Abortion or not?

[uberinquisitive]

My mother had an abortion after she had me and my sister. Why? Because she didn't want a 3rd child. It's isn't a secret in our family. And, my mother has only expressed relief that she only had 2 children.

I am also glad that my mother had only 2 kids. She was so overworked and frazzled as a single mother (my parents divorced when I was young). She woke up at 4am, 6 days a week to go to work. She got home at 3pm, and then she had to take care of 2 children. She was lucky to get 5 hours of sleep/night.

She has often told me that, in her next life, she doesn't want marriage or children. She had children because "that's what married woman are supposed to do."

My mother is soooo happy that my sister and I are now adults. I am sure she always loved us, but she was so miserable raising us. She wanted to be a teacher, but she didn't have the resources as a single mother. She didn't have family or friends to help her out. And, my father was unreliable with child support or visitations.

it's a total myth that women are natural mothers. Maybe many women are, but there is a sizable group that are more career, or self-driven. Children don't "complete" them. My mother is a good person, but even when she was still with my father, I could just tell that being a mom was not her most favorite thing to do.

The damage this has done to me is enormous. I grew up feeling like a burden. Can you imagine, the guilt a child feels when your mother comes back home, bleary-eyed and exhausted? You can't go up to her with your problems. My childhood was isolated and sad. And...it wasn't my mom's fault! She did her best! I shudder to think what a 3rd child would have done to an already fragile balance.

mcnz, I'm sure if you talked to my mother, she would give you a big hug. I want to give you a big hug, too.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

If two people mistakenly get pregnant, they should be responsible for their actions and have the baby.

Having an abortion is, sometimes, the responsible thing to do. I would never force anyone to have an abortion - do the responsible thing! Get an abortion!

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

I'd like to take a poll of Americans and see just how many of these "pro-choice" people have ever given birth. Then, I'd like to take a poll of people who have given birth, including those who have given their children up for adoption, and see just how many of them are pro choice.

I have had two beautiful children, and I am all-the-way pro-choice. I was pro-choice before kids, and am even more so now. I am a wonderful mom. Both my boys thinks so, too. But having been through what it takes to *be* that good mom? The healing of childhood wounds, the re-parenting of *myself*, the recognition of what a bad job my parents did? Very painful, very difficult. It's not for the weak of heart. It's because I treasure children and parenthood so much that I am pro-choice. My viewpoint is not uncommon.

There's even a bumpersticker.

[Angela]

A boyfriend and I were on vacation in Mexico and we ran into a well-known anti-abortion activist and her family. She launched rather passionately into her views not only on abortion, but also suggested that I refrain from extra-marital sex with my honey (fat chance! this guy was a tall yummy triathlete.)

My guy and I listened quietly, without arguing, because we were transfixed by what we were present to: the woman was telling us the story of how she changed her mind at the abortion clinic, and this beautiful four-year old daughter was the result of her divine turnaround -- telling the story right in front of the little girl, who was desperately trying to get her mom to stop talking and come play with her. The husband was rolling his eyes at his wife while trying to restrain the daughter from clinging to mom the entire time. When the woman went to the restroom, the husband told us that this scene gets reenacted everywhere they go, all the time, and that he wished she would put a little of the energy she directed at talking people out of abortions - into being present for the little girl she almost aborted and talked such a big story about being grateful for.

I don't know why I'm telling you this story -- it's a very vivid memory for me.

[wolverine]

While I understand that Mncz has had her abortion and feels like it was the right thing to do for her, I would also like to add another viewpoint that I don't believe has been mentioned here yet in quite the way I word it, in the hope that other women who are uncertain of this decision can consider it too.

Mncz mentioned earlier that she felt she could not be a whole, loving parent to her child as she did not yet know how to be a whole, loving parent to herself, her own 'inner child' if that is the language you use to describe people. I would suggest that becoming a parent may be a huge step in the process of learning to love and parent both yourself and a child.

Hope that helps someone, and many hugs to Mncz! Your calm consideration of everything important is a wonderful thing to see, and I hope you create the life you're dreaming of.


Wolverine

[oberlee]

Mncz, I'm really proud that you did the right thing DESPITE so many people being against you. I can't imagine having a doctor getting on a soap box--I think I would chicken out!

Anyway, I felt comfort reading your story because I know you did the right thing for yourself, and you sound like you're doing wonderfully well. I'm glad you got rid of the ex. Bad news.

