Am I crazy?

[Chado2423]

I have obsessive thoughts about my ex. I can't even hold a job down well. I don't eat very much anymore, or go out and see my friends very often. I've been depressed for well over two years and haven't gotten over it or gotten any better. How did a person like me even succeed in high-school. I have no direction, nor meaning, nor purpose in my life anymore. I feel so depleted and so out of whack. I write obsessive letters to my ex. I haven't sent any of them in a long time. I worry about myself, if I'm ever going to pull through. I don't sleep well anymore. I don't live a normal life anymore. I have uncontrollable impulses, uncontrollable urges. Uncontrollable speech. I'm often afraid that I'm going to wreck my car because of my impulses. I think I've gone mad.

[Joely]

Hi Chado,

It sounds like you're in a phase of extreme depression. I've been there, a few times, and I know it feels like the end of the world. It isn't. The best thing to do is to reach out to a professional about this. Even if you just call your doctor and book an appointment to explain how you feel, that might really help you.

J x

[Jamie]

All things in the world out there, are in a constant state of change; that includes people. I think the bhuddists warn against becoming too attached to this ever changing world. It's like, a person is an onion, and sometimes, it's good to stay focussed on your centre, and let the outer layers and the world about you, and the people in it, come and go as they will, to only touch them lightly. Still, to focus on your heart, your centre, tune in to the love energy there, and wish well upon all creatures that live. Is there a centre of love within you? Maybe you could atune to it, be still with it? Maybe you need to do a little you time. Focus on loving you. Just a suggestion. I hope there's something of value to you in these words, please take what works for you, and bin the rest.

Peace,
Jamie.

[danijelg]

I feel for you Chado2423. I have just recently come out of a state of depression myself that lasted for about a year. I am actually not sure that I am completely through with it, but I do feel a new energy flowing through my being - almost as if I was reborn in a way.

Just like Jamie stated - everything changes, we change, and that's a fact. For some reason we refuse to accept this fact so it becomes a source of unhappiness for us. It poisons our soul and ruins our chance of living our lives fully and with joy.

The thing that helped me cope with depression was reading. Books, websites, especially stevepavlina.com, but there are others too. Reading provided me with so much valuable information about the things that I was experiencing. It gave me comfort to know other people are experiencing similar difficulties, but more importantly it made me confront myself and it made me accept the fact that I am changing.

I would also suggest seeing a professional - they are trained to guide you and help you in the process of overcoming your issues.

My best wishes to you.
Danijel

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I have obsessive thoughts about my ex.

Don't feed those thoughts. If they show up, just listen to them and only give them acknowledgment. Notice how repetitive they are, which is to say kind of boring.

I can't even hold a job down well. I don't eat very much anymore, or go out and see my friends very often. I've been depressed for well over two years and haven't gotten over it or gotten any better.

Watch what you say. Change it a little. Instead of dooming "I can't hold a job" - say "I got myself to work today".

How did a person like me even succeed in high-school. I have no direction, nor meaning, nor purpose in my life anymore. I feel so depleted and so out of whack.

How? because you actually are a capable person.

I write obsessive letters to my ex. I haven't sent any of them in a long time.

If these letters are not bringing you any more peace, see what it would be like to write a letter to yourself instead.

I worry about myself, if I'm ever going to pull through. I don't sleep well anymore. I don't live a normal life anymore.

That worry is a signal that you notice you are out of wack. That is a good thing to notice. I mean awareness of what you are going through will pull you through. That and being able to not feed it and start putting more interesting things back into your life. It doesn't have to be hard. Just notice how boring it would be to keep having these same thoughts all the time. Once you can see the habitual brain being boring - you can decide to do something else.

I have uncontrollable impulses, uncontrollable urges. Uncontrollable speech. I'm often afraid that I'm going to wreck my car because of my impulses. I think I've gone mad.

Thinking you've gone mad is not going mad. If you were mad you'd be in an emergency room. Remember to breathe. This pain you have over breaking up is here to wake you up, perhaps. I know I had break ups and it tears me down a lot. But it helped me see how much I was putting on my gfs. Trying to make them responsible for making me happy. Know what I mean? Once it broke up I was left without much to be happy about because I put so much into thinking she was making me happy. The break ups eventually showed me that isn't where to put the responsibility. Still it sucks to break up or loose someone to be in love with but maybe it doesn't have to cause a down ward spiral but can actually be a source of introspection and eventually growth. Just trying to put a spin on what you are going through based on what can be conveyed in an Internet forum. Seeking help might be good - I'm sorry to hear you can't find funds for that. Maybe go to an AA meeting or Al anon meetings? I know of some that have gone to Al Anon even though their parents weren't drunks. Or drums circles or yoga classes or some other group thing that has healing vibes to it. and also gets you out of the house/rut.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by Chado2423

I have obsessive thoughts about my ex. ... I write obsessive letters to my ex.

