Help my introversion problem

[Christian223]

Hi im new around here, english is not my main language, sorry for the mistakes ill commit.

So, the thing is, im introvert now, and i want to change it because im too lonely, and i have come to the conlcution that its not a healthy or good thing anymore, im 23, and from my 12 years old or something i have been introvert, before that i was extrovert (i blame the emotional abuse from my father), so, i have been reading the articles from Steve Pavlina and they are nice, but i would like a little more help on my specific problem.

I tried beign more extrovert on the last years of highschool, i got some friends, but after some time i got bored, tired, and i begun beign introverted again, until now, its just so tiring, i have to give so much of myself, and i also feel i dont recieve enough, since then, everytime i try to talk to people i think to myself something like "you are getting into trouble, get away from them!, beign alone is more confortable!, you dont need them!", but its like an automatic thing, i autoamtically change my mind and dont say much just the nesesary "yes" or "no" or whatever they are asking, but i know this is no good anymore, but i tried to overcome it and, i just get this self-defence mechanism that makes me run away from people and also get people away from me, i behave in a way that makes people dont get near me...

Also, i try to have eye contact but its just too hard for me, when i try, i cant put me eyes where i want, the other person notices this, and also gets nervous, and that gets me even more nervous, so i look away, if i try again the same thing happens, how to overcome this?, also, i cant fake a smile, i mean, if i smile people can see its fake, i just get too nervous when confronting people, and i cant think clearly either my minds gets blank the only thing i can think of is getting away from that person, my face muscles get tense.

For some reason, im embarased to talk about myself, i think something like "people arent interested in my, whatever i have to say has no value", actually, im just thinking about this right now, and its very hard to admit... i dont consider that i have low selfsteem, i respect myself, but for some reason i allways think like that when im with other people... i need to overcome this and i need to know how.

Its like i want to overcome it, but at the same time my mind doesnt, quite a dilemma. So, if you can help me with anything ill appreciate it, thanks in advance.

[Lonewolf]

Hi, some of what you describe sounds like Asperger's Syndrome - have you ever seen a psychologist to have yourself tested?
Why don't you dedicate a chair in your house to "feeling nervous, self conscious with no eye contact". Every time you sit in the chair you are allowed to feel and act this way, but at no other time. At first you might sit in the chair 10 times a day, but slowly reduce this to 1.
Also, I would start a program of building social confidence from scratch, increasing the level over time. Try and determine what level of social contact you can handle now comfortably (for example, is speaking on the phone O.K? or if not, maybe instant messaging?). Graduate from that to chatting to people on the phone (maybe install Skype on your computer - there are penpals around the world who want to speak, and it is free). Chat for longer and longer periods each day.
When you are comfortable chatting all day long with people on the phone, then start meeting them in low stress environments that still involve some physical distance and privacy. Maybe do some voluntary work where you are likely to meet kind people - like maybe in an animal shelter or doing some phone work for a charity; delivering meals to old people in a van etc.
From there, take up an activity with a greater level of social contact, like playing a team sport, joining a chess club or something where you will meet a lot of people.
When you get that together, then you are ready to start testing your confidence against the female of the species. Take up ballroom dancing - you will be forced into close physical proximity with many women, but you don't necessarily have to talk much.
After that, start going on dates, attending self help seminars (which are full of nice girls often looking for a relationship); and focus on communicating a lot with people wherever you go.
Give yourself 6 months to do this.

[Colm OReilly]

Did someone say social confidence?

OP, I doubt you've asperger's, mainly because the characteristics of this are an inability to read social situations and understand subtext. But anyway, I'm not a doctor so I can't diagnose you (and I doubt any doctor would diagnose someone via a forum)

It does sound like you have low self esteem, evident from this comment:

people arent interested in my, whatever i have to say has no value"

A good affirmation to help override this would be "I am valuable, I am worthwhile." Put in whatever word has the most impact for you.

i have to give so much of myself, and i also feel i dont recieve enough

Two things come to mind here:
1. Any situation, in order to be successful, has to be win:win. For anything to be win:win, you have to win first. Think of it like this, when the oxygen mask falls down in a plane, you have to put yours on first. You can't help anyone else if you've passed out.
2. People sometimes say they're a "giver" (I know I did) as this has an emotional payoff for them. But givers very often have a subconscious expectation of reward. And when they don't get it (because they don't ask/look for it) they harbour resentment.

A better way is to be a leader, one who raises other people's value/emotions/state while at the same time raising their own. If you interact with this mentality, it could make a huge difference in how others treat you and how you treat yourself.

