Abortion or not?

[Vasilisa]

I knew several people who had abortions, all of them were very sorry of that.
I think that a 26 year old woman living in Latvia is mature and strong enough to be a mother.
You never know what life will bring to you. What is your destiny? What is your child going to be? May be it's going to be the most incredible and beautiful thing in your life. Will you have other kids? You never know...
Will you ever marry without child or with him? - you never know...
I have a child, I can not even imagine what I would do without him.
It's like nothing in life before, the most important thing which ever happened to me. When you become a mother, you understand what love is. Without conditions, just purest and clearest feeling. I know you will feel the same, because you are such a loving person.
And how do you know what happens to kids who were aborted, you've never been there, right?
You have all conditions to have a child: money; job; loving relatives, who are willing to help; right age; health. You will make it, I know it.
It will be very sad if you don't give it a chance.

[Vasilisa]

Originally Posted by Angela

Everybody's got an opinion and the only choice that matters here is yours, mncz. You sound like you are generating peace, love, and joy, and I am celebrating that with you.

I am REALLY super-celebrating that you have kicked that man to the curb! What a life you would have sentenced yourself to, being with him! Yikes. Close call!

Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

Lots of love,
Angela

Angela, you can't imagine what kind of individuals you can meet in Eastern Europe. In comparison with some of them this boyfriend might seem to be a saint.
I am not saying that MNCZ should stay with him, God forbid.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

Angela, you can't imagine what kind of individuals you can meet in Eastern Europe. In comparison with some of them this boyfriend might seem to be a saint.
I am not saying that MNCZ should stay with him, God forbid.

I hope that mncz uses the lesson she's learning now to realize it's better to pick a mate who is in alignment with living a life you love, or be alone, rather than mate with someone who is such a generator of pain as that fellow. I hope that for all of us, actually.

[eblight]

Mncz your postings have filled me with so much love and compassion for you. You are a courageous person. You have thought carefully about your situation and most importantly have taken the time to get real emotional clarity about what you are doing.

Everyone will have an opinion but your first duty is to yourself and what is right for you. You have achieved much for one so young.

Letting go of your ex has been a big decision for you but one that will give you considerable strength and discernment to find a man when the time comes who will love, and cherish you because you are such a loving person and that is what you deserve for yourself.

Go well, and I wish you great happiness for your new future.

[Gozunn]

Originally Posted by mncz

Thank you, Gozunn, I have considered this point of view for the most part of last week. This way of thinking was the reason why I could not make my mind up about it for so long.

I want you to understand that my decision is not one of fear. I do not fear my future with or without the child. As I stated before, there is nothing I should fear if I decide to keep the child. But there is also nothing to fear if I decide to not to have him at this time. I have made my decision out of love: I have become aware that I do not know how to love myself, thus, I will be unable to love the child as he deserves it. Loving oneself after 26 years of not knowing or doing anything like it, can take some time to achieve and I need to be alone to achieve it. I am not in a position to take full responsibility of another human being at this time, since I can't yet take full responsibility of myself.

I know that I am not killing my child. I am merely breaking our contract and he will have another chance to return to this existence if he chooses so. I am extremely grateful about the guidance he has provided me, and trust me, this lesson I will keep with me for my life. I know that by doing this I have karma stacking up that I will have to work through one day. But all of this had to happen to open my eyes to how valuable my life is and how valuable I am and how I should always remember it.

And on a rather practical note, I feel sick these days, but I am not operating under hormones, since I know myself enough to know my behavioral patterns when I do (I have quite serious PMS issues etc.). Last week I have felt very calm and sure of what I am doing. I haven't had any drama in my head whatsoever, and I can be quite a drama queen sometimes.

On another rather practical note, you are not the only one who judges me about this decision. The gynaecologist I visited today was quite harsh on me too. But my family supports me, and that is a very big relief for me in this time. And I don't feel guilty or scared, reading your post, thus I know that I don't have those feelings in me and actually it confirms once more that my decision is right.

