Honest review of my life so far

[Mat]

I realized that this is way too long so My question is about friendship. I want to know what qualities do you look for in a person, what kind of a person does it take to be a good friend. If you know of a book that you liked, or something similar. Many thanks.
The text bellow is too long, and I beet around the bush too much. So I summed up the text.


I hope I get some kind of response, to get to know different perspective on my life. I will be eternally grateful if you give me your opinion, or what else is on your mind.

I have wasted first 18 years of my life. I am not from rich background, but we are well of. I was spoilt, and had little respect for anything or anybody, and absolutely no goal. I realized that when I took a year of, because I wasn’t accepted to the college of my choice. I had much time to think. The first thing I realized: I have no friends; I missed people from my class, nobody was forced to be close to me anymore, you know. It was my fault, I was never kind, just rude. It was the same in primary school. Probably nobody that has known me has a good opinion of me. I am just so sorry because I was so mean to everybody.

I decided to change, and I got some self help material. I am much nicer to people, I stopped watching tv, and I have begun to read books. I feel better about this. And now I am thankful for my life.
The other thing is that I was quite fat. So I started going to gym. And I lost like 20 kg (40 pounds). But since the start of this school year I haven’t been to the gym. So I gained 10 kg back, and I have lost most of the muscle. This week I started exercising. And next week when I go back to college I will join gym again.

But problem is that I still have no friends. I certainly know why and how this happened. But it is hard, and I feel lonely, at times, it is very difficult to be thankful at times when I feel lonely, and sad. I don’t like my roommate much. And everybody that used to hang out with me was a loser, like me. Now I want to find somebody that wants to have a meaningful life, and wants to be a winner, and be my friend. It is difficult because everybody is in groups, and I don’t know many people. My parents are divorced, and my mother comes late from work. I am not looking for pity, but I don’t know what to do. I am scared to death because I don’t want to end alone. Like my mother of her sister she is also alcoholic. I don’t know maybe I just want too much, maybe I am greedy. Because I know I have to be thankful, I am lucky to be from Europe, and alive, and healthy.

Now I am 21, and next week I am going back to my business college. I want to finish it, and become a businessman. I want to be a winner. I meet a girl online. She is in going to college in a different country to be a doctor. She is a winner, she is smart, attractive, she likes to read, likes animals. I want to be a person who would attract her. I don’t know much about women, I have been only with 2, but they weren’t my girlfriends. I learned tricks how to be arrogant and to give back handed compliments and other pick up stuff. But I haven’t been on a date for 3 years. But I want to find a friend first. I figure that way I will go out, so I will have people to hang out with, and women will like that. On post secret, that is a site that you can send a postcard with you secret anonymously, there was one postcard with a cow saying: I am fat because I eat. I eat because I am alone. I am alone because I am fat. I don’t want that. But I have no idea what do. I know I don’t want to spend a birthday alone, go everywhere alone. And at home I am just destroying myself, I will never achieve anything, I will be forever a loser. Please advise me, I will be forever in your debts,

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