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02-11-2008, 09:11 AM
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I'll explain my previous post ... I had actually posted something else, then had a change of heart and decided to remove it. The system is set up, such that I can't remove a post, I can only edit it, and it must have at least 3 characters. The resulting 'die' was just what came in to my head at the time, part in frustration at not being able to remove my post. I'm ok though. In no danger, or serious problem etc. Appologies for any concern caused, on my behalf.       |
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02-11-2008, 04:43 PM
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| Jamie, whatever you were being when you wrote that post and edited it, it ended up being "die." Can you see a correlation between that way of being and the impact it has on people (like Dancer, and anyone else who cursors across your thread title) -- and your romantic quandary? My guess is there is something you're "killing" in regards to how you're relating. Does that sound right to you? |
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02-11-2008, 08:57 PM
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I confess, I wasn't thinking of anyone other than myself in the moment when I posted the comment. It was an act of frustration and weakness on my part. Of course, in some ways, only thinking about ourselves, is in itself, I believe, a major cause of desperation and frustration. Another correlation there then!! I'll modify the comment. Infact, I'll re-post the original quandry, and hope that members of this forum will overlook my unfortunate choice of 3 characters. As to your guestimate of my internal state while using the word 'die', perhaps you have something there, maybe a life situation that I'd like to be resloved (death of the situation, in it's current state?). Anyways, Kindest regards to all, Jamie. |
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02-11-2008, 09:02 PM
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| Ooooops! I can't edit the original post? I can edit the other posts on this thread, how come I can't edit the OP? I'll post it here, here goes: Does it in any way profit a man, to seek out the company, or have any assosiation with a woman, for whom he has romantic inclinations, where said inclinations are not reciprocated? In such a situation, what is the correct course of action? I find myself in such a situation of late, in fact, on more than one occasion. Of course, it would be more desirable (for me at least), if any female of my choosing, were to fall completely under my spell, but alas, my magic wand fails me (with regards to casting spells that is). Love .... it yields not, unto the machinations, that spring forth from the minds of men. |
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02-11-2008, 10:26 PM
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| That was quite eloquently phrased; I commend your control over the English language. I have found it best in those situations to simply roll up the window, and keep driving. For a relationship to not have any reciprocated romantic inclinations is to be a dull relationship indeed. I have found that the highest of energy levels is to thank for my success with such dealings in that of the fairer sex. When I find myself in a predicament such as your own, I tend to force myself to a higher energy state; broadening my smile, rousting my excitement. Such energy is contagious, moreso than the most potent of Merlin's spells. The greatest of luck to you, Good Sir, ~BraveBlueMice. Aside: Sorry if I poured that on a bit thick. I've been working on my book for the last half hour, and am just overflowing with inspiration... Cheers!
__________________ Like Sci-Fi? Visit http://www.bravebluemice.com! |
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02-12-2008, 09:28 AM
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A lot of guys (and I was one of them) spend too much time pursuing some girl who is just not interested. Don't. Waste. Your. Time. Ms. Right would be down on her knees begging you to be her boyfriend. I don't mean she should be submissive, but rather that she should be eager to be in a relationship with you. If she's not eager, she's not for you.
