Hello, I'm here looking for some advice and maybe get inspired!

[mezameo]

Nice to meet you all. My name is Marc. I'm an American living in Vietnam and I'm looking for some answers to live a more meaningful life.

Recently my girlfriend and I have seperated. We were planning on getting married so this is quite a difficult time. Unfortunately I would have to say that the majority of the reason for our split are my poor lifestyle decisions and complete lack of motivation to live a balanced life. We wouldn't have had a happy marriage if I just continued to live the way I live now.

I consider my biggest problem is my poor diet. I eat incredibly rich foods which make me tired and inactive. I spend the vast majority of my time on the computer. Because I live in Vietnam, my cost of living is incredibly low. I own my own local company which makes things even easier. I'm not rich, but the effort required to bring in money to live comfortably here is minimal.

Many years ago when I was a student, I had ambitions of becoming a professor or even a professional writer of one means or another. I was motivated by a sudden death in my family. It sent a panic through me. I thought, "I could be next! What if that was me?" I began to look for a way to leave a mark on the world. I saw writing as a means to do that. Then slowly, girls tended to distract me from my passion. Bit by bit day after day, life began to lose its possibilities. I seemed to become drawn to the morbity of my failed relationships and began to run from any form of self-expression. I thought, If I just keep moving and running away from those who I felt pain around, I would find some salvation. In the 8 years or so I have been running(travelling; I have lived in at least 8 countries since) I have yet to write or sit down for any length of time longer than what it takes to post on a forum.

I spend most of my time these days just browsing(surfing is too active a word to describe how I use the internet). Browsing and observing everything around me. I feel like my mind is fading. I want to reignite the passion for understanding and being who I would like to see myself as.

The problem is I lost my way and I need to find a ladder to climb back up from the sludge I have sunk into.

Some practical things I would like to change.

I would like to become more socially active. At present I have very few real friends and the only way to rectify that is to meet new people.

I need to be more physically active. I used to be a competitve tennis player as a teenager and even went to college on a scholarship. I've become overweight and lack basic endurance.

I need to take my sexual relationships LESS seriously. Every time I meet a girl and try to make a life with her, I tend to stop being myself and become more of her life rather than integrate who I am into the relationship. Living in Asia as a white male, I have had ample opportunities to make countless friends but have turned these offers down because I was worried that they were either goldiggers or worse. In fact, maybe some of them were just nice girls. I would like to be more open to random people who could possibly want to know me.

Well, that's my little ramble cum intro to the forum. I hope to find some kindred spirits and some advice from those who have struggled with their motivation and triumphed.

I know I'm not a lost cause but time is ticking away. Its time to make some changes for the better.

Thanks for reading,

Marc

[Dan.Linehan]

Hi mezameo! Welcome to the forums, friend!

I'm going to move your thread over to Social / Relationships so you can get some good advice.

[starkey]

HI Marc. It seems like you have some good ideas for goal setting. I think the first step in improving our lives is to write out goals. Postive, present-tense statements. such as:

I eat healthy foods, such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grain.
I weigh x pounds.
I write 1 article/chapter a day.
I play tennis twice per week.
I have many loving friends.

etc, etc.... figure out what you want and then you can get to the next step.

[Strokes]

[QUOTE]

Originally Posted by mezameo

Nice to meet you all. My name is Marc.

Nice to meet you Marc.

I began to look for a way to leave a mark on the world.

You were, and still are just looking for a meaning in life.

You obviously know what it is you want, so evaluate it, ask yourself why you want it, figure out how you're going to get there, and just know that these problems are just temporary just like that of those you've ever had, even though this may be tougher.

You say you've lost sight of what you want and have changed much, going to drastic proportions to "make a mark", I've gone through that myself, and honestly still am. Just focus on the simple burdens and gradually work your way up to what you want in life, aka, your "meaning." If you just stay persistent, what can honestly not be done if you don't? It'll be hard yes trying to change your lifestyle that you've grown so used to, but you need to try, and if you get willing (which you are) you'll get there.

And be happy! Like my signature says, just look to what you think will be good tomorrow, not the bad, and you'll essentially never see the bad in it.

[danas]

From personal experience, I think one good thing you can do for yourself is limit your internet/computer use for a few weeks. lets say no computer at all after 7pm. Even if you have work, better to start early the next day.
Thatll get you first to have quiet empty space in your life, where you can enjoy your own company (better no tv either), dream, cook healthy food, read books, There are so many disractions nowadays, anything to keep us from a moment of peace with ourselves.
For me doing "nothing" is when I get the most inspiration and connection with my higher-self. And when that connection is strong thats when I listen to my true needs, the other stuff doesnt make me lose my balance. also you will have time to meet real people, just for the sake of enjoying your time with them, not because you are looking to get something from them.
Also you will have free time to do some fitness, and after a few weeks, maybe youll have some inspiration to write.
What Im saying is look inwards, find peace with yourself. turn down the distractions.

[Alison Jenkins]

Hi Marc

I've radically changed my whole life over the past 5 yrs and I've done it by taking small baby steps all the way. You can't successfully work on each area so choose one area that you want to tackle first. Then break it down into tiny goals.

The other thing is you say about your poor diet. You might like to read an article I wrote a while back about how poor diet leads to exhaustion Poor eating

Alison

[mezameo]

An update on my progress...

Hi everyone,

I had forgotten about the forum for quite a while.

I want to say that a few things have changed in my life. Some for the better and one for the worse.

Firstly, my health is much better. I have joined the gym and work out 5-6 days a week. I have lost all the extra flab I was so unhappy about. I feel better physically, emotionally, that is another story.

Secondly I am eating much better, I keep fruit in the house and never over eat anymore. In addition I drink very little. Maybe 3-4 times a month at most.

