I've had a death threat.

[Jamie]

As a consequence of this.

This guy (my sisters ex-partner) is a violent thug, at the end of his teather, he's tried to worm his way back in to the families' affections with soft words, which hasn't worked, he's tried trickery and deciet, and now he's resorting to violence, and threats (he's made threats against me and my family on the phone, going to finish me off apparently).

My immediate concerns, are that of my own, and my families' physical safety. I'm wondering what steps can be taken to get him out of our lives. I'm thinking along the lines of:

Secure doors and windows.
Video recording equiptment.
Telephone recording device.

Also, I'm wondering if the telecomms company we're with will have a recording of the conversation where he made threats?

Any thoughts?

Jamie.

[Joely]

What form do the threats take? My first thought is that you can get access to free advice from the Citizens' Advice Bureau (CAB). They don't just do tax and might be able to get you legal advice. I honestly think that's the best recourse right now.

J x

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

In the US you could get a restraining order which would make it illegal for him to get within a certain distance of you and your family.

Do you have a police report from the incident where he fought you? That might be helpful.

I would get in touch with the authorities and also be aware of your surroundings. The measures you listed may be helpful as well, but I think in a case like this the police would be able to advise and assist you.

[Brutha]

Also, I'm wondering if the telecomms company we're with will have a recording of the conversation where he made threats?

Fortunatly telefon calls aren't recorded (or shouldn't) if no goverment agency has in interest (and the should also get a court order, but that doesn't seem to be necessary in the US anymore) in either party's business.

Taking pfefferspray with you is also something that you can use to defend yourself.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Joely

What form do the threats take? My first thought is that you can get access to free advice from the Citizens' Advice Bureau (CAB). They don't just do tax and might be able to get you legal advice. I honestly think that's the best recourse right now.

J x

Hi Joely, he's called my sister, and made threats, including that he'll "finish me off". I doubt it will come to that though, and that he's just trying to 'rattle cages'. But, he has nothing to lose now, after his nice softly softly approach hasn't worked, he's showing his true colours. I think after a week or so, he may well become more resigned to his new circumstances. It's just in the immedieate future, that he's likely to be angry and do something.

Afraid I don't have much trust or confidence in the authorities. They don't have a vested interest in my well-being, and they'll have to stick to protocol and regulations etc.

[Joely]

Originally Posted by Jamie

Hi Joely, he's called my sister, and made threats, including that he'll "finish me off". I doubt it will come to that though, and that he's just trying to 'rattle cages'. But, he has nothing to lose now, after his nice softly softly approach hasn't worked, he's showing his true colours. I think after a week or so, he may well become more resigned to his new circumstances. It's just in the immedieate future, that he's likely to be angry and do something.

Afraid I don't have much trust or confidence in the authorities. They don't have a vested interest in my well-being, and they'll have to stick to protocol and regulations etc.

I'm afraid if you take the line that you will deal with it yourself, you might well end up on the wrong side of the law yourself. For the sake of your sister, in case she really is in danger, it's worth investigating possibilities. Right now, she's probably terrified, and it might well be reassuring to be able to speak to somebody who can tell her what her rights are should he ever become violent.

I've been through this kind of thing and the police/CAB are incredibly well trained and if nothing else, they are just a reassuring presence. It always saddens me that people don't actually approach officials for help until it's too late. Speaking from painful experience, it's much better to involve them at this stage so they have a warning of what's going on, or at least approach CAB (who are not official authorities, they're just trained experts), you may well benefit in ways you can't imagine now.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

In the US you could get a restraining order which would make it illegal for him to get within a certain distance of you and your family.

Do you have a police report from the incident where he fought you? That might be helpful.

I would get in touch with the authorities and also be aware of your surroundings. The measures you listed may be helpful as well, but I think in a case like this the police would be able to advise and assist you.

Yeh, there's a civil injunction in the UK, the police did mention this to my sis, she's not done anything about it yet though. It may well be worth looking in to though.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Taking pfefferspray with you is also something that you can use to defend yourself.

Nice idea, but it's not legal in the UK!

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by Jamie

Also, I'm wondering if the telecomms company we're with will have a recording of the conversation where he made threats?

I did software work for a small phone company in the midwest about 15 years back and at the time they had an archive room full of CDs recording all phone activity in their system. It was limited to who called whom and for how long, no voice data -- in other words a record of switch activity but not the content actually being carried -- it was also the source of the phone bill detail. And the info was only shared upon subpoena from the Drug Enforcement Administration. They kept it around for 7 years I think.

No one records actual conversations unless there is a wiretap order from the court (or at least no one admits to doing so).