I can't say I understand you or that I agree with you. But I don't have that bitter taste in my mouth anymore. I still don't understand why you can't just have the baby and let someone else take responsablilty for him, at least until you get your life together. Just because it has your genes doesen't mean you HAVE to be his mother. I know for a fact someone will take care of him. And on a more global point of view, the population is no longer increasing and we might plummit down any time. (Italy's death rate is larger than its birth rate). Also your boy could be a genius or football star, sure he could also be a murderer but I think he should be given his chance. Again this is just a repetition of what I said before. Its your choice, you're the one that has to take it. But don't always be SURE, ALWAYS leave a room for doubt. Because it is that kind of persistence that scares me, more than the abortion really. Hitler was SURE he was doing the right thing when he was introducing the 'pure blood' race. History tells us that being sure is the worst thing you do. Never be 100% about anything. Still though I trust you and I believe you're wiser than me so you can take your decision without any ill feelings from my part at least.

Logodae: Regarding Nelson, I think abstinence and abortion are 2 different concepts. Taking the contract analogy that mncz used, with abstinence there is no contract yet but with abortion you are breaking off of a contract you written. You are backing out of a deal you already made, albeit by mistake but a deal nevertheless. Life has already been created and you are cutting off its development line because of thing that concern YOU. Sort of like me before my baby.

[teatree]

mncz - before you have the abortion, get some counselling before you do it. I sounds to me like you have already bonded with the baby (eg the way you already "know" the baby is a boy etc). Given that, you will find aborting very traumatic, and the trauma won't show till after it has happened..

Your boyfriend sounds awful - in fact he sounds like a child who is angry that your attention will be on the baby instead of exclusively on him. I'm glad you've dumped him.

I also think that you need to make this decision on your own, without feeling pressured by your ex and his dramas or by anyone else. Unfortunately it is hard to block people like him out even when you arn't actually seeing him.

Are you able to take some time off work and go on holiday? Perhaps to somewhere warm. Take a week and think it through. Allow yourself to understand that because you are in the early stages of pregnancy, your hormones are all over the place and dealing with pressure from other people on top makes it very hard to think straight. That's why it would help if you could remove yourself from your immediate environment. Don't think about finances and practical considerations - you sound so capable I'm sure you'll manage no matter what the circumstances. Instead think about what you feel about the baby.

If you still feel at the end of your holiday that you should have an abortion, then go ahead. At least you will have made the decision in an atmosphere of peace and will be better able to cope with it.

[Angela]

make sure you KNOW its the right choice.

History tells us that being sure is the worst thing you do. Never be 100% about anything.

Gozunn, your two pieces of advice are apparently contradictory. How do you reconcile these views?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Mncz, while I can see where these other posters are coming from (and I would have once said the same things) I believe that you've given this a great deal of thought. I am not here to get into a debate, but just wanted to lend you my support. Losts of love and peace to you going forward.

[mncz]

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has shown their support, it means a lot to me, and I am really touched and grateful. This discussion has helped me a great deal to focus my thoughts and understand my feelings.

Gozunn, to understand why adoption is not an option for me, please consider this: I live in a country where child abuse is common everyday practice. In last few weeks there was a case when father threw his 3 year-old child out of the window, a case where a young mom put her 2 children on the balcony to freeze to death and another case where a child was beaten to death by his mother/father. And this is a very small country (2 million people in total) and such things happen in families where children are not adopted. You really do not want to know what can happen to adopted children as well as to children in children houses. This is not America, where a social lady comes around every week and lots of counseling options and supervision are available for people who choose to adopt. And our government would not allow to adopt children to foreign countries unless they are permanently ill. I have grown up essentially not having a father and you do not want to know what I have gone through because of that. My mother is a great woman, but I know firsthand that there are simply some things that a single parent can't give a child, particularly in the early years of childhood.

As I said, I am making my decision out of love, not out of irresponsibility, and bringing my child into this world only to give him away, knowing what expects him out there would be much greater irresponsibility than abortion. I want my children to come to a loving and secure environment where I am sure that I have support of my other half behind me and where I am sure that I can give my children everything they need right from the beginning. Just imagine what this particular child has already experienced: his fathers total refusal to accept him (we are talking a week of communication and intense pressure for abortion from his side), then my extreme pain at his behavior, then me losing love for his father, then me pondering abortion, then me choosing abortion. Now compare this to a situation where a child is loved, expected and welcomed by both his parents from the very beginning. There is a world of difference and I want my children to be loved from the moment they enter this existence.

