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| | #1 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: UK
Posts: 566
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As a consequence of this. This guy (my sisters ex-partner) is a violent thug, at the end of his teather, he's tried to worm his way back in to the families' affections with soft words, which hasn't worked, he's tried trickery and deciet, and now he's resorting to violence, and threats (he's made threats against me and my family on the phone, going to finish me off apparently). My immediate concerns, are that of my own, and my families' physical safety. I'm wondering what steps can be taken to get him out of our lives. I'm thinking along the lines of: Secure doors and windows. Video recording equiptment. Telephone recording device. Also, I'm wondering if the telecomms company we're with will have a recording of the conversation where he made threats? Any thoughts? Jamie. |
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| | #2 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 517
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What form do the threats take? My first thought is that you can get access to free advice from the Citizens' Advice Bureau (CAB). They don't just do tax and might be able to get you legal advice. I honestly think that's the best recourse right now. J x |
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| | #3 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 3,709
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In the US you could get a restraining order which would make it illegal for him to get within a certain distance of you and your family. Do you have a police report from the incident where he fought you? That might be helpful. I would get in touch with the authorities and also be aware of your surroundings. The measures you listed may be helpful as well, but I think in a case like this the police would be able to advise and assist you. |
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| | #4 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 8,749
| Quote:
Taking pfefferspray with you is also something that you can use to defend yourself. | |
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| | #5 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: UK
Posts: 566
| Quote:
Afraid I don't have much trust or confidence in the authorities. They don't have a vested interest in my well-being, and they'll have to stick to protocol and regulations etc. | |
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| | #6 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 517
| Quote:
I've been through this kind of thing and the police/CAB are incredibly well trained and if nothing else, they are just a reassuring presence. It always saddens me that people don't actually approach officials for help until it's too late. Speaking from painful experience, it's much better to involve them at this stage so they have a warning of what's going on, or at least approach CAB (who are not official authorities, they're just trained experts), you may well benefit in ways you can't imagine now. | |
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| | #7 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: UK
Posts: 566
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| | #9 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Arizona
Posts: 455
| Quote:
No one records actual conversations unless there is a wiretap order from the court (or at least no one admits to doing so). --Bob | |
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| | #11 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 175
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Dunno about your law, but here home made phone recordings are admissable as evidence only if you had entered into agreement with law enforcement about it beforehand and if they are done in a preset way. Other than that I too would suggest that you contact police/law enforcement about this case. Even if they will not be able to do much with the situation at hand, there might be other options available that you do not know about, plus they will explain you your legal rights and ways you can defend yourself both physically and legally. The more forces you have behind you in such a situation, the better. I have had a death threat situation once, but I was absolutely sure when that happened that the person who did tell me those things would never actually come to any action, since that's what he was - a huge talker. Nevertheless I went to police just to form a protocol about the fact (he had sent me thinly veiled SMS messages), in case the situation developed in an unexpected way. Nothing more than talk never happened though, but I believe that the speak/do treshold varies greatly between people, so better be 10 times safe in this situation. |
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| | #12 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 263
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A book I highly recommend is called The Gift of Fear. The author is a nationally-known expert on violent behavior. If someone is being stalked/harassed, he advises keeping your old phone number but letting the answering machine/voice mail pick up. This way you have a trail of evidence. Have a detective (or whoever) monitor these calls so you don't feel the stress. Meanwhile, only give your new phone number to close, trustworthy family and friends. Let your sister's ex believe that you all continue to use the same old phone number. Now's a good time to create a safety plan. |
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| | #13 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 37
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I was going to suggest that you obtain a concealed carry permit, but that's probably not an option if PEPPER SPRAY isn't allowed where you live. Seriously, has anyone ever died of being pepper sprayed? If I were you, I'd say **** the law. The cops can't save you, they can only investigate after the fact. If I ever decide to be a criminal, I'm going to the UK. It must be nice to know that none of your victims are allowed the means to defend themselves. Ehh, I'm sorry for the rant. I really have nothing to contribute here. Carry on... |
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| | #14 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 47
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I remember something on TV. This guy (we will call him john since I forgot his name) has a sister. The sister was pregnant because of her boyfriend (or ex). John's broke up with her boyfriend and some time later, the guy got drunk. He started to send threats to the John's sister. The entire family (John's mum and sis) locked everything just incase the ex did come. Well the ex came with a huge knife and started to destory everything. Luckily, John manage to hold the door (it was pretty dangerous because the ex was hacking at the door with his knife) until the police came. He also got a prize ( but that's not the point, not everybody is so lucky) Bottom line: go to the police now because you will hae to go to them eventually. Better early then late. |
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| | #16 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: New York
Posts: 1,246
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Tell your neighbors, your friends, the local store owners, people at work... make sure everywhere you go, people are watching out for you and your family. Bring his picture if you have it and show it to everyone. Everywhere you usually walk during the day tell the people you don't even know well, but you know sight. People don't like a bully and they will watch out for you. Don't be embarrassed be pissed. This is your family's lives he's threatening. Don't take any chances or wait for the police. People will tell their friends and everyone will be watching out for you. |
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| | #17 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: UK
Posts: 566
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Many thanks to everyone who's posted suggestions, thank you. The situation has cooled down a bit now, he's stll out of my sisters' live, let's hope for good. I'm pretty sure he was just angry, spur-of-the-moment stuff, etc. He said to my sister of the phone "He'd finish me off". I over reacted. It's quite a scary business, knowing that someone has such hostility and anger in them, and is happy to direct it your way. Nothing has happened though, and I don't believe there's any profit in it for him, to attack me now. Yeah, he's a bully, and I feel quite proud that I'd stood up to him; and even attempted to eject him from the house. As regards he further threats, I'm way more inclined to take care of things myself, rather than go to the police (not that that's a bad idea). It's just that I believe the establishment doesn't have the same vested interest in my welfare, as I do; and yeah, with the police, it's like, after the fact. I just don't think it's too wise relying on a third party, for your own safety. I did take precautions, I had a big stick at the top of the stairs, incase he gained entry to my home; I'd have tackled him at the top of the stairs. I really can't see anything happening now though. Thanks once again to you all. Jamie. |
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| | #18 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 175
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I would NEVER rely on police for my safety or anyone for that matter. I would like to get as much information about my options as I can tho, and they can be good at informing if they want to. Good to know that things are getting better for you |
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