I mentioned the book The How of Happiness to you. The author calls what you're describing "over-thinking". It is a fancy word for brooding. Research shows that brooding always does more harm than good. She suggests a couple of strategies. One I remember offhand is:

If you must brood, set aside 30 minutes a day to brood. At the end, you can truthfully tell yourself that you will think more about it later (in tomorrow's 30 minutes). The rest of the time, do anything but brood. Distract yourself, preferably with something you enjoy. Or just say STOP to yourself.

--Bob

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by SonoranBob

I mentioned the book The How of Happiness to you. The author calls what you're describing "over-thinking". It is a fancy word for brooding. Research shows that brooding always does more harm than good. She suggests a couple of strategies. One I remember offhand is:

If you must brood, set aside 30 minutes a day to brood. At the end, you can truthfully tell yourself that you will think more about it later (in tomorrow's 30 minutes). The rest of the time, do anything but brood. Distract yourself, preferably with something you enjoy. Or just say STOP to yourself.

--Bob

Bob offers some quality advice.

The very fact that you're focusing on this as a "problem" or something you must "fix" is what is perpetuating it. From the sounds of it, you've established some not-so-great habits while in this mindset.

Negative thinking is like a storm -- we all experience it at some point. Some may be surprised, but if you read carefully, you'll notice that even Steve experiences it, however he doesn't let it interfere with him because he's not identified with it.

I've never been stuck in negative thinking for 2 years (a month is probably my longest, and even then, it probably wasn't consistent negative thinking), but that's the thing -- you aren't "stuck". Thinking you are stuck will only make you stuck. Effectively, you're focusing on something that isn't at all close to your desires, and you feel bad. It may not be easy, but try to find a line of thinking that feels just a slight bit better then the one you have now.

What you are aiming for is to get control of your thinking again, so instead of being identified with it you can see it for what it is and consciously choose what you focus on more effectively then you could before. If you do this right, you'll probably feel as if a fog of mind has lifted off you.

If none of that works, try this: Admit that, "ok, right now my life sucks", and go ahead and keep taking action anyway. Go and hang around happy people. Go watch an animal in nature. Go do something that requires you to respond to people and keep in mind that you should probably still be polite. This may not fix your problems, but it will change your focus, and once you do that, you may look at your so called "problems" a little differently.

I can look around at my life and see lots of "problems" if I want to, but I simply don't label them as such. Yes, I have desires and my current reality isn't up to speed with those desires, but life isn't about "being" at a certain position -- life is about living; the process (even if that process -- the adventure -- is a little difficult or unpleasant at times). Think of how utterly amazing it is that you are alive -- that you even exist. That is what I was recently thinking when I was standing on the Sydney (Australia) Harbor Bridge at night last week. Looking out at the starry, partly cloudy sky and the seemingly endless city scape was awesome.

I suggest you take a moment to get out of your "unhappy story" as Eckhart Tolle would say and focus on the pure magnificence of the life around you. As Steve said a while back, there's a pretty interesting world out there, and you have the opportunity to influence it for better or worse. Are you going to keep focusing on your world of "me, me, me" or acknowledge the fact that you really do have the ability to make a difference, and you certainly aren't doing that by focusing on the things you see as "problems". This post may seem a little hash, but don't worry, you can take it. The fact is, you can take so much more then you imagine and still have the ability to keep moving forward.

[teatree]

Try to deliberately distract yourself. Everytime you start to think about your ex, interupt the thought and focus on something else. The idea is to stop and disrupt the spiral of negative thoughts, because negative feelings inspire negative thoughts, which inspire negative feelings in a downward spiral. So if you start thinking of yoru ex, the next thought should be, "must distract myself, will make a coffee instead", then go into the kitchen, concentrate on task of making coffee, and so on.

danijelg's suggestion of reading books is a really good one. It's difficult to think of two things at the same time, so once you've been absorbed into the world of the book, you automatically stop thinking about other things. Trashy romances or thrillers are good for this - you want books that are enjoyable and don't require work. Watching movies has the same effect. choose comedies or sit-coms if you can - I think there was a study done whereby if you watched light-hearted warm stuff your mood lightened.

Also they to increase pleasures in your life. Make a list of things you enjoy, from eating icecream to having a massage or using a certain scented soap, and try to increase these events in your life. Good luck!