confused and very hurt...what's your thought

[monica11]

i met X last summer after a month long back and forth communication online.
there was so much tempo and sparks between us...i was totally captured by him and him by i before we even met in person. THE DAY came and we met in person....needless to say it was special...we started dating and we had a lot of common values....except HIS FAITH that i was for REAL and he started to taint the present with his past experiences and in effect i was being 'punished' for all the past wrongs done to him...Then the downhill spiral as he started doubting my intentions, my trustworthiness and my integrity...the nicer i was the more vicious he became and then his conflicts became acute to the point of a crisis and it had to be let go, it was just too painful to see....it's been a month and a half today and i know i gave it my best shot as in 150% yet the sadness lingers and the question that he is still, out of deep-seated doubts, testing my sincerity by pretending to be gone to see what i would do next still lingers....(knowing him i wouldn't be surprised). Am i delusional foul?

[Create]

Wow, that does sound difficult.

It's been a month, and you sound like you ahve givien him a lot already, including space, which is very important. If he is interested truly in you, and if one day it can work, the time you spend apart giving him time to re-align his priorities and what is important to him, he may realise that you are very important, and that he can (since youre a good, nice person) balance you and his beliefs.

If he doesnt think about it himself, you are going to be asking him for something that is unatural for him at this point in time and with you.

I say, go out with some friends and enjoy yourself, I say, remind yourself of all the great things you ahve done and have in your life, let that be your reassurance that - sometimes, people get along at first but quickly values clash - no matter how much YOU want to make it work - he may not -
and you need to slowly become okay with that! It's far from being a failiure or wrong - that's simply why there are matches made and others jsut dont work!

Take care,
Create.

[monica11]

thanks for ur imput create

[JSB]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, Monica.

It sounds like it is maybe time for you to move on with your life, rather than let someone else keep you in an unhappy state. Focus on yourself and your own goals and your own happiness.

There is always the chance that he will re-establish contact, but it will be much easier for you to deal with it from a place of strength in your own life than from a place of sadness. (Also, would you want to reconnect with a partner who caused you pain for the purpose of "testing your sincerity"?)

The way he behaved towards you doesn't sound fair, but I guess we all have our issues from our past that affect how we interpret the world. Sadly, you cannot fix other people; you can only help them if they are willing and open to accepting what you have to offer. (I often need to reexperience this lesson in my own life!)

My best wishes to you,

JSB

[monica11]

for approaching the situation so kindly...maybe it is his total oblivion/disregard
that affected me deeply. Looking back, there was just no small or big gesture , no amount of caring or soothing that could have reached him...he was just not willing to see and not willing to accept me for who i am, the opposite of his experiences.