Also, having gone through an abortion at a similar age--28--I completely and totally agree with the way you feel, up to the soul of your baby having taught you about yourself, and going back to the place of souls, etc. I personally kind of feel like if the same soul wants to stick around, it might be the same one next time! But it's nice to hear my own viewpoints validated.

Also, I'm so happy for a thread of warm supporters for you and your decision. I've gotten into so many debates about abortion...luckily, there are intelligent people on this forum, of either opinion.

Much love!

[mncz]

A week has passed since my abortion and I wanted to share my thoughts about that time and how things look from this perspective now.

I feel good. I feel confident. I feel strong.
I see how the things I have been struggling with for half a year now start unfolding before my eyes one after another and that feeling is awesome.

Last week was not always happy. At first, during the weekend right after the abortion I had a massive energy surge. I did a lot of things that I had procrastinated to do for months. After that, things got worse for a couple of days. I started to have intense fits of anger. I would spin some episodes involving my ex in my head and argue, argue, argue with him. I felt like I want to kill him for all he has done to me, all the pain I had been through, everything. I hated him to no end.

Luckily there were people on this forum who reassured me that the way I felt like was perfectly normal. A few days later the anger subsided and I decided that I can forgive him for what he has done to me. That doesn't say I justify him or ever want to see him again. That says that I feel ready to move on to where I want to be instead of focusing my energy on someone who already has taken too much of it.

My family has noticed that I look happier, my clients have noticed that I work faster and better. And I myself, a few days ago when I was buying clothes, noticed that I actually look good - something that had not happened for quite some time.

Quite often I see my ex in my dreams. There I still love him and crave him. I think that it is the way how my mind is dealing with what has happened to me. I think that once my mind has our separation sorted, these dreams will stop.

On Friday night during meditation I expressed my deep love for my body and apologised to it for the harm I had done to it. I released my pain and anger and fear of future. I expressed to my body my joy that one day with its help I will be able to give birth to loved and beautiful children (there have been times in my life when I have feared infertility). I felt really uplifted after that. I had had some painful cramps the few days before (I think those were related also to my anger fits) and they completely stopped after my meditation.

So yes, the decision to have the abortion has been the absolutely right one for me. I feel no remorse. I haven't had any depression (at least none compared to how bad I used to feel). I feel empowered to pursue my life and make it as I want it and I am infinitely grateful for that.

And sometimes I still talk to the baby in my head. He is around here sometimes, as a friendly soul, and that is beautiful.

Many thanks to everyone who has been with me in my journey and has helped me with an opinion, an advice and has sent me love. You all have helped me a lot.

Lots of love,
mncz.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I am happy for you that you are able to deal with these things and let go. You have shown a great deal of courage. I have learned a lot from you about love and acceptance. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!

[Dannyboy1]

One could agree if there weren't plenty of responsible people waiting to take a baby off your hands. Just because you have the baby doesn't mean you have to be the parent. I can't see how you can say you'd be a bad parent so you should have an abortion when you can give the baby away so easily. The excuse doesn't make sense because you don't have to be the parent.

Originally Posted by carenkh

Having an abortion is, sometimes, the responsible thing to do. I would never force anyone to have an abortion - do the responsible thing! Get an abortion!



I have had two beautiful children, and I am all-the-way pro-choice. I was pro-choice before kids, and am even more so now. I am a wonderful mom. Both my boys thinks so, too. But having been through what it takes to *be* that good mom? The healing of childhood wounds, the re-parenting of *myself*, the recognition of what a bad job my parents did? Very painful, very difficult. It's not for the weak of heart. It's because I treasure children and parenthood so much that I am pro-choice. My viewpoint is not uncommon.

There's even a bumpersticker.

[WRX AJT]

My name is Alex and I'm adopted. Currently, I'm 21 and live in NW Indiana. The whole reason I'm responding is to urge you not abort your baby. I was born July 13th 1986 in a hospital in Evergreen Park, Illinois with the name of Joshua James. My birth parents were 16 and scared. During my birth moms pregnancy she took many of the pain killers you're not allowed to take, not to mention she drank and smoked. When I was born, I was a full 6 weeks pre-mature. I could not eat or breathe on my own. If abortions were more main stream back then I would have been aborted.