As for eye contact, I think you're trying to go from white belt to black belt straight away. There are intermediary steps in any processs. Try fleeting eye contact. As you adjust, you'll be able to hold it for longer and longer, and feel more genuine and congruent while doing so.

Here's a link a friend of mine sent me about introversion, it might help:
Caring for Your Introvert

Hope this helps,
Colm

[Acting Like Godot]

Hello.

I am an INTJ (go to Keirsey Temperament Website if you don't know what that is) and I score very high on the "I", which means I am very introverted myself.

I guess the main difference between you and I is that I don't see my introversion as a problem, but you do. I just want to ask you to consider the possibility that in fact, you don't have to regard your introversion as a problem.

In fact, it may be precisely because you regard your introversion as a problem that you are nervous in social situations (and this causes you to have problems with eye contact, finding things to say etc).

I am not nervous in social situations (most of the time); it's simply that I am often just not interested in being in a social situation. Since I am not nervous, I don't really have any difficulty, say, conversing with people at a party if I feel like it. (If you were not nervous, you may not have a problem either).

Another bit of advice I have is for you to see if you would be more comfortable in social settings involving a specific activity / hobby / interest that you have. For example, if you like playing basketball, you would probably be very comfortable getting together with friends to play basketball. If you like photography, you would probably be very comfortable joining a photography club and getting together with other members to do something concerning photography. Etc.

The reason why you would be more comfortable is that your attention would be more focused on that enjoyable activity, instead of on thinking of what to say next!

As a final point, I just want to point out that introversion is probably your natural trait and it is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, it confers many advantages. Highly extroverted people often seem to me to be highly dependent on other people's approval / company / friendship, for happiness - introverted people, on the other hand, can be perfectly happy all by themselves.

[helgi]

I wrote about my own experiences with introversion here: Some thoughts on introversion

Right now I am at a point where I still prefer to be alone most of the time, but no longer find social interaction difficult or painful; the comfort level is pretty much the same whether I'm with people or not.

And I haven't really become more extroverted -- that is, I didn't get this result by imitating or trying to cultivate extroverted behavior. The interaction I experience now is of much higher quality than the stereotypical extrovert way of communicating.

[Christian223]

Thanks everyone for your responses, ill follow everyones advice for sure, i think they are very good advices. Its so true that i try to go from white to black belt, ill make the first steps first. Nice article too, it says many truths.

I belive i dont have that disorder, because i dont have motor problems, just nervousness, and i am not extremely smart either, and i have no repetitive behaviour, also i dont have trouble about finding whats good and bad socially, but thanks for pointing that out anyway.

I just did that test, im an INTJ too (im extremelly independent to the point of never asking people for questions EVER, and introverted too), that must be because im a programmer, i work much with computers, but im also a graphic designer, and an illustrator, im not focused in only the technical things, i try to learn many different subjects.
The problem is that i *was* comfortable with my introversion for many years, but a few months ago i realized that thats not a good thing anymore because im extremelly alone, i have oportunities to make friends, but my self-defense mechanisms doesnt allow me to. Im so intreoverted that i have allways thought "why would i want to be with people?, i prefer to DO things i enjoy", but i realized that i dont have anyone to share things with, i have no friends, i know some people, but no real friends, and no girlfriend wich would be nice to have at this time of my life, if i could only stop beign so introverted, i dont think i would be able to have a girlfriend right now because i consider myself so boring, i dont have willingness to talk, simple as that, i dont like to talk to people.
I go to church, i read the bible there, im ok doing that, i also go to college, and i work, but when i have to speak to someone i get nervous, i can talk but very nervously and i hate it, even when i have to speak to family members i get nervous, i blame the emotional abuse as i said before.

Its so hard to admit i have low self steem, its like its something i cant even think about, something so deep within me that i dont even realize that i have been thinking like that all the time... but i realize now and im going to change it, thanks a lot you have been very helpfull.

[Radical]

Hi Christian, it sounds to me like you are suffering from social phobia and low self-esteem. My advice would be to seek help from a doctor or psychologist. Also, you need to confront your problem and accept that you have a problem, otherwise people won't be able to help you.

