Why is it ok for women to be (do) masculine (things) but not vice versa?

[Erki]

It's cool when a woman runs a company or runs for president, plays around with cars and bikes, or is just crude and strong. And I admit, girls riding skateboards very much are cool!!

But as soon as I sniff a flower or wrap a gift "lovingly", I'm suddenly called gay, castrated, metrosexual or some other names.

Why?

(To my defence, I very much like cars and bikes and playing with matches and other dangerous things. But then again I like a lot of things, some of them rather metrosexual. )

[astra]

Is there something wrong with being called metrosexual? I'd call my boyfriend semi-metrosexual (he looks after his skin, likes to take beautiful pictures of flowers etc) but he's still very masculine, has a fierce protective streak etc... I think a mix is the best. If someone's calling you something derogatory for showing a little bit of sensitivity or care or 'femininity', IMHO they're the one with the problem. They're probably uncomfortable with expressing that side of themselves and aim that at you. But hey, it's the 21st century and it's widely recognised that it's ok to take on positive attributes that traditionally were specific to the other gender.

Also, let's not forget that strong women are frequently called things like ball-busters, dykes etc, which again IMHO is just backwards members of the opposite sex being intimidated.

Who cares what other people say, if you're happy with who you are, be proud of it!

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Erki

But as soon as I sniff a flower or wrap a gift "lovingly", I'm suddenly called gay, castrated, metrosexual or some other names.

Why?

You're asking the wrong question. The right question to ask is: why do I care about being called gay/castrated/metrosexual?

Seriously, just be who you want to be. You have no hope of pleasing everyone, so why not just please yourself?

[Joely]

I agree with Jim. Who cares what anybody else thinks of you and the way you behave? If that's who you are, be true to that person.

[Akashic_Librarian]

I apparently, give off a gay vibe, and my answer for that is...so?

People look at me like i am stupid, and then laugh, and then walk off.

People are weird.

[Statikkk]

I agree with Jim as well. Allowing yourself to be offended by someone labelling you reinforces the idea that it's okay to use labels like this.

Consider that it's far more offensive to a gay person when someone tells you you act like you are gay, than it is offensive to you.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Erki

Why?

I think it's because masculine traits are "perceived" as being stronger, in control and more dominant traits, therefore more desirable.

Needless to say we need to shake off our preconceived notions and biases on this.

[Restrikted]

Originally Posted by ZHereford

I think it's because masculine traits are "perceived" as being stronger, in control and more dominant traits, therefore more desirable.

I agree that they are "perceived" as being stronger, but it takes an even stronger person to be who they are no matter what people think of them. I have a few characteristics that people would call 'gay', like I go to yoga, and I'm not afraid to say if a guy is good looking, but I'm very much straight. Surround yourself with people who will accept you for who you are. Only good things can happen when you are yourself.

[Pegasus]

I agree, Erki, there is a double standard.

Originally Posted by Erki

And I admit, girls riding skateboards very much are cool!!

Totally. Skate betties rock! Same with chicas who play hacky sack.

I’ve always wondered why men constantly have to affirm their heterosexuality by putting down women and gays. Is their sexuality so vulnerable that any slightly feminine trait/action will sway them to the other side?

There is always the hope that if a girl is a tomboy, she will “outgrow” it. But if a boy is too feminine, then apparently he is doomed for a life of gayness. Why do we constrain ourselves?

I can’t wait till the time when the phrase “You throw like a girl” becomes a compliment.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Girls get put down plenty for doing "guy" stuff or just not being that girly. I was/am kind of a tomboy. I like outdoor stuff, don't wear makeup, watch sports sometimes and have just as much of a laugh at guys' crude jokes as the next person. I also had short hair a couple of times. I got called names all the time and also asked often if I was a lesbian. So, yeah, I think it stinks, but it definitely goes both ways. Of course, I also love babies and pretty things and romantic comedies and I'm very sensitive. I feel like it's a good balance. I am who I am and I like what I like. I know more people who are mixtures of masculine/feminine than people who are strongly polarized one way or another.

Now, I do dress up for certain occasions, but I am still not too into a lot of "girly" stuff and still don't wear makeup. I'd rather go camping than shopping. To each their own. Just let people be!

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by Erki

But as soon as I sniff a flower or wrap a gift "lovingly", I'm suddenly called gay, castrated, metrosexual or some other names.