I got adopted into a wonderful family and have a brilliant future a head of me. I'm urging you to NOT get an abortion. The reason for me saying that is not only because of what I have gone through, but every child has the potential to change the world. If you abort your child...you could have just aborted the child/person who can figure out the cure for AIDS. Life begins at conception and doesn't end till they return to the Earth. So once again, I'm urging you to NOT abort your child. Life is what you make of it, and to essentially just give up on an innocent child is not the life I would hope you'd want to live. The best thing you can do is to continue with the pregnancy and give the child up for adoption like I was. I am praying that you make the right choice....

*If anyone has a problem with what I wrote...I urge you to take a walk in my shoes.

[WRX AJT]

Originally Posted by carenkh

Having an abortion is, sometimes, the responsible thing to do. I would never force anyone to have an abortion - do the responsible thing! Get an abortion!

I understand that everyone is entitled to their person opinion, but what you have wrote hurts me very much. My biological parents were two random people and they decided to continue with the pregnancy. I was put up for adoption, but for the sake of giving another innocent human that potential to change humanity...adoption sounds pretty good.

This subject is very close to me because I could have been aborted, and for you to say that abortion is sometimes the "responsible" thing to do kills me inside. In my eyes...you're saying I'm a waste of space and should be dead.

[clubvikram]

very true this is YOUR choice, nobody else's. if you think you need this child u should go-ahead, but if you dont then just DNT
Whatever decision you make will change your life forever, and you'll probably always wonder what the opposite choice might have brought into your life.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by WRX AJT

This subject is very close to me because I could have been aborted, and for you to say that abortion is sometimes the "responsible" thing to do kills me inside. In my eyes...you're saying I'm a waste of space and should be dead.

I'm not saying that. I could have been aborted, also, I was definitely unplanned. That in no way says I'm a waste of space! I'm not sure how you got from here to there. Perhaps there's something inside you that believes you're a waste of space? Have you looked inside, and healed the part of you that feels rejected by your birth parents? Usually, if I believe someone is saying something so hurtful - if it hurts me deeply - there's healing within I need to do.

Your birth parents looked within, and decided the responsible thing to do would be to give you up for adoption. They connected with your spirit, and their own, and that's the decision they made. Another person looked within, connected with their child's spirit, and their own, and decided to have an abortion. One is not a more responsible decision than the other. That's the point I was trying to make. And I don't think anyone has any right to tell someone else what choice they should make.

Originally Posted by WRX AJT

*If anyone has a problem with what I wrote...I urge you to take a walk in my shoes.

Anyone here could have been aborted. Because you were adopted doesn't give you special insight that a non-adopted person would have.

Originally Posted by WRX AJT

...every child has the potential to change the world. If you abort your child...you could have just aborted the child/person who can figure out the cure for AIDS.

I believe if it's time for the cure for AIDS to manifest, it really doesn't matter who's been born or who hasn't. It's all one, we're all one, and when it's time for something to happen, it will happen. It's obvious you believe differently. So you would make a different choice than I would. And that's perfect.

[WRX AJT]

I don't think I am a waste of space at all! I'm a bright 21 year old with the world going for me! I suppose I was a little emotional after talking about the loss of my very close friend who died from an overdose 2 months ago. I apologize if I sounded rude...

Every person has the potential to unlock something special deep within them...and if the cure for AIDs is within someone then hopefully it'll manifest.

[Dannyboy1]

How is having an abortion responsible (We're talking normal situations, not rape, etc.)?

Originally Posted by carenkh

Having an abortion is, sometimes, the responsible thing to do. I would never force anyone to have an abortion - do the responsible thing! Get an abortion!



I have had two beautiful children, and I am all-the-way pro-choice. I was pro-choice before kids, and am even more so now. I am a wonderful mom. Both my boys thinks so, too. But having been through what it takes to *be* that good mom? The healing of childhood wounds, the re-parenting of *myself*, the recognition of what a bad job my parents did? Very painful, very difficult. It's not for the weak of heart. It's because I treasure children and parenthood so much that I am pro-choice. My viewpoint is not uncommon.

There's even a bumpersticker.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Is anyone else creeped out that we are still discussing this topic in a thread where someone came to talk about their personal decision? Maybe I am too sensitive, but I think we could start another thread. Mncz has already made her decision and it feels unkind to me to debate here where she so openly shared her journey.