I refuse to be a victim of circumstances from now on, and yes, I put myself first, since only when I do that, I can take full responsibility of my actions and their results. I have minded other people, their opinions, their desires about me, their likes and dislikes for way too long. I have allowed myself to be shaped by them, always submissing to their wishes. I am done with that. I want to create my own reality and to create myself in it as a happy, loving, calm and strong person. And when I am done with that, I am sure that I will attract my perfect relationship, my perfect family and my perfect children in it in their own perfect time. This chain of events with my ex only underlines how infinitely important this change of attitude is for my life, since it is the only way for me to take the next step from where I am to where I want to be. I have attracted this lesson to learn how to consciously choose my actions in a very hard situation and to learn to consciously create my own reality and examine my beliefs and to show how my current beliefs and unconscious creation based on them keep me apart from the life I want. I am infinitely grateful for this experience.

Teatree: I would like to take a holiday, but right now I am really not in a position where I can do that (deadlines etc). Luckily enough I work as a graphic designer in my own office, and, as a single person enterprise, I am largely on my own and can put in a lot of extra hours of coffee shop visits (love those), long walks in park or shopping malls (when weather is bad) etc etc. I have plenty of time for thinking. I will go somewhere away this weekend though, not out of the country, but far enough to skip out of my common environment to be alone and think some more. I also meditate to keep the calm in my mind and every night since Saturday I am making peace with my child and releasing him back into the world of souls. I hope that this will help us to part as friends and without complications, physical or psychical, since I know that before incarnating souls are all-knowing and without judgement.

Once again, thank you everyone for your opinions and your support. It is wonderful.

[Joely]

Originally Posted by mncz

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has shown their support, it means a lot to me, and I am really touched and grateful. This discussion has helped me a great deal to focus my thoughts and understand my feelings.

Gozunn, to understand why adoption is not an option for me, please consider this: I live in a country where child abuse is common everyday practice. In last few weeks there was a case when father threw his 3 year-old child out of the window, a case where a young mom put her 2 children on the balcony to freeze to death and another case where a child was beaten to death by his mother/father. And this is a very small country (2 million people in total) and such things happen in families where children are not adopted. You really do not want to know what can happen to adopted children as well as to children in children houses. This is not America, where a social lady comes around every week and lots of counseling options and supervision are available for people who choose to adopt. And our government would not allow to adopt children to foreign countries unless they are permanently ill. I have grown up essentially not having a father and you do not want to know what I have gone through because of that. My mother is a great woman, but I know firsthand that there are simply some things that a single parent can't give a child, particularly in the early years of childhood.

As I said, I am making my decision out of love, not out of irresponsibility, and bringing my child into this world only to give him away, knowing what expects him out there would be much greater irresponsibility than abortion. I want my children to come to a loving and secure environment where I am sure that I have support of my other half behind me and where I am sure that I can give my children everything they need right from the beginning. Just imagine what this particular child has already experienced: his fathers total refusal to accept him (we are talking a week of communication and intense pressure for abortion from his side), then my extreme pain at his behavior, then me losing love for his father, then me pondering abortion, then me choosing abortion. Now compare this to a situation where a child is loved, expected and welcomed by both his parents from the very beginning. There is a world of difference and I want my children to be loved from the moment they enter this existence.

I refuse to be a victim of circumstances from now on, and yes, I put myself first, since only when I do that, I can take full responsibility of my actions and their results. I have minded other people, their opinions, their desires about me, their likes and dislikes for way too long. I have allowed myself to be shaped by them, always submissing to their wishes. I am done with that. I want to create my own reality and to create myself in it as a happy, loving, calm and strong person. And when I am done with that, I am sure that I will attract my perfect relationship, my perfect family and my perfect children in it in their own perfect time.

Teatree: I would like to take a holiday, but right now I am really not in a position where I can do that (deadlines etc). Luckily enough I work as a graphic designer in my own office, and, as a single person enterprise, I am largely on my own and can put in a lot of extra hours of coffee shop visits (love those), long walks in park or shopping malls (when weather is bad) etc etc. I have plenty of time for thinking. I will go somewhere away this weekend though, not out of the country, but far enough to skip out of my common environment to be alone and think some more. I also meditate to keep the calm in my mind and every night since Saturday I am making peace with my child and releasing him back into the world of souls. I hope that this will help us to part as friends and without complications, physical or psychical, since I know that before incarnating souls are all-knowing and without judgement.

