Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Tripp444 · 11-04-2006, 01:33 PM

I would like to know if anyone else has the pleasure of having a completely unconscious partner and how they are handling it. Personally I think my marriage is... dissolving. My family and friends are having a hard time with this. I'm getting a lot of "Aren't you upset?" "Did you try counseling" "What did he do to you?" And although, I don't think I need to justify my decisions to other people, I am struggling with how to help the other people in my life make sense of this. My husband included. I think people are surprised by my complacency. I feel as though, there were two blissfully unaware people who got married... and then one of them woke up.
Is anyone else in the same situation? Anyone making the marriage work? Anyone throw in the towel?

kthdsn · 11-04-2006, 02:31 PM

I believe that if you don't want to spend the rest of your life with this person any more then you should explain that to him, divorce, and move on.

I completely agree that you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anybody else, but you obviously need to tell them something. I would simply tell them the truth, explain how you feel in the simplest way possible. If they don't understand then there is little you can do about it.

I broke up my first marriage because my husband was abusive and I realised that I didn't like him or need him in my life any more. Not really the same thing, but relevant. As soon as I ended my marriage, I discovered so many things I had been missing out on. Don't hold yourself back by staying in a relationship that's not right for you, get out there and discover the things YOU have been missing out on. You never know, you might meet another guy who is as awake as you are.

Hopefully your husband will also move on and find something he was missing out on as well. Good luck to you both.

Patrick · 11-04-2006, 03:54 PM

Hi Tripp444,

Please know that only you are the one that eventually makes the decision about maintaining or breaking this or any other relationship. Unless the other person involved beats you to it of course. There will be many people with many stories. About half of them have stories that end happily, whether or not the relationship is broken and the other half, you guessed it, end in pain. Again, whether or not the relationship is broken. You may learn something from these stories, but you still have to deal with YOUR situation, which is unique. Why? Because you are only involved in your own story and not in anyone else's.

A counselor will help you think about your situation. He or she might point you to something you haven't seen or thought about. Maybe you have already decided but don't know how to deal with it. When I hear your story, it sounds like there's a lot to talk about. Did you speak about this with friends? Do you want to?

Tripp444 · 11-04-2006, 04:33 PM

No, I dont really discuss this situation with friends. I dont believe any of my friends would give me good advice. Also, I dont think I want advice. I have been focusing on developing my own intuition and trying to figure out what my inner guidance is telling me to do. I pretty much have my mind made up. But dealing with the logistics of it all starts to really wear on a person's spirit.

Erin Pavlina · 11-04-2006, 04:37 PM

If your husband were to wake up and become aware and be more interested in personal growth, would you want to stay with him?

The only reason I ask is because I've definitely seen it happen, where one person wakes up and is able to wake up their partner, even though it might take a year or two. If the relationship is good otherwise you may not want to end it if that can be fixed. But if you've already decided to end it then that's fine too of course.

There's a good book Steve recommends called Too Bad to Stay, Too Good to Leave (or the opposite order there).

Jill · 11-04-2006, 05:02 PM

Before you decide to leave, if -- as Erin asked -- you want to stay with him if he wakes up, perhaps you could try intending for him to wake up?

It's your world, create it the way you want it to be!

Patricia · 11-05-2006, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

If your husband were to wake up and become aware and be more interested in personal growth, would you want to stay with him?

Right on spot, Erin. I completely agree - if the fact that he's not as aware as you are is the issue in your situation. Your answer to this question will give you a clear picture of how much you still want to be in this relationship (although it seems to me you already know the answer). I also believe that if "awareness" is the main issue, this can be changed. If there are other issues, though, then it's a completely different story.

Tripp444 · 11-05-2006, 02:18 PM

Erin,
Actually I bought another book that Steve recommended: "Should I Stay or Go?" The one about Controlled Separation. Which I think would be a good idea for us. It would be nice if a separation would "trigger" some kind of awareness in him.

tgl · 11-05-2006, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tripp444

No, I dont really discuss this situation with friends. I dont believe any of my friends would give me good advice. Also, I dont think I want advice. I have been focusing on developing my own intuition and trying to figure out what my inner guidance is telling me to do. I pretty much have my mind made up. But dealing with the logistics of it all starts to really wear on a person's spirit.

