How can one not be a troll in chatrooms?

[sonicpunk32]

You try and try and try to talk in a chatroom, but people ignore you and everything you say. Later you find out from one of them that they find you very annoying and an idiot. I'm not talking about your usuall trolls where they spam and say strong offensive stuff just to get attention, no, I'm talking about being yourself, trying to connect to people, but no matter what you say, even if you meant it in the nicest way, ya get ignored. Nobody tells you why you're being ignored, but you see it, as they talk to others and not you. You're just an annoying troll to them. You spend months and months talking in the same chatrooms, trying to get attention, but still get ignored.

I do not get how others can join a chatroom, say the exact same things I would say, then get all the attention, but when I say those things, I get ignored. There must be something mental or telepathic my subconscious is sending to make people find me annoying or not worth their time.

[Mato Kinze]

I think you make things mean stuff too much.

[Fullcrum]

Huh?

Honestly dude, why does this matter?


There must be something you're not telling us.

[sonicpunk32]

Well, dude. It matters cause I am sick of emitting this aura that makes me invisible to people, and I want to know what is it that others do that attracts people to them. I have been invisible to people all my life and at 21, it's begining to be a LITTLE inconvenient and I'd like it to stop once and for all.

All I know is, it is a mental state that is repelling people from me (Law of Attraction) and I want to get rid of this mental state. It is ruining my life.

[Angela]

sonicpunk, what I hear you saying is that you want connection and warmth, right? You want to be seen and heard, I think. Have I got that right?

[sonicpunk32]

Angela: Yea pretty much. And feel like I belong and have meaning. And feel comfortable when I go out in public and not have to fear about speaking and being ignored and people thinking what a pathetic person I am because I dont have any social skills.

[Jamie]

Maybe try meditating a little? Love yourself, focus in on that loving centre within yourself, and don't try too hard with people. If you're happy within yourself, and you love you, people will naturally come to you, you won't have to try to be nice or normal to them.

Maybe you should consider not trying to push any negative state away, rather take control of your attention, focus on what good you want (rather than on the 'bad' you don't want).

Be gentle on yourself, accept that you're young (ya lucky git) and have stuff to learn.

Jamie.

[Loki]

I think before your try to become noticed and appreciated in a chatroom, you should try being noticed in real life. It's harder to tell what people think of you if you're on the computer than if you can see them.

[Angela]

sonicpunk, it looks to me like you focus a lot on what you don't like about yourself -- trying to stop being that way, avoiding people finding out you're that way, not having that way of being exploited. What you're focusing on, even focusing on NOT being that way, tends to come out in your posts -- it's especially heavy in this thread. And that can be off-putting.

There is so much that is loveable and brilliant and bright about you. It's so much easier and more fun to go towards what you want than to go away from what you don't want -- why not try letting go of your resistance to all these things you're sick of, and start fresh -- generate the things you want for yourself. Be the source of belonging, comfort, connection, warmth, visibility. Do you know what I mean? Instead of putting all your attention on what you don't have, experiment with actually being that quality for others. You might be surprised at what comes up for you.

[Brutha]

Culture.
In a chatroom there is some expected behavior.

You try and try and try to talk in a chatroom, but people ignore you and everything you say.

If you talk and people ignore you but you continue to talk, that's impolite and considered trolling for a lot of people.

trying to get attention

Don't.
As Yoda would say: "There is no trying".

What kind of chat rooms do you want to be part in?

[sonicpunk32]

I developed an ego over the years about this. I've considered going down this path of letting it go, but I never understood how I'm to live my life if people are to ignore me everywhere I go. Am I just to accept this? That I'm destined to be some loner. I am afraid of the humiliation and confusion I will experience (and have experienced) when I'm out there alone. I dont want to be lost once I do this. The disorientation and confusion I have experienced while attempting to be noticed and attempt socialization has scared me.

Basically I have two issues. Fear of being ignored, and fear of being lost because of confusion. I think I am ignored because I'm disconnected from my self guidance my purpose. I just dont know where to go at all. I think people see this in me (lack of social know-how and direction) and they back away in hopes they dont get entangled in my mess.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Brutha

What kind of chat rooms do you want to be part in?

I dunno, there is never any particular type. Though, hopefully ones that dont ignore me.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

.... they back away in hopes they dont get entangled in my mess.

That might be overstating it a little, but I think you're on to something. People (at least the healthy ones you're interested in) are likely to feel negative vibes and steer clear of them; that's one way they stay healthy. People would just rather be inspired, educated, or entertained.

You say you're disconnected from your purpose. Does that mean you haven't distinguished your purpose, or that you just can't connect with one you've invented? What is your purpose, sonicpunk? What would you like to generate for yourself and for the world? (just for the purpose of this question, see if you can leave any *withouts* or *buts* or fears or confusions out of your answer -- just practice making a straight forward, positive declaration.)