Once again, thank you everyone for your opinions and your support. It is wonderful.

I think this has to be one of the most intelligent, loving, wise and grounded things I have ever read from anybody. I really, truly admire you. It just goes to show, when you compare your first posts on this thread, as you found your own wisdom and made your own choices, that you really are just as wise as I said you were at the beginning.

[Vasilisa]

Originally Posted by Joely

I think this has to be one of the most intelligent, loving, wise and grounded things I have ever read from anybody. I really, truly admire you. It just goes to show, when you compare your first posts on this thread, as you found your own wisdom and made your own choices, that you really are just as wise as I said you were at the beginning.

I agree that it's a nice lady, but abortion is not a wise, intelligent and grounded thing to do. I believe she is very confused and depressed and going to make a huge mistake. And I am very, very sorry.

[Vasilisa]

And that's what I thought - if you are going to attract your perfect family, you will attract either you have this child or not. If you feel you are able to attract all those good things in your life, why won't you attract it for yourself AND your child? Why won't you make it something which makes you stronger and more inspired istead of feeling that it's some kind of burden and obstacle on the way to your perfect life?
Why do you think it's happened by mistake, may be it's meant to be, may be this child will give you the biggest push in spiritual develpoment?
And, yes, it's hard to be raised without father, but I am sure, people who were raised by a single parent still would prefer their hard childhood to being aborted.
I could write more, but most likely it won't be enough, because you already made up your mind.

[Gozunn]

Originally Posted by Angela

Gozunn, your two pieces of advice are apparently contradictory. How do you reconcile these views?

Those were taken in two different contexts but I admit they do seem to be contradictory. What I meant is always leave a room for doubt but only a small percentage, don't take hasty decisions when you're only 50% sure of the outcome but don't ever be TOTALLY sure of yourself.



mncz: I know I won't convince you, and I know you won't convince me, I still don't agree with you but you believe you're making the right choice both in terms of the baby and yourself (I'm not saying that my view is the right one lol) so I won't hold any grudges. However I would like to point out (for the very last time) that even though the environment which he is born into is a bad place, at LEAST he has a chance. Now I know you would feel guilty and irresponsible and I can't say you wouldn't have your reasons but I still believe abortion is a worse thing. Also don't make the mistake of comparing your own childhood to the baby's. That baby is not YOU, he/she can have a different experience, a different outlook on the whole single parent/adoptive parent issue. Also a different person will come out in the future, this one will be lost, but you are comforting yourself (I'm not making this a fact just an assumption) with the idea that this one will not be lost in vain for it will make you a better person. Now whether or not the value of a life is equal to the value of your reformation I can't tell you. I'm just observing, again I still don't agree with what you're doing.

[mncz]

Just wanted to share this with you.

Apparently in this country, a woman who wants to think for herself when choosing whether or not to continue with pregnancy, is not considered human. Apparently ALL her choices must be made, considering the wishes and views of other, "good" people, who have never been in her position, never have felt how she feels, do not have to live her life, but feel cool enough to advise the "right" decision.

I have been looking in our local forums for the best doctor for my abortion. The few unhappy souls who had dared to ask this question before me, have been discussed in ways and called names I feel ashamed to repeat here. A single suggestion for the best solution for an unhappy soul? Nothing. Just flaming and shaming. When I asked my doctor, which place/doctor she would suggest as the best to do this, she had no answer for me and just forwarded me to our default city hospital. No explaining of what will happen, what to expect, nothing. Just silent condemnation.

And then I called the doctor to whom my gynecologyst forwarded me to perform the abortion (it will happen this Thursday). Do you think I got a single word of understanding from her? No. Just moralising about how bad my choice is, how I may never have children again and how far my baby is already developed and how I haven't thought this decision through (but when I told her how far I am, she was like - "where were you earlier?" "I was thinking!" "Oh...").

So, what I wanted to say with this, is: be happy if you live in a place where women are respected for their choices and supported no matter what. The real reasons of why human rights is still such a big issue in the world has just dawned on me in ways it never did before.

