Does it matter?

[The Cloud]

*Sorry for the ambiguous title, I put it in when I began the post on a whim, and forgot to make it relevant once I was finished.

I have a dilemma, and I'm not entirely sure how to resolve it. I have a course of action which I'm strongly considering taking, but I would like to see what alternative theories or relevant experiences are out there first.

Ok, here's the story. There is this girl I love. I'm a senior and she's a junior in college, and we've been friends since her first semester (over three years). I've liked her for a long time, and at times have considered asking her out, but never really gotten around to it. Recently, however, I've been doing a lot of thinking about our relationship. We would have our on and off periods, not because of fighting but simply because of the natural ebb and flow of things. But we would always end up back together as friends again, which doesn't often happen for me when a friendship ebbs. Also, we have had numerous phone conversations in excess of an hour, and a significant amount over two, which is extremely abnormal for me as I only rarely spend over an hour in conversation with my mother or sister on the phone and never spend longer than thirty minutes with anyone else. We never run out of things to talk about, and she often has an interesting perspective on things that helps me work out and define my own thoughts.

The most important thing, though, is that I love her. I've considered before whether or not I did, but dismissed it because I wasn't sure, and in my opinion if you're not sure it's not love. I just wasn't in a place psychologically where I was sure enough of myself to know what I did and did not believe. Sometimes, for other girls, I would have feelings that I thought might be love. I didn't know, I simply couldn't justify the feelings without saying that's what they were. But recently I've been able to clear up a lot of things in my life that have been bothering me, and this time I have no question or doubt as to what she is to me.

My question is this; what do I do about it? I've considered just naturally allowing things to progress as they will. However, she is a pre-med, and very very wrapped up in studying for mCATs and her other med-school things, which isn't very conducive to her considering anything else in her life. I'd be willing to wait and watch events unfold, but I'm going to be graduating in a few months and don't know how much longer I'm going to be sticking around the area after that. I simply don't like the idea of her absorption in med school potentially being the only thing preventing our relationship from progressing to another level. For those of you that would say that it would already have gone further if it was meant to, I say that I have changed significantly in the last few months. I am much more proactive about meeting new people and getting new experiences. Such being the case, I have also made a point of spending a significantly larger proportion of my time with her, which she has been amenable to excepting that it is disruptive to her studying.

On the other hand, I could tell her. I wouldn't do it before she's done with her mCATs in April just so that I don't throw off her studying, but this is the option that I am leaning most strongly toward. Simply telling her that I love her, as she is, and that I want nothing from her but to consider how she feels towards me. My main argument against this is that I don't want to use it as a lever to pressure her into making a decision. I know that is often how love is used, to manipulate the other party into reciprocating. But I don't think that's what I want. I just want to know whether, if she really thinks about it, she loves me or not. I'll still love her whatever the answer, because I fell in love with her as she was and is, not for some potential future relationship.

Also, a part of me has a more academic interest in the response. I've never told anyone besides my mother that I loved them, and it may be interesting to see what kind of response it incites, whether it's happiness because she's felt the same all along or fear of hurting my feelings because she doesn't feel the same. Anyways, that's my position, and I am interested to see what kind of options and opinions this board can present.

[LifeFirst]

Well, I don't know how you got yourself into this thing here. Me personally, I think you have come so close to her, but yet so far away from her. The thing is you have to consider how she will take your approach. Because at this point, I don't know if you have hinted that you want to be with her. Or how come she has never hinted that she wants to be with you. Does she actually call you and want to take you out to some place or vice versa? If this type of stuff never happened and you guys are just friends....it will be hard to step up without someone falling down.

I was in this situation before where I confessed to a girl that I liked. I mean, we were never really friends. Never talked on the phone for more than 3 minutes, never really hung out except for maybe once. But we talked when we were in class, she politely rejected me, which was cool now that I thought about it, we wouldn't have matched anyways.'

Being a friends with a girl....I don't know....only works if you have no feelings towards her whatsoever.

[Gozunn]

The cloud...you are in a simpler situation than you think. Just analyze the whole relationship bit by bit. I don't really know the circumstances but it seems like you two are pretty close. And you see each other as friends but underneath MAYBE more than friends. Remember what you're going to lose if she feels the same and both of you were too shy to act.

Now I'm saying 'act' not 'propose your love to her'. Big difference. Even IF she does like you, she will be dumbfounded if you just go up to her and say: I love you. Take it slow. First make the transition from friend to boyfriend. Important thing, don't open up to her like you normally do, and don't let HER open up to you ESPECIALLY if she's talking about guys. Don't make large gestures that make it apparent you are into her or she'll be confused. Leave her in doubt whether you like her or not.

Make sure you are often alone with her, flirt, heighten her emotions. Make regular eye contact and position yourself close to her, not so much that you invade her personal space though and most importantly be CONFIDENT, don't appear shy or controllable.

Since this will probably be difficult for you now that you've been friends for a long time I suggest that you talk to other girls to get a feel of it, plus you can check if she's jealous or not when she sees you talking to other girls AND you can deprive her of the companionship which she once took forgranted.

Note that this is derived from my experience with women, it might not be the right approach at all, just the way I would do it.

Good luck the Cloud!