Some things which are still bogging me down:

Internet usage is still exceedingly high. I have found a new way to keep me on-line which gives a great deal of short-term gratification: on-line dating! It's become a real succubus.

I originally got into it as a means to distract me from the angst of my failed relationship but it has turned into a minor addiction of its own. In fact, going from being in a mongamous fairly sexless relationship to mr. serial "stud" has had a very strange effect on my self-esteem. Yes, now I am more confident in my appearance because many have told me I look good. However I feel that I have found another way to distract myself from really improving. On-line there is always another girl to meet and there is the chance that maybe, just maybe she is the one who will take away all the sadness and fear in my heart.

So I need to refocus. I need to stand up to my really deep fear as now I am a little stronger physically, I should be able to face my emotional pains more acutely.

But I am wondering what is the best way for me to analyze my situation without causing anymore chaos and really MOVE in a positive direction...

[ns123]

Sorry to be a selling plug here, but you should PM Angela. She helped me with the same issues.

Basically, I knew that I needed to get out of the "slump" that I was in, but I did not think I knew how. Or I had trouble committing. Or, Or, whatever, I had all these doubts.

She can help you form a positive belief system that will help you open that next door.

[mezameo]

Originally Posted by ns123

Sorry to be a selling plug here, but you should PM Angela. She helped me with the same issues.

Basically, I knew that I needed to get out of the "slump" that I was in, but I did not think I knew how. Or I had trouble committing. Or, Or, whatever, I had all these doubts.

She can help you form a positive belief system that will help you open that next door.

Sorry I am not a regular on the forum here. Who is Angela and what problem did her course help you overcome?

[ns123]

mezameo, I'll PM you the information.

[barbeedoll]

Originally Posted by starkey

HI Marc. It seems like you have some good ideas for goal setting. I think the first step in improving our lives is to write out goals. Postive, present-tense statements. such as:

I eat healthy foods, such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grain.
I weigh x pounds.
I write 1 article/chapter a day.
I play tennis twice per week.
I have many loving friends.

etc, etc.... figure out what you want and then you can get to the next step.

excellent advice!!! And really so simple. It's our resistance to change that sometimes makes this easy step seem impossible. Thank you for this...I needed to be reminded!! <3

[barbeedoll]

Originally Posted by mezameo

An update on my progress...

Hi everyone,

I had forgotten about the forum for quite a while.

I want to say that a few things have changed in my life. Some for the better and one for the worse.

Firstly, my health is much better. I have joined the gym and work out 5-6 days a week. I have lost all the extra flab I was so unhappy about. I feel better physically, emotionally, that is another story.

Secondly I am eating much better, I keep fruit in the house and never over eat anymore. In addition I drink very little. Maybe 3-4 times a month at most.

Some things which are still bogging me down:

Internet usage is still exceedingly high. I have found a new way to keep me on-line which gives a great deal of short-term gratification: on-line dating! It's become a real succubus.

I originally got into it as a means to distract me from the angst of my failed relationship but it has turned into a minor addiction of its own. In fact, going from being in a mongamous fairly sexless relationship to mr. serial "stud" has had a very strange effect on my self-esteem. Yes, now I am more confident in my appearance because many have told me I look good. However I feel that I have found another way to distract myself from really improving. On-line there is always another girl to meet and there is the chance that maybe, just maybe she is the one who will take away all the sadness and fear in my heart.

So I need to refocus. I need to stand up to my really deep fear as now I am a little stronger physically, I should be able to face my emotional pains more acutely.

But I am wondering what is the best way for me to analyze my situation without causing anymore chaos and really MOVE in a positive direction...

I had to look up the word "succubus". Did you mean to use that word? My little explanation of this noun means "in medieval times, a woman demon that was believed to have sexual intercourse with men while they were asleep"
Yikes!

[mezameo]

Originally Posted by barbeedoll

I had to look up the word "succubus". Did you mean to use that word? My little explanation of this noun means "in medieval times, a woman demon that was believed to have sexual intercourse with men while they were asleep"
Yikes!

although not much of a pedant anymore, I used to take the dictionary to the bathroom for quiet time. I suppose that word unconsciously slipped out. And yes, I do have somewhat of a female demon fixation with my loves =)

[ar81]

What are you try to escape from?
What situations make you feel you are not in control of your life?

[mezameo]

Originally Posted by ar81

What are you try to escape from?
What situations make you feel you are not in control of your life?

I haven't thought of these questions for so long, I don't know where to begin. I won't analyze it too much, better just to say what comes up first right?

Failure in making a future. I don't want to choose the wrong person or the wrong job or the wrong place to live. But instead I have let all of these things happen to me. Like I want to be perfect but instead of perfection I have achieved avoidance of failure by not participating in my own life.

I'm avoiding effort for fear it will be directed in an unsuccessful manner.

So that's it. Need to set goals and take small steps to be more in control of my life.

A post earlier said I should make some affirmative statements about who I am and who I want to be. Make them concrete and relevant to my life.

Ok, let's try just 3 simple one's.

1) I am physically healthy (and lean) and want to maintain my appearance and share my time with those who also revere a healthy lifestyle.

2) I want to be more financially independent than I am today by the end of the year. I have good business ideas and have the ability to network with proactive people. I can be a financial resource to those I do business with, rather than a liability as I have been in the past.

3)I want to make peace with my family and my lovers whom I have a deep love and respect for. I need to learn to be more positive and trusting of their good intentions and more patient when I feel deep anger and resentment towards their ideas.

It's a start. Will try to flesh this out over time. Thanks for reading!

Actually, I just looked back at the original quote and I have not even answered the question. I really need to think more clearly. I will post this as a reminder of my lack of focus.