Why?

So you can receive the masculine flowing through, but you will only receive the feminine as long as you don't see it or are aware of it. That would be the mirror your buddies are presenting to you when you are caught sniffing flowers and they heckle you.

Ask yourself what's wrong with seeing the feminine aspect of yourself?

My female friends say I'm half-girl, but I don't look or act feminine to them and my buddies don't give me ****. Maybe I'm in reception of my feminine qualities.

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I'd rather go camping than shopping.

^^^ Now there's a real girl.

[Greki]

Originally Posted by Pegasus

I can’t wait till the time when the phrase “You throw like a girl” becomes a compliment.

Lol, good one, but I have to say that even girly-girls can hit a bunch if they want to...

Anyway, I am considered a tomboy all throughout. I have short hair and people most of the time think I'm a... gayish boy ('cause I generally behave on a feminine way), which often leads to some ackward momments for the other party. Like... I sometimes get kicked out of the female's bathroom, and when I tell them I'm a girl they get all uncomfortable, poor things... I get some fun moments out of it, though. xD

And well, like {aspiring_to_clarity} said, some people still scorn females doing "male" stuff. But well, I particularly don't think it's bad for a guy to be somewhat feminine. In order to live at full it's better if you have both qualities. It balances your character, and makes you hard or emphatic when it is needed.

Don't worry about what other people think of you! In fact, have fun about it! I do.

[Herbalist]

"...I'm suddenly called..." (c) Erki
"Nobody calls me 'a chicken'" (c) Back To The Future
"My friends call me Murphy, you call me Robocop" rofl

So... so what? I watch dramas and cry sometimes, I cook, I gather herbs, I grow flowers - I do what I like. But you better do not call me "a gay", if you meet me somewhere in the country, with my dog and my rifle (for defence... i'm not a hunter)

See what I mean? Learn how to protect yourself, verbally or physically. Sad, but brute force still counts in 21th century.

"It's sad, so sad, it's a so sad situation..." Elton John

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by Herbalist

"It's sad, so sad, it's a sad sad situation..."

"...and it's getting more and more absurd."

(and that would actually be by Bernie Taupin, Elton just writes the music and sings the words)

[Brutha]

In the last century a lot of woman fought for cultural emancipation.
While there are certainly still some negative stereotypes man hadn't a similar movement to gain the "right" to do female things.

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Restrikted

I agree that they are "perceived" as being stronger, but it takes an even stronger person to be who they are no matter what people think of them.

This is a very good point Restrikted! I recently wrote an article Dare To Be An Original that addresses this very point. We shouldn't be afraid to be who we are.

A mixture and/or balance of masculine and feminine traits is desirable. It makes a person more interesting, versatile and multi-dimensional.

[loulou]

I think it sucks that people are prejudiced against people for behaving a certain way. All you can do is try not to care about it too much.

But sexism is a much bigger problem for females. I think both sexes are equal to be honest. But this is my first time on this forum, and already I have seen sexist remarks. In one topic this guy posted old quotes from like Aristotle and Plato saying men are better than women and should control them. While some ignorance remains for guys who show a feminine side, just look around at all the guys wearing pink shirts or pink ties, and you'll see how accepted it is to be a little metro. But sexism against women is still raging. As a male, you have advantages in the work place and are treated in a way that you don't even realise is so sweet. Having people call you gay sucks if your not gay, but try being denied a promotion, or having somebody joke about your "c*nt" or make sexist or just plain rude comments to you, simply because you are a woman.

I think sexism is a huge problem, but I have to say, I think it is a far worse problem for women.

[Erki]

The biggest problem is people trying to determine who has it worse.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Erki

The biggest problem is people trying to determine who has it worse.

Especially when people act like they have a chip on their shoulder.

[PianoManGidley]

Eh....all this talk about not caring what anyone thinks and being true to yourself...I agree with that to an extent, but what if you feel that being true to yourself includes raping and murdering children? Is it still okay? I mean, hey, after all--let's not care what ANYONE thinks...including the police.

[Angela]

Erki, you should meet Danger Man. He is such a flower-sniffing gift wrapper. And such a man. He's a man's man, like Clint Eastwood, and also he has been known to cavort shamelessly in hot pink underpants.

These labels of "masculine" and "feminine" .... they are for the ones who judge, not for we who expand, yes?