[Andy]

Hey Christian, I went through a similar phase where being outgoing and social became really exhausting. I also suffered quite heavily from social phobia for most of my life, and senior year of highschool I decided to force myself to be outgoing. It worked in the sense that I was being much more social and made more friends etc. But after a certain point, somewhere in sophomore year of college it became really tiring/exhausting to constantly put forth the effort of being social. I was constantly using courage and willpower to brute force my actions to overcome my fears of social situations, and it took a lot of energy to do that. I'd make progress, but then it seemed just as easily I'd revert back to seeming real introverted. After awhile I just had enough of the bruteforce approach...emotionally exhausting for me. Taking a different approach nowadays, which is dealing with the underlying issues that cause the social phobia, and it's removing much of the stress with being outgoing. For that I'm using EFT. I'm thinking that I can eventually get to the point where being social involves no more fear than being by myself. I'd say it's definitely possible, for me, you, anyone else, just start working on dissolving fears/irrational thoughts.

[Polonius Funk]

Originally Posted by Christian223

The problem is that i *was* comfortable with my introversion for many years, but a few months ago i realized that thats not a good thing anymore because im extremelly alone,

Ok - so I think it's great that you're seeking to improve yourself - but is the problem your introversion or that you don't have enough friends? I commend your desire to get to the underlying problem, but I'd advise you againt adopting the mentality that something's "wrong" with you. The problem isn't that you're introverted - it's just that you want some more friends!

In addition to the good advice in this thread, you may want to check your library for some books on overcoming social phobia and also some books on overcoming emotional abuse. (I got a lot of use out of this one)

If you suffered emotional abuse, it's likely that whenever you try to socialize, all the negative things you've heard about yourself come bubbling back up. The key to correcting this (in my experience) is to recognize those thoughts when they appear, identify them for what they are, and then remind yourself that they're not *accurate* descriptions of you and that you don't have to listen to them.

Let it be a gradual process, and when you do this once succesfully - even just once! - journal about it and write about how good it feels to be taking the steps forward (in my experience, it's better to think about what you're doing right than what's wrong!)

Just some thoughts from someone who has undergone something similar, hope this helps.

[Christian223]

Yes i think i have social phobia, CBT a very good technique for me to try here Cognitive therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia EFT seems weird, but ill see what i can do with it too, thanks.

Andy, we seem to go trough the same problem, i use courage and brute force too, it helps me make things i dont want to, but it doesnt make the problem go away, and i use it allways, when i have to go to buy stuff, when i have to speak to someone or give a speech, or i just simply dont do it because of the stress that causes me thinking on doing it, the thing is that even if i use brute force to talk to people, im still so nervouss that i do it in an awkward way, my mind gets blank and i dont know what to say, so as you say i must resolve the problem from its roots. I also belive anyone can overcome it, we just need to be sincere with us, admit how we think about ourselves, and accept our problems, othwerise we cant to nothing to overcome that wich we dont accept...

Polonius, thats a good advice, i dont think beign introverted is bad, but not having any relationships is. Thanks a lot, very good advices.

[Brien]

Originally Posted by Christian223

Hi im new around here, english is not my main language, sorry for the mistakes ill commit.

So, the thing is, im introvert now, and i want to change it because im too lonely, and i have come to the conlcution that its not a healthy or good thing anymore, im 23, and from my 12 years old or something i have been introvert, before that i was extrovert (i blame the emotional abuse from my father)...

One thing that might help you escape your old patterns is too stop putting energy into them. Dont blame, dont even take responsibility for the past, just go beyond it. The past is just an illusion, something completely in your mind and under your control. If you stop putting your energy into it, it will stop having any power over you.

[helgi]

One thing to keep in mind is that social phobia etc. is not the cause, but a symptom of the core problem, which is the illusion of the personal self. That this personal self grows heavy and painful with time is something that happens to most if not everyone to some degree, and your case is just an extreme manifestation of it.

And that you have this problem on a more acute level than most is actually a good thing, because you have greater potential for transformation; i.e., you are in a very good position to go beyond it completely.

I suggest that you try reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. In the state you are in right now, discovering that book (or a similar one) is the best thing that could ever happen to you.

[Lychee]

INTJ's are so cool! I'm an INFJ

*hug* Christain, it's ok. It's taken a lot of courage to post your problem on a pubic forum and you should realize this courage you have within you.

Introversion has many advantages but an extreme level of introversion can cause one to isolate themselves which, as we both agree, is not healthy. Focus on yourself. Focus on cultivating the inner Self. You had the ability in you to put this on this forum, you have the ability to take that further and open yourself to people. You are lacking self-esteem so right now, you have to build up that self-esteem again.