--Bob

[Jamie]

I suppose it's techincally possible to attach a device to your home phone, and record the audio at your end. I'm not sure if that would be admissable as evidence though?

[mncz]

Dunno about your law, but here home made phone recordings are admissable as evidence only if you had entered into agreement with law enforcement about it beforehand and if they are done in a preset way.

Other than that I too would suggest that you contact police/law enforcement about this case. Even if they will not be able to do much with the situation at hand, there might be other options available that you do not know about, plus they will explain you your legal rights and ways you can defend yourself both physically and legally. The more forces you have behind you in such a situation, the better.

I have had a death threat situation once, but I was absolutely sure when that happened that the person who did tell me those things would never actually come to any action, since that's what he was - a huge talker. Nevertheless I went to police just to form a protocol about the fact (he had sent me thinly veiled SMS messages), in case the situation developed in an unexpected way. Nothing more than talk never happened though, but I believe that the speak/do treshold varies greatly between people, so better be 10 times safe in this situation.

[Pegasus]

A book I highly recommend is called The Gift of Fear. The author is a nationally-known expert on violent behavior. If someone is being stalked/harassed, he advises keeping your old phone number but letting the answering machine/voice mail pick up. This way you have a trail of evidence. Have a detective (or whoever) monitor these calls so you don't feel the stress. Meanwhile, only give your new phone number to close, trustworthy family and friends. Let your sister's ex believe that you all continue to use the same old phone number.

Now's a good time to create a safety plan.

[AnonymousOne]

I was going to suggest that you obtain a concealed carry permit, but that's probably not an option if PEPPER SPRAY isn't allowed where you live.

Seriously, has anyone ever died of being pepper sprayed? If I were you, I'd say **** the law. The cops can't save you, they can only investigate after the fact.

If I ever decide to be a criminal, I'm going to the UK. It must be nice to know that none of your victims are allowed the means to defend themselves.

Ehh, I'm sorry for the rant. I really have nothing to contribute here. Carry on...

[verbors]

I remember something on TV.

This guy (we will call him john since I forgot his name) has a sister. The sister was pregnant because of her boyfriend (or ex). John's broke up with her boyfriend and some time later, the guy got drunk. He started to send threats to the John's sister. The entire family (John's mum and sis) locked everything just incase the ex did come. Well the ex came with a huge knife and started to destory everything. Luckily, John manage to hold the door (it was pretty dangerous because the ex was hacking at the door with his knife) until the police came. He also got a prize ( but that's not the point, not everybody is so lucky)

Bottom line: go to the police now because you will hae to go to them eventually. Better early then late.

[JOHNSHED]

Jamie
I have the technology if you need it. There is nothing worse than threatening behaviour.

[Dannyboy1]

Tell your neighbors, your friends, the local store owners, people at work... make sure everywhere you go, people are watching out for you and your family. Bring his picture if you have it and show it to everyone. Everywhere you usually walk during the day tell the people you don't even know well, but you know sight. People don't like a bully and they will watch out for you. Don't be embarrassed be pissed. This is your family's lives he's threatening. Don't take any chances or wait for the police. People will tell their friends and everyone will be watching out for you.

Originally Posted by Jamie

I suppose it's techincally possible to attach a device to your home phone, and record the audio at your end. I'm not sure if that would be admissable as evidence though?

[Jamie]

Many thanks to everyone who's posted suggestions, thank you.

The situation has cooled down a bit now, he's stll out of my sisters' live, let's hope for good. I'm pretty sure he was just angry, spur-of-the-moment stuff, etc. He said to my sister of the phone "He'd finish me off". I over reacted. It's quite a scary business, knowing that someone has such hostility and anger in them, and is happy to direct it your way.

Nothing has happened though, and I don't believe there's any profit in it for him, to attack me now. Yeah, he's a bully, and I feel quite proud that I'd stood up to him; and even attempted to eject him from the house.

As regards he further threats, I'm way more inclined to take care of things myself, rather than go to the police (not that that's a bad idea). It's just that I believe the establishment doesn't have the same vested interest in my welfare, as I do; and yeah, with the police, it's like, after the fact. I just don't think it's too wise relying on a third party, for your own safety.

I did take precautions, I had a big stick at the top of the stairs, incase he gained entry to my home; I'd have tackled him at the top of the stairs. I really can't see anything happening now though.

Thanks once again to you all.

Jamie.

[mncz]

I would NEVER rely on police for my safety or anyone for that matter. I would like to get as much information about my options as I can tho, and they can be good at informing if they want to.

Good to know that things are getting better for you