[Fullcrum]

Hey, I see.

I know how you feel. Hmm...ok.

Chatrooms have nothing to do with you as a person. However people react to you in a chatroom, or even in real life, does not in any way dictate how you should feel about yourself. How you feel should be internally generated. This is done by not worrying about stuff, always believing you're the champ, and living your life more and more in alignment with what you KNOW as your potential.

People's reactions NEVER dictate how you feel about yourself. You cannot control them; why would you possibly give control of your emotional well-being (including all the physical and mental aspects that accompany emotions) to outer circumstances? That just doesn't make sense!

So, stop caring what people think of you. Do not give a damn about what anyone on the face of this planet thinks of you. No one. (Note this isn't callous as you don't care what they think of you, but you can still care what they think in general and you can still care about them!)

Settled? Good! Now: a question.

Why do you want to talk in a chatroom as opposed to talking with people in person? Why do you want this? Is it fear? Chatrooms, as I would know from my "younger" years (I'm 16, what younger years? ), are volatile environments. I would never entrust ANY part of my sense of being into reactions from a chatroom. Ever. If they turn into enjoyable discussions, that's great. But don't attempt to find an identity in the chatrooms.

So, as I've said before, I know how you feel. From my current perspective of social abundance, I can honestly tell you that you are experiencing a classically North American Pseudo-Problem. This problem is not real - it's all socially conditioned mental patterns. These patterns make you dissatisfied with yourself, your being, your state of mind, and just about everything else you could be aware of. In one way this is good, but the way society conditions you is to look at the surface of things. You are not trained to see the depth. When I look at a person, I notice their surface characteristics, emotional state, etc., but I also feel their being palpably. It's like, zen awareness. I can feel that with everyone I meet (or atleast I'm moving towards that). Your "fear of confusion" and "lack of social direction" is a pseudo-problem. It can be solved by not deriving your identity from this problem any longer. Your problems do not define you. Your life situation does not define you. YOU define you. In fact, people are dynamic entities subject to the whims of consciousness and the external world - we cannot truly be conceptualized - Not by our fears, strengths, success; none of that stuff. You can choose to define yourself like this externally, and that's fine, but underneath it all is "essence", and it can be felt when you stop talking to yourself and are still. Eventually you will still be able to feel being when talking to yourself, in a traffic jam, while listening to pumping rock music, etc.

I hope this helps you mate - please do read it!

[Brutha]

I dunno, there is never any particular type. Though, hopefully ones that dont ignore me.

If you don't understand what the chat room is about it's natural that you get ignored when you want to participate in them.

I developed an ego over the years about this. I've considered going down this path of letting it go, but I never understood how I'm to live my life if people are to ignore me everywhere I go. Am I just to accept this?

You basically live in a vicious cicle, you have to break out!

[Fullcrum]

It's not like accepting the situation will leave you like this for even a second later. Acceptance is simply seeing the situation, as it is. Allowing the feeling of being to come out.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Basically I have two issues. Fear of being ignored, and fear of being lost because of confusion. I think I am ignored because I'm disconnected from my self guidance my purpose. I just dont know where to go at all. I think people see this in me (lack of social know-how and direction) and they back away in hopes they dont get entangled in my mess.

I think it's great, that you're looking at this, understanding your own issues, and really looking in to why this is happening, what's at the bottom of it. I think you probably hit the nail on the head (or you're getting very warm), when you mention feelings of disconnection. There is no way you're going to connect with other people, if you arn't connected with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is so paramount, all other relationships in life are a reflection of this.

It sounds to me, as if you're seeking validation or value, from outside of yourself, from other people? Rather than from within yourself. I think you may be suprised how many people do this!

It's why I mention meditating, or whatever method you feel the happiest with, just to get you to reconnect with yourself, to know who you are, and what you value and want in life.

[Rockchick26]

I can relate to this. But my opinion is,it has EVERYTHING to do with the individuals in the chat room,not you. I have been in chat rooms where i was part of a 40 person group that met every week at a dance club,those were some of the best times of my life. And then,i've been in chat rooms where i didnt even have to say 2 sentences and 90% of the people in the room were picking on me. The problem is not you. Now when you say you get ignored in real life too...i've also had that problem but then i've also been paid attention to. Like i said,it all comes down to the other people. Most people,i've found,only want to talk to and hang out with really funny,witty,interesting people. Some of us are not naturally like this,and the more we try to change,the more fake we feel. I've been rejected and ignored by "cool" people that i wanted to fit in with,but accepted and loved by good hearted loving mature people who arent judgemental. You just have to find those people. Good luck :-)