I would say write down how you want to be like, something like:

"I make and maintain close relationships with people easily. I am self-confident. Public speaking is an enjoyable experience and I speak articulately."

These affirmations kind of go into I-M (intention-manifestation) but is also tied into Psycho-Cybernetics. In your mind see yourself confident and self-assured, talking easily with people. Slowly you will begin to adopt the characteristics you see possessing in your mind.

[Christian223]

Brien: thanks for your advice. The thing is that sometimes, problems are extremelly sublte and hidden deep within our minds, and thats my case, i cant just forget about what i am thinking because it seems that its an automatic thing, i dont even realize what i am thinking until i put extreme effort on finding out what i am thinking.

I wanted to tell you all about what happened today, i had to go to school to speak to a teacher about a task i had to do for the past week, so, i went to her office, and they where like 6 teachers with her, this made it even harder, i got even more nervous, so, i got into the bathroom to calm down and rehearse what i was going to say, so im on my way out of the bathroom and my mind goes completely blank again, i stop and say to me "ok, ok, what do i have to say when i meet her, what can she reply back to me and what should i say in that case", so i had all my options covered, ok, so im ready, i go, i talk to her, everything goes perfectly normal, and im leave school, but when im on the bus, a sense of shame and discomfort comes to me, like "i did it all wrong" kind of thing, and it felt really bad, and i allways do that, so i try to apply the thing i learned about CBT, i analized why i felt like that, it was not because i did something wrong, it was because in my mind i had to do it perfectly and i though that i *must* do it like everyone else does it, well, i told to myself that i cant do that right now because im working on getting better at it, and suddenly the discomfort goes away, and im calm, so this technique really works, the think is that i must analize what i am really thinking deep in my mind, because its not a clear thing and its very hard to identify, even now im thinking "why i am writing this? people dont care about what i have to say", im working on it...

Past is past though, i have forgiven my father, he behaves likes a baby most of the time, i just need to work hard to get better.

Helgi: thanks a lot, i agree with you, ill check that book too, thanks.

Lychee: your words made me smile Thanks.
It has been and still is extremelly hard to look into myself and accept the problems i have, its also been hard to post on this forum to a bunch of unkown people, i figured that there would be some people that would try to help me, at least one, in the end it was a great idea, and im really happy for the support i have got from all of you, im very gratefull, there are many advices to follow but i just need to work on them thanks again.

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Christian223

Thanks everyone for your responses, ill follow everyones advice for sure, i think they are very good advices. Its so true that i try to go from white to black belt, ill make the first steps first. Nice article too, it says many truths.

Hi Christian, I like what you said here. It's impossible to start with anything from white belt and zoom up to black the very next day, with martial arts or anything else.

I'm happy to see you're taking steps forward on this, no matter how difficult it is, just keep going and you'll make it

[KittyG]

Christian,

Thanks for sharing.
As far as the abuse, I'd suggest praying HE will help you find a good therapist. . .
Someone who deals with trauma and practices therapy in a private practice.
I also have two favorite books for abuse/boundaries/trauma. .

"Facing Co Dependence" by Pia Mellody
Amazon.com: Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives: Books: Pia Mellody,Andrea Wells Miller
and any of John Bradshaws books, specifically,
"Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child"
Amazon.com: Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child: Books: John Bradshaw

Insecurity: Insecurity


Here is a great site about coping and here's a specific link to "mirror work"
Mirror Work


You've got a great attitude.
You deserve to be seen and respected.
You deserve to live a good life.
You are a precious child of God.

Sincerely,
Kat

[KittyG]

Also, Christian,
Despite what people say, it scares the hell out of me when people have been abused by, like, their father and somehow, they've "just forgiven them," they are "alright with it."
Untill you hold that person accountable for their actions in a professional setting (therapist) it's unhealthy to just accept the abuse. .
Please don't listen to the people who say, "Just decide to be happy" or "Don't put your energy into the past"
It is unsympathetic, insensitive,disconnected advice and without putting energy into the past in a professional environment, you are more than proven to repeat history, to abuse your children, in some way or another because it's the way you're wired in your thinking. You are not a bad person, your caregivers, like many, were insufficient . . you are smart to rise above.

You can do it, don't go it alone . .

[Colm OReilly]

KittyG,

I hate to bring this off topic but I disagree with what you say. What if someone has forgiven people who've done them wrong and are alright? What benefit is there to diving into the past and bringing up painful experiences?

Now, I understand that if someone is just saying these things and hasn't moved past them, then yes, looking into them could be hugely helpful.

