Please kindhearts, help me work through this.

[BeingButterfly]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post. Recently, I stumbled upon Steve's website and I must say, it's been a real blessing for me as it has lifted me up. I am learning. I want to say, thank you Steve for having the courage to become who you were meant to be...it is greatly appreciated.

Now my question. I must admit I feel somewhat odd about posting but I do so because I honestly am in need of answers. I know there are enlightened and kind souls here who will help me find my way. Thank you for your time.

Okay taking a deep breath as I begin.

A few months ago, while being in an online environment I met someone. Mind you I wasn't looking for anyone 'online', in fact, I had decided I wouldn't be open to meeting anyone within this context. Then one day, someone contacted me. He was a regular at this place I was attending online. He was very much a gentleman, polite, kind, wonderful. He asked me if I thought I was 'special'. I replied, people have always told me I am and have always told me I am an 'old soul'. Its that I speak to them from my soul to their soul and they aren't use to this, so they think I am 'special'. So for many people, yes I am.

I didn't think much about it. He continued to contact me. Many times, I was too busy to really talk with him but there was 'something' that told me to make the time and so eventually, I did. At first, we just had fun (in a 3D world) together going on adventures, in a super relaxed 'connection'. Still, I didn't think too much about it. He was just this really nice person I felt very, very comfortable with. Then one day, he showed me a deeper level of his soul and I can remember the moment, it literally made my soul turn and 'see' him and all I saw was beauty and my heart was glad. My heart was so happy.

He told me he didn't understand why but he felt he had to engage me. He felt something strong pulling him to me unlike anything he had ever felt before. He said, he had to know. And in the beginning when I was too busy (before I really 'saw' him), he said it challenged his faith because he felt certain about me, and after speaking to me the first time he said he felt the everything about me was right. He just 'knew' it was.

Over the next several weeks we spent hours talking. Mind you just talking. Not cyber sex talk or anything remotely close. Even we laughed at how two people could spend hours together in cyberspace talking and be happy. He told me, he got up and ran to his computer before making coffee ir anything. He told me he was floating, comfortable, happy. In all my years, I have never felt such a natural flow and ease with anyone as I have with him. The best way to sum it up is to say, it feels like home. It's as if I've known him forever and yet I haven't. Easy, flowing, peaceful, joy. This is what it feels like. And the wonder of it all is he says he feels the same way. Nothing is forced...it just is.

Now I can bring my intellect in and say, well of course its all wonderful in cyberspace because it isn't in a real life environment but my soul is wise enough to know, something is here between us and placed within real conditions it would thrive. Plato best explains it in Phaedrus, far better than I could ever hope to explain it.

Finally here comes reality, he is in a relationship and living with a woman. They aren't married but have been together some years. Yet I know, all relationships are sacred and so, I feel selfish for allowing myself to come to love him. He tells me he is happy and has a full life and yet, he found himself intensely drawn to me. He says, he has cried because he doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend and at the same time doesn't want to lose me. He seems almost tortured. So he has pulled back but we still speak. He says, he isn't trying to get rid of me or push me away, he just needs to work now because he had started to neglect is responsibilities. He says, we both know we couldn't continue at that pace being that close. He tells me, he can't be involved in anything serious because he is in a relationship. He tells me if he wasn't with her he would have been knocking on my door by the 10th day. So I tell him I wouldn't want to be the cause of his ending his relationship, and he tells me I wouldn't be and that if it ever ended it would be because of the two of them. And here I am all these months later...oh god, I did it, I fell in love with this beautiful soul. I understand he doesn't want to betray his relationship. Still my heart longs for him and I can feel he longs for me and even feeling this way, I feel selfish because I know I shouldn't, and yet I do. Truth be told, I wish with all my heart and soul we could be together. It is as honest as I can be.