And as an afterthought: I was very afraid of this procedure. It just came to my mind that I can use my anger to overcome this fear and then progress to confidence and acceptance. I cannot change what these people think about me, but I can choose my attitude and what I project on them and whether I feed their egos or not. Their thoughts about me is not ME. It is THEM and it must stay that way.

Always something to learn.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by mncz

I have made my decision out of love: I have become aware that I do not know how to love myself, thus, I will be unable to love the child as he deserves it. Loving oneself after 26 years of not knowing or doing anything like it, can take some time to achieve and I need to be alone to achieve it. I am not in a position to take full responsibility of another human being at this time, since I can't yet take full responsibility of myself.

Hi there, I just want to give you some food for thought.

If you think you should abort because you're not fully ready to be a mum .... well, I want to tell you - you may never feel ready to be a mum. It's just one of those things; you can never be ready until you jump into it. Just like you will never learn to swim before actually jumping into the water.

When my wife told me that she was pregnant with our 1st kid, I actually felt very overwhelmed and a little frightened. Yah, the kid wasn't planned, and I did not at all feel ready to be a dad, and my wife did not feel ready to be a mum either, and in fact SHE briefly wanted an abortion.

Now our son is five years old and he is my best friend and we love him to bits (together with our 3-year-old daughter); I really cannot imagine what life would be like without them.

[Joely]

Originally Posted by mncz

Just wanted to share this with you.

Apparently in this country, a woman who wants to think for herself when choosing whether or not to continue with pregnancy, is not considered human. Apparently ALL her choices must be made, considering the wishes and views of other, "good" people, who have never been in her position, never have felt how she feels, do not have to live her life, but feel cool enough to advise the "right" decision.

I have been looking in our local forums for the best doctor for my abortion. The few unhappy souls who had dared to ask this question before me, have been discussed in ways and called names I feel ashamed to repeat here. A single suggestion for the best solution for an unhappy soul? Nothing. Just flaming and shaming. When I asked my doctor, which place/doctor she would suggest as the best to do this, she had no answer for me and just forwarded me to our default city hospital. No explaining of what will happen, what to expect, nothing. Just silent condemnation.

And then I called the doctor to whom my gynecologyst forwarded me to perform the abortion (it will happen this Thursday). Do you think I got a single word of understanding from her? No. Just moralising about how bad my choice is, how I may never have children again and how far my baby is already developed and how I haven't thought this decision through (but when I told her how far I am, she was like - "where were you earlier?" "I was thinking!" "Oh...").

So, what I wanted to say with this, is: be happy if you live in a place where women are respected for their choices and supported no matter what. The real reasons of why human rights is still such a big issue in the world has just dawned on me in ways it never did before.

And as an afterthought: I was very afraid of this procedure. It just came to my mind that I can use my anger to overcome this fear and then progress to confidence and acceptance. I cannot change what these people think about me, but I can choose my attitude and what I project on them and whether I feed their egos or not. Their thoughts about me is not ME. It is THEM and it must stay that way.

Always something to learn.

I think that's a very wise way of looking at it. Are there any women's support groups at all that would be supportive of you?

Wishing you well and thinking of you,

J xx

[Gozunn]

Originally Posted by mncz

Just wanted to share this with you.

Apparently in this country, a woman who wants to think for herself when choosing whether or not to continue with pregnancy, is not considered human. Apparently ALL her choices must be made, considering the wishes and views of other, "good" people, who have never been in her position, never have felt how she feels, do not have to live her life, but feel cool enough to advise the "right" decision.

I have been looking in our local forums for the best doctor for my abortion. The few unhappy souls who had dared to ask this question before me, have been discussed in ways and called names I feel ashamed to repeat here. A single suggestion for the best solution for an unhappy soul? Nothing. Just flaming and shaming. When I asked my doctor, which place/doctor she would suggest as the best to do this, she had no answer for me and just forwarded me to our default city hospital. No explaining of what will happen, what to expect, nothing. Just silent condemnation.

And then I called the doctor to whom my gynecologyst forwarded me to perform the abortion (it will happen this Thursday). Do you think I got a single word of understanding from her? No. Just moralising about how bad my choice is, how I may never have children again and how far my baby is already developed and how I haven't thought this decision through (but when I told her how far I am, she was like - "where were you earlier?" "I was thinking!" "Oh...").