Please don't listen to the people who say, "Just decide to be happy" or "Don't put your energy into the past"
It is unsympathetic, insensitive,disconnected advice and without putting energy into the past in a professional environment

Just decide to be happy can be very helpful advice, and very profound if you're open to it. Often times it's the intent behind it or the reaction to it which needs to be addressed. If people are making their happiness, or confidence, or sense of validation, etc. on external factors the next question is "how can I just be happy?" but it does have a powerful benefit.

I struggled with this for quite some time. I kept looking to something or someone else that I needed, and then I could start to be my ideal self and live my ideal life. When I changed my focus to being happy with what I've got and who's in my life, I felt a lot better.

People also have a tendency to overcomplicate things, and we often reject things because they seem to simple. But often times it's the simple advice/action that really will deliver the most benefit if people are open to it.

My parents did the best they could with what they knew at the time. I could spend my time being angry with them for not being what I think parents should be, or I could accept this and take responsibility for everything I am and do.

Thanks,
Colm

[helgi]

KittyG,

If you're familiar with the work of Wayne W. Dyer, consider that he is who he is today because he had an abusive father. His path of transformation began when he had forgiven his father completely.

The function of human hatred is to teach forgiveness, and until you approach it that way you will not be able to go beyond it.

[KittyG]

Colm O'Rilley and Heidi,

Please work on your reading and comprehension skills instead of asking rhetorical questions.

Regards,

Kat

[Lonewolf]

I think the damage is in what the victim assesses as what actually took place; if they see it as some terrible thing that they will never get over then that will probably be self - fulfilling.
Oprah is one person who has endured years of sexual abuse as a child and used it as a motivating force to elevate her to international stardom rather than slip into victim type behaviour.

[KittyG]

Okay, exactly.
How do you fathom Oprah got to that point?
Do you think she just "forgave" the perpetrators?
Perhaps.
More probable, in therapy, she held these people accountable, got an apology from them and at that point forgave them, thus, choosing to move on.
The object is not to be angry and hateful and unforgiving but rather to be honest with yourself.
How much did this abuse cost me?
How much and for how long am I willing to suffer?
For how long do I want to be a victim?How and do I want to make certain my children/husband/wife never have to deal with the abuse I've never dealt with?
The victims of abuse end up in the same places;
dead, abusing their loved ones, opposing from the victim stance for the remainder of their lives or surviving and succeeding.
My point was never to encourage "not moving on."
How you interpret my advice to Christian is about your personal history, your past experiences, including abuse.
The perpetrator of the abuse would tell the victim they don't deserve to be seen and heard , that they are dramatic and should just move on, it was all in their head, they've always been that way and will never change.
In short, the perpetrator would encourage stuffing their feelings down, the same way they forced the abusee to disconnect and "stuff" their feelings in order to endure the pain of being abused by their caregivers.
This is where I boldly took issue.
Yes, my parents did they best they could knowing what they did at the time.
But do I care when I'm slitting my wrists or pulling my hair? (Hypothetically)
Do the parents of the murdered woman care that the man who killed their daughter suffered abuse in his childhood?
Does the mother of the little girl who's teacher molested her care that the teacher was molested?
That's for you to decide.
I've just chosen to phrase my thoughts in question form.
Abuse creates co dependency.
Co dependency cannot just be wished away with no work.
I believe in recovery.
Recovery involves work not wishful thinking alone.

Kat

P.S. I don't believe anybody's "alright" with the abuse they endured.

[Acting Like Godot]

Ouch, Christian. You're embarrassing me. And all the INTJs in the world.

INTJs do not suffer from low self-esteem. It is impossible for an INTJ to suffer from low self-esteem. INTJs are the most self-confident and self-assured members of the human race.

In fact, we INTJs are often said to be arrogant, stand-offish and mercilessly blunt in our criticisms of others.

So what you are is lacking in social skills. Which is not an uncommon problem for INTJs. For INTJs do not have a natural understanding of social rituals. An INTJ boss, for example, does not know how to start a meeting with a few friendly words and a joke. He just jumps straight into the meeting agenda. An INTJ at a party does not shake hands and chitchat with people whom he knows he will never meet again. It would seem like a rather meaningless exercise to the INTJ. He'd rather just stand in a corner and admire the painting on the wall.

Fortunately for you, INTJs are phenomenal learners. INTJs can learn anything that they feel like learning. So if you feel like learning social skills, you will succeed in doing so.

