could possibly want to know me.

Well, that's my little ramble cum intro to the forum. I hope to find some kindred spirits and some advice from those who have struggled with their motivation and triumphed.

I know I'm not a lost cause but time is ticking away. Its time to make some changes for the better.

Thanks for reading,

Marc