So, what I wanted to say with this, is: be happy if you live in a place where women are respected for their choices and supported no matter what. The real reasons of why human rights is still such a big issue in the world has just dawned on me in ways it never did before.

And as an afterthought: I was very afraid of this procedure. It just came to my mind that I can use my anger to overcome this fear and then progress to confidence and acceptance. I cannot change what these people think about me, but I can choose my attitude and what I project on them and whether I feed their egos or not. Their thoughts about me is not ME. It is THEM and it must stay that way.

Always something to learn.

I'm not going to reply to this since I've already pointed out that my last post was going to be my last contribution to this thread. However I want to forewarn you about your emotions after the abortion, you might feel empty and depressed but don't worry this is a common disorder when an abortion is done it will last a few weeks. I'm not saying it will happen for sure but just in case you feel it and feel bad about what you've done remember how you feel now and fight it as best as you can, its just a natural side-effect, no big deal just let it blow over. This is NOT some sort of last-ditch effort to sway you, I've already said that part is over so incase you're thinking 'hah yeah right like I'm gonna fall for that', I'm only saying this for YOUR own benefit. That baby is as good as dead, I know so now my concern is for you. Don't fall into a slump you can't recover from after you do it. Grieve as you should and then move on. I'm sure you're a strong enough to overcome such a situation SHOULD it arise (cause it may not arise at all).

Good luck in the future and may you never find yourself in such a situation again. It has been a healthy discussion but I think I've learned to become just a tiny-bit more tolerant towards abortion (still think its wrong). Thanks!

[Angela]

I'm sending you lots of love and support. It's hard enough to make such a difficult choice without having to deal with people giving you hard time, terror-tactics, imposing their morals, etc. I wish I could be there to hold your hand and comfort you. You are not alone.

Love,
Angela

edit after seeing Gozunn's post: I agree with Gozunn, you may grieve or have other feelings, and it sounds like the locals are not going to exactly be very comforting to you. I hope you will feel safe to post here and allow us to help you through it, and I hope there is someone there who will hold you without judging you.

[Rose of Cairo]

mncz, I just wanted to tell you that I respect your decision and admire you a lot. You're showing much courage. I can totally understand you and your reasons and I think they are truly loving and wise. I also love how you're learning from the experience. When I read your posts I'm like "WOW!!".

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time in your country. I'm sending you lots of love and strength. You have all my support. <<<BIG HUG>>>

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by mncz

I am merely breaking our contract and he will have another chance to return to this existence if he chooses so. I am extremely grateful about the guidance he has provided me, and trust me, this lesson I will keep with me for my life. I know that by doing this I have karma stacking up that I will have to work through one day.

What if the contract was for you to experience exactly what you're experiencing, abortion and all? I don't necessarily think any contract was broken.

Nor do I think there will be karma "stacking up". You're making this decision in a calm, centered, loving place. While I'm not you, I believe peace, love, and growth will result from your choice. I'm so sorry you do not have more compassionate support with you while you go through this - in person anyway - as others have stated, we are here. No judgment. I will be thinking of you this week.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

A hug from me. I am sorry you don't have good support in person, but I am adding my support here along with the others. Please let us know if we can help or just listen.

[KevinUSA]

Hi mncz, your thread here has finally drawn me out of the shadows on this forum. I've never posted anywhere before, so I hope this comes out right. I mainly just wanted to apologize because in the past I have been judgemental of women who have had an abortion and I realize that I was wrong. If I should have been judging anything it should have been the action and not the person. I even broke up with a girl in college when I found out that she'd had an abortion back in highschool. I know now that as a man there is know way for me to say what I would do in your situation. My heart goes out to you. This may be more for me than you, but I just wanted you to know that reading about your experience has made me do some soul searching and helped me to see some things about myself that I hadn't before. Again, I just wanted to apologize on behalf of those of us who know not what we do. Now maybe I should leave it at that and if you've already made up your mind and don't want any further input then you can stop reading here. BUT, us guys have to stick together and I read that you feel your baby is boy, so as an advocate for him I just want to say that I was raised without a father and I'm thankful for that because the guy was also a loser. The only downside was that I grew up hearing about what a loser he was. I'm sure I might have made fewer mistakes in my life if I'd had a good father, but at the same time I feel like the adversities that I've faced have made me stronger in some areas than others and for one thing it has motivated my to be a better dad. And like you I didn't feel like I loved myself, but that started to change when my son was born a few years ago and I learned for the first time in my life what it felt like to love some one unconditionally and experiencing that has helped me to learn how to love myself. I know only you can be the judge of your situation and where you are at, I can't relate to any of those things. I just know that you are on these forums because you want to grow and it's in our adversities that we are sometimes forced to. You've already stated the fact that this has been a growing experience for you and as a single parent I can tell you that it will give you cause to raise your self to the next level. No matter what your decision I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and one last thing, no matter how this turns out I hope you lose the loser. Kevin

