On Death Row In Illinois

[Gene]

On Death Row In Illinois

The man in the cell is young and yet old at thirty. He waits as the final hours pass. His execution has been scheduled and that time is now less than twenty four hours away.

He is just less than six feet tall with a thin face and piercing blue eyes; his sandy brown hair and his wry smile are memorable. His features might suggest that he spent most of his life outdoors before he was thrust into a cage to await death.

He has been a farmer then a soldier in France a veteran of Omaha Beach and six other major battles in Europe. He received the battle stars and other decorations for gallantry in action in recognition of his service to his nation. After the war he became a farmer again because to work hard at farming and to own his own land has been his dream for as long as he can remember.

He has seen men die before, the months in combat introduced him to the gruesome details of the many ways a man can die, so death is no stranger to him He has seen me die often in the last few years. It is different this time. It has been scheduled and the death warrant has been signed by the governor of the State of Illinois.

He has told his family and friends that he is innocent of the murder he has been convicted of and for which he has been sentenced to die. He has also informed his family that they should stay home and not come to the prison for the execution. “I don’t want you to see that last little bit of my life and remember me that way and I don’t want you to suffer through those last moments."

He waits. He tells the priest, “No one will see me cry and I will not show fear.” As he waits his father arrives and tells him that he could not stay away and let him die alone. His father tells him “I love you and I believe in you.” And “When you take that last walk I will watch so you will not be alone.”

As more time passes the prisoner composes his last statement. “Mom and Dad and little Gene I am innocent and I love you!”

He waits.



Continue below

As you may or may not have guessed by now this is not an attempt at fiction. It is actual history of my family. The man on death row was my father and the man who could not let his son die alone was my grandfather. In his final statement I am “little Gene.”

With less than twenty four hours before the death warrant is to be carried out, the Illinois Supreme Court issued a stay of execution. In this decision it states there is not enough evidence to charge him or convict him and he may not be retried without new and substantial evidence. He is never retried.

The person he was convicted of murdering was my mother. I was five months old when she died. I was three years old when my father was released from death row.

That was not the end it is the beginning.

You may ask why I write about this and my answer is that I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately. I guess I am going back to some of my early relationship experiences.

Those events were important in shaping the man I have become. As a result of these events I had lots of opportunities for growth. Sometimes it sucked, but I am happy with the man I am today and this history is in part what made me, “Me.”

Thank you for listening.

Gene

[TheColonel]

Very powerful. Thanks for posting it.

[Andrew Brunelle]

Wow, I'm glad he didn't have to die. I really enjoyed that story, very powerful, very true to life. They should abolish death row. It doesn't do anything for us except kill more people.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

Wow, I'm glad he didn't have to die. I really enjoyed that story, very powerful, very true to life. They should abolish death row. It doesn't do anything for us except kill more people.

I support life and do not believe in the death penalty. I have some experience in personally understanding the consequences of the death penalty.

My fathers murder conviction was overturned. It would not seem that justice would have been served to execute him yet it was uncertain up until a very short time before he was to die, that he would live.

If he was guilty of the crime and had been executed, would that have made society a better place? I think the answer is no. I think the taking of a life even of someone who has committed murder and heinous crimes is a violent act, which serves more to perpetuate violence than deter violence. In my opinion it does not deter crime.

Who would this execution affect and how? I can with some clarity say my fathers execution would have affected me and the rest of his family. What crime did I commit that government should deprive me of my father as well as my mother?

I abhor killing. I do not desire for the government to kill people in my name. If a Ted Bundy or Charles Manson type of murders happen and the perpetrators are found guilty sentence them to life in prison and let them experience that as payment for their crimes.

Do not kill in my name and then go on about how "justice has been served." If those who believe that the death penalty is appropriate wish, they may continue to support that punishment.

I support forgiveness.

Gene

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Gene

I support life and do not believe in the death penalty. I have some experience in personally understanding the consequences of the death penalty.

My fathers murder conviction was overturned. It would not seem that justice would have been served to execute him yet it was uncertain up until a very short time before he was to die, that he would live.

If he was guilty of the crime and had been executed, would that have made society a better place? I think the answer is no. I think the taking of a life even of someone who has committed murder and heinous crimes is a violent act, which serves more to perpetuate violence than deter violence. In my opinion it does not deter crime.

Who would this execution affect and how? I can with some clarity say my fathers execution would have affected me and the rest of his family. What crime did I commit that government should deprive me of my father as well as my mother?

I abhor killing. I do not desire for the government to kill people in my name. If a Ted Bundy or Charles Manson type of murders happen and the perpetrators are found guilty sentence them to life in prison and let them experience that as payment for their crimes.

Do not kill in my name and then go on about how "justice has been served." If those who believe that the death penalty is appropriate wish, they may continue to support that punishment.

I support forgiveness.

Gene

I believe in what you say, and it is beautifully said. I wish more people would believe what you believe, in my country the death penalty is still legal.

[Matthew Shea]

I agree with you 100%, Gene. Very well spoken and a very moving story.

I'm glad I live in a state that doesn't have the death penalty. I hope it never does and that the rest of the states and the federal gov't get rid of it, too.

[JJH]

Thank your for posting this, Gene

[Dimitry]

Very well written and shows a lot of emotion. I was drawn in right away and I'm sorry that it had to happen to you but I see that it possibly ended up being a good thing in the end.

As everyone else said, thanks for sharing.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Dimitry

Very well written and shows a lot of emotion. I was drawn in right away and I'm sorry that it had to happen to you but I see that it possibly ended up being a good thing in the end.

As everyone else said, thanks for sharing.

This and other experiences helped create the person I am today. I do not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it.

The past does have an impact on me at times. The past few days I have been thinking about relationships. It started with my thoughts about my love relationship and then moved to relationships in general and then to those early relationships.

I think of my mother and think what a brave woman she was and how much I was loved by her. I think of my father and know he loved me and that his thoughts and behavior was often more than dysfunctional.

I think of how the polarization about the death of my mother in the small community where I was born affected my life.

I learned how to fight.

I learned how to fantasize about killing all of my tormentors.

I learned how to hate.

I learned how to retreat from the dangerous world into books and my own thoughts.

Later after much torment I discovered the anger and hate was not helping. In fact the anger and hate was killing me physically as it had almost destroyed me emotionally.

I believe in grace because there is no other explanation that I understand that helped me remain alive through those years of pain than grace. I discovered that I really did not want to kill anyone, a fact I really always knew on a deep level but did not understand consciously.

I discovered that I liked working with people and helping them and that I was good at being a helper. I have spent the last twenty years working from the depths of my despair to someplace resembling sanity. Today, on most days I can pass for sane.

I still have challenging moments. Last night after the talk about relationships I had recurrent flashbacks as I attempted to sleep. The woman who shares my life helped me through those difficult moments by putting her arms around me and holding me.

This morning the pain was gone. I am grateful for the outcome of this painful memory because many years ago my reaction would have been so different and I would worry for days or weeks about what terrible deed I may have committed during the flashback. This morning I kissed the woman who comforted me last night and kissed my son who ran to me with his arms wide saying, "daddy" and did not worry.

I would not wish my early experiences on another and yet they are valuable to me. From wanting to kill all of my tormentors to, "Kind, gentle, man full of love for himself and others" has been an interesting and rewarding journey.

If I rambled in the above post I hope you will forgive me.

I remain, a traveler on the journey.
Gene