Sounds like you're ready to get out, it's just the planning of the getting out that is leading to some ... doubts? No. Not doubts. More like you'd like to know how to tackle the getting out. Is that right?

11-04-2006, 01:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tripp444 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Manassas Park, VA Posts: 53	Marriage and Awareness I would like to know if anyone else has the pleasure of having a completely unconscious partner and how they are handling it. Personally I think my marriage is... dissolving. My family and friends are having a hard time with this. I'm getting a lot of "Aren't you upset?" "Did you try counseling" "What did he do to you?" And although, I don't think I need to justify my decisions to other people, I am struggling with how to help the other people in my life make sense of this. My husband included. I think people are surprised by my complacency. I feel as though, there were two blissfully unaware people who got married... and then one of them woke up. Is anyone else in the same situation? Anyone making the marriage work? Anyone throw in the towel?

11-04-2006, 04:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
Erin Pavlina Administrator Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 4,593	If your husband were to wake up and become aware and be more interested in personal growth, would you want to stay with him? The only reason I ask is because I've definitely seen it happen, where one person wakes up and is able to wake up their partner, even though it might take a year or two. If the relationship is good otherwise you may not want to end it if that can be fixed. But if you've already decided to end it then that's fine too of course. There's a good book Steve recommends called Too Bad to Stay, Too Good to Leave (or the opposite order there). __________________ Erin Pavlina, Intuitive Counselor Connect with me on: Facebook

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11-04-2006, 02:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
kthdsn Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Toronto Posts: 143	I believe that if you don't want to spend the rest of your life with this person any more then you should explain that to him, divorce, and move on. I completely agree that you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anybody else, but you obviously need to tell them something. I would simply tell them the truth, explain how you feel in the simplest way possible. If they don't understand then there is little you can do about it. I broke up my first marriage because my husband was abusive and I realised that I didn't like him or need him in my life any more. Not really the same thing, but relevant. As soon as I ended my marriage, I discovered so many things I had been missing out on. Don't hold yourself back by staying in a relationship that's not right for you, get out there and discover the things YOU have been missing out on. You never know, you might meet another guy who is as awake as you are. Hopefully your husband will also move on and find something he was missing out on as well. Good luck to you both.

11-04-2006, 03:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
Patrick Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 8	Hi Tripp444, Please know that only you are the one that eventually makes the decision about maintaining or breaking this or any other relationship. Unless the other person involved beats you to it of course. There will be many people with many stories. About half of them have stories that end happily, whether or not the relationship is broken and the other half, you guessed it, end in pain. Again, whether or not the relationship is broken. You may learn something from these stories, but you still have to deal with YOUR situation, which is unique. Why? Because you are only involved in your own story and not in anyone else's. A counselor will help you think about your situation. He or she might point you to something you haven't seen or thought about. Maybe you have already decided but don't know how to deal with it. When I hear your story, it sounds like there's a lot to talk about. Did you speak about this with friends? Do you want to?

11-04-2006, 04:33 PM	#4 (permalink)
Tripp444 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Manassas Park, VA Posts: 53	No, I dont really discuss this situation with friends. I dont believe any of my friends would give me good advice. Also, I dont think I want advice. I have been focusing on developing my own intuition and trying to figure out what my inner guidance is telling me to do. I pretty much have my mind made up. But dealing with the logistics of it all starts to really wear on a person's spirit.

11-04-2006, 05:02 PM	#6 (permalink)
Jill Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Ashland, MA Posts: 481	Before you decide to leave, if -- as Erin asked -- you want to stay with him if he wakes up, perhaps you could try intending for him to wake up? It's your world, create it the way you want it to be!

11-05-2006, 02:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
Tripp444 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Manassas Park, VA Posts: 53	Erin, Actually I bought another book that Steve recommended: "Should I Stay or Go?" The one about Controlled Separation. Which I think would be a good idea for us. It would be nice if a separation would "trigger" some kind of awareness in him.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums