i need an advice...

[ines]

should you stay married to somebody who you love and he loves you back but doesn't care about your emotional and physical needs as much? thanks

[JimOfferman]

I cannot answer that - it is a question that you need to answer for yourself.

What I can give you is an approach that will help you answer the question. Start by asking yourself what you need to be happy and then take the responsibility for providing those things in your own life. Don't depend on someone else for your happiness, create your own. It's your life, better make the best of it!

If and when you have found that happiness that comes from within, the answer to your 'should I stay' question will come to you loud and clear.

Good luck! and welcome to the forum!

[ines]

thanks for trying to help. it's kind of complicated, i moved to another continent cause of him, i can't just go back now, i gotta make it work. somehow. if i can. i hurts every time when i try to talk to him and he ignores me or makes false promises. i know he loves me so why doesn't he care that i'm not happy? he's not romantic, emotional or sensitive. that makes it so much harder. or maybe i'm being too sensitive, too emotional and should just stop nagging and not think too much and just be grateful to him because ( from the outside ) my life is pretty good, don't work, being taking care of, no responsibilities... i'm sorry for the long post but i really don't have any good friends who i can talk to.

[JimOfferman]

Pretty good doesn't cut it, honey. You have to shoot for excellent or higher...

But, reading your second post, I don't think the problem is him. It's you. To paraphrase, you're living on another continent with no job, no friends, too much time on your hands and a sole provider of your happiness - or lack thereof - in your husband.

Yikes! How's that for putting all your eggs in one basket?

Don't take this the wrong way, but you need to get yourself a life! Take the burden of your happiness off his shoulders and put it firmly on your own. Go out. Make friends. Have adventures (no, not that kind).

If you want to have more romance in your relationship, take the lead. Do something so romantic for him that it knocks him of his feet and has him wondering how he is ever going to top that... and then try to act surprised when he does (because he will).

Don't let fate drive you, take the wheel!

[The Cloud]

Is it love or attachment to the familiar? If he doesn't care about your emotional or physical needs, what about you does he care about?

Be aware that you could be a victim of what is known as "Affect Perseverance," which is the principle that feelings about something or someone based upon an initial impression will persist even in the face of a change in that which initially inspired the feelings. So say that a guy is really sweet and romantic to a girl when they are dating, and she develops positive feelings for him based upon that. Then they get married, and he begins to become verbally abusive and negative. According to Affect Perseverance, the girls positive feelings will persist even in the face of the guys negative behavior.

I'm not saying this is the case for you, I'm simply pointing it out as a possibility because you obviously have a conflict between what you want from your husband and what he is willing to give.

[ines]

first of all, jim thanks for the sentence where you say i need to get a life. i actually put a post on one website, looking for a friend. i was too scared before to make friends cause i felt like i had nothing to give, but i realized i can't keep on living like this, just complain and not do anything about it.

The cloud, i think it's both. too scared to leave,maybe i won't find anyone better. but like i said, going back home is not an option right now. i gotta make sure first i did everything i could. That was a good question: If he doesn't care about your emotional or physical needs, what about you does he care about? i think i'm gonna ask him that. maybe i am holding onto old him. guys you really helped me alot. thank you, i really mean it.