being dependent on someone

[shadow]

Hi, I'm new so sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.

I have a friend/carer who I depend on alot, but she's going away for about a month and I am worried about the fact that she is going to be away for so long, I did mention this to a couple of people and someone has told her, now she has said that she wants to see me less, and she wants me to see other people more, so I'm not so dependent on her, this has really upset me and I feel angry with the person who told her, and now I don't know what to do.

I wish I wasn't so dependent on her but she is really the only person here who I feel I can really trust and who knows me.
I have depression as well, so I've only just been told this so this has also made me feel awfull about myself and I feel like I've done something wrong.

I am independant as in my well being doesn't depend entirely on someone else, this has upset me for a reason I can't describe.

Any advice would be great, thanks.

[JimOfferman]

You should learn to be independent, really. If your well-being depends (entirely) on the presence of someone, your house is built on a very fragile foundation. The person could leave at any time, for a reason that may have nothing to do with you and then you suddenly find yourself in a rut - like you do now.

There is another person who knows you and who you can trust: you! Look to yourself for your happiness. It really is your job to make you happy - not mine, not that of your friend/carer or anybody else. It's your job and yours alone.

I know this idea is a little hard to grasp at first, but it is very empowering. Once you've learned that you are in full control of everything that happens in your life, you will be able to weather any storm.

Trust in yourself!

[Rose of Cairo]

Thanks for the reminder Jim That is so true.

I mean this:

Originally Posted by Jim

Once you've learned that you are in full control of everything that happens in your life, you will be able to weather any storm.

I still forget sometimes that I am in control of really everything.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I still forget sometimes that I am in control of really everything.

Hm.

True, for some given value of "control". Depends on what you mean by it.

I had no control over the fact that it rained yesterday. I had a certain freedom of choice in how I responded to that. Although sometimes you have a situation where all the available choices suck, and then you have to decide how you're going to respond to that.

That said ... most of us play the victim far more than the facts warrant. As in everything, there's a balance. You want to accept all legitimate personal responsibility, and reject all illegitimate personal responsibility.

--Bob

[Angela]

Yeah, as Bob said, I think it's a good idea to let go of thinking you can control everything that happens in your life (or anything that happens, really), and recognize that what you have the choice of total control of is your response to what happens.

Otherwise you're in for some frustrating surprises! D'oh!

But in fact, it's your response that determines how your world occurs for you anyway. Maybe you can't control what happens, but you can completely control what it means in your life.

[Rose of Cairo]

What I meant is not that I control everything, like the weather or what our president says. Sorry I expressed myself unclearly. What I meant is that I have full control over the way I feel about really everything that happens to me.

Which is also a way of controling everything, cause it happens like I see it, if you look at it subjectively. If I choose to feel great about just everything, no crap ever can happen to me

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Angela

Maybe you can't control what happens, but you can completely control what it means in your life.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

[Nelson]

Just to be clear are you financially dependent, emotionally dependent or both?