Is he snubbing me?

[cacheborn]

Hello,
I joined the forum yesterday, and today I received an email from a colleague on which it would be nice to have some opinions. We work together and he has invited me (along with host of his friends) for a dinner party. The thing which annoyed me was that my name was last in his long list of email addresses. Since it was arranged alphabetically, my name should have been somewhere in the middle. Instead, I found it last with a comma after it.
I am wondering if it was deliberate and if yes how should I respond?
Any advice/opinion would be appreciated.

[Akashic_Librarian]

Can you spell Paranoia?

Don't worry about it. I get that all the time. Its just how my E-mail App. sorts it out.

[dancer]

Perhaps, he has a groupname composed of close friends and added this group and your name to the 'To' field.

Why does it bother you so much that your name was last?

[Joely]

If he was snubbing you, surely he wouldn't have invited you to the dinner party. Generally I don't invite people to things if I don't want them there - not that I'm that kind of person, of course

Akashic Librarian has a point - that does seem slightly paranoid, unless you have other reasons to think he's being rude.

[cacheborn]

Thanks a lot guys. Your comments made me realize that there was a deeper issue at stake here.

Some background. (which I should have given earlier, but it being my first post, I did not want to rant on too long. ) I have problems regarding social skills/dating and this has been a subject of derision/mockery among this guy and his friends. The question dancer asked hit the nail on the head. It does not bother me much where he puts my name. The deeper issue was I did not want to go to the party and I was inventing excuses, for the fear that they would make fun of me yet again.

As Akashic_Librarian suggested, most probably it's paranoia. But the main problem lies elsewhere and I need to deal with it.

[Joely]

I'd go to the party. If they start making fun of you, just make light of it. I've done that with things about myself that bug me sometimes. I took a bit of flack from a friend that I'm extremely talkative and I just made a joke out of it by saying she should be grateful she got a word in edgeways to tell me that.

[cacheborn]

thanks Joely. I was thinking about that. But the thing is, what is the point of hanging out with people where you have to be on your guard all the time. I would rather be with people where I am comfortable. Maybe this is a narrow view to take, I am still thinking.

[Joely]

I much prefer being with people with whom I feel comfortable - but I've also found in the last year or so that it is possible to relax with even the people who give you a hard time.

There was a guy I used to work with who used to take great pleasure in dismissing my career as a writer. In fact, he used to pick on anything he could - from my gluten intolerance to my running, that he could use to bring me down. He used to say I was "affected." After a while, I realised how useful he was - when he'd pick on something about me being a writer, I'd realise that was a belief I secretly harboured in me. When I accepted that I held the belief myself and released it, I noticed that he'd stop picking on it.

There's a kind of subconscious understanding we have of each other as human beings - when we find something in others that reflects a part of ourselves with which we struggle, dislike or outright hate, we attack it because it covers up for our own insecurity about it and we don't have to face it. People who do what this guy does look for issues in other people so they can build themselves up - and they instinctively know how to go for a weak spot.

Seen from that perspective, people like this guy can be really useful for self-development because they point out places where we're secretly struggling with. When you accept that side of yourself and feel okay about it - and I mean really okay - then you find that these people stop hassling you over it. I'd probably show up at the party and if anything was said about not showing up or struggling with any issues, don't take it personally. After all, he's probably actually deeply insecure himself about dating.

Essentially, what he's doing is bullying, and the best way to deal with that is not to run away, but to become comfortable with yourself, whether you've got issues or not. Be comfortable with those issues as well. I actually used to - and occasionally still do - make jokes about having had anorexia and being skinny. The best defence is to be happy with yourself. The more you accept yourself just as you are, warts and all, the less guys like that will affect you. Then the universe will either conveniently remove them from your life or they'll turn into friends.

[cacheborn]

Well, after thinking about it, I decided to go to the party. My view was, at worst, I would learn how to defend myself if they make a fun of me. And at best, I would get to try all the things that I have been reading about how to make conversations, improve social skills.

And I still find it hard to believe, I was a huge success. It seems years of failures have taught me something and it seemed to kick in. I was having great conversations, cracking jokes, making people laugh. And the best part was, this guy's gf whom I met for the first time, was quite impressed with me and we had a great conversation right in front of him.

I want to thank you all for your advice and comments. Joely, your last reply made me go to the party.

I am glad I joined this forum. You guys ROCK!

[Joely]

I'm so glad you did and that it worked out for you! Go you!