To give you an example, in my younger days I was extremely introverted like you. I hardly ever said anything if I didn't have to. Speaking up in class was a huge effort, even when I knew the answers / topic very well.

Due to some random turn of events, however, during university I was once required to give a series of public speeches. To a large audience. No escape. Like a typical INTJ, I proceeded to buy two books on public speaking and then I practised relentlessly in front of a mirror.

I gave brilliant public speeches. Each was better than the previous one. One thing led to another, and for years after that, people kept asking me to emcee their wedding dinners, their annual conferences, their company dinner & dance etc. I can do funny speeches. I can do serious speeches. I can do any kind of speech I feel like doing. I became a litigation lawyer for some years (I've quit now) and I daresay I spoke quite brilliantly in court too.

Now, you are an INTJ too. So you lack social skills. Nothing unusual for an INTJ. But being an INTJ, you also possess a tremendous ability to learn anything. You are already aware of this. For you wrote yourself:

im a programmer, i work much with computers, but im also a graphic designer, and an illustrator, im not focused in only the technical things, i try to learn many different subjects.

What you may not appreciate yet is that you are a very formidable learning machine. All INTJs are formidable learning machines. If you want to learn social skills, you can. It could be via a very "unnatural" method like borrowing a book about social skills, memorising seven key tips, and deliberately going to a party to practise those seven key tips, then going home to assess your performance. This kind of approach seems unnatural to other MBTI types, but it is very normal for INTJs to operate like this.

It's basically like how I learned public speaking.

So use your natural INTJ strength - the ability to learn anything - to overcome your natural INTJ weakness - your lack of social skills.

You are an INTJ! Like me, you are a very rare member of the human race, the rarest personality type of all! Be proud! Go do me proud!! INTJs rock!

And to all those who find me boastful, tooooo bad! I'm an INTJ. I'm made that way!

[Colm OReilly]

KittyG,

Thanks for your expanded explanation, I understand better where you're coming from.

ALG,
In what way does being an INTJ make you impervious to confidence issues? I don't get that.

Also, what would be a good online resource to look into this, I've only a surface knowledge of the temperments you're talking about.

Thank you.
Lots of love,
Colm

[richie]

there are already a lot of suggestions here ,so what i'll say is read good books and get a good company
best of luck

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Colm OReilly

ALG,
In what way does being an INTJ make you impervious to confidence issues? I don't get that.

Overwhelming confidence is one of the defining traits of INTJ. Just read any description of INTJs - it will surely allude to their confidence.

The "I" makes them rely on themselves instead of being influenced by others.

The "N" makes them spot underlying principles and seek deeper understanding.

The "T" makes them think very, very hard.

And after they've finished thinking, the "J" makes them very confident and clear about their own conclusions - because they've already thought so hard about it!

[KittyG]

Colm,
you're welcome.
Sorry for the original sarcastic response.


Kat

[Christian223]

Ok, thanks again , you made me laugh "Acting like Godot", and your good boosting peoples confidence too

I think thats one of the reason for why i have such a hard time admiting i have low self confidence and low self steem problems, because at the same time i have high self steem and high confidence, but when it relates to personal relationships and trully opening myself, then my confidence drops to zero, it was hard to admit it beacause of this!, we humans are not like mathematical formulas!, we are trully complicated... my father used to call me "filth"(thats not all though), you cant expect that not to have consecuences on a poor child, i mean that by saying that it surely sticks to ones mind even after you grow up, but, he also was a child!, he had no childhood in fact he worked all his life even as a young 12 year old kid, i dont know him very well because he has this cronic anger problem, he is so closed even among his family, he surely has low self steem too, but why should i keep angry with him?, he has been so hurt in his life that he is unable to realize he can overcome his problems, he is such a small and coward man, i pity him, but at the same time, since he hasnt changed very much, he still treats his family in a wrong way, and all the times i try to speak with him, he gives stupid excuses, he says hes too old to change, he denies obvious things that he allways does that i dont know what to do with him other than to get away from him, not because i hate him, but because he hurts everyone around him and he is a bad influence to me, i wish i could help him, but i dont know how... my brother (my mother too) is a victim of him too, and we have similar problems.

Thanks again everyone, you are really nice people

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Christian223

I think thats one of the reason for why i have such a hard time admiting i have low self confidence and low self steem problems, because at the same time i have high self steem and high confidence

I told ya! It is impossible for INTJs to have low self-esteem!

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

I told ya! It is impossible for INTJs to have low self-esteem!

Ya a good coach, Godot