Have I lost my mind? Months ago I sent it out into the universe, I said, bring forth my soulmate, I am ready. Since then, I haven't been on hyper alert looking at every man thinking, are you him? In fact, I haven't even been looking. I just opened myself up to the possibility. Why would the universe reveal to me this wonderful soul and yet, have him be in a relationship? I know we all meet for a reason and there aren't any coincidences. And now I have to ask, why? Surely the universe isn't cruel, isn't mocking me. I know it isn't, so why? I know, we are to apply our hearts, our souls' intention for the greater good of all involved. How can my heart wish for someone who would have to end his current relationship to be with me...isn't that wrong? And yet, I see those signposts Steve talks about, those little coincidences, they are very specific and they're uncanny. What am I to believe?

My heart tells me to go with the flow, to allow it to be regardless of outcome. If their relationship ends, it ends. If we never get together, we don't. I'm here rambling on and with my heart on fire for someone in a relationship and find myself feeling unsure of what to think or feel. I feel selfish for even loving him because it goes against what we all know as being right. Yet, I do love him. I am a mature woman, not a child, this isn't a crush. I know what feels right in my heart, I know what I want and why I want it. I also know the universe works in mysterious ways....and yet, I don't understand why I have been led here. Please kindhearts, help me work through this. I need you.

I appreciate your time and effort on my behalf. Thank you.

[Rockchick26]

I feel for you in this situation! I wish i had an answer. I too,thought i was drawn to a certain man because we just had to be meant to be,but,that didn't work (at least not yet LOL). The universe works in funny ways,this could be something that will happen in your future. Or,if you beleive in past lives,this could be someone you had a connection with in another life. I don't like that answer,but,its a possibility. I wish i had something worthwhile to say to you because i really feel for you and i wish you the best! I think for now all you can do is wait and try not to focus on the fact that he is with someone else (for now!)

[Angela]

Originally Posted by BeingButterfly

He tells me, he can't be involved in anything serious

Believe him. What, does a building have to fall on you?

[BeingButterfly]

Originally Posted by Angela

Believe him. What, does a building have to fall on you?

I do believe him and no, a building doesn't have to fall on my head. When I told him, I'm going to have to go away, he said to me, please don't run, stay. In fact early on, when I felt myself begin to feel deeper feelings for him, I wanted to run and against my better judgement, I didn't. I heeded his plea to not run and I stayed. He says many conflicting things to me. Night and day things, which is why I said it seems he was somewhat tortured about what he was feeling. He'll say he doesn't care that he is thinking of 'us' offline and then another time he'll say, I can't think of 'us'. Even now, he says to me, you won't go, I know you'll stay. Even though he has placed distance between for a time (he says its temporary) he still wants to be able to see me online...to know I am there. I don't think he is playing games. I don't think he means to hurt anyone. I think he has been very genuine.

I must admit knowing he is in a relationship, and now being in pain over my feelings for him (not being able to be free in loving him), a part of me wishes he wouldn't have sought me out. Then again, I would have missed the opportunity of knowing his beautiful soul...and so I guess the pain is the price of admission, isn't it? My larger question is, why? The universe knows my heart, knows me very well and I find myself here, and I have to ask, why? What am I suppose to be learning and what is this preparing me for? Could someone please help me answer these questions?

I may sound very silly to many of you. You might see all of the answers where I am blind. All I know is none of this was even remotely in my head as something I would find myself involved in and yet, here I am.

I find myself asking what to believe in. Do you believe in what you want/'feel' to believe in? What you think you should believe in? What other people tell you to believe in? Sometimes your heart tells you to believe in some things that look like they should never be believed in and yet you feel at peace with it. Then fear sets in because somehow this little inner voice jumps in and tells you its beyond the scope of what can be...and with that your peace begins to fade. I have come to doubt my ability to know what I can believe in and or place my faith in, to trust my better judgement. This is a scary place to be.

For me this situation is about more than our feelings for each other and what to do about them. Of all the souls I could be involved with why him and why this situation and why now? I don't believe in coincidences, so I ask, why?


Please be patient with me. I am trying to understand this experience.

Once again, I thank you for your time.

[Holistic Star]

Originally Posted by BeingButterfly

In fact early on, when I felt myself begin to feel deeper feelings for him, I wanted to run and against my better judgement, I didn't. I heeded his plea to not run and I stayed. He says many conflicting things to me. .

That statement says it all. You knew better, but something inside you enjoyed the feelings his attentions gave you. What need was he meeting for you?

I understand all too well the sweet agony of loving someone who is already attached, who encourages deeper feelings, then says 'oh no we mustn't'. He's being very selfish with your emotional wellbeing if he keeps you hanging on for his personal pleasure, but won't make a committment to you.


Your better judgement told you to RUN! (not walk, run!) Mine did too and I ignored it. The lesson I learned was to trust my intuition and the second I hear anything like alarm bells ringing, I'm off. But I didn't learn that without a lot of painful heartache. Could it be that you need to learn that same lesson?

[Angela]

There are a couple of clear lessons you could glean from this:

a) you want to have a loving, long-term mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR) with a man who has straight-out told you that he is not available for one. You can wish and hope and rationalize and suffer till the cows come home, but if man tells you he's unavailable, he's unavailable.

b) this man is emotionally cheating on the woman he's with. If the miracle you most desire were to occur and he were suddenly available for a relationship with you, it would be only a matter of time before you are the one he is emotionally cheating on and yearning for his next romantic adventure.

c) why do you crave a man who is unavailable? The age-old reason: you yourself are unavailable for a LLTMBR. Look within to find what old pain is stopping you from being available, see what there is to let go of and to generate, and find out how delicious, delightful, and loveable you are. When you see that in yourself, you'll find yourself surrounded by a cornucopia of delicious, delightful, loveable and available men.

After you've learned these lessons and generated a real LLTMBR (or succulent singledom) for yourself, you will be filled with gratitude for the incredible life lesson this whole episode with an unavailable man afforded you. You will be rich.

(and I can hear you now: "But I LOOOVE him!!!" )

[BeingButterfly]

Yes, I do love him. Even so, I know I have to let him go. I think the reason I stayed was because he was/is so real and open with his heart, his soul is so beautiful and he saw me, who I am on a deep level...and it was like water to a flower in the desert. I enjoyed the deep soul connection. I don't know about the rest of you but I don't run into many people who come from this deep place. Most come from their ego and not their soul. I guess my heart longs for this deep connection with a man. I don't think its anymore complicated than this. Yes, he is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend. I'm not making exuses for him but at the same time people are human and make mistakes. I'm a good judge of character, I doubt he is a serial cheater. He was/is attracted to my soul the way I am attracted to his soul but it isn't meant to be...perhaps, the universe has taught me a lesson afterall. I had come to doubt I could connect with a man on this level. I had come to doubt their really was a 'soulmate' out their for me. When I asked the universe to send him to me, that I was 'ready' I had made up my mind to 'believe' he existed. And so, it seems that even though this man isn't my intended soulmate the universe has shown me the possibility 'does' exist. My heart is sad and happy at the same time. A bittersweet lesson. Imagine that.

Thank you everyone for your love.

[uberinquisitive]

Have you ever even met this guy, in person?

I have met ALOT of people online the past 10 years (over 50 people). I do a lot of online dating. And I have learned this the hard way: meet potential romantic relationships right away. Because the more you get to "know" them online, the more you'll be shocked/disappointed at the difference between reality vs. fantasy.

People are VERY different online vs. in person. Most people tend to be cooler online, because of the safety of relative anonymity. They share things about themselves they never would dream of doing in person. They also feel free to play "roles." A normal joe schmo can pretend to be prince charming. Maybe in reality, he is emotionally unavailable and a coward. But online, he can be the type of man who sweeps a woman away.

People who are cheating online, they are not looking to leave their significant other. Instead, they want relief from the boredom and disconnect in their real life. Sorry to tell you this, but your guy is using you to entertain himself. That's why, when things became closer, he started to back off. The fantasy started to become too much work.

Your soulmate is someone else, for sure.