__________________ Jim Offerman ~ music that moves you blog - twitter - free music - patron powered! |
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02-12-2008, 08:37 PM
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I think your advice is Sage, and I'm in agreement with you. Cheers, Jamie. |
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02-12-2008, 08:39 PM
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"Don't. Waste. Your. Time." - I need these words tatoo-ing on y forehead or something. Cheers, Jamie. |
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02-12-2008, 08:43 PM
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02-12-2008, 08:50 PM
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 That's exactly what I wanted to write, but Jim already had said it all. Strange, I must be a guy *look into pants*Jamie, I don't know if you're aware of that, but if you want to stop being single, you'd rather revise a few limiting beliefs you have, not only about dating, but also about women. As for keeping on seeing someone who doesn't want you as a lover but whom you cannot sincerely be only friends with, that doesn't make sense whatsoever, regardless of your gender. Just move on. |
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02-12-2008, 08:55 PM
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Does it make sense to you? I'm sure at least one woman must understand it!! When you're a guy, you're attracted to a girl, it does things to you, inside (I mean appart from 'down there'). You start wanting her, to be close to her, not just bodies, but to love her, but defo your bodies too. When you can't have her. It's just torturing yourself, by being close to her (often under the guise of being 'friends'). It'd be great to have the presense of mind to cope with that, and not be phased by it, or loose energy over thinking of her, but honestly ladies, most guys can't do that, we're just not equipted for that (unless we're like Bhudda or Ghandi or someone). Please please tell me that makes sense? You'll really put my mind at rest! |
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02-12-2008, 08:58 PM
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May be good to use the other thread (my original thread) about self-limiting beliefs, relating to out success of not, with the opp-gender. EDIT: Ooooops, we're already on that thread! lol. My error. Still, please say what you think Rose. |
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02-12-2008, 09:04 PM
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If you are interested in someone and the feeling is not mutual and you are not able to cope with being "just friends" then absolutely stop contact if it will help you. Woman or man...makes no difference. It's a matter of what you want and what you are willing to accept. Maybe there are more women than men who are able to transition from romantic pursuit to friendship. That I can't say conclusively. But I do know that people of both genders and all sexual orientations have a hard time when their feelings are not reciprocated. |
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02-12-2008, 09:13 PM
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I've just had an (online) err, interlude with a lady, and I expressed my interest in her (easy to do online), she rejected me, giving the reason that she's seeing someone else (for 2 weeks). I doubt her sincerity in saying this, and I believe, I just don't 'do it' for her, and that her saying this is a safe way out for her. Of course, having a safe way out, is a good thing for girls, I'm not blaming them, and I understand their (good) reasons for doing this. I myself, totally love unadulterated honesty. Anyways, she was suggesting we just be friends etc. Which I passed on, in an elegant way. Then she makes out like I'm in the wrong for not wanting to be friends. Suffice to say, she's history now, and lessons have been learned. So that's good (for me). I think what you say, where I used bold, is true, but I think there's also potential for gain in such situations. Not easy though. But in that it develops within you fortitude and character, control over yourself. Also, in that, a rejection, can spur you on to becoming a better, and more successful person. |
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02-12-2008, 09:20 PM
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| Maybe she didn't understand the depth of your feelings and thought you were just being a sore loser. That's no excuse for her rude behavior, but it might be an explanation. And again, some people are able to transition from romantic interest to friendship without pain...maybe she is one of those and so can't relate to your way of doing things. Sure we can all learn from instances where we have been rejected. We can grow in cases where it's warranted or change our approach in others. |
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02-12-2008, 09:28 PM
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Which is a very crude way to say: we're not that different, we function the same way, we have the same problems and I don't see why a woman would never give you the advice Jim gave you. To me it seems obvious that if you have too much sexual attraction and/or feelings to be just friends but the other one doesn't want you as a partner, then you should not stay and suffer. Aspiring's right, this happens to women just like to men. I don't see either why you generalize from this one girl you once met online to "all" women "never". Maybe you should just have a few female friends without any romantic interest and talk with them about intimate stuff, to get to know women a bit better? You'd see that they're not the aliens you seem to think they are. |
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02-12-2008, 09:42 PM
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The real problem to constantly hanging out as friends with only women whom you are attracted to, but whom aren't attracted to you is what it does to your ego, to your sense of self, to your habits, and to your attitude. First, you start to get used to you being attracted to women and them not being attracted to you. Thus you start to feel it's wrong for you to want them, since it's obvious they don't want you. You start being more inhibited in flirting because they aren't reprocicating it. If you do that long enough, You start to see yourself as a man who isn't truly worthy of love, who isn't worthy or capable of having women being attracted to him. You start to feel that if you want a women, then she probably wouldn't want you, and thus you wanting them is bad, because afterall, that is your experience by constantly hanging out with women you want, but whom don't want you. Then when the woman of your dreams who is attracted to you walk by you, you won't notice her. And if you do notice her, you'll be so used to inhibiting yourself, to holding yourself back, to thinking that women aren't attracted to you, that you won't know how to communicate to her your attractiveness to her. So, that's why you should seriously limit hanging out with women whom you are attracted to, but aren't attracted to you. Last edited by seeker5 : 02-12-2008 at 09:51 PM. |
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02-12-2008, 11:41 PM
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Not that I conciously set out to do that. It's also not something that I want, as I said before, I'd love to have loads of good female friends, as well as a GF. It's OK though, I kinda feel fine about being single and getting on with life, but I'll have to admit, I do have fears and issues (that I need to address) in relating to girls. Quote:
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