[KevinUSA]

I hope you lose the loser

Here I am being judgemental again. Sorry, you just sound like you could do a lot better.

[mncz]

Hello everyone.
First of all, thanks for your wonderful support and kind words. I am very grateful about it and it means a lot to me.

I got the abortion done today. The procedure itself was not nearly as scary as I thought. I had presumed that I will be fully aware during it and that the memories of it will haunt me in my dreams, but instead I was put in the blissful sleep of full narcosis and woke up only when it was all over. I feel very little pain, many of my periods have been far more bloody and painful. I hope that it is not because my sistem is full of painkillers or anything that will wear off in the middle of the night.

If anything, I feel relieved. Before it happened, I felt as if I had my days numbered: you know, 8 months until the baby arrives and so many things to do until then and then I would have no personal life at all for long years. Now it feels as if I have my life given back to me and I really appreciate every moment of it. I know what I want and who I want to be, and for the first time I am free to pursue it freely, not hindered by burdens of messy finances or complicated and painful relationship.

On my way out of the hospital I saw a nice young pregnant couple and felt a sting of envy. Me and my ex had to be these 2 happy people! But the feeling passed quickly, when I reminded myself that I have just given myself just the chance to be in this situation when I am ready for it, instead of carrying through pregnancy alone. I also felt extremely angry at my ex for all the pain he had caused me (to the point where I wanted to walk right to his parking place and smash his car with a brick) and for a minute I thought that I should have kept the baby and raised him alone just for him see how beautiful he is and to never have him. But it was all just a moment of emotion. I am too good to waste my life on some silly revenge when I can make so many more beautiful things out of it. I also felt very lonely, so I called my sister and we did some hand-holding and coffee sharing and small talk, and she was so nice and supportive and it was very, very relieving.

It feels a bit odd that I can't talk to the baby the way I had used to: in the past weeks I would often say to him "hey, kid, lets do this and this" or similar. But it does not feel painful, it feels as if I had a guest and now he has left, but I am not troubled by that. In fact it felt as if he had left about 5-6 days before today, I have felt distinctly alone since the previous weekend.

Perhaps the depression will set in in the next few days, but this far I feel as if I have done the absolutely right thing for me.

So what I want to say to whoever is reading this thread to make their own decision: your life is your most precious non-renewable asset. Choose it's uses very carefully, since you can't turn time back, and it keeps going, all the time.

Many thanks to all of you who have talked to me through this. I am grateful for the support and I am happy to see that some people have found useful insights for their own lives. I will post about my next feelings and experiences in the next few weeks, so if anything happens, you will know it.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by mncz

It feels a bit odd that I can't talk to the baby the way I had used to

Who made up that rule? Sure you can talk to him. I'll bet there's going to be some rich communication to be had with him.

Mncz, you are an amazing person, and I love you.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Lots of love to you mncz! You are a wise and strong person. I've been moaning about my own situation and seeing the grace with which you have dealt with so much more is comforting and inspiring.

I wish you peace and happiness.

[Rose of Cairo]

Of course you still can talk to the baby! He's left your body but you still can communicate with him in your thoughts. I'm sure he's glad to see how well you're doing.

Much love to you mncz. If you feel depressed, don't worry. My gynecologist said it's the hormones. We're here for you

[Joely]

Thinking of you and sending you all the best.

J x

[Pegasus]

mncz,

I will keep you in my thoughts. Best intentions for physical, emotional, and spiritual healing.

[uberinquisitive]

mncz - you are a very aware, strong person. bravo.